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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 12:14:51 PM   
Renorei


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		LotusSong's earlier statement is not valid as a sweeping fact that applies to all male or female Dominants.  But, it does have merit as a generalization.  I think she brings up a good point.  

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 12:16:45 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Nope I think it has to do more with indavidaul desires and personalities then it does with male or female...

I have been with both male and female Domanents and I never found that the female where harsher or more trigger happy with punishments. Id like to know where your Master gets his info from or is it just his opinion that he is portraying as a fact??

Magik's slave



Read again.  It does not state Women were harsher. Our domination plays more on the mind of the submissive.
 
Perhaps if you were a Dominant Female you might understand :)  You too, are forgiven your assumptions.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 11/23/2006 12:17:12 PM >

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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 12:18:05 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Lotus Ma'am she said that her Master said that if he had been a female she would already be blistered thus my reaction...

Magik's slave

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(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 12:21:19 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Renorei

LotusSong's earlier statement is not valid as a sweeping fact that applies to all male or female Dominants.  But, it does have merit as a generalization.  I think she brings up a good point.  

/nods

I think that what she said is what Master was trying to help me understand. When I kept coming back to the stereo-typical image of male and female, he finally told me to just ask some of the female dominants their thoughts on it lol. What Lotus said gives me a bit more insight into it now.

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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 1:35:06 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

A man has the power to FORCE a female.. The Female has to use her wits.
 
(I was not implying that men are stupid). 


I have to say, a woman would never be able to dominate me because I am not sexually inclined to be bi, so I have no basis of comparison.

I will also state that I still find this horse shit in my personal experience. Men do not intimidate me on a physical force level. I am a rather large woman, and not in a BBW sort of way, but more like physically strong way. I am tall, I am strong, I am confident. I need a man that will dominate me mentally, and orgasm denial and control is something we are both very interested in. Sinergy is often as gentle as a lamb with me, soft in his voice while he beats me, his expression never harsh.. it just is not necessary. My subspace is found in his smile and knowing I please him... not in a physical role playing persona... which frankly is not a part of our dynamic... btw there is nothing better than a good mind fuck.. smart people know this.

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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 1:46:13 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
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From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

A man has the power to FORCE a female.. The Female has to use her wits.
 
(I was not implying that men are stupid). 


I have to say, a woman would never be able to dominate me because I am not sexually inclined to be bi, so I have no basis of comparison.

I will also state that I still find this horse shit in my personal experience. Men do not intimidate me on a physical force level. I am a rather large woman, and not in a BBW sort of way, but more like physically strong way. I am tall, I am strong, I am confident. I need a man that will dominate me mentally, and orgasm denial and control is something we are both very interested in. Sinergy is often as gentle as a lamb with me, soft in his voice while he beats me, his expression never harsh.. it just is not necessary. My subspace is found in his smile and knowing I please him... not in a physical role playing persona... which frankly is not a part of our dynamic... btw there is nothing better than a good mind fuck.. smart people know this.


I was trying to think of an activity that would be an example of what I mean.
 
Let's look at  the "forced rape" scenario. A Dom can physically force himself upon the femslave. 
 
A Domme would have negotiaed/cajoled/seduced the maleslave and basically talked him into it.  Like that :) (and ok not Everyone... take it as a generalization).

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 2:01:36 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Kalira, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I can only tap from my personal experiences.
 
In my younger days, when I had strength, figure, flexable and still in 'combat/martial arts' trim/fit--I was able to be very physical in my domination.  I didn't have longer nails or dress as feminine; as I still was working with horses, dogs and cattle.  Using leverage and skills, I could take down and have taken down rowdy men who challenged me at that time and I had enough of their bull pies.
 
I also had my feminine charms and ways--so, I've used both. 
 
In my twilight in the lifestyle, I stay more in the feminine realm of domination but, I'm sure if presented with life or death situation, my old training would kick in as to survive and or to protect.
 
That said, I do prefer gentlemen that serve me.  With gentlemen, I don't need to get butchy or masculine.  If served by a wonderful slave, I can remain in that Female Dominant frame and conduct myself as a lady.  My power as a lady is not a power match between male and female and or who is more powerful and who is not. 
 
It is from my mind's eyes, that each individual creates their own power source and, although some may proffer theirs according to what might be more gender associated, I believe that men and women can tap into many styles which style is gender neutral to make the end result; their 'personal style of domination.'
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 2:13:46 PM   
ScienceBoy


Posts: 114
Joined: 11/21/2006
From: Bristol, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
Let's look at  the "forced rape" scenario. A Dom can physically force himself upon the femslave. 
 
A Domme would have negotiaed/cajoled/seduced the maleslave and basically talked him into it.  Like that :) (and ok not Everyone... take it as a generalization).


<snips>

I've most definately been forcibly fucked by a lass (She was way stronger than me, and vicious. Sharp teeth.)

Its a bit of a sweeper though - men are better at spacial puzzles than women. Only there's more difference within each gender than between the two. *shrug*

(Speaking as somebody who would prefer a sub to kneel without being made to)

< Message edited by ScienceBoy -- 11/23/2006 2:14:49 PM >

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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 2:20:19 PM   
Sinergy


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Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Let's look at  the "forced rape" scenario. A Dom can physically force himself upon the femslave.  
 


Hello A/all,

Now we are touching on something which I have been involved in professionally since the late 1980s.

Hate to shatter your bubble, but there really is no way a man can rape a woman who is fighting back.  I have two hands to hold you down.  I can lie on top of you to force you to be unable to fight.  Sure, you are not able to "fight" me, but I am not able to rape you either.  It is a Mexican stand-off.  From the psychology of the rapist, this sort of crap is too much freaking trouble and he will simply run away to find somebody else who is not this much trouble if the woman puts up any resistance at all.

The psychology of rape involves a woman being forced into a mental state where she is frozen, the way mice freeze in place when startled; unable to move, unable to think, unable to process, etc.  Then the assailant uses verbal and physical methods to put the woman in that place and keep her there.  Then he rapes her.  Goes and orders pizza.  Watches TV.  Comes back and rapes her again.  Takes a shower.  Beats her up and rapes her.  Goes to the store and buys beer.  Comes back and rapes her again.

The average rape lasts 4 hours.

The primary reason that men are difficult to rape is their psychology tends to be caught up in a need to fight when challenged; unable to back down or stop.  Want a get a man into a fight?  Challenge him and dont give him an honorable way to leave.  Men dont generally freeze under adrenalin; they do stupid things like charge machine guns and attack people they shouldnt attack.  The stereotypical prison rapes are generally gang rapes, and the person is beaten up and forced into it by multiple attackers.

I apologize if I hijacked this thread, but the comments on rape are not borne out by the statistical and empirical evidence.

Sinergy

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 2:21:17 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Kalira, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
As to you question, if women are softer in their 'punishment/discipline,' I think it really depends on their personal lives and experiences.
 
As a child of the 1950's, no kid in my neighborhood got away with much as all the mothers in the neighborhood had a network of intelligence (gossip and the telephone) that makes the CIA a "Mickey Mouse" operation.  [Chuckles]  Kids like us cringed when a neighbor would open the door/window and say..."I know your mother and wait till I tell...[insert]."  And--by time you ran home, Mom be there with a rolling pen and arms crossed. 
 
I also am of the generation where women were finally allowed to serve in combat and with the rest of the troops as well as women were finally allowed to become fire fighters, police officers and the like.  Men regardless of rank didn't give women much credit for anything and made it miserable for all women.  Harassment, dirty tricks, sabatoge and rape happened in the ranks but, most women kept their mouth closed and strained forward.  Tailhook scandle was one of the reasons why most women kept their mouth shut--nobody wanted women in the military or anywhere else.  There were women who quit indeed.  Some women didn't have 'quit' in them.  Women of my generation knew if we failed and quit, it would make it harder for those who followed.  So, we supported one another as nobody supported us as women period.  I would venture to say, it would have been no different for racial break throughs before then;  I just happened to be in the middle of the 'sex' break through--as to treat us fairly and not judge by sex but, by abilities.  And, I found women were harsher on other women as to get their 'silly frilly' out of their minds and replace it with a rifle and a fierce warrior mentality.  Bullets aren't prejudice--they kill.
 
So, I would have to agree with your Master, that women of my generation that had to do harder, be harder, handle harder, be subjected to harder and no nonsense--have a shorter fuse for undisciplined behavior.  I don't put up with a lot of stuff men do.
Perhaps why I am a difficult fit, as I don't ask more of my slaves then I have done personally myself; either in uniform or in BDSM.  (I don't take excuses some slaves make very well and they don't make it past the first meeting.)
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 2:22:57 PM   
Lady Alaria


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline 		One interesting flip side to LotusSong's point: Please understand that this is a gross generalization based on a tendency for genders to differ in certain ways. By no stretch of the imagination is it an absolute.

Because of the general size difference between men and women, and the tendency of submissive females to have an element of what I can only consider the 'swoon' factor, most of the time male Doms have no NEED to dominate physically. They only need be physically more powerful, and their dominance is bolstered by it.

Please let me explain. The 'swoon' concept above is by no means intended as an insult. As a dominant female, I still feel that tendency at times. The feeling one gets from being in strong arms, that power on it's own can bring out strong submissive feelings in a woman. A swoon, if you will. Not all women, just many, and I imagine that it is a quite common aspect in sub females.

Many female dominants, being smaller and weaker than their submissives, cannot bring this feeling out in the same way. And I'm not sure, but it _seems_ that most men are not wired this way. When confronted by someone bigger and stronger, the average tendency is toward feeling intimidated(which may work in favor of submission too, but in a different way), rather than the feelings of safety, assurance, and comfort often brought out in a woman.

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 2:50:42 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Lady Alaria, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Indeed, there is no absolute when it comes to domination by either ladies or gentlemen.
 
Domination in modern BDSM, rarely requires either male or female dominants to be 'physically' forceful, as we (in a general sense) are in the realm of negotiations, consensual agreements and boundaries that limit as to what degree of force is required.  Much like the law enforcement officers of today, they must use as little force as necessary as to maintain an arrest and suffer dearly, when they go over such limits. 
 
The ability of submissives and slaves, men and women a like; are allowed the opportunity to place their mind, emotions, spirit and their physical self into the frame, which allows them to 'swoon' as you stated.  But, this thread proffers the questions on style differences between the dominants of both genders.
 
Not all dominant women have had my life's experiences and or back ground and that is why I specificly stated my 'personal' experiences as my foundation for my dominance.  Being short, size I didn't have so, techniques were applied more than physically bully another into submission (unless it was work related).  Knowing personal limits has a great deal and or bearing on how a dominant, regardless of gender; developes their individual style of domination. 
 
But, as I look about me, in a general sense--In my mind's eyes I see more of a difference between Master/Mistress-slave syle of dominantion and/or Dominant/submissive style of domination; more than a gender difference.  Some dominants are just more strict about things and tolerate little, the manipulations and or excuses.
 
That said, we (in general) as dominants, package ourselves for public consumption and public perception can run the gambit of assumptions and or facts.  To me, style is individualism and not gender assigned.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Lady Alaria)
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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 2:56:10 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lady Alaria

Many female dominants, being smaller and weaker than their submissives, cannot bring this feeling out in the same way.



I was at the Lair De Sade in Los Angeles one time, and a 6'2 male submissive with a hood (eyeholes only) was chained to the large wooden bed.  The Domme working him over might have been 5' tall. 

It was a lovely scene to watch, but there was one instance in that scene where she had done something rather mean (or wonderful) to him, and he was flailing about dragging that huge wooden bed around the room. 

She calmly watched him rant and flail about until their eyes met.  Then she stared him down and he leaned back over the bed to be played with.

What I took away from that scene was that physical size has nothing to do with establishing Dominance.  The look he gave her, the way he swallowed his rage and adrenalin so the scene could continue, and the way she calmly waited for him to accept her will was a lovely thing to behold.

There was nothing in her body language, facial expressions, or actions, which would give him the idea that she was not completely in control of the scene.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

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David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 3:02:45 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

Master and I were talking today about men and women Dominants. He made mention that women Dominants were alot more sadistic and more likely to punish 'faster' than males were.



Generally speaking  ...Any universal opinion is going to be highly questionable.  Basing a universal opinion on such things as sex, race, age is going to just make it silly and reflects more of the person expressing the opinion.. than the opinion itself.

I think I will make an informed opinion on the situation and the individual person... instead of making silly judgements.

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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 3:30:02 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		Like some, I tend to look at women in a 'softer' light than I do men; and because of that thinking, I would have to disagree with your Master also.
 
However, I do understand where his opinion on the punishment side comes from. I have done things in the past couple months that I know a woman would never have put up with. Period.
 
Very interesting question though and one that I am curious to see more responses on.

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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 4:03:12 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		A possible explanation for the hypothesis that dommes might use physical discipline more readily and heavily, by comparison to a dom;

Women tend to think of themselves that they are far more emotional than men. They also observe that men in their daily lives are more likely to assert themselves through physical force than women are. Women thus conclude, that using emotional discipline (ie withdrawal, disapproval etc) will be useless on a man, since he is incapable of experiencing that as acutely as is warranted - whereas, if she uses the physical force which she perceives that he does understand, this is more effective.

Meanwhile for men, they see the reverse - ie that it is emotional discipline which a female sub will understand better than physical.

However, this ignores that a large proportion of the control a domme has over a male, is emotional; the greatest fear of the male sub is not a heavy beating, it is her disapproval and withdrawal. A domme who resorts to thrashing a male sub to get him to obey, in my view at least, is one who has not realised this.

E

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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 4:17:23 PM   
Lady Alaria


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline 		Sinergy:

I'm not saying that men _don't_ dominate intellectually or emotionally. They have to for it to work. I'm just saying that I think there tends to be an aspect of physical dominance, even if the man is unaware of it.

Women tend to be attracted to men who are bigger/stronger than them. If you need me to cite examples, go hunt through a vanilla dating site and look at the number of women who list 'tall' as an important factor in dating. It can naturally create feelings of submission in many women.

I've personally switched a bit, and tend to do so with people who are larger than me. I just have trouble taking smaller people as seriously, and they would have to be significantly more ...powerful, intimidating, or strict, to gain the same effect than a larger Dom/me. Of course, at 120 and unable to do 2 full push-ups, most people are bigger/stronger than me. I still have no trouble generating feelings of submission in my subs.

As you noted in your rape commentary, the effect of physical domination/intimidation tends to be different between genders. Men are more likely to fight it. A very similar mechanism to the one exploited by rapists for harm is often in effect, in a very loving way, in maledom situations. The size difference/physical intimidation just reinforces the other forms of dominance at work.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 4:22:20 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen


However, this ignores that a large proportion of the control a domme has over a male, is emotional; the greatest fear of the male sub is not a heavy beating, it is her disapproval and withdrawal. A domme who resorts to thrashing a male sub to get him to obey, in my view at least, is one who has not realised this.

E


I agree. 

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 4:41:25 PM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSM05478

I disagree, as someone that has worn both hats, there have been times when Daddy was punishing me and I was thinking the whole time that I wouldn't have handled it that way.lol (but that could also be Imperviasa being rebellious) I think it comes down to gender priorities, maybe Male Doms just think somethings are more worth their time and attention than what female Dommes think are importent.

example: Daddy works 3rd shift. He tells me he needs X done before he gets up for work (at 945pm) 3pm rolls around, he gets up to use the bathroom, have a smoke, check His myspace and finds out X still hasn't been done yet...... I get spanked and go do X..... all the while muttering to myself that I still had 6 freaking whole hours to accomplish X. If I was the *D* I would have waited till the last minute to see if X was completed...... Daddy does not believe in last minute anything, which amazes me to no end cause I am a fly by my pants kinda girl and He is the kinda man that gets to work at least 30 minutes early to "prepare" for His shift. So I would have to disagree with Female *D*s are more strict lol I think that just by being woman we are more compassionate, and leanent...... For male *D*s there really isn't a gray area to consider..... jmho

<prepares to be bombarded for being sexist>

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RE: Style differences between male/female dominants - 11/23/2006 4:49:35 PM   
Lady Alaria


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline 		As to the original question on strictness, I don't see this as being likely a gender based thing. Personal taste. I like strict, D or s. It reduces ambiguity.

< Message edited by Lady Alaria -- 11/23/2006 4:50:02 PM >

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