RE: trainers (Full Version)

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mnottertail -> RE: trainers (11/25/2006 3:28:05 PM)

Tennessee (TN) and Pennsylvaniab (PA).........rather a jaunt.

Ron



angaothsi -> RE: trainers (11/25/2006 3:42:16 PM)

It means he is in the state of Tennessee and she is in the state of Pennsylvania, which is a distance of something like...1010 miles or 1629 kilometers. ( going on a basis of the distance from Memphis Tennesse to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, so it could be a bit more or less)



MasterFireMaam -> RE: trainers (11/25/2006 4:32:23 PM)

Find a Ds couple to mentor you as a couple. you work with the submissive and your Dom works with the other Dom. No sex, no play, simply guidance.

Master Fire



LordODiscipline -> RE: trainers (11/25/2006 5:41:02 PM)

Join a local group and both of you should attend for ideas on how best to serve HIM.
 
~J



TopZippy -> RE: trainers (11/25/2006 9:43:55 PM)

sweetnsoftinpa,

I, for one, understand your dilemma. In many aspects of my life I was a dominant before I "got into" D/s, but I discovered that the experiences of a lifetime do not always help when dominating your first submissive.

I have been there. "So what do we do now?"

There are many areas of training that can be generalized and useful to any Master, such as the basics:

1) Posture - how does the slave present herself physically.
2) Grooming - how does the slave groom herself
3) Education - teaching the slave about D/s and BDSM in general
4) Vocal Interactions - how does the slave talk to and listen to her Master

This list could go on an on (in fact, my list does <grin>).

An idea would be for the two of you to sit down and discuss exactly what you would like the relationship to become, and then a path on how to get there. Don't over-think it; just get a general idea. Then separately, research the topics you discussed. Within the week have another meeting and make a plan that takes you to your goal.

Others have stated that he must pull himself up by his bootstraps and be the Master. Well, I say that taking on any task without preparation is doomed to fail. He may discover his "Masterfulness" and become a wonderful Master. Or he may fail. Just like any choices in life, you take your chances.

Maybe I should not have written this while I was so sleepy! <grin>

Good luck!

TopZippy



LadyHugs -> RE: trainers (11/25/2006 10:03:14 PM)

Dear sweetnsoftinpa, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I see in my mind's eyes; that there is an online connection between two people but, it is also a need to be said that online domination, regardless of the emotional, mental and spiritual connection is absent of the physical aspect. 
 
So many times people 'think' or 'assume' BDSM, M/s, D/s and S&M is so easy as it can be written as to be 'seemingly' easy as well as romantic or very sexual.
 
For me, it took several years for me to make 'heads or tails' of what I wanted out of M/s (Master/Mistress-slave) and once in, what my true calling was once I was in it.  Each encounter with another person, was an educational experience and or inspirational experience.  But, I will tell you, that no trainer can help someone who doesn't know what or where they're going in the lifestyle.  It is a cruel thing--this lifestyle, as it requires you to physically interact, flesh to flesh, just as much mental, emotional, spiritual and 'self awareness.'
 
For an example, it would be impossible to train you on computers, especially if you don't have an idea where you wish to go in the computer field, such as programing, repair, sales, development, etc.
So, you will get --train in what? and or why?
 
I highly recommend you both get out to the nearest BDSM support and education group and start 'living' for the sake of living and get some footing as to where you really wish to go in life first, then include the want-to-be Master.  He should do the same.  Partners, even if for the date at a club, can teach you so much more than books, novels, porn movies and such.  It is something you need to experience, to see, to smell, to hear, to feel and to savor.
 
If you are bent on doing this together, then get someone who is established in the BDSM, S&M, M/s and or D/s community; that is involved in a D/s or M/s relationship to physically inspire you both.
 
I will mention, that I have worked with couples who married vanilla and new to the lifestyle.  So, I know it can work.  And, correct--there was no sex involved.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



emdoub -> RE: trainers (11/25/2006 10:50:22 PM)

Um - whoah, folks.  The OP asked a fairly simple question - and got a lot of answers to the effect that she shouldn't be asking the question.  Now, I've got as many control issues as almost anyone, but c'mon....

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnsoftinpa

Master and i are both newbies to the lifestyle. i have had some online training, but i do not feel that it has been enough. me and Master have talked about it and He has told me that He would rather have a slave who has had some training. He does not feel that He has enough expriance to train a slave Himself.

He does, indeed, have a point - a trainer uses a different skill set than a dominant does, in much the same way that a great driver may be useless as a mechanic, while a marvelous mechanic may be a lousy driver.  Me, I'm both (well, all four, if you count the automotive simile - and don't want anything too tricky under the car's hood) - but I've trained for other d/s couples.
quote:

He has stated that i find a trainer and He will talk to them but there is to be no sex involved at all. i feel funny about having another train me that is not Him. my question is do i find a trainer, someone i can trustand feel comfy with? i do have friends online that are Masters and Doms but they are a bit more extrem then Master is or wants to be.


Finding a trainer is not easy - there aren't that many of us.  If a trainer does want sexual contact, they're not a trainer.  (Exception noted - some want training in sexual technique, which does necessitate some contact - but orgasms tend to be sparse, even there.)

A trainer should be selected, if possible, by the dominant - after all, it's what they want training in that really counts.  IME, the trainer answers to the dom, while the sub answers to the trainer - just to have a clear chain of command.  At the bare minimum, the trainer and the dom must have frequent and clear communication - so everyone knows, and agrees with, what training is happening.

I, personally, would avoid training a sub for a dominant who has never been F2F - others may not be as picky. 

By all means, get references - good, checkable references - on whomever you find to train.  If the trainer can't provide such, it's time to look for another trainer.

If the 'trainer' idea doesn't work out, mayhaps you two would consider a mentor for the both of you, who can do some training and teach the dom how to train for his ownself. 

Mostly, an outside trainer is generally used by established, experienced d/s couples/triads/moreads - but there isn't any law that I know of to prevent it from being otherwise.

Good luck to both of you!

Midnight Writer
who can provide those good, checkable references.



theRose4U -> RE: trainers (11/25/2006 11:11:13 PM)

quote:

Others have stated that he must pull himself up by his bootstraps and be the Master. 

My thought was more along the lines of geeze if he's going to claim to be a master...GROW A PAIR!!! Heck I've got a spare set to loan him.

I've been a newbie and had more than my share of newbies and frankly either you know you're masterful or you're not. Telling someone that they want an experienced sub to me says what this guy's about. He wants the cake without the trouble of baking it. He gets to be "masterful" because if she's "real and twue [gag]" she'll just assume that position. The guys out to get his rocks off and wasting her time.

To the OP while your feelings seem sincere, this guy's wasting your time. Move on. A master worth being owned by isn't going to play these games with you. Someone that's in control of themself and knows what they want out of a D/s relationship isn't going to be searching for a trainer for you...or worse make you try to figure out how to get trained by someone else to be what they think they want (but aren't really sure because they don't really know who they are and what they want).
What one dominant wants and expects is going to be very different than another.



notsurebutsweet -> RE: trainers (11/28/2006 6:04:32 AM)

i thank You All for Your replys and now i have alot of thinking to do on the matter.



PONYSEEKER -> RE: trainers (11/28/2006 10:07:21 AM)

Its all basically what you make of it.  Train for what you want not as others are.  There is way to much info out there both online and in the book stores to run into a problem like that especially as a determining factor of wether or not you are going to have a relationship also I cant imagine "training" online.  Online relationships is so different from RL and if you guys havent had a session in RL yet than how do you even know that you are compatible with each other?
If things work out between the two of you in all the other aspects of the relationship then the D/S should be somewhat simple and natural and if you guys live closer to one another you shouldnt have much trouble finding local life style friends to offer advise or at least lend you there opinion.  The point is I think that you are way jumping the gun for it to be a concern for you especially where training is just teaching someone to give you what you want which is really simple provided that you know what you want. How tough is it to tell someone that when a word is spoken to get on there knees with the knees parted and put there hands behind the head and look strait ahead?  If its training of a non sexual nature then visit the book store or library for whatever topic and research it.  Being a Dom actually takes a lot of effort to understand what it is you want the sub to do and behave and you have to have a clear cut definition of how you want your life with the sub to be and working twords making it happen.
Its never really what anyone else says or wants and when its all said and done all you will be doing is making the perfect girl for the trainer.



DsGUARDIAN -> RE: trainers (11/28/2006 11:49:20 AM)

There are ways for both of you to get more info.  Get off the inter net.  Read.  Go to munches.  Talk to others in the lifestyle.  Find a good mentor.  This should not be a problem.

My question is are you sure he wants to continue with you?  Is this a polite way to drop you?



slavemaia -> RE: trainers (11/28/2006 4:23:50 PM)

quote:

Btw, this being an *international* board and all (and my being an ignorant Aussie), what does this mean?  "He is in tn and i am in pa"


It means he is in tennessee and she is in pennsylvania - oops let's see how many times can we tell him. lol



slavemaia -> RE: trainers (11/28/2006 4:29:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: notsurebutsweet

i have tryed in a very respectful way to tell Him that i would rather Him train me Himself.

we talk on the phone at least 4-5 nights a week for at least 2-3 hours. we have also had a 10 hour convo one time on the phone. yes we both want a realionship with each other and that much we do know. right now we have not been real life because of the distance He  is in tn and i am in pa, but we are looking to meet in january


i have to agree that the cart is before the horse. Why not wait til you meet first and then figure out what to do, if anything, about your training. i can't tell you how many times i talked with Doms online, on the phone and yada yada and after a few meetings came to the conclusion it just wasn't a match. There are so many things to learn about another - just the person. Training should come after you know each other much better.



defiantbadgirl -> RE: trainers (11/28/2006 4:38:43 PM)

You still haven't said what exactly he wants you trained in. Has he told you any specifics? If not, will he even be able to tell the trainer any specifics?



sleazy -> RE: trainers (11/28/2006 6:18:32 PM)

There is a military regiment here in the UK that makes extensive use of horses. Anybody joining this regiment is immediately taught to unlearn all the horse riding training they have ever had so they can re-learn the regiment way. The same applies to many armed police units, any previous firearms experience has to be un-learned before training begins.

The same applies to people in the lifestyle imho, whilst a sub may be "experienced" they sure as heck wont ever have been "trained" to fit in with my expectations, and to an extent I may have to unlearn the way I do somethings and re-learn them with a new partner.


Focus,
TN = State of Tennessee, PA I dont recall off the top of my head, but certainly long distances are an issue



KatyLied -> RE: trainers (11/28/2006 6:23:34 PM)

quote:

The same applies to people in the lifestyle imho, whilst a sub may be "experienced" they sure as heck wont ever have been "trained" to fit in with my expectations, and to an extent I may have to unlearn the way I do somethings and re-learn them with a new partner.


This has always been my problem with the ridiculous notion of "training".  One person can't "train" you for another, obviously.  And there are no set of universally accepted items to be "trained"  for.





defiantbadgirl -> RE: trainers (11/28/2006 6:47:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

The same applies to people in the lifestyle imho, whilst a sub may be "experienced" they sure as heck wont ever have been "trained" to fit in with my expectations, and to an extent I may have to unlearn the way I do somethings and re-learn them with a new partner.


This has always been my problem with the ridiculous notion of "training".  One person can't "train" you for another, obviously.  And there are no set of universally accepted items to be "trained"  for.





It is ridiculous. I wonder how many doms who hired trainers for their subs were completely satisfied with the results and how many ended up untraining and retraining the same sub.



MasterHyde -> RE: trainers (11/28/2006 6:47:18 PM)

quote:

i thank You All for Your replys and now i have alot of thinking to do on the matter.


Like a lot of other people here, I have serious questions about whether this is an appropriate course of action. Your master wants a "trained submissive?" Fine. Then he should see to your training. If he's unwilling to do this, then what kind of a master will he be? Seems to me this is like busy executive who buys an expensive Italian sports car and has no idea how to maintain it. Sure, he enjoys driving it, but as soon it has a problem he calls the dealer. And if the problem isn't resolved to his satisfaction, he just trades his car in for another model.

This is fine for a sports car. I don't think it's a good model for owning a slave, though. You mentioned that both you and your master are new to this lifestyle. That's fine. We were all new once. Both of you should seek mentors. Someone mentioned a couple. That would be excellent. What you need is not a "trainer," but an experienced friend (or two or three) who is willing to share her experience with you. And your master needs someone who will show him how to train you himself. Again, an experienced friend is fine. A mentor, if you like the idea of something more formal.

Distance is going to be a problem. No doubt about that. My advice? Before this relationship goes any further, you and your master need to meet in person. Otherwise, you're just spinning your wheels. I honestly believe that you can't really know a person until you know him/her in the real world. Right now, the two of exist for each other in an artificial environment. You know each other only through words on the computer screen, or voices on the telephone. Believe me, there is a lot more to a relationship that you can't realize until you're able to move past that virtual setting.

I noticed you're in Philadelphia. So am I. If you like, I can suggest some local groups where you can meet some great people and perhaps meet the kind of experience friends who I mentioned above. In your case, preferable submissive female friends. Trust me, it's just safer that way. There are a lot of social and educational opportunities here. And at least one private club where you and your master (presuming he'll come visit you) can not only meet others, but see people playing and even play together yourselves in a safe, monitored setting.

Please consider this. And above all, consider that you and your master need to meet soon, if only to find out whether this is really the kind of relationship you want to have, and if he's really the one you want to have it with. I just don't believe you can find that out by talking online.



notsurebutsweet -> RE: trainers (11/29/2006 10:54:27 AM)

thank You Master Hyde yes i would like the names of the places that i can go to. i have only heard of one and a couple of subs that i have talked to that have been there said it was not all that good of a place to go to. that one is the Dark Side



notsurebutsweet -> RE: trainers (12/12/2006 8:26:05 AM)

i again would like to thank E/everyone for T/their replys. Master has decided to try training me Himself with some help from His Mentor.



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