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RE: Sex or no? - 3/4/2005 8:07:15 AM

nightmans

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my self some time's i due some time's i don't but all matter on how i'am treadted

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Post #: 21

RE: Sex or no? - 3/4/2005 8:45:59 AM

onceburned

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quote:

So my question is this to the subs... is this true? Do you not have a desire to serve sexually? Am I totally off base by wanting a sub who can act vanilla in the real world but when we're alone will submit to me both emotionally and sexually?

It is very reasonable to expect your sub/slave to act vanilla in the vanilla world.

But since sex is a potentially life-threatening activity, it could be that the person who declined submissive sex may simply dislike edge play.

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RE: Sex or no? - 3/4/2005 1:25:00 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned
But since sex is a potentially life-threatening activity, it could be that the person who declined submissive sex may simply dislike edge play.

I was going to say, boy I'm coming to beat yah, you've got to be kidding!
Than I saw the tongue hanging out, making fun, LOL. M

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RE: Sex or no? - 3/4/2005 6:00:06 PM

onceburned

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quote:

I was going to say, boy I'm coming to beat yah

Well darn! I should have left that that smiley out.

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Post #: 24

RE: Sex or no? - 3/5/2005 4:23:01 PM

numpty

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In my experience, I have never heard of this, ever! The reason that W/we all (well, nearly all) enjoy BDSM is, by it's very nature, sexual.

In ALL of the BDSM scenes I have taken part in sex has played a fundamental part as:

1: A reward for the sub.
2: A punishment for the sub.
3: A temptation the sub is told to abstain from and punished for taking part in.
4: A humiliation or degradation to test the subs obedience.
5-100: Etc, etc, etc.

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Post #: 25

RE: Sex or no? - 3/5/2005 4:38:24 PM

WulfMan

Posts: 115
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewDommeinFl

Ok, so I was just 'informed' by a slave that most subs/slaves aren't looking to bring their submission into the bedroom, that they aren't into this lifestyle sexually... that Me wanting a boy to play with in the bedroom is an unrealstic want and that I "just want a boyfriend to boss around". *becuause of my job my lifestyle has to stay on the down down low*

So my question is this to the subs... is this true? Do you not have a desire to serve sexually? Am I totally off base by wanting a sub who can act vanilla in the real world but when we're alone will submit to me both emotionally and sexually?

I'm pretty perplexed by this. I admit I am VERY new and still learning, but when he said that I was just FLOORED... not into sex? How is that possible?

Any and all responses would be appreciated.

*New Domme*

Well, I suppose it depends who you are. For me, of course I serve sexually. I honestly don't think that there isn't a point were my submission doesn't have sexual base to it. Even having a hard on would be considered sexual. Sexuality goes on all the time, when you say hello to a pretty face walking down the street, that has some sexual component to it as well. So in my opionin it has to be sexual.

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Post #: 26

RE: Sex or no? - 3/5/2005 6:35:42 PM

wetrope

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Joined: 8/9/2004
From: GATINEAU, PQ
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Well i guess im the minority but my play with subbie was never sexual, as in vaginal penetration. But then again was only with her for 3+ years so maybe in time. Never did we start with the sexual side, it was a bdsm purist if u like, we did almost everything in the areana, even controlled her touching her playing her cuming, but what can i say im a control nut. We have had a great time tho.

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RE: Sex or no? - 3/5/2005 8:01:00 PM

newflowers

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It is funny when one person makes blanket sttements and sweeping generalizations for the entire group. i am certain that there are some submissives who do not wish to be sexually involved with a dominant partner - i don't understand it, but i am sure there are.

For myself - i want everything - i want the sex, i want the authority and power and control, i want to go to the bookstore and to musems, i want to have Sunday dinner and go dancing and to the theatre, i want to do our laundry, i want to sleep next to him at night,i want spankings, and yes indeed, i want sex - i want an entire relationship the satisfies the needs of both of us.

newflowers

< Message edited by newflowers -- 3/5/2005 8:03:11 PM >

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RE: Sex or no? - 3/8/2005 4:56:41 PM

softysub

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I never had sex in the BDSM lifestyle cause for me BDSM isnt about sex. I am more a mind person.

softysub

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Post #: 29

RE: Sex or no? - 3/8/2005 6:37:20 PM

gretchen

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From: Santiago, Chile
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It´s hard for me to believe that in this world there´s more submissives willing to serve emotionally than sexually.

Probably this happens because they already have a sexual/emotional life outside BDSM and would like to keep it that way. But they also need that spicy taste of BDSM in their daily living where sex is not involved. That´s my humble opinion.

Personally, I could never live without mixing sex and emotions. It´s just so much more fun like that!

gretchen

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RE: Sex or no? - 3/9/2005 12:06:46 AM

ravenna

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Well, i'm with you, gretchen and newflowers and all the rest of us on the pro-sex side, 'cause i just don't know what a sex slave is really good for if not sex. That's what i'm good for. i serve my owners in a thousand other ways too, love and adoration and entertainment and amusement and obedience and looking decorative and doing laundry and giving foot rubs, etc., but my master Michelangelo says that if i suddenly became somehow permanently unfuckable (God forbid), he'd consider trading me for a Labrador retriever; i quote, "same hair color, less maintenance, easier to train. And not such a picky eater."

But i guess i will just have to bite my tongue. I will try to stop being amazed that there seem to be people in the BDSM world who feel differently about all this than my owners and i do in our little corner of the world. I guess we really do live on our own little planet. So if you want to own a filly just because she looks pretty in her stable or she pulls a nice plow, and you're never even tempted to climb on her back and give her the spurs and make her stretch her legs for all she's worth, and she's perfectly happy just to feel the reins on her neck and never ever carry a rider and feel his weight -- well, she's your horse, sir.

And now that we're not amazed by anything anymore, my owners and i will be out in the backyard playing with the talking dogs and the flying pigs. And maybe they'll take their lucky pony out for a little ride in the moonlight...

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Post #: 31

RE: Sex or no? - 3/9/2005 3:52:26 AM

softysub

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What i had satisfied me :)... i rather have someone taking care of me than to have sex. An mind orgasm is more fun for me and its safe sex

To each their own.........something like that.

softysub

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Post #: 32

RE: Sex or no? - 3/9/2005 6:42:20 AM

Dave8544

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I think where each person is different and his or her desires lead them down different paths, I believe sex is a big part of the lifestyle, most subs claim it's not sexual to them, trying to win favor with the dominate ones. So many profiles say No sex ever! when most things scream the opposite. Strap ons, nipple torture, forced bi, cross dressing,cream pie clean up, you get the point. It's like we are so afraid of being called prostitutes. The life style raises anough eyebrows as it is. Being submissive if I could not be of service to a Domme sexually as well as in all other ways I know we could never click together. My opinion Dave

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RE: Sex or no? - 3/15/2005 3:05:06 PM

littleone35

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When my Master was alove i served hin in evey way, Emotionally , mentally ans physically. My greatest pleasure was pleasing him sexually. Even though any way i pleased made me happy

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RE: Sex or no? - 3/15/2005 3:43:45 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
This self styled slave who informed you that you were wrong isn't a slave, btw. A slave knows that they do as they are told. This guy seems to have sex as a hard limit.
*grins* This is sort of like burger king.. have it YOUR way. :-)

Decided to say, hell yeah there will be sex!

Just because this thread was brought back up. M

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Post #: 35

RE: Sex or no? - 3/15/2005 7:29:50 PM

squirrelly

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i'm more vanilla in everyday life... but in the bedroom is where i like my D/s.
i am however naturally submissive in my relationships... i tend to let the other party dominate.

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RE: Sex or no? - 3/15/2005 8:25:57 PM

othiym

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

You feel that having sex with a man lessens his respect for you?? You've been with the wrong men!

I think St. Thomas Aquinas argued that once the physical boundaries have been breached--love becomes much less spiritual--and since beauty is the only spiritual entity that W/we ever see; once there's an tangible attachment to it--the worship becomes tainted. All I'm saying is, I understand why one might choose to separate the two, so as to keep the mental love heightened...I mean, how seriously could we take a deity that we could go up to and "hug" every day? I hope that made any sense at all..my apologies..

< Message edited by othiym -- 3/15/2005 8:27:38 PM >

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RE: Sex or no? - 3/15/2005 8:55:00 PM

onceburned

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quote:

I understand why one might choose to separate the two, so as to keep the mental love heightened...I mean, how seriously could we take a deity that we could go up to and "hug" every day?

It makes perfect sense! I don't think it works for me, but that doesn't lessen its value for you.

We seem to be crossing over into the spiritual dimension of D/s. Could it be that some worshippers like to feel the gulf between man and God(dess), while others seek an ecstatic union with the divine?

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Post #: 38

RE: Sex or no? - 3/15/2005 9:25:34 PM

cynthiamarie

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quote:

I understand why one might choose to separate the two, so as to keep the mental love heightened...I mean, how seriously could we take a deity that we could go up to and "hug" every day?

Wow!

i think i understand that...years ago when i fell into "love from afar" things, it took me over 4 years to shake it off. However, when i fell for somebody and went to bed with him, i often found out my idol had feet of clay...and then the magic was gone.

Submitting gives me an anchor, security, peace...but i'm learning that obedience can be very arousing, LOL. In vanilla life, i was never able to say no to sex when my partner wanted it...and even though i've never had an orgasm with a partner, taking care of his needs filled up a lot of my empty spaces.

< Message edited by cynthiamarie -- 3/15/2005 9:26:55 PM >

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Post #: 39

RE: Sex or no? - 3/15/2005 9:45:48 PM

othiym

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Well, in this case--it just seems to be a difference between servitude and worship...and not to generalize, but it seems as though male Dominants tend to seek servitude--not to say that there's not an element of worship; but it seems to be more appropriately called admiration...which may not be lessened by a physical relationship--because what is key in this situation is that the Dom's needs are being met. On the other hand, it seems very common for male submissives/slaves to be searching for something idyllic. In this case, the entirety of the concept is based upon the transcendence/ascendancy(etc.) of their Goddess...

As an aside--I'm only arguing as devil's advocate...sex is necessary fur mich