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brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 3:33:26 AM

gigglesLA

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/25/2006
Status: offline

After much thought, my Master collared me yesterday. i later find out he signed up here while we were experiencing some really difficult times in our relationship. His profile clearly stating he was in search of a slave. i really respected his honesty. Today i find out he has a few women (subs and slaves) from here that he has had what i would consider being a lot of email contact with (5 or more), one of which the sub is searching for dom and begins with "missed you". i am seriously hurt and confused by this. i said i would submit, i am doing the best i can. He allowed me free access to the emails exchanged between himself and the other women in this room, which to me shows massive character. The large part of the problem is that my ex husband did this sort of thing, several years later he met some of them in person. i ended up loosing my entire world, and he now lives with on of the many "friends" he me online. my Master knows this and i know i need to heal, but this slave wants to know how to feel. He is obviously not happy with me alone, there are no emails from men. i said i would give him autonomy, but it is quite simply ripping me into a thousand pieces. We have been together for three and a half years he has not been satisfied with only me all this time, what says he will now, and what about my child??? i realize that as a slave there is no compromise, but where do i find cope???

Post #: 1

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 3:47:14 AM

LW3

Posts: 59
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

Your Master is not saying that he is not satisfied with you. he probably wants more than one slave/sub and will care about all of them. don't worry gigglesLA. I'm sure your Master is happy with you and will take care of you and your child.
I understad you have a very bad experience with your ex husband and you have fear of that experience repeating now. if you find yourself unnable to cope perharps this is a hard limit for you but I think you should work with your Master to overcome this problem. not all men are like your ex husband.
about your question of how you should feel nobody can tell you how you need to feel but it's my understanding that if your Master collared you it's because he loves you, wants to keep you and wants to care about you so you should feel cared and happy because you have a nice caring Master.

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 2

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 3:52:26 AM

gigglesLA

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/25/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for your response. i am trying, and i know i should. i guess more than anything else i just want to know why. i don't have to fill myself with others, so it is very difficult to relate.

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 3

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 3:55:22 AM

SaphireLynn

Posts: 145
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline

The best thing I can advise you to do is communicate.... Talk with him... Tell Him what you are feeling... That is one of the most important parts of any relationship....
Ms. Lynn

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
~~~Anne Bronte~~~
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 4

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 3:56:54 AM

SirDiscipliner69

Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gigglesLA
After much thought, my Master collared me yesterday. i later find out he signed up here while we were experiencing some really difficult times in our relationship.

Sorry to hear of your pain...I would suggest sitting down and talking with him and asking him just what is expected from and of you in the relationship outside the heirarchy and what you can expect from and of him.

The fact that he showed you the emails I percieve to be his way of trying to communicate.
As you know relationships take a lot of work regardless of what realm they fall in. When the head and heart become one you will know what you feel and just formulate how to say it.

I wish you the time and the peace to quietly sort things out

Ross
Bon D' Age' : BDSM
http://tinyurl.com/yfqdf2
Designermite :
http://tinyurl.com/ueov5
Soul of Motorcycle Art
http://tinyurl.com/ybg73a

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 5

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 3:59:09 AM

LW3

Posts: 59
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

have you tried to ask directly your Master that question?
I know why I want two bisexual slaves but I'm not a mind reader so I can't say why your Master feels he need more than one.
I think SirDiscipliner is right. he is showing you the emails to comunicate with you.

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 6

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 4:05:31 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

"Missed you" could be anything from a missed IM to the worse thing you imagined. I think the fact that he is sharing this account with you speaks volumes. Seek inner peace. Speak up when your confused. Interactions with others isnt always bad, there's things to be learned from every one.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 7

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 4:12:24 AM

SirDiscipliner69

Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gigglesLA
i guess more than anything else i just want to know why. i don't have to fill myself with others, so it is very difficult to relate.

I may be wrong with My generalization but men like to sample lots of experiences and sensations with possible trophy underlayment whereas women look for the stability of a relationship and build on that with emotional reassurance.

There are those that say that men are inanely poly where women are monogamous

Bottom line anything can transcend the generalizations and be more direct in communication with the individual who is blessed with free will.

Talk to him. Ask and try to understand.

Ross
Bon D' Age' : BDSM
http://tinyurl.com/yfqdf2
Designermite :
http://tinyurl.com/ueov5
Soul of Motorcycle Art
http://tinyurl.com/ybg73a

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 8

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 4:21:38 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

No one can tell you how to feel. Emotions are neither good nor bad they just are. What you feel is what you feel. Are you open to a poly relationship? Are you bi or indicated that you are willing to share your Master? You have been with him over 2 years and He formally collared you to show He is not planning to abandon you.

My former Dom knew about my issues with abandonment. We had an agreement that first, He would not be monogomous but as a compromise, i asked only that during the time we spent together (ever other weekend) that i be given the illusion i was the only one. He knew up front that i am not bisexual. After 6 months He asked me if i felt secure in the relationship and i was. The very next week i started receiving emails from women He had been emailing. What He wanted was for me and these women to become close friends so we could begin a polyamorous relationship with me and the other women all spending time and play together with Him. i was shocked, sad, and felt betrayed. Maybe i should have felt differently but i didn't. He got furious with me and called me a drama-queen and that was the end of it.

you really need to let your Master know in detail how you feel, what you fear and exactly what His expectations are. Nature abhors a vacuum and when we have a vacuum of information we tend to fill it with speculation and often the speculation is worse than the facts. Get the facts and make your decisions based on them. Good luck to you.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to LW3)

Post #: 9

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 4:43:31 AM

MrrPete

Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

Have a serious discussion with your Master as it appears
this subject didn't get enough attention before collaring.

His openness and his collar around your neck tells you where
are with him.

Besides on what authority do you deny him friends that
happen to be woman? That's what vanilla woman do.

You're upset that he's WRITING to other women it doesn't
seem to matter what the CONTENT is.

_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 10

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 4:49:26 AM

LW3

Posts: 59
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Besides on what authority do you deny him friends that
happen to be woman? That's what vanilla woman do.

that was cruel.

she doesn't deny him anything. she is only trying to understand how she must feel because she has a very bad experience and has fear that it will end in a similar way.

(in reply to MrrPete)

Post #: 11

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 5:33:11 AM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

I can understand your confusion, I think I would also be confused. There are both good and bad in what you have told us though. The bad - he didnt tell you about the others till very late in the relationship, in fact after he had collared you. The good is that he HAS told you, albeit later than I personally would have liked. He has given you free access to the emails which goes to show he isnt wanting to hide anything. The main thing to remember is he has collared YOU, not any of the others, so he has obviously made his choice. Now he might be wanting you to read the emails hoping you might like the sound of someone and may be will to play with him with another sub? I dont know if thats something you would be willing to try or not, only you can know that. Having had an ex treat you badly and do the wrong thing is going to seriously affect your trust and I would guess this is why your Master has been up front with you. I would not jump to the conclusion he is not happy with you alone. Tell him what you are feeling and see what he has to say. Good luck

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 12

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 9:09:04 AM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LW3

quote:

Besides on what authority do you deny him friends that
happen to be woman? That's what vanilla woman do.

that was cruel.

she doesn't deny him anything. she is only trying to understand how she must feel because she has a very bad experience and has fear that it will end in a similar way.

I agree with you, LW3.

My Master knows that there are a couple of things that do not keep me in a good place emotionally because they remind me of a situation I had with my ex-husband. Because we have been able to communicate (ad nauseum) about how we perceived things and the feelings that were behind them, it has helped. It has helped me not feel like a failure to Him, or like my emotions were dragging me around by the nose, in seeing how we saw the same picture differently, we were able to appreciate the other person's feelings more.

I think the little snide comment about comparing her to a controlling vanilla woman is a crock of shit. It's comments like that which make male Doms appear to be vanilla men with a Napoleon complex - control freaks - and nothing more. As a wonderful male Dom friend reminded me once, you're a woman with feelings and past experiences first, a slave second... if your Master didn't care about that woman first, you wouldn't be His slave. My friend shared that with me not too long ago, and now, gigglesLA, I share that with you.

Share your heart with your Master. If it takes talking about things over and over, do that. Sometimes it takes repetition to make things "sink in" or become clear. At least it's that way with me, but I could just be thick in the head.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to LW3)

Post #: 13

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 11:44:40 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Wrote a response deleted it and now just want you to know that it is time for you and Master to communicate. Better late than never and certainly better than letting your hurt feelings fester. If I were in your shoes I would not appreciate that he did not share this info before the collaring. However it appears that he cares enough he did not wish to take the chance of losing you. That was rather unfair to you since you were denied the right to make an informed decision. So it is time for both of you to be honest about your wants, wishes and needs before it goes on too long and results in more hurt for either of you.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 14

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/26/2006 7:54:26 PM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gigglesLA

After much thought, my Master collared me yesterday. i later find out he signed up here while we were experiencing some really difficult times in our relationship. His profile clearly stating he was in search of a slave. i really respected his honesty. Today i find out he has a few women (subs and slaves) from here that he has had what i would consider being a lot of email contact with (5 or more), one of which the sub is searching for dom and begins with "missed you". i am seriously hurt and confused by this. i said i would submit, i am doing the best i can. He allowed me free access to the emails exchanged between himself and the other women in this room, which to me shows massive character. The large part of the problem is that my ex husband did this sort of thing, several years later he met some of them in person. i ended up loosing my entire world, and he now lives with on of the many "friends" he me online. my Master knows this and i know i need to heal, but this slave wants to know how to feel. He is obviously not happy with me alone, there are no emails from men. i said i would give him autonomy, but it is quite simply ripping me into a thousand pieces. We have been together for three and a half years he has not been satisfied with only me all this time, what says he will now, and what about my child??? i realize that as a slave there is no compromise, but where do i find cope???

i'm confused too - you say you're a brand new slave but you've been together 3-1/2 years. Is all of this suddenly coming to the surface? i would think in 3-1/2 years you'd have some inkling that he wants more than one slave. Sounds like you accepted a collar without thinking it through clearly.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 15

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/27/2006 3:56:36 AM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I think I sort of know how you feel. My ex did the same thing to me, talked on the internet and then met.

I found the other day that a sub had been writing Master. He didn't hide this from me, but I had signed on the computer and it was on his CM acct.. When I saw it, all of the old bad stuff came back and I just sat there and cried. I know it's sort of silly, but it was just bad memories.

I talked to him about it, and he totally understood. He told me who she was, and showed me the mail. I kept telling him I was sorry for letting it get to me, and it would take me some time to realize that they aren't all like my ex was. I asked him not to talk to her anymore, and he agreed that he wouldn't. He knows how much this hurt me, and doesn't want me to feel that way again.

It sounds like you have a good relationship, it's just the past is coming back to haunt you a bit. I would just talk to him more, and if you can't get past it, ask him not to talk to them anymore and see what he says. Yes, you are a slave, but that doesn't mean that he can do whatever he wants and you just have to take it. I am sure some will disagree with me on that, but it's the way I see it. When it comes to your emotional health, there is no compromise on the way you feel, but there can be compromise in the relationship.

I am hoping you both can work through this, and move on together.

Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 16

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/28/2006 11:46:21 AM

gigglesLA

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/25/2006
Status: offline

Thanks to everyone for your replies , i guess i just needed to know i wasn't the only one.

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 17

RE: brand new slave not sure... pls help - 11/28/2006 3:05:11 PM

daizy

Posts: 13
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

I have found all this so very confusing. Apparently you were collared just a few days ago after a 3 1/2 year relationship. Since then your profile says that you have returned the collar to your former Master and he has torn up any agreements you had between you. You returned the collar because 2 years ago (when he joined collarme) when you two were having some problems in the relationship, he joined collarme. Since then he's maintained an email relationship with some subs which apparently you did not know about, and which did not affect your relationship. Then the day you were collared or the next day, either you just happened to find out about his membership here, or he told you he had a membership here. From previous experiences, you are touchy about your partner having online relationships. Actually, i do understand that these things can happen and know that past experiences often affect present relationships.

What i do not understand is the unhappiness you've expressed in this thread and your profile. Yet, today in another thread you say that "this whole thing has been a new experience!!!" and that you're fine and your Master is a good guy.

Either you are happy or upset. It's really hard to be both at the same time.

Perhaps i am mistaken, but when i read your message in the Introduce Yourself area, i got the feeling you were a brand new slave with little knowledge of what your slavery would entail. Now that you are free to make your own choices again, i would suggest that you do some research into the lifestyle. Discover what your needs are. Learn the difference between a sub and a slave and decide which you might be. Discover your personal limits. Perhaps you were just not mature enough in the lifestyle to have accepted a collar. Time and learning will remedy that problem.

I wish great happiness in your future.

(in reply to gigglesLA)

Post #: 18

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