RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes

RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (Full Version)

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LotusSong -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (11/30/2006 6:39:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen Oh no! Dont start the whole "men belong in stables" thing again. There will be hissifits I tell ya! E Well, there are stables and there are "stables" (I have no idea what that means.. maybe some are better than others. I have mine air coditioned with piza delivery)

thetammyjo -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (11/30/2006 6:59:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong Sorry TJ.. I tried to reword it..but I just can't pose the question any better than I have. Maybe someone else can.....E? Probably the first sentence confused everybody. I think I was just thinking as I typed and actually the specific question posed was what I wanted to ask. The first sentence is more along the line of :" Have you ever been in awe of your slave" like a submissive is of their master? In awe? Well, Fox is a great artist so in a since I'm in awe of his artistic abilities. Seeing him drawing can actually be a turn-on too. He's very sexy and has learned my body and mind very well. I might be in awe of the fact that he knows almost exactly what to do and what to say to get me to orgasm every time, multiple times -- no other partner I've had, not even my husband, can do that so consistantly. I never specifically directed him step by step in what to do -- couldn't because what works one day may not be the same the next. He just pays very close attention to how I look, sound, move, everything.

peterK50 -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (11/30/2006 7:01:53 AM)
While clearly I am not a Mistress, I believe it's all about energy. Sometimes energy flows from Dom/me to slave, sometimes from slave to Dom/me, & sometimes it's in equilibrium where both parties are in balance. What happens then is natural, the rest is just a label.

LotusSong -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (11/30/2006 7:04:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo He's very sexy and has learned my body and mind very well. I might be in awe of the fact that he knows almost exactly what to do and what to say to get me to orgasm every time, multiple times -- no other partner I've had, not even my husband, can do that so consistantly. I never specifically directed him step by step in what to do -- couldn't because what works one day may not be the same the next. He just pays very close attention to how I look, sound, move, everything. And isn't that FANTASTIC!!! :) Ther is such a difference in a male that THINKS he knows what to do..and on that is williing to LEARN what to do. To paraphrase Professor Higgins "Good lord, I think he's got it!"

lateralist1 -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (11/30/2006 8:00:48 AM)
Ok so I think that we are all pretty much thinking along the same lines. I am the dominant one in the relationship. He is submissive. He wants to please me. So whatever I want him to do should be ok with him. But there are times when I just want him to please me in the way he wants to. That way I sometimes find out something else about what I like. Who says a Domme can't learn from her submissive what will make her feel good? If he can't keep helping me find something else out about myself then why did I chose him? That's what keeps relationships alive. I want to be in awe of him as a human being. I want to revel in the fact that he is mine. I want to wake up every morning with a smile on my face when I think about how good it is to own him. Knowing that he will only ever want me. Knowing that I do it for him completely. Romantic and idealistic possibly but then I am a woman. The fact that I have a lot of man in me doesn't negate that. I am not submissive. I am not ever going to switch. But I have a woman's instincts to nuture and care. And if it gives me joy to take him b'fast in bed I damn well will and I hope he feels like the luckiest man alive. If he doesn't then we are not right for one another. End of story end of relationship back to the drawing board. No code just plain speaking.

LotusSong -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (11/30/2006 8:36:44 AM)
Well said :) Edited to add: (now for the code readers: ... ._ .._ ..._ _ :)

Oumae -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (11/30/2006 9:01:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kc692 I am with the others, laying back and enjoying is not letting them take over, it bespeaks the fact you trained them well. Since I like my subs intelligent, I also expect them to be creative when given the chance. I don't see how that is giving in to an urge to submit because I have gotten off on theirs. The power is mine and will remain mine..so a pedicure with massage should be a given unless I am in a hurry and just need my nails done. I think I see what you are asking, but it (to me) means they are carrying out their duties, and I expect no less. I'm sure they enjoy it too, although that is not my first concern, but I do expect them after a time to be able to be creative and know in what directions I like and would approve of, and which ones I would not. edited to add: as far as your example of breast bondage because it drives them nuts,........NO, nothing at that time is done because it gets their rocks off, it's because it gets mine off. I'm with kc on this... I do not see it as a sub topping, I see it as a sub serving, pleasing, using their initiative and brains to ensure I am happy. If I had to direct every little move I would soon be bored, I like active not passive subs. I will show a sub how I like things but I also am prepared to hear suggestions or thoughts they may have, after all I have the final say. I don't see enjoying sex with a man as surrendering to them, any letting go I do is to my pleasure. Oumae

LotusSong -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (11/30/2006 9:08:19 AM)
To put it metaphorically.. sometimes you just need to let your dog run off the leash..

Oumae -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (11/30/2006 9:30:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong To put it metaphorically.. sometimes you just need to let your dog run off the leash.. I prefer to think of one of those long leashes I can let out or pull in tight as the mood grabs me. Oumae

kc692 -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (11/30/2006 6:21:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger quote: Can you explain it to us confused folk then Utopian? Well, to be blunt.... my take is that she'd like to feel boisterously informal masculinity run it's full course [;)] Ok, being in awe of her slave confused me even more..... - R

forluvofmaria -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (12/1/2006 9:14:18 AM)
I let go of My passion, his training to prove...tho' I might be inspired for something totally different and new directions be given....But always My pleasure....... M.

MzMia -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (2/2/2007 9:33:06 PM)
It's Friday Night, I decided to "dig up" an interesting older thread. [:D] IMHO, if I "decide" or "allow" my submissive to flip the script he is not topping. BECAUSE, he has my permission. I am not a switch nor do I seek a switch partner or relationship. That said, I often crave a 1-2 minute spanking, LOL. I am by NO means switching because THIS is what I want, and I will tell him exactly how to do it. There is a big difference from a submissive topping from the bottom, and "allowing" him to act a certain way, or do certain things, that YOU both agree on. In a serious or LTR we all enjoy taking a back seat. For example, I have just recovered from a cold. IF I had a submissive, he would have had to baby, pamper and take care of me. I would expect service, but I would hardly feel like playing any role except I don't feel well and damn it I am your adult baby now. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa [:D]

mons -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (2/4/2007 5:21:30 AM)
greetings i love the ideal of a new sub they are so sweet and eager i like then to be smart and funny but strong sub is the best to train i am speaking to one now he is so cute i mean cute. i do not want a switch or a dom i do like to speak with doms but i much better like a male sub i am very please with them i find my being a dominant make me more kinder it is my thoughts on power that does it oh i hope that made sense [&:] mons

TexasMaam -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (2/4/2007 10:34:08 AM)
I've allowed ONE sub to take the Dominant position, and only once. After that he became such an obnoxious and mean spirited SOB that I never made that mistake again. It might work for some, but for Me it muddied the waters and made what had been a very pleasant status quo a confused nightmare. Because of My training as an apprentice to a renowned Domme many years ago, I occasionally crave that Alpha Male touch. I don't identify as a switch, because it's not in Me to be submissive, but I do love pain. I have learned to seek it at the hands of an experienced Dom, a Master with incredible skill with a whip and a cane, a Dom who treats Me as his equal and is honored by the fact that I will submit to him. He NEVER crosses the line to humiliate, subordinate, or insult Me in any way. He understands that My masochistic need for pain is deep rooted and complex; he never bids that I serve him in any way or has any expectations of Me to become submissive or subservient to him. Our relationship is one of mutual respect and understanding. I only seek him out a few times a year, and I'm always happy when I do. If you're having thoughts of submitting to someone, My recommendation would be to find a Dominant Male friend and mentor outside your relationship with your sub...One who can meet those needs or satisfy those curiosities without smudging the lines that have established your Dominance with your submissive. Just MHO. Good luck to you. TexasMaam

bignipples2share -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (2/4/2007 10:06:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong So, the question is; While the attitude of sumission is still there as well as the knowledge that he knows you are still in charge, are there times you give your submissive free reign within your boundaries to do to you what he knows/what you taught him? Yes! His whole being/reasoning/need is about pleasing and no matter the act, whatever anybody else wants to call it, is done within my boundaries, to make me happy. ~Big

Mustardseed -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (2/5/2007 11:03:13 PM)
I would guess that allowing a submissive to take the reigns every so often would be similar to a couple of different scenarios: Someone deciding to take charge of their partner after a hard day. Greeting their loved one at the door, getting their coat off, getting them seated and warm and cozy, bringing them their favorite drink while their favorite dinner finishing cooking or cooling, along with their medication. Making sure that said dinner was appropriate for any dietary restrictions our target person was on, and giving our target a look if they tried to bypass their health, offering a foot rub and/or pedicure, guiding our target person to bed over protests that they have to check their work mail or somesuch, pleasuring our target if said person is up for it, tucking them in and then sneaking back downstairs to clean up. Giving oral sex. The active partner is often considered to be the submissive one, pleasuring the receiving partner. However, the active partner is in charge of the recipient's pleasure, comfort and -- let's face it -- safety. Putting one's genitals near somebody else's teeth gives that person a great deal of responsibility. There are active partners who do whatever they want, bite and shift the receiving partner around when the active partner feels like it. Hopefully these people don't get laid too often. It's the people who realize the trust that's been put in them and do their damnedest to live up to the responsibility, to customize what they're doing based on what they know about their partner -- even if they're trying something knew, who are my main concern here. I understand that the original poster wasn't talking about sex, but it's a good analogy -- servicing someone doesn't have to be exactly the same as even service topping them, but it does run a parallel. The big difference is attitude.

twicehappy -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (2/6/2007 4:13:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong We should also address just how lucky the male subs are. I don't think the Dominant males understand that a successful Domme/submissive realtionship gives the submissive male pretty much what the Dom is knocking his brains out trying to get his sub fems to do. I think perhaps you have not been privy to many male Dom/female sub or slave relationships. It is quite common for a dom to allow his female sub/slave to "take over" and just please him without any direction or orders. Scooter will lay back and say "i feel like just laying here and being slutty" which tells me woohoo i get to do what ever i like within the guidelines of what pleases him. This is not topping from the bottom, i am pleasing him at his command, he can stop anything or anytime he wishes. It only means i get to have fun! Naturally as he is relaxed and enjoying whatever i am doing he is having fun too. For us this does not include any BDSM activities but i know of a few that it does.

SCDommie -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (2/6/2007 6:12:01 AM)
To each their own. If you want to let go for a bit, and let your sub take over via it be financial responsibilities or some area that is giving you stress, then do it. Heck with what others think. It is all about me when your are Domme. SCD

PsyVamp -> RE: The Secret Lives of Dommes (2/6/2007 9:07:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia It's Friday Night, I decided to "dig up" an interesting older thread. [:D] IMHO, if I "decide" or "allow" my submissive to flip the script he is not topping. BECAUSE, he has my permission. I am not a switch nor do I seek a switch partner or relationship. That said, I often crave a 1-2 minute spanking, LOL. I am by NO means switching because THIS is what I want, and I will tell him exactly how to do it. There is a big difference from a submissive topping from the bottom, and "allowing" him to act a certain way, or do certain things, that YOU both agree on. Ahhh, an oldie but a goodie... MzMia (with respect to the OP of months ago) When my sub and I are in "his" element, he still looks to me for direction. I usually respond by telling him "lead on....because it pleases (or amuses) me greatly". At this he gets the "good puppy" look on his face and the smile breaks out. Sometimes, I like a little pain and I'll ask him to bite me on the shoulder or something of that nature. He will do as I ask but he will never "take over" and do things like that without my asking first.

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