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BeautifulRacket -> RE: How quickly do you expect to get involved? (12/1/2006 12:59:26 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: toservez
These are relationships and that means to each there own and experiences and preferences will vary. I do not think that expectations are any different in this type of life then the vanilla world. There are pleanty of people who are trying to play as soon as possible in the real world as well. You're right, there are plenty looking for sex quickly in the vanilla world. I do wonder if perhaps a venue like this one where we're so open about sex right from the start clouds the situation a little, getting us to seriously think about sex sooner than we would if we'd met on a site like Match or OKCupid.
quote:
But in your post are you talking about men who you have just met and meet them in real time soon after? Or are these men who you have spent a good amount of time Emailing, Im'ing and talking on the phone before you meet. Because if it is the latter, then you are getting very much into what stage do you each think we are in. This is where communication of how each see things is critical. I would also think it is quite natural that if a man waited a long time before meeting real time they are hoping it then moves faster then now we are on a first date situation. That's a very good point. I like to meet local people fairly quickly, maybe after emailing for a couple of weeks, because even for platonic friendship, I need to see if there's a connection in person.
I have had relationships where we did lots of email/phone/chat, and that certainly moved up the timeline for both of us, like you said. I just can't see myself jumping right in bed after a little emailing and a couple of meetings in person; it's always a possibility, but it's not likely for me.
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ORIGINAL: CompelMe
I get the impression that many male submissives expect a kind of "instant intimacy" with a dominant woman, which perhaps contributes to the proliferation of men who seem to think that submission is a fast track to sex. Which is surprising, because it seems at odds with the very idea of submitting to a dominant woman, which implies giving her all the authority to establish the particulars of any sexual involvement...whether, when, how, how often, etc. Personally I would not "expect" physical/sexual involvement--those kinds of decisions are for the dominant to make, and the submissive to accept and follow. I've always assumed that most dominants would feel no obligation to engage in sexual contact until they felt a submissive had shown a proper level of compliance and respect...and even then, only at her convenience. That's a very interesting idea that jibes with my experiences. I've noticed the male subs I've met have expressed their desire to submit to me at/right after that first meeting, which I've found a bit odd considering we don't really know each other at that point (for all they know, I could be the worst Domme in the world, unworthy of their submission, or incompatible in other important areas). I think perhaps these guys have been caught up in the excitement of the novelty and finally getting a shot at expressing long-repressed desires; to be fair, I'm very eager, too, but I want to ensure we have a solid foundation for a lasting relationship by building intimacy at a more steady pace.
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