Needing your Help (Full Version)

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alongrider -> Needing your Help (11/30/2006 9:19:55 AM)

I wish to know why it is that I am not getting any responce from all that subs that I write to.Is it my breath?lol.



BitaTruble -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 9:36:20 AM)

Well, there's really nothing about what you want or want you seek in your profile, so that means you need an excellent approach in your introductory email and without knowing how you approach someone, I'm afraid it's not going to be possible to answer your question. I dare say, based strictly on your profile, many women will just trash any email received without even reading it much less responding to it. The profile talks about sex and kink, but doesn't say a word about dominance and submission which is what a large portion of submissives are looking for here. If you would be open to suggestions, I'd be happy to elaborate, but I've learned my lessons about offering information for those who really don't want to know.

Obviously, something needs to change if you want responses. Since the submissives aren't going to be any different, the change will have to come from your approach and/or your profile.

If you want, feel free to send me a typical email that you would send to a submissive, or better yet just post it here and you can get diverse feedback on it.. but only do that if you have a thick skin and are prepared for brutal honesty.

That was a fair enough warning I think. ::grins::

Celeste



RedSavageSlave -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 9:41:31 AM)

dammit Bita.. your not supposed to warn them ahead of time..

it takes all the fun out of it...<wink>

Seriously though... if you want advice..many will give it freely..just be sure you want the answers to your question. We get tired of those who argue with the advice they asked for.



BitaTruble -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 9:48:45 AM)

I couldn't help it, Red.. he's a teddybear and I just love them things.. besides, he's actually got a sense of humor, so he's got a fair chance. [;)]

::adjusts rose colored glasses:: Just because advice has never been appreciated before doesn't mean it won't happen this time! [sm=biggrin.gif]




juliaoceania -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 9:59:30 AM)

I do not know the women you have been attempting contact. Without knowing that it would be hard to determine why none of them respond back. There are women that may not be attracted to your lifestyle, hair type and beard. Is the type of woman you seek the type that would enjoy the biker thing?

I remember other posts from you, and I remember you prefer a small lady, petite. Nothing wrong with having preferences, but the longer the laundry list, the less people that will fit within the frame work that you have set up. It takes a long time to find that fit, the more picky you are, the longer it will take. I will say that it is hard enough to find kink friendly submissives locally, without all the baggage of trying to make sure they are a certain weight and height. There are about 3 individuals in my local area that are even close to the ballpark of my laundry list, and I was not attracted to any of their profiles... one was a biker. I am not attracted to bikers, I am an academic personality. Perhaps the women you contact are the same as me? Perhaps you are attracted to their stats of weight and height, but they are completely different from you?

I have a hard time believing that if you contacted women that love bikers, are into that lifestyle, love the hair and beard thing.. and you sent them a sincere email they would ignore you. I think that you need to redefine what women you contact and that will boost the responses you get, and perhaps weight should not be on the top of the list when you seek... most women in your age group have a few extra pounds... just the way it is.



mistoferin -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 10:22:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I am not attracted to bikers, I am an academic personality. Perhaps the women you contact are the same as me? Perhaps you are attracted to their stats of weight and height, but they are completely different from you?


julia,
Surely you don't think it impossible to be a biker or be someone who is attracted to bikers AND be an academic personality?

To the OP...there are threads on these boards every week from people of all orientations complaining about the lack of responses....so you are not alone in the boat.  There are some things that you can do, such as re-working your profile as has been suggested. Without knowing the basic gist of your initial contact emails, it is hard to make commentary on possible mistakes or ways to improve.



diamonddreamlove -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 10:29:20 AM)

Had to answer.  Love biker types, love the hair and beard.  And other than i already have a Dom would love meeting someone like you, however i don't fit the physical criteria so even if i were free i would not have approached you.  That said lets take a look at the profile.  I liked what you said just need more information.  Like what bdsm activities do you enjoy, what are your feelings about submission.  There are tons of things you can add to it to attract more interest.  Would suggest that you reevaluate your physical wants and needs especially if you are interested in a ltr.  Bodies change a whole lot more with time than does the interal spirit/personality.  If you are interested in staying mostly with specific physical characteristics the narrow search may take longer but perhaps you will find who you seek.  Hoping my comments do not offend.  Good luck with your search.

diamond



juliaoceania -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 10:47:03 AM)

quote:

julia,
Surely you don't think it impossible to be a biker or be someone who is attracted to bikers AND be an academic personality?




It is absolutely possible, but I have not seen that many professors that look like bikers on a day to day basis.. they are out there though to be sure. Personally I like a clean cut man. I like shorter cropped hair, clean shaven, that is just  my honest preference. Even a pocket protector is acceptable...smiles. You know, the computer geek book worm type that has read LOTRs half a dozen times and plays D&D? A lot of people like to ride bikes that do not look like bikers, the OPer is not one of them, I think we can agree on that much? A lot of women like business professional looking type men....

...Or my personal preference, jeans or slacks with casual shirt, and diesel fuel in all over him when he gets home...Oh yeah, I like Vans colored on by unmentionables that he taught self defense to, that is an ever popular look and extremely sexy! He is a blue collar worker, but he is typical of what I like, short cropped hair and clean shaven... that was my point to the OP, not every female has the same taste, and the ones he is contacting may not be into his lifestyle.

A lot of men do not like my type, no harm no foul.. right?



KatyLied -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 10:55:03 AM)

quote:

Even a pocket protector is acceptable..


I like what you like.  Sans the pocket protector.
[&:].



lateralist1 -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 11:48:02 AM)

Don't know but if you were sub then who knows lol. I adore bikes.



littleone35 -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 2:03:36 PM)

I think you need to put more in your profile it really tell the reader  nothing beyond the fact you like kinky sex.  Some people like to know more before they respond.

Matt's littleone



gemy -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 2:54:47 PM)

i agree with all that's been said, except that, if You don't really want to put a lot more into Your profile, then Your email should be a lil more detailed about bdsm interests, what You hope to find, who You are, etc.

*WEG, personally LOVE the biker look, hair, body type, the whole 9 yards ,,,,, but Your profile is a lil thin if You wrote me a one-liner email ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



gentlethistle -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 2:58:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Surely you don't think it impossible to be a biker...AND be an academic personality?

As Exhibit A, I cite the late Dr Harris, who was about as biker as they come, but also had a philosophy PhD, having written his thesis on biker subculture.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/792560.stm


quote:

ORIGINAL: alongrider

I wish to know why it is that I am not getting any responce from all that subs that I write to.Is it my breath?lol.

Maybe the online equivalents of bad breath, BO and farting are bad spelling, poor (or missing or quirky) punctuation and bad grammar.  In all seriousness, when I received approach messages that smelled similar to the above quote, they tended not to be top of my list to answer.  I'm not saying that I would never correspond with anyone who made the odd slip with personal textual hygiene, or someone who had specific difficulties with writing or even unusual characteristics in their written communication. But the point is that they would have to communicate their personality to me through all of those things.  And plenty of people do that extremely effectively.  But I agree with others who mentioned that the OP's profile seems quite sketchy and generalised.  Something, anything specific, for a respondent to latch onto might encourage replies...but perhaps you're already doing this in the approach email rather than the profile.

Laura



slavejali -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 3:20:36 PM)

alongrider..is yr email working? No responses at all seems...odd. I don't see anything wrong with your profile. Personally I don't like reading long drawn out things, what you said is concise and to the point. If I was interested and wanted to know more I would rather do it via email, phone or chat, more instant and spontaneous type of way.



SamKeithsslave -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 3:25:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alongrider

I wish to know why it is that I am not getting any responce from all that subs that I write to.Is it my breath?lol.


Hmmm........... lol, what are you saying to them? FWIW I have noticed some clitches n the system here occasionally, it could be theyhave replied and you havent gotten their responses?



BeautifulRacket -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 3:32:15 PM)

You also need to make sure you're giving them something to reply to/talk about.  I get a ton of responses to the effect of, "I like your profile. Care to talk sometime?" or "Take a look at my profile and let me know if you're interested," or "I'm looking for someone like you." Combined with a thin profile, there's nothing much for me to respond with.

So, I'd suggest asking a question in each communication; be sure it's something that stimulates conversation, rather than a quick, yes/no answer. Show that you're interested in getting to know each other as people, and be sure to give info about yourself so they can see whether or not you're a good match for them, too.

FWIW, I ALWAYS look at profiles before responding. If a person doesn't have much in there, I generally get the impression that they're not terribly serious about finding a good match, and don't put a ton of stock into communicating with them until they've shown me otherwise. Perhaps that's shallow, but I don't have enough time to waste on those who aren't serious about taking this to real life.

Good luck!



Quivver -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 5:15:05 PM)

I would reply, but to be honest it would be to say no thank you.......
All I see your profile talk about is kinky sex.  Kinky sex is tooo easy to find as it is. 
I sure dont want to begin a conversation with someone new and that the only topic to choose from.



sophia37 -> RE: Needing your Help (11/30/2006 6:37:58 PM)

Whew! You look exactly like my husband. Freaky. The next obvious question is,..are you my husband? But the answer would be, no hubby cut the hair short a ways back. Too bad. You're very nice looking! lololol Sorry. Couldnt resist. xo 



alongrider -> RE: Needing your Help (12/1/2006 7:19:13 AM)

RedSavageSlave,

I understand what you say.I AM prepared for the brutal truth and do not argue with advice given.It is just that advice and opinions,And we all know about opinions don't we?lol



alongrider -> RE: Needing your Help (12/1/2006 7:44:14 AM)

juliaoceania,

Thanks for the advice.I will say that I have removed the pix of the bikes,they where just there to show one of my hobbies.I guess some would say I am a biker but I do not consider myself to be just that.I am very multi-faceted and eclectic,I enjoy theater,comedy clubs,rock-n-roll concerts,classical music,travel,good dramatic moves,movies that some might call chick flicks( never understood that one)a good movie is a good movie.I think guys who use that term have issues with their masculinity,lol.Ridiing and building old motorcycles is just one part of my life.I DO ride bikes and yet I am college educated(Duke University),articulate,intelligent,and have friends that are University professors.I am not sure if you can make a correlation between all bikers and who they are as people.As for the long hair and beard,it's just my preference and not a statement of lifestyle.And to tell you the truth all my past gf's were never biker types at all.
I agree that the longer the laundry list the smaller the audiance,but this to me is the place to stae your preferences,is it not?So why not tell it like it is?Otherwise one will end up with the type of person that one is not really looking for in the first place,right?Correct me if I am wrong.And yes,I am picky,lol
I have also been told that I should not put down in my profile the I am sensitive and caring as that seems to make girls think I am not a strict Dom.That to me seems strange.I am not a hardcore Dom but I am a Dom and like my women to be submissive.I am not sure that the fact that I am sensitive and caring means that I can not be a Dominant.What do you think?



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