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Who's responsible, part 3 (last part) - 11/29/2006 5:34:09 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If ya'll haven't guesses by now, I'm using you all as guinea pigs for a 3 part discussion topic for my MAsT Chapter. You've been very helpful!

So, we've talked about creating and maintaining the relationship dynamic and who is responsible for each. Now, at what point do we decide the faltering has become a deal breaker and what do we do about it?

Master Fire


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RE: Who's responsible, part 3 (last part) - 11/29/2006 5:39:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For me the point is when I no longer care.  When I no longer see a light and care to find a light, when I find myself more fulfilled in my life without them. 

Typically I just let it go and drift away.  Not always the best approach, but I really suck at break ups.

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RE: Who's responsible, part 3 (last part) - 11/29/2006 5:56:10 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		I think LA has a pretty good answer to this one that fits in with my ideas.

As for what to do, either let it die (by walking, running or ignoring it as applicable) or if a complete optimist try renegotiate the whole deal from scratch, unfortunately I'm a cynical, sceptical pessimist so its likely a fresh start wouldnt appeal to me.

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RE: Who's responsible, part 3 (last part) - 11/29/2006 6:08:31 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		yeah i'm kind of with LA on this.  when i no longer care.  Or when i realise its absolutetly useless to care.. and then i stop caring.  Sometimes i let the relationship go to help me stop caring..

and generally when i dont care.. i dont care.... so i'll either just stop talking to them or give it to them the cold hard way.

Edit to add - i find that a good heads up that the relationship is not worth caring about is when the other party refuses to "try".  If they arent making some sort of an effort to remedy things.. then there really is no point.  On that same token, if i am past my endurance level - and they are trying to make things work.. i like to see things through to the end.  I have issues with giving up on a relationship with somebody i love who is honestly trying to make things work.  Granted i dont fall in love often so its kind of a mute point.  And if i'm not inlove with the guy - the relationship ends when i stop caring.. no matter what they are trying to work out. 

if i make any sense


< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 11/29/2006 6:12:59 PM >

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RE: Who's responsible, part 3 (last part) - 11/29/2006 6:20:41 PM   
MercilessMarcy


Posts: 80
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline 		When emotional distancing occurs.  For me, usually as a result of breaking their word or failing to engage with me. (can be a result of depression so I've usually tried to get them to help before bailing)  Relationships don't just falter.  Someone has committed a crime against the relationship for it hurt enough to dis-engage from them.

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RE: Who's responsible, part 3 (last part) - 11/29/2006 6:30:02 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Now, at what point do we decide the faltering has become a deal breaker and what do we do about it?




If we cry more than laugh, are sad more often then we are happy, if we feel numb, cold or uncaring to one another, if there are more fights than moments of contentment .. if leaving makes more sense for us than staying or if the fear of staying is more than the fear of leaving .. if all the communication has stopped and there is no way to take another step together .. then it's time to go.

I don't see that happening with us, but then my crystal ball is still in the shop so there are no promises that it won't happen.. and if it does, I'll deal and so will he.

Celeste

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RE: Who's responsible, part 3 (last part) - 11/29/2006 6:30:11 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		When I couldn't handle it anymore.  I still might care, but that is irrelavant when things do not look like it will ever settle.  And assurances become hollow after constant disappointment.
It is never easy to end it.  But I do end things rather than let them linger a painful death.  It helps me keep a part of the friendship we might have developed over the years. 
I don't believe it helps anyone to allow their partner to live in hope when you know there is none.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Who's responsible, part 3 (last part) - 11/29/2006 7:38:39 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Have to go with the general concensus...you will always know when enough is enough and you see your self happier without than with...Tempting

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