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What if? - 11/30/2006 9:42:12 AM   
missturbation


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Status: offline 		What if love isn't the act of finding what you are both missing, but the give-and-take that makes you both match?
Jodi Picoult - The tenth circle.
 
What do you think?
 
(I really need to stop reading and thinking lol)

< Message edited by missturbation -- 11/30/2006 9:46:37 AM >

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 9:50:49 AM   
LadyEllen


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Status: offline 		I think someone's in love.......!?

LTRs are all about internal, unvoiced compromise in my opinion. There is no one who fits so perfectly to another that no compromise is required from each party - and if there is then finding that one person is impossible anyway so it hardly counts.

I think the relationships that last longest are those where the level of mutual compromise is minimal/acceptable to each side for the benefits of the relationship. If the compromises are too much, or one sided, then the relationship fails.

As to finding what two people are missing, in one another - I'm not sure that would be enough, unless you mean that two people come together because they complement one another? Even then, there have to be accomodations, as exact fits are impossible/unlikely.

E

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 9:54:54 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Status: offline 		I certainly don't think that love is finding what you are missing.

I also don't think it's the give and take that makes us both match- though that certainly can be a part of a loving relationship, which is perhaps what she meant by "love" in that sentence.

It's more an experiencing of becoming who I am.

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 9:57:09 AM   
missturbation


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Status: offline 		I agree - all relationships include compromise of some kind - a little give and take.
I just wonder if its possible to take two people and throw them together and find by give and take they can work a relationship?
Normally a relationship is built on some mutal interest, attraction but i would be interested to see if you could put people together that would not have normally come together and build on it?
Does that make sense?

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Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 9:58:10 AM   
missturbation


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Status: offline 		I think someone's in love.......!?

Oh and  erm yes maybe.
This thought / thread isnt about them though lol.

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 9:58:30 AM   
LadyEllen


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Status: offline 		well, I guess we could look to the many succesful arranged marriages with regard to that.

E

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 9:59:11 AM   
missturbation


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Status: offline 		It's more an experiencing of becoming who I am.

Please could you explain that bit a litle bit more?

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Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 10:06:32 AM   
LotusSong


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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

What if love isn't the act of finding what you are both missing, but the give-and-take that makes you both match?
Jodi Picoult - The tenth circle.
 
What do you think?
 
(I really need to stop reading and thinking lol)


I have 33 years that attests to that :)

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 10:13:41 AM   
sleazy


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From: UK
Status: offline 		Whoa, I havent slept in 3 days and the caffiene works no more, and this seems a little heavy, so Im probably going to talk gibberish.

Personally I am not sure give and take alone is enough, I think there has to be some common ground. Arranged marriages were mentioned, imho thats a very big chunk of common cultural ground, that the parents know best and that to fail at the marriage is to fail your family (parents and offspring) and also to fail your spouse and his family. How many arranged spouses actually love each other I dont know, but they do have that common culture, background and belief system as a foundation that love can be built on.

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 12:27:29 PM   
lateralist1


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Status: offline 		I can be infatuated by somone really care about then want them with everything in me but if they don't feel the same then all I end up doing is pretending to be someone I'm not.
I think love grows out of a combination of infatuation, caring and common ground.
If you have that and then you compromise on the things you don't have in common and you keep thinking that one another are the bees knees. Then love grows and grows. But if one or both people stop feeling like that then slowly it fades away. Love needs to be tended constantly by both parties.

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 1:17:59 PM   
NorthernGent


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Status: offline 		Nice post, Lateralist. I agree.

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 1:24:47 PM   
seeksfemslave


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Status: offline 		I hear a lot of talk about adult A loving adult B and I often wonder what it really means. When people use the expression they seem to take it as read that all people understand the same thing by it.
I bet thats not true, in fact I'll go further ...I'm absolutely certain its not true and that why so many loving relationships either wither away or degenerate into bitterness and hostility.

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 1:37:10 PM   
spankmepink11


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Status: offline 		Great stuff Missturbation!  (  i don't use exclamtion points lightly )

I think that quote is dead on. Love starts out small, and as you mold yourself  or compromise...etc, to that person to fit one another, it should never stop growing.   Maybe the secret is doing it gently...gradually and continuosly.

< Message edited by spankmepink11 -- 11/30/2006 1:40:45 PM >

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 1:44:45 PM   
Bearlee


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Hmmmmmmm... why must one compromise themselves or mold to fit another?  Generally speaking, I celebrate the differences and rejoice in those things I find different, and incredible, and exciting in my partner and look forward to learning more; but not expecting change either within Him or myself.
beverly

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 1:55:49 PM   
wild1cfl


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Status: offline 		For my wife and I it is more than either of the things that you mention. It is companionship, it is the knowledge that this person is the one that will stand by my side until I die. It is knowing each others thoughts and not having to speak them. I guess that is what happens after 20 years of marriage. We also thought that we had found someone to be a part of this as well as our submissive, but it did not cometo be due to her need to start a new life elsewhere. My wife and I are still together and we are still in love with each other.


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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 1:59:56 PM   
SlaveAkasha


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Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I think that two people can come together that may not have the same interests and build something wonderful.
 
I don't think we can put conditions on love and say it couldn't happen if things aren't so-so.  It can happen when we least expect it from a source we never would have thought about before.  It can happen from a fluke, fate, whatever you want to call it.  It can't be defined and if we try to do that, I believe we take something away from it.  I am not sure why we always try to mash things into something that can be understood.  Why can't we just accept that some things are and just enjoy the magic and beauty in them?
 
I have a migraine, that might not have made any sense at all..sorry.
 
Kasha

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RE: What if? - 11/30/2006 2:37:02 PM   
spankmepink11


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Status: offline 		Beverly...maybe just poor wording on my part, sure there are always differences, I didn't mean to imply "change". If there were no differences, we'd all be straight lines and there'd be no curvature....no symmetry.

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RE: What if? - 12/1/2006 8:20:22 AM   
Bearlee


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pink,

I wasn't directing my comment to you specifically and really appreciated your comments about continual growth.  I like that part a lot and consider it one of the best parts of life.

It's just that a lot of folks use that word 'compromise'; I only think it works when deciding who's cooking and who's doing the dishes!  LOL

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RE: What if? - 12/1/2006 12:01:16 PM   
NeedToUseYou


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Status: offline 		Love is finding someone that can put up with my shit and half-assed enjoy the experience.

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