Yes, Sirring too much....

Yes, Sirring too much.... (Full Version)

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CrazyC -> Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 8:55:55 PM)
Ok so i have no experience, and i am trying to cool off from this last conversation. If i come off as disrespectful to some Dom/ Master, i am sorry. I need to know a proto-call for a slave. Is it normal to have someone drill you on the very first phone call? To force you to "know your place?" I mentioned pee was my hard limit and he told me he doesn't believe in limits because that mean i am limiting his controle over me. That he will train me to give that up. Then he drilled me on my responce to him to the point that after awhile, all i was saying was "Yes, Sir" and "No, Sir." i literally turned off all my sensors and just responded. The only time it changed was when he asked if i would like him to call again. I finally got to say "No, Sir" with emotion. He then let me explain myself. I told him because i don't like this. then he gave me a speal that he treats his property well, and that he takes them out all the time. I politly told him that i really didn't care about that as much as i do the fact that our conversation was one sided, and that i couldn't live like a door mat. He of course denide that was what he was doing, but i still feel distrat. Is this normal of all masters who want slaves?

medievalwench -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 9:04:23 PM)
i'm sorry you had a less than positive experience, i don't know about Masters who want to own slaves though as i am a sub, i just wanted to say hang in there, i'm sure you will find the right One for you, you seem really nice, wench

losttreasure -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 9:06:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrazyC Is it normal to have someone drill you on the very first phone call? To force you to "know your place?" Is this normal of all masters who want slaves? I don't think there is any such thing as normal (as in typical) when it comes to how two adults decide to interact. The dynamic is what you both agree upon. sighs CC... just how long have you been communicating with this "master"? Edited to add that I am sorry that you were put through something that obviously distressed you so. I can't blame you for being upset. It was pointless for him to try to excuse his behavior by denying it... he was invalidating your feelings and he was wrong.

AquaticSub -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 9:07:12 PM)
I'm not a master but that doesn't make sense to me. The biggest thing is that you don't want him to call again. If he can not accept what you consider to be hard limits, then he doesn't have business being your master. My opinion on hard limits is that a master should accept that he will may never get to enjoy that activity with his sub. He can try to gently push her boundries with her permission, gradually stretching her limits, but he should accept that it just may not happen. He should accept that gracefully. It sounds like he is not the master for you.

Emperor1956 -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 9:08:36 PM)
quote: CrazyC: Is this normal of all masters who want slaves? No of course it isn't, C. And you KNOW this. You participate around here, you read the boards, you have a sense of what its all about even if you are a novice. You ran into a jerk. They are innumerable. The one thing to take away from the experience is to look back and figure out clues that this guy was a tosser (as our Brit friends say.) You have a great deal to offer a Master. Don't let it bother you, learn, and move on, miss. E.

SamKeithsslave -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 9:09:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrazyC Ok so i have no experience, and i am trying to cool off from this last conversation. If i come off as disrespectful to some Dom/ Master, i am sorry. I need to know a proto-call for a slave. Is it normal to have someone drill you on the very first phone call? To force you to "know your place?" RED FLAG!! LOL. Seriously though, slipping directly into Dom/slave mode on the first call is assuming a little too much, however, it may just be that he is exuding his confidence and ego. I guess it depends on how serious he was or if he might have been being "playful"? I mentioned pee was my hard limit and he told me he doesn't believe in limits because that mean i am limiting his controle over me. That he will train me to give that up. Then he drilled me on my responce to him to the point that after awhile, all i was saying was "Yes, Sir" and "No, Sir." i literally turned off all my sensors and just responded. The only time it changed was when he asked if i would like him to call again. I finally got to say "No, Sir" with emotion. He then let me explain myself. I told him because i don't like this. then he gave me a speal that he treats his property well, and that he takes them out all the time. I politly told him that i really didn't care about that as much as i do the fact that our conversation was one sided, and that i couldn't live like a door mat. He of course denide that was what he was doing, but i still feel distrat. Is this normal of all masters who want slaves? Normal? Who can say for sure what normal is. Personally his behaviour would IMO probably push a potential slave away, not entice. I tend to say "Yes Sir" or "No Sir" when Master says "Is that the right way to address me bitch?" - LOL. He has a simple rule about being called Sir or Master, he insists on one or the other in the bedroom, outside of the bedroom I can call him what I wish - Babe, Hun, Keith etc. In the bedroom I am slut, whore or bitch - this is a HUGE turn on for me, so I dont find it a problem, outside the bedroom I am Babe, sweetheart etc. Initially he asked me how I felt about calling him Master or Sir, then he asked me how I felt about him calling me bitch, whore etc He didnt assume anything was automatically ok. To me thats just plain manners.

behindmirrors -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 9:13:14 PM)
I'd say that the one being disrespectful was definetly the Dom in question. To me, a first phone call is a "let's see how we get along when we have no extended length of time to formulate a response" sort of thing than a "now that we are talking, I own you and will ensure that you know your place as my property" sort of thing. At least you didn't take the time/expense to meet the guy in person first, and figured out that you are not compatible now. As far as protocol goes, I would recommend just being polite and who you are. If you are honest about who you are, what you need, and what you expect, it's easier on all parties involved- and go with your gut. This guy wasn't right. Move on, you have learned something. The other thing worth mentioning here is that anyone who is imposing ownership on you before you have agreed to it formally (read: consented) should be a big red flag for you- as is telling you that your limits will not be respected. To restate: be you, be nice, but don't get pushed around just because someone calls themselves a Master. Good luck, hon, and I hope things go better for you soon. behindmirrors.

losttreasure -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 9:16:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Emperor1956 quote: CrazyC: Is this normal of all masters who want slaves? No of course it isn't, C. And you KNOW this. You participate around here, you read the boards, you have a sense of what its all about even if you are a novice. You ran into a jerk. They are innumerable. The one thing to take away from the experience is to look back and figure out clues that this guy was a tosser (as our Brit friends say.) You have a great deal to offer a Master. Don't let it bother you, learn, and move on, miss. E. CC... this is wise advice from Emperor. I hope you'll heed his words. And since I just spend the better part of my evening typing a post on some things you can do to look for those clues he mentioned... http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=692697

MagiksSlave -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 9:24:26 PM)
NO!!! nothing more to say then that... it is not ok and it is even more not ok if that isnt how you want to be treated!!! Doms that play that on the first phone call in my opinion are trouble they are over compnsateing for something!!!! so NOO Magik's slave

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 10:20:10 PM)
You know it isnt normal. Those of us dominant types that are confident enough to actually handle subs dont NEED to try and intimidate someone into being what they want. Expecting you not to have limits is foolish and having them doesnt make you less of a sub. Id be upset if my subs werent wiling to rethink limits, but I have never expected them not to have any. DV

BitaTruble -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 10:26:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrazyC Is it normal to have someone drill you on the very first phone call? To force you to "know your place?" It's normal for some, not normal for others. You two just weren't compatible, that's all. It doesn't make either one of you right or wrong.. just wrong for each other. It was the first phone call, CC.. hardly took any time at all for you to know this one wasn't right for you. Instead of being upset, count your blessings. ~~~~~~~~~ As to the One True Way brigade.. He is perfectly entitled to behave in the fashion he did and to find someone who responds to that (and there are plenty who will) ... it does not make him a jerk to want what he wants anymore than it would make CC a jerk for not wanting what he wants. The guy was up front and honest with her. If 'his' way, which probably works for 'him' isn't good enough for CC, who's going to be the one to tell him what way he 'should' be conducting his search? Anyone want to step up to the plate and explain the One True Way because I missed that class. Should he have to settle because he's a dominant and not a submissive? ::shakes head:: Celeste

ownedgirlie -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 10:42:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble ~~~~~~~~~ As to the One True Way brigade.. He is perfectly entitled to behave in the fashion he did and to find someone who responds to that (and there are plenty who will) ... it does not make him a jerk to want what he wants anymore than it would make CC a jerk for not wanting what he wants. The guy was up front and honest with her. If 'his' way, which probably works for 'him' isn't good enough for CC, who's going to be the one to tell him what way he 'should' be conducting his search? Anyone want to step up to the plate and explain the One True Way because I missed that class. Should he have to settle because he's a dominant and not a submissive? ::shakes head:: Celeste Nice to see this sentiment expressed, as the call she described sounded similar to one of the first handful of calls between my Master and I. He wanted to know how I felt about things, and told me how he felt about things. He can often come across as "drilling" but that is just his personality and mannerism. What can I say, it worked for me. 2 1/2 years later, my life is better for knowing him. Then again, a lot of what I see expressed on these forums repeatedly have him pegged as someone to avoid. I'm just glad I didn't know any better...ha. [;)]

CrazyC -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 10:42:56 PM)
Leave it to Emperor to kick me in the ass, and remind me what i know. LOL And yes...(to the other Celeste...hehehe) i agree that this is way and i have mine. i had just never came across someone who wanted me as a slave instead of just a sub, is wanted to make sure i wasn't missing something.

MasterKalif -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 11:18:03 PM)
CrazyC, I have to support what Emperor is saying....at least personally and I think most serious Masters will not require you to change limits right away in such a forceful manner, which can only be counterproductive....he can say in a gentle way that he expects boundaries to be pushed eventually at a later stage; In any case, I hate one sided conversations, and drilling, a submissive tried to that once to me, was very annoying and I thought she was pushy for a submissive...(looking back she was probably a player as she wanted to rush in very quickly)....my first conversations are always friendly and almost very vanilla, except for a question or two about the profile and other likes and dislikes perhaps....but no domming over the phone or things like that. Hang in there and pass this one by as an experience.

Squeakers -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/21/2006 11:33:35 PM)
You at least finished the conversation. I would not have. I probably would have hung up when he began insisting I call him Sir and if he called back and asked why I hung up at that point I might havsaid, "Because Sir---You are an asshole." Sorry but I have never bought the immediate you refer to me as Sir deal. My response normally is I won't call you Sir...Master...whatever because I don't belong to you. Also why do some feel that right from the get go do they have to start acting as your Dom. For me, I would rather speak of the lifestyle in general terms first, get a feel if we are thinking sort of in the same direction. I also like to know something about the person more than their penis size.

leatherzack -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/22/2006 12:34:26 AM)
For me , communication is the key and if all you can say is "Yes" or "No", then i don't see how could the relationship work. Whoever i talk with, i try to be myself and remain polite, that is all. i've met a Master that acts quite the way you described when i was a bsolute beginner. It was a real turn off and could have prevent me to go further in the lifestyle. Fortunately, i kept learning and found some great people who also listened to me.

Quivver -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/22/2006 2:40:14 AM)
You know C, when i was new i responded exactly like you have. But what I've found now after talking to quite a few is sometimes it's simply their style. Some like to take it over the top just to see your reaction. The way I see it now is they've got a big bark. One of the hardest things I learned was my own limits, and even limits are part of conversing. Odd's are he's not for you, but then again.... .... maybe he is. Only you will know in time. Best of Luck to you............

eyesopened -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/22/2006 3:26:58 AM)
During the initial discovery stage you learned that you are not compatible with the personality of the Master in question. That's what discovery is all about. If there were other things you liked about Him, i would have asked if we could speak less formally. On the other hand, i have learned over the years many activities i would have considered hard limits (watersports was one) i now see as more soft limits or limits based on motive and circumstance. However, if a potential Master has absolutely no interest in hearing your thoughts on a certain subject or any subject, that would tell me He's more interested in having an object than a relationship. That is not necessarily a bad thing. There's a lid for every pot and for everyone who wants to own an object, there is one who wishes to be treated as an object. You and this Master were simply not compatible, there is no right or wrong here, it just is what it is.

ScienceBoy -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/22/2006 3:54:36 AM)
No it damn well isn't! It sounds like you were looking for different things, which is fair enough. Don't feel bad about it [:)]

Aileen68 -> RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... (11/22/2006 4:38:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrazyC Ok so i have no experience, and i am trying to cool off from this last conversation. If i come off as disrespectful to some Dom/ Master, i am sorry. I need to know a proto-call for a slave. Is it normal to have someone drill you on the very first phone call? To force you to "know your place?" I mentioned pee was my hard limit and he told me he doesn't believe in limits because that mean i am limiting his controle over me. That he will train me to give that up. Then he drilled me on my responce to him to the point that after awhile, all i was saying was "Yes, Sir" and "No, Sir." i literally turned off all my sensors and just responded. The only time it changed was when he asked if i would like him to call again. I finally got to say "No, Sir" with emotion. He then let me explain myself. I told him because i don't like this. then he gave me a speal that he treats his property well, and that he takes them out all the time. I politly told him that i really didn't care about that as much as i do the fact that our conversation was one sided, and that i couldn't live like a door mat. He of course denide that was what he was doing, but i still feel distrat. Is this normal of all masters who want slaves? I'm not very fond of all kinds of protocol in conversations...just doesn't turn me on. I prefer more subtle levels of domination. So this kind of conversation would have ended very quickly for me. I need the ability to be able to talk to someone without all of the rules. If I can't talk and ask questions like a normal human then that dominant is not the person for me. There are many out there who don't make you jump through rings just to prove that you're submissive and that they are the big, mighty dominant. You did well with your last "no sir".

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