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me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 3:27:41 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

I'm interested to know the view out there, with regard to the following;

I have a few instances now of this situation, with sub males and Dommes, whom I have met as couples, socially. Anyway, we meet up. All goes well, and a good time is had by all (purely socially). But then I get mails or SMS texts to say they want to be friends, and not play. But even then, socially I dont hear anything more from them, despite my contacting them.

This is fine by me - the whole thing was social and thats all!; no other motive other than to broaden my social circle, maybe go out to a venue together at some point but as no more than friends.

Depending on my mood, I put this reaction down to one of three things;
1) If I'm in a good mood, I feel that maybe I'm seen as a threat to their pair bond, as a single person.
2) If I'm in a neutral mood, I feel that maybe it because I'm TS and they dont want the likes of me hanging around with them.
3) If I'm in a bad mood, I feel that maybe its because I am somehow lacking as friendship material completely.

Any thoughts, Ladies?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

Post #: 1

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 4:22:05 AM

Renorei

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

IMO, the idea of suddenly leaping from only playing with one other person to suddenly playing in a group of three is probably something that many of these couples fantasize about. However, when faced with the actual possibility of doing so, it's probably very easy to panic and back out. Do you know if these couples you spoke with have played in a group of three before you came along? Because, if you were the first person whom they might have played with, I think it's probably cold feet.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 2

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 4:37:30 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

Hi Renorei

Thanks. Its possible I guess that the thought crosses their mind (option a) - but quite honestly, I dont want to play with them and make that clear; I want someone of my own after all. At least two of the couples I refer to have certainly played as couples with other couples though, as part of group activities similar to the OWK set up, and enjoy that.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Renorei)

Post #: 3

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 7:00:48 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

A lot of people don't like confrontation. With email and chat, we can avoid a personal interaction to deliver messages that we think will hurt the other person, such as rejection. I've done it and I'm sure that I'll do it again. For me, it's easier to compose my thoughts into something tht says exactly what I want it to say when I'm writing...but also, I admit that it's something that I hide behind on occasion.

Also, even though YOU say you don't want to play with them, the possibility might exist in THEIR mind, whether that is coming from them or that they are assuming you want it. That's what they're basing the contact decision on, in my guess. So, most likely, you're seeing a passive-aggressive display of the rejection of that idea, even when the idea clearly didn't come from you.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 4

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 7:36:04 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

LadyEllen, humans are just bizarre critters and sometimes understanding them is almost impossible. If I had to make a guess I would say that they were probably looking for a prospective play partner or someone who more closely matched their personal preferences in BDSM.

If they stopped contact because you are a TS, then you are certainly better off without them if they are that small minded.

Another thought that I've had is that sometimes people try to use others to climb the social" ladder" perhaps that is what these people were seeking and just didn't find it. Who knows? I can say that you appear to me to be a wonderful, intelligent person. A person who is most certainly worthy of being called "friend".

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 5

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 8:09:23 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

Hi MFM

Thanks. That seems to be option a again then?

I can understand that people might well only meet others of similar interests for sex/play/relationship motives, but is that really all there is to it? I confess to obvious innocence in all this - to me, it makes sense to have a few people one knows in the local area, for all sorts of reasons other than the interest held in common. But is sex/play/relationship the only motivation that people have to get to know one another? And if thats off the agenda then there is no point?

I'm not daft enough to think that if I join a tennis club, then there will be no tennis involved, but all the same the tennis club is also a social place where the members' needs for interaction other than tennis is served, I'd have thought? I dont need to play matches against every member and then put them on ignore, surely?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 6

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 8:16:13 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

Hi Lashra

Thanks. I'd have to agree on the psychology bit - I for one could keep psychologists busy for decades!

The more I think about it, I dont think its because I'm TS that they have a problem - they know that upfront after all. Its going to sound really arrogant (even more than I usually sound), but I wonder whether I'm not what they expected? ie a guy in a frock, who wants to play sissy maid or pose, which seems to be the basic idea people have when trans is mentioned?

I guess that would make it a combination of a, b and what you mentioned - incompatibility of their plans for me and who/what I am?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 7

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 8:26:12 AM

theGuideGoddess

Posts: 135
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

As stated by the previous posts I agree that it is possible that they were looking for something different. That does not have to cause you to be seen in a negative light, simply not what THEY were looking for. There is so much that can be read and or mis read in other people.

I kind of scratch my head as to WHY someone would reach out and say they don't want to be friends. Why even waste the personal energy to take the time to do that?

To me you seem like you would be very good friendship material. Is it that you are having a hard time finding friends? Or is it that you are having a hard time finding kinky friends? If you have someone who is close to you and knows you well, perhaps they might give you an objective observation of why this might happen to you.

In my study of human kind I have learned that we can and do percieve ourselves entirely differently than others perceive us. Also each person will have a different perception that is tainted by their own personal thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Best luck and godspeed in your search.

The Guiding Goddess

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 8

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 8:54:31 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theGuideGoddess
To me you seem like you would be very good friendship material. Is it that you are having a hard time finding friends? Or is it that you are having a hard time finding kinky friends? If you have someone who is close to you and knows you well, perhaps they might give you an objective observation of why this might happen to you.

In my study of human kind I have learned that we can and do percieve ourselves entirely differently than others perceive us. Also each person will have a different perception that is tainted by their own personal thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Hi

Thanks. I'd say I dont have problems with making friends - I have what I need, although more are always good of course. Its "kinky friends" I'm having problems with I guess. Meanwhile (personal fanfare coming up, again), my closest friend nowadays has told me straight that he couldnt do without me being there for him, so I really dont know, apart from not fulfilling some anticipated hope, why kinky would be friends have a problem.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to theGuideGoddess)

Post #: 9

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 10:16:55 AM

ToGiveDivine

Posts: 650
Status: offline

LadyEllen,

People are strange creatures and change their minds and opinions often.

If you didn't do anything wrong, rude, or insensitive, then you're not the one with the problem - so don't get down on yourself.

You can't force people to like you ... and why would you want them if you had to force them?

You will eventually meet the right person(s) for what you are looking for - it's the waiting that is annoying and sometimes event depressing.

If people have a problem that you are a TS, then it is THEIR problem. You can't be anything but who you are - be happy with yourself and don't worry about what other's think. Most of the time, people who judge others have no business doing it based on the type of person they are.

You seem very well liked on the boards here - I know that doesn't help much in real life, but it does say something positive about who you are.

_____________________________

These are my opinions - which may differ from your opinions. They may be right and just as equally wrong.

Beware, author is often sarcastic in his replies - most often, no sincere offense is intended.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 10

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 10:20:22 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

Thanks TGD.

Where have you been lately by the way? Been missing ya!

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)

Post #: 11

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 10:41:03 AM

ToGiveDivine

Posts: 650
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Thanks TGD.

Where have you been lately by the way? Been missing ya!

E

I was away for the holidays

I've also been doing more lurking! I'm still trying to find out if I fit into the Lifestyle and if so, where.

That was nice to hear - I didn't think anyone gave a flip if I was here or not. I'll just have to assume most people don't give a flip ;-)

< Message edited by ToGiveDivine -- 11/27/2006 10:44:57 AM >

_____________________________

These are my opinions - which may differ from your opinions. They may be right and just as equally wrong.

Beware, author is often sarcastic in his replies - most often, no sincere offense is intended.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 12

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 5:11:34 PM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

I dunno - I'd happily hang out and socialize with ya if you were on my side of the puddle. But it isn't unusual for me to not see even my best friends for months at a time when there's too much else on my plate between work and other activities. So sometimes new friendships can fall by the wayside for lack of enough time to cultivate them. It's not necessarily about the other person so much as it is about the fact that my life is already pretty darn full and trying to cram more into it often means I'm neglecting other things or other people.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 13

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 7:16:18 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I have no clue, LadyEllen.

We have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances ourselves, most of them not kinky in fact. We do tend to get to know people a bit slowly perhaps because of trust issues from the past. We wouldn't just contact someone out of the blue though and say "we don't want to play;" we'd never assume that about anyone else they brought it up to us.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 14

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 7:37:35 PM

jdtallfem

Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline

They might just be busy right now with the holidays and all. Maybe they just have super busy lives.
Write an occasional "it was great to meet you, hope we get to see each other again" email and forget about it. That's all you can do.
People are mysterous sometimes.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 15

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 10:27:19 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Depending on my mood, I put this reaction down to one of three things;
1) If I'm in a good mood, I feel that maybe I'm seen as a threat to their pair bond, as a single person.
2) If I'm in a neutral mood, I feel that maybe it because I'm TS and they dont want the likes of me hanging around with them.
3) If I'm in a bad mood, I feel that maybe its because I am somehow lacking as friendship material completely.

Any thoughts, Ladies?

E

I doubt it has anything to do with you as a person--you seem lovely and affable. Perhaps they just didn't feel the chemistry and took the easy way out by just disappearing. Nothing more, nothing less.

their loss - - not Yours. :)

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 16

RE: me and Femdom couples - 11/27/2006 10:38:42 PM

DiamondOrchid

Posts: 172
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

Some people seem to be more evolutionary regressive than others. Like attracts like and becomes a couple. You are probably just encountering many e.r. people because they all hang out together. This leads to your perception that it's you, when in reality you've just stumbled into the natural inhabitant of such people. Not your fault.

All you have to do is find your way out of that maze!

D.

P.S. Very nice pic LadyEllen

_____________________________

Relationships are like full time jobs and should be treated as such. If your boy/girlfriend wants to leave, they should give you two weeks' notice and severance pay. Also they should have to find you a temp.

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 17

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