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Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 8:55:55 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Ok so i have no experience, and i am trying to cool off from this last conversation. If i come off as disrespectful to some Dom/ Master, i am sorry. I need to know a proto-call for a slave. Is it normal to have someone drill you on the very first phone call? To force you to "know your place?"

I mentioned pee was my hard limit and he told me he doesn't believe in limits because that mean i am limiting his controle over me. That he will train me to give that up. Then he drilled me on my responce to him to the point that after awhile, all i was saying was "Yes, Sir" and "No, Sir." i literally turned off all my sensors and just responded. The only time it changed was when he asked if i would like him to call again. I finally got to say "No, Sir" with emotion. He then let me explain myself. I told him because i don't like this. then he gave me a speal that he treats his property well, and that he takes them out all the time. I politly told him that i really didn't care about that as much as i do the fact that our conversation was one sided, and that i couldn't live like a door mat. He of course denide that was what he was doing, but i still feel distrat.

Is this normal of all masters who want slaves?

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis
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RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 9:04:23 PM   
medievalwench


Posts: 249
Joined: 10/31/2006
Status: offline 		i'm sorry you had a less than positive experience, i don't know about Masters who want to own slaves though as i am a sub, i just wanted to say hang in there, i'm sure you will find the right One for you, you seem really nice,
wench


_____________________________

"Beauty is in the eye of the key holder" - my Master <g>

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 9:06:08 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

Is it normal to have someone drill you on the very first phone call? To force you to "know your place?"

Is this normal of all masters who want slaves?


I don't think there is any such thing as normal (as in typical) when it comes to how two adults decide to interact.  The dynamic is what you both agree upon.

*sighs*  CC... just how long have you been communicating with this "master"?

Edited to add that I am sorry that you were put through something that obviously distressed you so.  I can't blame you for being upset.  It was pointless for him to try to excuse his behavior by denying it... he was invalidating your feelings and he was wrong.


< Message edited by losttreasure -- 11/21/2006 9:09:56 PM >

(in reply to CrazyC)
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RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 9:07:12 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not a master but that doesn't make sense to me. The biggest thing is that you don't want him to call again. If he can not accept what you consider to be hard limits, then he doesn't have business being your master. My opinion on hard limits is that a master should accept that he will may never get to enjoy that activity with his sub. He can try to gently push her boundries with her permission, gradually stretching her limits, but he should accept that it just may not happen. He should accept that gracefully. It sounds like he is not the master for you.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CrazyC)
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RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 9:08:36 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

CrazyC:  Is this normal of all masters who want slaves?


No of course it isn't, C.  And you KNOW this.  You participate around here, you read the boards, you have a sense of what its all about even if you are a novice.

You ran into a jerk.  They are innumerable.  The one thing to take away from the experience is to look back and figure out clues that this guy was a tosser (as our Brit friends say.)  You have a great deal to offer a Master.  Don't let it bother you, learn, and move on, miss.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 9:09:10 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

Ok so i have no experience, and i am trying to cool off from this last conversation. If i come off as disrespectful to some Dom/ Master, i am sorry. I need to know a proto-call for a slave. Is it normal to have someone drill you on the very first phone call? To force you to "know your place?"

RED FLAG!! LOL. Seriously though, slipping directly into Dom/slave mode on the first call is assuming a little too much, however, it may just be that he is exuding his confidence and ego. I guess it depends on how serious he was or if he might have been being "playful"?

I mentioned pee was my hard limit and he told me he doesn't believe in limits because that mean i am limiting his controle over me. That he will train me to give that up. Then he drilled me on my responce to him to the point that after awhile, all i was saying was "Yes, Sir" and "No, Sir." i literally turned off all my sensors and just responded. The only time it changed was when he asked if i would like him to call again. I finally got to say "No, Sir" with emotion. He then let me explain myself. I told him because i don't like this. then he gave me a speal that he treats his property well, and that he takes them out all the time. I politly told him that i really didn't care about that as much as i do the fact that our conversation was one sided, and that i couldn't live like a door mat. He of course denide that was what he was doing, but i still feel distrat.

Is this normal of all masters who want slaves?

Normal? Who can say for sure what normal is. Personally his behaviour would IMO probably push a potential slave away, not entice. I tend to say "Yes Sir" or "No Sir" when Master says "Is that the right way to address me bitch?" - LOL. He has a simple rule about being called Sir or Master, he insists on one or the other in the bedroom, outside of the bedroom I can call him what I wish - Babe, Hun, Keith etc. In the bedroom I am slut, whore or bitch - this is a HUGE turn on for me, so I dont find it a problem, outside the bedroom I am Babe, sweetheart etc. Initially he asked me how I felt about calling him Master or Sir, then he asked me how I felt about him calling me bitch, whore etc He didnt assume anything was automatically ok. To me thats just plain manners.


_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to CrazyC)
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RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 9:13:14 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		I'd say that the one being disrespectful was definetly the Dom in question. To me, a first phone call is a "let's see how we get along when we have no extended length of time to formulate a response" sort of thing than a "now that we are talking, I own you and will ensure that you know your place as my property" sort of thing. At least you didn't take the time/expense to meet the guy in person first, and figured out that you are not compatible now.
As far as protocol goes, I would recommend just being polite and who you are. If you are honest about who you are, what you need, and what you expect, it's easier on all parties involved- and go with your gut. This guy wasn't right. Move on, you have learned something. The other thing worth mentioning here is that anyone who is imposing ownership on you before you have agreed to it formally (read: consented) should be a big red flag for you- as is telling you that your limits will not be respected. To restate: be you, be nice, but don't get pushed around just because someone calls themselves a Master.

Good luck, hon, and I hope things go better for you soon.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to medievalwench)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 9:16:52 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

quote:

CrazyC:  Is this normal of all masters who want slaves?


No of course it isn't, C.  And you KNOW this.  You participate around here, you read the boards, you have a sense of what its all about even if you are a novice.

You ran into a jerk.  They are innumerable.  The one thing to take away from the experience is to look back and figure out clues that this guy was a tosser (as our Brit friends say.)  You have a great deal to offer a Master.  Don't let it bother you, learn, and move on, miss.

E.


CC... this is wise advice from Emperor.  I hope you'll heed his words.

And since I just spend the better part of my evening typing a post on some things you can do to look for those clues he mentioned...

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=692697

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 9:24:26 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		NO!!!

nothing more to say then that... it is not ok and it is even more not ok if that isnt how you want to be treated!!! Doms that play that on the first phone call in my opinion are trouble they are over compnsateing for something!!!! so NOO

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 10:20:10 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		You know it isnt normal. Those of us dominant types that are confident enough to actually handle subs dont NEED to try and intimidate someone into being what they want. Expecting you not to have limits is foolish and having them doesnt make you less of a sub. Id be upset if my subs werent wiling to rethink limits, but I have never expected them not to have any.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 10:26:12 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

Is it normal to have someone drill you on the very first phone call? To force you to "know your place?"


It's normal for some, not normal for others. You two just weren't compatible, that's all. It doesn't make either one of you right or wrong.. just wrong for each other. It was the first phone call, CC.. hardly took any time at all for you to know this one wasn't right for you. Instead of being upset, count your blessings.

~~~~~~~~~

As to the One True Way brigade..  He is perfectly entitled to behave in the fashion he did and to find someone who responds to that (and there are plenty who will) ... it does not make him a jerk to want what he wants anymore than it would make CC a jerk for not wanting what he wants. The guy was up front and honest with her. If 'his' way, which probably works for 'him' isn't good enough for CC, who's going to be the one to tell him what way he 'should' be conducting his search? Anyone want to step up to the plate and explain the One True Way because I missed that class. 

Should he have to settle because he's a dominant and not a submissive?

::shakes head::

Celeste




_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 10:42:03 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
~~~~~~~~~

As to the One True Way brigade..  He is perfectly entitled to behave in the fashion he did and to find someone who responds to that (and there are plenty who will) ... it does not make him a jerk to want what he wants anymore than it would make CC a jerk for not wanting what he wants. The guy was up front and honest with her. If 'his' way, which probably works for 'him' isn't good enough for CC, who's going to be the one to tell him what way he 'should' be conducting his search? Anyone want to step up to the plate and explain the One True Way because I missed that class. 

Should he have to settle because he's a dominant and not a submissive?

::shakes head::

Celeste



Nice to see this sentiment expressed, as the call she described sounded similar to one of the first handful of calls between my Master and I.  He wanted to know how I felt about things, and told me how he felt about things.  He can often come across as "drilling" but that is just his personality and mannerism.  What can I say, it worked for me.  2 1/2 years later, my life is better for knowing him.  Then again, a lot of what I see expressed on these forums repeatedly have him pegged as someone to avoid.  I'm just glad I didn't know any better...ha. 

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 10:42:56 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Leave it to Emperor to kick me in the ass, and remind me what i know. LOL

And yes...(to the other Celeste...hehehe) i agree that this is way and i have mine. i had just never came across someone who wanted me as a slave instead of just a sub, is wanted to make sure i wasn't missing something.



_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 11:18:03 PM   
MasterKalif


Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline 		CrazyC, I have to support what Emperor is saying....at least personally and I think most serious Masters will not require you to change limits right away in such a forceful manner, which can only be counterproductive....he can say in a gentle way that he expects boundaries to be pushed eventually at a later stage; In any case, I hate one sided conversations, and drilling, a submissive tried to that once to me, was very annoying and I thought she was pushy for a submissive...(looking back she was probably a player as she wanted to rush in very quickly)....my first conversations are always friendly and almost very vanilla, except for a question or two about the profile and other likes and dislikes perhaps....but no domming over the phone or things like that. Hang in there and pass this one by as an experience.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/21/2006 11:33:35 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		     You at least finished the conversation.   I would not have.   I probably would have hung up when he began insisting I call him Sir and if he called back and asked why I hung up at that point I might havsaid, "Because Sir---You are an asshole."   Sorry but I have never bought the immediate you refer to me as Sir deal.   My response normally is I won't call you Sir...Master...whatever because I don't belong to you.  
    Also why do some feel that right from the get go do they have to start acting as your Dom.   For me, I would rather speak of the lifestyle in general terms first, get a feel if we are thinking sort of in the same direction.   I also like to know something about the person more than their penis size.

(in reply to MasterKalif)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/22/2006 12:34:26 AM   
leatherzack


Posts: 59
Joined: 7/13/2005
Status: offline 		For me , communication is the key and if all you can say is "Yes" or "No", then i don't see how could the relationship work.

Whoever i talk with, i try to be myself and remain polite, that is all.

i've met a Master that acts quite the way you described when i was a bsolute beginner. It was a real turn off and could have prevent me to go further in the lifestyle.

Fortunately, i kept learning and found some great people who also listened to me.

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/22/2006 2:40:14 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		You know C, when i was new i responded exactly like you have.  But what I've found now after talking to quite a few is sometimes it's simply their style.  Some like to take it over the top just to see your reaction.  The way I see it now is they've got a big bark.  One of the hardest things I learned was my own limits, and even limits are part of conversing.  Odd's are he's not for you, but then again.... .... maybe he is.  Only you will know in time.
Best of Luck to you............

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to leatherzack)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/22/2006 3:26:58 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		During the initial discovery stage you learned that you are not compatible with the personality of the Master in question.  That's what discovery is all about.  If there were other things you liked about Him, i would have asked if we could speak less formally.  On the other hand, i have learned over the years many activities i would have considered hard limits (watersports was one) i now see as more soft limits or limits based on motive and circumstance.  However, if a potential Master has absolutely no interest in hearing your thoughts on a certain subject or any subject, that would tell me He's more interested in having an object than a relationship.  That is not necessarily a bad thing.  There's a lid for every pot and for everyone who wants to own an object, there is one who wishes to be treated as an object.  You and this Master were simply not compatible, there is no right or wrong here, it just is what it is.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/22/2006 3:54:36 AM   
ScienceBoy


Posts: 114
Joined: 11/21/2006
From: Bristol, UK
Status: offline 		No it damn well isn't!

It sounds like you were looking for different things, which is fair enough. Don't feel bad about it

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Yes, Sirring too much.... - 11/22/2006 4:38:18 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

Ok so i have no experience, and i am trying to cool off from this last conversation. If i come off as disrespectful to some Dom/ Master, i am sorry. I need to know a proto-call for a slave. Is it normal to have someone drill you on the very first phone call? To force you to "know your place?"

I mentioned pee was my hard limit and he told me he doesn't believe in limits because that mean i am limiting his controle over me. That he will train me to give that up. Then he drilled me on my responce to him to the point that after awhile, all i was saying was "Yes, Sir" and "No, Sir." i literally turned off all my sensors and just responded. The only time it changed was when he asked if i would like him to call again. I finally got to say "No, Sir" with emotion. He then let me explain myself. I told him because i don't like this. then he gave me a speal that he treats his property well, and that he takes them out all the time. I politly told him that i really didn't care about that as much as i do the fact that our conversation was one sided, and that i couldn't live like a door mat. He of course denide that was what he was doing, but i still feel distrat.

Is this normal of all masters who want slaves?

I'm not very fond of all kinds of protocol in conversations...just doesn't turn me on.  I prefer more subtle levels of domination.  So this kind of conversation would have ended very quickly for me.  I need the ability to be able to talk to someone without all of the rules.  If I can't talk and ask questions like a normal human then that dominant is not the person for me.  There are many out there who don't make you jump through rings just to prove that you're submissive and that they are the big, mighty dominant.  You did well with your last "no sir". 

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 20
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