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New sub has questions - 1/23/2004 8:49:24 PM   
belongtoyou


Posts: 168
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings,

First I'd like to say that I pleased to have found a Master to train me, and I look forward to the challenges yet to come.

I have a few questions about my new role; 1) is it acceptable to have more than one man train me?

2) I have found that I have some resistance to obeying orders, basically, I enjoy challenging my trainer- have any doms had this experience, and if you do not have physical access to your sub, how do you displine them?

If you would share your wisdom, it would be much appreciated.

~Rain
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New sub has questions - 1/24/2004 1:28:33 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think there is any law against having more than one trainer, but I don't know why you would want that. I think it would get confusing if one trainer wants to train you in a way that contradicts the other. Stick with one at a time. If one isn't working for you, maybe find another.
Your focus should be on pleasing and obeying, not challenging. You are a sub. Some things may go against your nature, but you need to sublimate those feelings and focus on serving. That is a sub.
Most of D/s is mental. There are many ways to discipline and train a sub without being physically with them. Although to me r/l is always best. But it can be done. But if your focus is to challenge and see how much you can get away with, it won't work. In fact it would be a big waste of time.

(in reply to belongtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: New sub has questions - 1/24/2004 3:14:18 AM   
belongtoyou


Posts: 168
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		Estring,

Thank you for your reply. I have a question though, you referred to r/l as a way to displine, what does that mean?

Rain

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: New sub has questions - 1/24/2004 5:02:20 AM   
DocHolliday


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: belongtoyou
First I'd like to say that I pleased to have found a Master to train me, and I look forward to the challenges yet to come.

Congratulations...and best wishes.

quote:

I have a few questions about my new role; 1) is it acceptable to have more than one man train me?

Aren't you collared to your Master? That's usually a serious committment meaning that you have given yourself to Him and no other...unless He allows things otherwise. In My opinion, if I am training a girl, I don't want someone else training her in ways I might not agree with, or like. I might want her to position herself a certain way and train her to this, and someone else may come along and train her totally differently.
quote:


2) I have found that I have some resistance to obeying orders, basically, I enjoy challenging my trainer- have any doms had this experience,

lol yes I have encountered this before. Are you sure you're a submissive and not just a masochist? Lol I have heard of bratty subs being referred to as SAM...SMART ASSED MASOCHIST...lol
quote:

and if you do not have physical access to your sub, how do you displine them?

Well, Rain, long distance is very hard on a D/s relationship, if not damn near impossible. Here's an example. Let's say a Dom has standing orders that His girl is to clean herself and her home each day. Ok...he comes online and asks...have you done My bidding today? She says yes. How does he REALLY know she isnt sitting there in the same robe shes had on for three days with rollers in her hair in a house that looks like 47 monkeys on crack got loose? He doesnt...and too often the temptation to fib a little wins over. Therefore how would one dispense punishments? Discipline? There is no real way...barring the removal of communication which is a no-no in My book because communication is a stronghold in a D/s lifestyle...
Can't help ya much on that last part, but I do wish you luck.
Sincerely,
Doc

(in reply to belongtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New sub has questions - 1/24/2004 6:38:05 AM   
belongtoyou


Posts: 168
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks Doc,

Your response was both helpful and amusing! No, I am not collared, as I just met this dom a few days ago. He has requested that I get a webcam, so that he may see me in my "natural surroundings" (whether it be naked or not).

I like the term SAM, as I do relish the idea of being displined, unfortunately, my Dom is out of state, so I have displine myself. I don't mind that, but I'd rather have Him do it.

I welcome further insights/observations/ and suggestions.

Thanks again,

Rain

(in reply to DocHolliday)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New sub has questions - 1/24/2004 12:06:41 PM   
WetropeMaster


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well u sound like ur not quite a sub, but would like to see what its like. This is not an easy decision nor should it be. A sub does not resist a Master but asks rather how may I serve u.
Should there be more than one trainer, no it is not possible.
I do believe that u realy do not have a Master , just an online Master, who can not possibly provide the leadership necessary for a new sub. Many potential subs start out on line and then move to r/t. You are not there yet, so I would say until u actually meet and have a r/t session u can not be collared, or indeed be anyone's sub. So look for a r/t Master!!

(in reply to belongtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New sub has questions - 1/25/2004 10:30:33 AM   
DocHolliday


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: belongtoyou
Your response was both helpful and amusing!


<in a mock three-stooges voice> Why, coitainly, kid! This can be a FUN lifestyle too...lol
quote:

No, I am not collared, as I just met this dom a few days ago.


That's great! Just follow your heart and proceed with caution. Always remember...your submission is YOUR gift to give when you feel the time is right. No one can, nor should demand it from you.
quote:

He has requested that I get a webcam, so that he may see me in my "natural surroundings" (whether it be naked or not).

Lol...but better when naked, right? Just kidding.

on a more serious note, My newly submissive friend, please beware of those Doms out there who will preach down to you from their internet thrones about "how a real submissive is supposed to act" and those who might suggest you are not a "real sub". It is up to your decision how much you wish to submit and to whom you wish to do so. As long as you and your Dom are happy, then you are exactly the submissive you should be, and as long as you can see your reflection in the mirror you ARE real... Nothing irritates Me more than reading posts telling someone just exactly how a submissive should act... Act as yourself, and you'll do just fine.

Best wishes!
Doc and Sarah

(in reply to belongtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New sub has questions - 1/25/2004 12:06:40 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		belongtoyou, r/l = real life. I was just saying that I prefer real life to online relationships. As for disciplining online, what I do is tell my slave that she will have no contact with me whatsoever for a day or two. That is the worst punishment in most slaves eyes, and it has always worked for me.

(in reply to belongtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New sub has questions - 1/25/2004 12:18:06 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think that once a sub finds her Master, that she should act as herself and everything will be fine. At that point your focus should be on your Master and his needs. Challenging and disobeying orders are not submissive behaviors. That may be your inclination, but to be a good sub you need to learn to obey. The key is to make sure that the One you are obeying is the right One. That takes time. And until you find the One, you don't need to obey anyone you don't want to.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New sub has questions - 1/25/2004 1:58:58 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with you totally on being ignored Sir. It works well at either getting the SAM out of a sub, or helping them realize that they don't really want to be a submissive or a slave, but rather only a masochist. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to me one or the other.

Sandy

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New sub has questions - 1/25/2004 8:02:22 PM   
DocHolliday


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I don't think that once a sub finds her Master, that she should act as herself and everything will be fine. At that point your focus should be on your Master and his needs. Challenging and disobeying orders are not submissive behaviors. That may be your inclination, but to be a good sub you need to learn to obey. The key is to make sure that the One you are obeying is the right One. That takes time. And until you find the One, you don't need to obey anyone you don't want to.

Then again its like I said...its her life, her decision. What works for you or I may not work for her. There is no "correct and true decorum" as far as I know...

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New sub has questions - 1/27/2004 10:21:04 PM   
belongtoyou


Posts: 168
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		Hello again,

Just a quick update, since I've had so many responses. The first dom guy I met turned out to be a jerk. He had no interest in getting to know me, he was on a power trip.

And thanks to the wisdom of a few here at collarme, I turned him away with respect, of course. However, he did not seem to get the message that I no longer wanted him to train me, so I had be blunt, and finally he backed off.

I'm glad that there are some particularly good guys out there who expressed concern for me and how quickly I got involved with this dude. I've since chatted, spoke to, and met in r/l another dom. I am glad that he is safe/sane/consenual and provided me with a safe word before we began my training. So, now I'm less of a smart ass, b/c I actually LIKE him- and that makes all the difference in the world.

So, now I'm more than ready to serve/please and obey HIM. It gives me great pleasure to make him happy.

Thank you all for sharing your advice and wisdom. Nice to have a sense of community, especially for us newbies.

Thanks again,

Rain

(in reply to DocHolliday)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New sub has questions - 1/28/2004 5:42:54 AM   
ShadowHwk


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline 		Rain,

Congratulations. It sounds like you made a smart decision and removed yourself from a potentially bad situation, and then found a good one.

Patience and persistence is usually rewarded. I wish you the best on your journey. Be safe.

Peace and Light
ShadowHwk

(in reply to belongtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New sub has questions - 1/31/2004 10:29:53 PM   
belongtoyou


Posts: 168
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline

Hello again........

so sad. I'm going out of town for a week, leaving tomorrow. Emailed my master this morning...still haven't heard from him.

what's a sub to do?


Rain

(in reply to ShadowHwk)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New sub has questions - 2/1/2004 3:38:59 PM   
Jan


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hello Masters,
I have a Master right now ... we are having a hard time right now as I have 2 children and no time for each other .... can anyone tell me what we can do .... I am very scared of loosing my Master over this .....
Jan

(in reply to belongtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New sub has questions - 2/2/2004 9:11:52 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Rain,

When I read your question initially, I chose not to respond. Not because I am unsympathetic with your situation, but rather because you seem to be sitting on the cloud nine that I believe all of us feel at one time or another when we first stumble into alternative lifestyles. For many of us, I think it's like seeing the world with new eyes, and while we want to see everything we can as fast as we can, to experience everything the world offers, like a sugar rush it soon crashes, and we're left feeling lower then when we started. I'm not saying don't enjoy yourself, rather I'm advising caution in rushing into any relationship, especially an internet based relationship.

I noticed you have your profile changed to say you are now 'happy' with a man you seem to have known only a few days, and that you are now in search of another female submissive for him? I'm all for love at first sight, but has your relationship with this man really blossomed into the kind of love and trust that will allow the addition of another woman in your life with him? How well do you really know this person?

I'm not trying to seem pessimistic about your prospects, nor am I suggesting that your relationship is unhealthy. Rather, instead of rushing into collars at the drop of the hat, I would think you will find if the man genuinely is worthy of owning you, and you worthy of him, then saying you are interested and would like to spend the next few weeks getting to know him would lead to a much better chance of seeing the relationship work out in the long term. As for the other sub, if your owner cannot be happy with just one slave, why do you think two slaves would make him happy?

Jan,

I'll repost your question, it's excellent but deserving of it's own thread

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to belongtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New sub has questions - 2/5/2004 10:01:27 AM   
belongtoyou


Posts: 168
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		Stephan,

Thanks for your reply. I do tend to jump into things (all things!) quickly. Not necessarily the best way to do things...but that's how it goes.

I know I got into this lifestyle too quickly, but b/c it's new to me, I'm anxious to explore everything this sub/dom relationship has to offer.

And while it's true I've only met my dom once in person, I feel we developed a good rapport from our first meeting. That being said, I know that I must also learn to have patience and presence of mind to make good judgements and know my limitations.

I know also that I am needy and should let that go...but it's not easy.

So, thank you (all) again for your words of wisdom and advice.

Confused and tired new sub,

Rain

(in reply to Voltare)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: New sub has questions - 2/5/2004 4:17:22 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Rain, why do I get the feeling that this won't be the last posting from you on this subject? You aren't just rushing into things, you are going at light speed.
You acknowledge you are needy. I would work on that first before getting involved with anyone.
Good luck.

(in reply to belongtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: New sub has questions - 2/5/2004 5:25:03 PM   
belongtoyou


Posts: 168
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		Estring,

You are correct on both counts, yes, the neediness has got to go...
and yes, this will most likely NOT be the last you've heard from me on this subject matter.


Thanks for your reply....

Rain [image][/image]

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: New sub has questions - 2/8/2004 7:44:02 PM   
belongtoyou


Posts: 168
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		well,

this will be my last posting for awhile, at least in this thread.

for those of you who don't know, i just found out today, my Master died last week Monday. Master Steel (Rich)'s brother called me today.

Master died from a heart attack, He was only 45 years old.

May God bless Rich and His family.

Sincerely,

Rain

(in reply to belongtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 20
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