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pixelslave -> RE: Yet another filp side to limits (11/24/2006 3:27:08 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressTexas
I entered into the "Flip side to limits thread" with a totally different Idea of what I would read. So instead of hijacking that thread (as it seems to be going well) I thought I would just post a new one.
Everyone talks about limits. Soft limits, hard limits etc. But do most people have a list of "must haves" for the relationship as well? or is it strictly "limited" (lol) to limits, and everything else is just there as a basic enjoyment?
'Howdy' from down here in Texas! [:D]
Indeed I'd say that I have a list of of 'Must Haves' or more likely a list what some might say are a list of 'Cannot Live Withs' that I feel are critical to me. [:)] They're more in terms of general relationship categories than anything I'd call D/s or BDSM related. I believe that above all, I must be flexible and look at the big picture and not be too rigid in my expectations or look for a 'perfect match' as I'm not even close to perfect myself, nor is it fair of me to expect another to be perfect, in any sense of what perfect might mean to either them or to me! [&:]
I have my list of 'dealbreakers' that I know are important to me. For example I'm a non-smoker and couldn't be around a woman who was a smoker where I had to breathe her second hand smoke. [:'(] I wouldn't feel it appropriate to ask her to quit just so she could be with me. After all, who knows how long that would last, and I know that in reality she really needs to do it for herself! Of most importance to me, I have 2 daughters in my life that need their father and are a part of the package that is included with me as far as I'm concerned. They already have a mother and aren't in need of another as well. Yet they still need their father and a woman in his life who is willing to share him with the two of them whenever they're around. They also need to know they're always welcome wherever we should be. It would be nice if she could make an effort to become their friend as well (it would be a plus for me as their biggest fear is that I'll eventually marry 'Cinderella's Stepmother' [>:]). But any woman who couldn't allow them to be a part of my life and me to continue to be the father that they need, would absolutely have no chance with me! [:-] Those are just two quick examples of the 'biggies' I can list that are minimums for me. [8D]
The minimum requirements, to me are rather self evident, but perhaps that is because of my age and experience. At 20, I don't think I had the wisdom to think in the same terms of what I particularly needed from a partner in the manner that I can today. There are certain particular traits, that I can readily spot which immediately tell me, a woman isn't for me. I didn't have the maturity when I was much younger to watch a woman's behavior and see how she behaved toward others to tell me whether or not, I'd want to be with her. For me, if she is rude to others, she's not the kind of woman, that I'd be attracted to. If she couldn't show basic respect to others, how would I determine, that she'd be able to show the kind of respect for me that I'd want from her as well? So, on many different levels, there are a number of criteria that I look for, many of which others have already mentioned.
One of the most important to me, is the ability to negotiate and reach a compromise. I'm certain that many will disagree and say that it should be only the Dom/mes way. But perhaps I live in a different reality than some. There are things that have nothing to do with D/s that also have everything to do with one's happiness. Being with somone who is willing to create what I refer to as "win-win" situtions, is very important to me. No one has to lose and both can feel as though they've won as least a tiny bit of something that helps them both to get their needs met. This is a skill that's learned and greatly helps couples to get along without feeling resentments of any kind. I've been with those who didn't possess this skill at all as well as those who do. When not in the playroom, and living day to day, its something I'd find difficult to live without. Life is just so much easier when that's the attitude and both want to share & give to the other to see that the best is there for each other to experience. [:)]
- pixel
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