inadequate feelings causing subdrop

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draba -> inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 2:23:26 AM)
Dear Mistress's I could use some advice. I have been seeing my Mistress for 1 1/2 years and only a few times she has tried to have sex with me early on. I am married and both times I went flaccid. I was OK with that then and we both attibute it to my devotion to my wife. Recently, my wife was in an accident and sex was not an option for a couple of months. Last Fri, I saw my mistress. I did have sex with my wife two days before and she did not know this at first. Mistress wanted to give me some relief and a treat for being so good about my lack of sex. She had intentions of using my c**k and I could not get hard. A sudden case of ED. I feel depressed over this. Is 50 years old too young for this failure? Does this happen to others also? I feel that I have frustrated her also..... I have sent her a message and will talk with her about it. I just wanted some extra advice because I am subdropping over this. I find this forum more usefull that Ask a Slave forum. You mistress's are more real abbout these problems. thanks, draba

MistressMaamNH -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 3:40:25 AM)
No, 50 is not too early to be having problems with ED...no age is for a male, especially if it is mostly psychological. Easiest way to figure it out...do you have difficulties with your erections with your wife? If not..then chalk it up to the guilt factor for being dishonest with your wife and breaking your solemn vows to her. Reason #153 Why I don't accept married males into My service...too much emotional baggage, and I don't care to help facilitate someone's philandering and disloyalty. I know that's going to stir up a LOT of turmoil, but it is simply My Personal Preference. MMNH

Jasmyn -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 4:40:07 AM)
Draba a great deal of male subs do not want sexual penetration with a/their 'Mistress' and will have difficulty performing when or if it becomes expected of them ... don't fret the small stuff ... if anything in what I have said resonnates with you ...continue to have sex with your wife as you obviously appear to be doing ... and come clean to this 'Mistress' or any 'Mistress' who may entertain you in the future that sexual penetration is not something you deem essential to your subservience and infact would rather do without it.

thetammyjo -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 8:20:27 AM)
Does your wife know about your mistress? -- wow, the use of two of the term's definitions in one relationship. If not, you might be feeling guilty and that will affect sexual performance. If she does, then maybe it has to do with your own feelings about what being submissive is or the power you see as tied to specific types of sexuality. If you feel even subconsciously that sex with your dominant is unsubmissive then it will make it much harder to have sex. Things like this you can work through with lots of thinking, talking, and practice with positive feedback.

MisPandora -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 8:39:42 AM)
Age really doesn't have anything to do with ED, although eventually in a man's older years, his vasculature tends to take possession and disallow erections from being within his control. I've encountered guys in their 20s and 30s who could not deliberately achieve or maintain an erection, for various reasons from them being in a committed relationship, to health issues (medications for depression and hypertension are among the most common factors) and just stress. Speak to your doctor about your ED experiences. He or she may have some suggestions if it's health related. I'm curious though, whether you're permitted by your wife to have sex with your mistress. If not, I'd point at this to be the root to the issue, especially when she's incapacitated -- it's guilt. If it's emo based as you suggest and you have permission, your mistress can take charge of the situation, buy a strapon harness for you and find a dildo she likes and voila.....instant solution that doesn't transmit diseases, is top-rack dishwasher safe and never goes soft.

MisPandora -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 8:43:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn Draba a great deal of male subs do not want sexual penetration with a/their 'Mistress' and will have difficulty performing when or if it becomes expected of them ... Jasmyn -- It's interesting that you brought this up. I come across this from time to time, the attitude that mistresses should not use a male slave for sex -- even if the male submissive is intended to be the primary partner. I guess I'd not thought of the consequence if that type of fellow was placed into sexual service, what might occur would not be the expected goal....

Renorei -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 8:58:04 AM)
I sincerely hope you're not fooling around with your Mistress without your wife's knowledge...

MisPandora -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 9:08:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Renorei I sincerely hope you're not fooling around with your Mistress without your wife's knowledge... I sincerely hope that you recognize that MANY MANY submissive males pursue a femdom while on the lamb from their wife or significant other. Why else do you think so many of us have to put in our profiles that we don't engage in play with married/committed indivuals?

vield -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 9:40:23 AM)
Of course there are many things which can cause erectile problems, and this case may be caused by guilt, or by the long term conditioning this sub has perhaps unintentionally been through, where Mistress equals various paly with erection not involved. In any case the frustration or guilt draba is feeling has nothing to do with sub drop, in my opinion. As a long term switch I have experienced many kinds of play with a lot of different people. Some scenes as dominant or as submissive can be awesome, where one flys beyond anything else I have ever found on the shared energy and beauty of the exchange. No one can sustain that kind of emotion for an extended period of time, and drop is the term for what happens when one comes back to earth, so to speak.That may happen shortly after the scene, or may take place hours or even days later, since sometimes the emotional high lasts quite awhile. The contrast between the height of flying in dom or subspace and washing the dishes, getting up to go to work, etc, is major. As usual these are my terms and your mileage may vary. vield

draba -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 8:26:12 PM)
Dear Mistress's, Thanks for your responces. I did talk with my Mistress today and she told me not to worry. We all agree it is probably guilt and I should not worry. She knows I had sex with my wife a few days before and considers that more important. She is a good Mistress and has been couching me on getting my wife more dominant, which she is slowly learning to do. I agrree with all the mistress's hear that feel it is guilt. My wife does not know about my Mistress, which is why when my wife reaches my leval of BDSM I will leave Mistress, on good terms. My Mistress knows that. I do have a good Mistress. Thanks again for your comments, draba

MisPandora -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 9:51:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: draba I agrree with all the mistress's hear that feel it is guilt. My wife does not know about my Mistress..... So why would you conveniently OMIT this fact from your post. It seems as though you yourself knew the reason why you had the issue before you posted this!

AAkasha -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 10:12:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: draba Dear Mistress's, Thanks for your responces. I did talk with my Mistress today and she told me not to worry. We all agree it is probably guilt and I should not worry. She knows I had sex with my wife a few days before and considers that more important. She is a good Mistress and has been couching me on getting my wife more dominant, which she is slowly learning to do. I agrree with all the mistress's hear that feel it is guilt. My wife does not know about my Mistress, which is why when my wife reaches my leval of BDSM I will leave Mistress, on good terms. My Mistress knows that. I do have a good Mistress. Thanks again for your comments, draba What is so sad about this is that he openly admits his wife does not know about his cheating, but he is only seeing this other Mistress until his wife "reaches his level of BDSM" -- meaning she is probably trying hard to accommodate his kink and save the marriage, not realizing he's getting his rocks off on the side, too, to make up for her inability to satisfy his kink. Way to go -- BDSM relationships are based on trust, after all! Akasha

UtopianRanger -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/26/2006 11:44:42 PM)
quote: Draba a great deal of male subs do not want sexual penetration with a/their 'Mistress' and will have difficulty performing when or if it becomes expected of them And how unfortunate for them this is - Not here... ; } - R

Renorei -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/27/2006 1:37:43 PM)
Ugh, I can't believe some people. Coming onto a forum and asking for help in cheating on his wife.

MisPandora -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/27/2006 1:48:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Renorei Ugh, I can't believe some people. Coming onto a forum and asking for help in cheating on his wife. Welcome to LIFE. While I read in your profile that BDSM is very new to you, I would hope that life is not. Married men step out on their wives ALL the time! It's not just because he's a submissive! Dominas wind up being approached time and time again with this situation of the married submissive playing on the lam. I've had dominas who've trained under me get all pissy about these married guys being distrespectful of their wives and the woman they serve. It's sad, but it's a REALITY. I personally avoid feeding into it by not accomodating gentlemen who cannot respect their primary partnership. If they won't respect and honor her, they surely will not respect me. However, there are women out there who ENJOY, yes.....get off on....playing with some other woman's chattel. Whatever floats their boat, yanno? I can't personally imagine disrespecting another woman like that, but who am I? To the OP: Coming here and asking advice is one thing -- have the decency to present us with a clear picture of what's going on. Don't snowjob us. Don't present it as one thing, and then after we've all poured our sympathies and energy, tell us key information that would have led us to a far different conclusion. That's just as dishonest and rude as is cheating on the wife, and expecting the domina to be the surrogate kinky fuck until you persuade your wife to accomodate your desires. To the commenter, Renorei -- the bottom line is that if dealing with married men is not your thing, turn your nose at it and move on. Sad, but it's going to be something to grow accustomed to if you're going to take on the role of a switch -- you'll be being approached by married male doms and married male subs. Take your personal stand on it and make it clear. Or, if this is so distasteful.....find greener, more vanilla pastures to graze in. I don't know what else to tell you.

Morrigel -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/27/2006 2:07:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: draba Dear Mistress's I could use some advice. I have been seeing my Mistress for 1 1/2 years and only a few times she has tried to have sex with me early on. I am married and both times I went flaccid. I was OK with that then and we both attibute it to my devotion to my wife. Recently, my wife was in an accident and sex was not an option for a couple of months. Last Fri, I saw my mistress. I did have sex with my wife two days before and she did not know this at first. Mistress wanted to give me some relief and a treat for being so good about my lack of sex. She had intentions of using my c**k and I could not get hard. A sudden case of ED. I feel depressed over this. Is 50 years old too young for this failure? Does this happen to others also? I feel that I have frustrated her also..... I have sent her a message and will talk with her about it. I just wanted some extra advice because I am subdropping over this. I find this forum more usefull that Ask a Slave forum. You mistress's are more real abbout these problems. thanks, draba Judging by the context given, your problem with ED here is not physical. It's about your emotional ambivalence. Your Mistress, for whatever reason, is not someone that you want to have that kind of contact with. A great deal of ED is caused by emotional ambivalence, to be honest--it can be very much like vaginal dryness in that respect. If you are otherwise healthy and able to function sexually with other women--as it would appear from your post--I would suspect that your problem is in the heart, not the systems further south. --M

MisPandora -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/27/2006 2:36:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Morrigel quote: ORIGINAL: draba Dear Mistress's I could use some advice. I have been seeing my Mistress for 1 1/2 years and only a few times she has tried to have sex with me early on. I am married and both times I went flaccid. I was OK with that then and we both attibute it to my devotion to my wife. Recently, my wife was in an accident and sex was not an option for a couple of months. Last Fri, I saw my mistress. I did have sex with my wife two days before and she did not know this at first. Mistress wanted to give me some relief and a treat for being so good about my lack of sex. She had intentions of using my c**k and I could not get hard. A sudden case of ED. I feel depressed over this. Is 50 years old too young for this failure? Does this happen to others also? I feel that I have frustrated her also..... I have sent her a message and will talk with her about it. I just wanted some extra advice because I am subdropping over this. I find this forum more usefull that Ask a Slave forum. You mistress's are more real abbout these problems. thanks, draba Judging by the context given, your problem with ED here is not physical. It's about your emotional ambivalence. Your Mistress, for whatever reason, is not someone that you want to have that kind of contact with. A great deal of ED is caused by emotional ambivalence, to be honest--it can be very much like vaginal dryness in that respect. If you are otherwise healthy and able to function sexually with other women--as it would appear from your post--I would suspect that your problem is in the heart, not the systems further south. --M Pssst, you're a day late with the advice. He already came out with the other part of his dilemma: he's cheating on his wife with the mistress.

Morrigel -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/27/2006 2:43:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MisPandora Pssst, you're a day late with the advice. He already came out with the other part of his dilemma: he's cheating on his wife with the mistress. It wasn't really advice, just an observation. And what part of "your problem is probably emotional ambivalence" conflicts with the extra information? [;)] --M

stef -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/27/2006 2:49:15 PM)
I'm guessing it's the "probably." [;)] ~stef

Bearlee -> RE: inadequate feelings causing subdrop (11/27/2006 2:51:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: draba ...I have been seeing my Mistress for 1 1/2 years and .....I am married and both times [Mistress and I tried to have sex] I went flaccid. Recently, my wife was in an accident and sex was not an option for a couple of months. Last Fri, I saw my mistress. I did have sex with my wife two days before and she did not know this at first. .....A sudden case of ED. I am subdropping over this. I find this forum more usefull that Ask a Slave forum. thanks Hummmmmmmm You had sex with your wife and your mistress didn't know? Soooooooooooooo... you're cheating on BOTH of the women, in essence? No wonder you go all floppy; your guilt is probably playing havoc with your brain! And... I don't believe you ARE suffering sub-drop... just ED and guilt. Pretty typical issues for guys who cheat. <shrugs> Just my thoughts, beverly

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