Written Permission

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Dnomyar -> Written Permission (11/29/2006 4:33:58 AM)
Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think?

Kalira -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 4:47:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think? Hmm, well, Master gave me the go ahead very early on in our relationship to talk to anyone that I wanted. His saying go ahead though came about because I asked him about it. In addition to this, he never asks me for copies of my conversations; though I make it clear to anyone I talk to that I always offer him the copies. Sometimes he takes them, sometimes he does not. Being ordered to though; I might have reacted differently than I did with the way that Master approached it. Hard to tell.

SamKeithsslave -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 4:51:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think? I assume you are saying this sub is owned? And she is saying she has got permission from her Dom in writing to be able to talk and/or play with other Doms? Extreme? Well maybe not. If she is a 24/7 slave then it wouldnt be that uncommon (I wouldnt have thought) for her to *need* it in writing. It might also be a case of some sort of BDSM pre-nup thing? As for what I think, well its not for me, but as you say if its their thing so be it.

Fitznicely -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 4:53:18 AM)
Pretty much what you said, Dnomyar, it's their thing. My girl has oral and understood permission to do things. I did toy with the idea of giving her written instructions for when I'm out of the house, but haven't actually done it yet. Sure, there's a place for it if that's what lights their fire.

LW3 -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 5:03:34 AM)
having to ask for permision is one thing buty needing writen permision is excesive. at least that's what I think. and yes. my slave has permision to talk to other people (being an online slave it will be really hard for her if she wasn't)

blushingflower -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 5:41:37 AM)
It may be that it excites her to be able to actually look at the physical list and read what she is and isn't allowed to do. It may be that they've found that be actually writing down what she has permission to do, there can be no later argument or misunderstanding or misremembering about what the rules were. It may be that she has written permission so that she can show it to anyone who doubts that she is, in fact, following her rules. It may seem a touch excessive to you, but I can see any number of practical reasons for wanting things in writing, and I also can see how it would be arousing for a sub to be able to look at that when she's missing her Dom.

thetammyjo -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 5:58:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think? I think that having anything written can help clarify what is and is not allowed plus it takes time to write which hopefully means you've thought a bit more about it. It helps the memory as well especially if you are in a relationship with many rules or rituals or simply one that has changed quite a bit over time as trust is earned.

Voltare -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 6:27:14 AM)
You know, compared to some of the more bizzare aspects of kink related lifestyles, I don't find the 'written permission' kink particularly strange. To me, infantilism, diaper play, brown showers, and fart domination - scoring 10 out of 10 on the 'strange' scale, I see written permission sitting more around a 4. It would seem that for this couple, the focus is more on ritualistic, 'by the book' interaction. More than a few people in the lifestyle are anal rententive, and prefer to have everything spelled out in black and white - that craving for strict rules, with clear punishments is exactly what appeals to some.

gypsygrl -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 6:56:25 AM)
I was involved in a relationship with a Dominant and, looking back, there's a lot of things I wish I had gotten in writing because he'd give me permission to do things then get upset when I did them. So, personally, I can see the logic to it. And, I have heard of subs having their Dominants written permission to play with other Dominants.

LW3 -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 7:00:21 AM)
ok. now I understand it better. thanks for explaining me. I still find excesive to require written permision but now I understand it can be useful.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 7:12:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think? I find it pointless and overly complicated and the sign of someone whose life is great majority spent online- it's just completely impractical and unnecessary offline. But a lot of subs get off on feeling protected and happy that they don't have the "burden of telling someone no." As long as everyone's open and polite about it, then there's no real issue.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 7:24:41 AM)
What's one person's need is excessive to another, and so on. How many times have I heard that my Master was an over-extreme micro manager (in the most insulting ways, too)....stated by people who had no clue who I was, what my ghosts were, or what was best for me. Such instructions might be considered unnecessary for me now, but when he first found me, they were quite necessary (not necessarily the instructions you mentioned in your OP, but those I had which others thought "extreme".} I'm not sure why written instructions seem extreme, yet written contracts are not. Whatever works for a situation is what woks for the situation, for those involved. Suggesting that people shoot themselves over instructions is a bit extreme in my opinion, however!

nortons -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 7:28:59 AM)
"there can be no later argument or misunderstanding or misremembering about what the rules were. " That's true. On a first date it may be a little tacky but I have found that writing something down clarifys my thinking. We all hope for the perfect partner who will understand us and have a perfect concept of who and what we are. Not happening. Writing down our thoughts makes it clear to both of us what we mean. Swiped from the humor forum. "Consent" http://www.glumbert.com/media/consent Snort! George

CreativeDominant -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 7:37:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think? I think it depends on the context of the relationship. I can honestly say that I wish there had been specific things written down by me and agreed to with her signature in my last relationship. I am not sure that it would have made one whit of difference but there is something to be said for someone being able to go back and look at what they've agreed to and not agreed to and see in what areas they excelled..............and in what areas they fell short.

Dnomyar -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 7:44:37 AM)
But if you wished that they had written it down what difference would that have made. Would you have shown it to them and made a big deal out of it. Would you have shown it to them and discussed it. If your relationship has gone bad enought for you to part then all the writing in the world isnt going to save it. We sign a Marriage Liscense and still get divorced.

MisPandora -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 7:48:27 AM)
If I'm going to be involved in some way with an owned or otherwise obligated submissive (either they have an owner, a mentor, or are vanilla committed/married), I require interaction with the other partner. If it's a D/s thing, the dominant and I are having at least an email conversation (and I don't play with occupied submissives unless engaged with on the part of the dominant anyhow, so that's requisite....) If it's a 'nilla partner, I've had coffee, lunch and dinner meetings with girlfriends and a wife to discuss the ins and outs of the negotiation (and have gained two really nice friends over it.) I don't think having it in writing is excessive, as I don't take the submissive's word for it. However, if it's going to be in writing, I want it directly from the top/parnter and not forwarded. It's my anal retentive nature.... But, the bottom line is that unless you're directly involved with either party, it's none of your business what they do in their relationship, so who really cares what they do.....smoke signals, writing it in the sand or sky, or tattooing permission on their asses. Whatever floats their boat.

Dnomyar -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 7:56:47 AM)
The question was'nt posted with the intention of getting into anybodys busniess. It is to gather different points of view and learn from them. I think thats what most post on here are for and about.

MisPandora -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 8:32:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar The question was'nt posted with the intention of getting into anybodys busniess. It is to gather different points of view and learn from them. I think thats what most post on here are for and about. Your question really had no context, so it was hard to figure out why (or even what) you were asking. My "who cares anyway" reply was in response to the feeling like you were indirectly asking us to judge this individual's situation. But then again, I'm like that with alot of "I heard of this person that did this...." sort of posts. If it flipped your skirt up, well, by all means, go for it. If it didn't, shrug your shoulders and roll on with life. It's far too short to waste time hashing it out with strangers. Oh shit, that's what we're doing here, isn't it? LOL

KatyLied -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 8:41:05 AM)
I think it's *silly*. Some people require a high level of oversight and she seems to have found someone to offer it to her. To each their own.

Dnomyar -> RE: Written Permission (11/29/2006 8:45:53 AM)
Seems most peole understood what I was asking. I suppose I should post a question asking how can you post something without someone getting nitpicky about it. Should only English majors be allowed to post questions. I try to keep my post simple and short. Mabey I asumed wrong when I thought this was an open form for everyone.

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