Travel? who when and why?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Travel? who when and why?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Travel? who when and why?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 2:02:02 PM

lacyann

Posts: 45
Joined: 11/30/2004
Status: offline

How is it decided about who and when on should travel to meet another. I have had several sometimes unsolisited by me, and with in one or two e-mails, they want to know when i can travel to meet them. Sorry guys but I have to know more, for me to travel more than across town, to meet some one i have only e-talked with for a day. Lets move to phones atleast. Then I can get a gut feeling from the sound of someone's voice and the way they talk to me over the phone. HELP.... will i never find some one special to share my life?

Post #: 1

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 2:15:53 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

You will. Just keep weeding out that ones that arent for you. Keep your chin up and keep looking. Always helps to have a mental "list" of what you are looking for and want

(in reply to lacyann)

Post #: 2

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 2:16:20 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

How is it decided about who and when on should travel to meet another. I have had several sometimes unsolisited by me, and with in one or two e-mails, they want to know when i can travel to meet them. Sorry guys but I have to know more, for me to travel more than across town, to meet some one i have only e-talked with for a day. Lets move to phones atleast. Then I can get a gut feeling from the sound of someone's voice and the way they talk to me over the phone. HELP.... will i never find some one special to share my life?

This is an excellent question, and one that doesn't come up infrequently.

I think the 'who' that should make the ultimate decision is you, regardless of what side of the whip you are on. And speaking for myself, I would need to establish a level of security through a process that tells me that the person who I have seemingly connected with has certain qualities that make he or she desirable to meet.

The "Lily" litmus test goes something like this: I either get approached or approach someone through e-mail. The emails may be exchanged a few times before I suggest that we move to a messanger, to get a more immediate conversation going. I find that a lot can be revealed about a person when confronted with less time to think about what they want to say to get it 'right'. If the messages don't create any red flags, one of us generally will suggest moving to phone. Phone for me is the most revealing, and will ultimately determine if I want to meet someone. Granted, those who I have been through this process with have 9/10 been people who could drive to me in 2 hours or less and have been in town for the most part.

But regardless of proximity, I don't meet people just randomly. And I usually try to get some kind of references for people I'm meeting. Does anyone else you know know this person? Many of us here know each other in a 'six degrees of separation' kind of way in that I know people who I've established real time friendships with outside my area who know others and will vouch for them. I never underestimate the power of references in WIIWD.

You certainly can establish the pace, and through good, honest communication can determine if the person who seeks to meet you is sincere.

There's nothing wrong with being selective and feeling secure. Good luck to you!

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to lacyann)

Post #: 3

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 2:31:41 PM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline

Rules of thumb:

within 40 miles, sure, a couple of days chatting, why not meet for coffee.
within 200 miles, sure, in a few weeks, lets arange things on the phone, and swap pics.
within 500 miles, hmm....... well lets chat a while, and then on the phone... you have a web cam ? or pictures you can take for me if I asked you to do something specific ?

More than 1000 miles...... minimum of 3 months and a LOT of chatting, and all the stuff that goes with it as above.
If there is major cost incurred in it, then a "DUTCH" date or the person asking you to travel should cough up 75 % of the cost.

If I were to have a "sub" come here, I usualy offer to pay a good share of the cost incurred.

If a "SIR" is unwilling to spend any cash, then he is not all that serious, and simply wants to see how far you will go to meet him.

If they are not willing to help pay, then chances are it is not really all that worth it..... then again....... every situation is different.
You should always reaquest a drivers lisence and information from them like a mailling address, and whatnot, so that they can be found if you are in danger..... not that they always give you truthfull information from "afar", but it helps if you show up and he told you 1313 Mochingbird lane, and it is NOT the Munsters house.... but the State Jail Applet court of Parolle... LOL

It is all a game of "chance" sometimes, and never ever leave town and not tell at least 2 different people where you are going, and HAVE A "SAFE CALL" ! this is important. Have a code word that if it doesn't come up in conversation is not a reason to raise alarm and call police... as you may be with a "PSYCHO chainsaw / axe murder who eats cotton candy as one of his 4 major food groups".

just food for thought :)

< Message edited by Darthbetta -- 2/14/2005 2:32:23 PM >

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 4

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 2:41:15 PM

lacyann

Posts: 45
Joined: 11/30/2004
Status: offline

To all,
thanks for the great imput, makes me feel that i'm not completely crazy after all. And even if I'm picky, i have a right to be and until i say the words 'i submit' to your desires', it is up to me. lacyann

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 5

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 3:04:59 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Stick to your guns, when it feels right for you. My current Dom I met after a mere 3 month's of chatting online. Other's I chatted to literally for year's before meeting. Took me a certain amount of time to know if they were lying to me or not. Easiest way was to test them online first.

Myself, I'd never even entertain the notion of meeting someone after chatting a day or two online. Not unless they were going to be at the same munch I was at. Beyond that it just would not happen.

Then again it had to feel right for me. Just as it should for you. If that is an hour so be it. If that is a year then that is exactly what it should be. There is no set timetable for anyone but the one's they themselves put themselves on.

(in reply to lacyann)

Post #: 6

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 3:16:37 PM

Alexander

Posts: 159
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

I don’t want to piss on the parade of all good advice going on in here but isn’t it possible that a guy who is a predator or poseur knows exactly what to say to a submissive online? Isn't all this talk of red flags in messages and a progression of phone discussions really just more fodder for the fakers? We’ve all read the safe and sane online dating advice. Including the poseurs.

If its too far away and he won't come to you. F-em. No dominant is going to be able to take care of your needs and his if he can’t afford to travel to you and meet you in YOUR safe place. Plus he’s a total pussy if he can’t come to you. He’s so lazy he cant even go out on the hunt? F-em. If he cannot meet you in your favorite restaurant with you making phone calls to your friend at intervals of your choosing. F-em. It’s not that complicated. Genuine men don't rape or abuse women. Genuine men don’t demand women fly out to their house to "show how submissive" you are. Men with no hang ups or ties they need to hide, date women whether they are submissive or vanilla like adult gentleman. Period.

Just date people. Don’t meet them with the idea you have to do anything to them. Ordinary women date ordinary men every day and don’t sleep together. Just because the man knows you sleep with men doesn’t mean he’s going to get any. If he can’t handle that over the dinner he bought for you. F-em.

I don’t know why I differ over this issue with good women like lily but I just don't get why there’s this big disconnect from regular dating. Its called dating instead of surrendering all rights for a reason. Meet in a public place bring your cell phone discuss your lives and see if you like each other. Why is this so different? You don't have to talk about anal the whole time :).

I know I’m going to get flamed for that by people saying subs have to be careful when dating. My opinion on the matter is all women have to be careful when dating.

Looking forward to being enlightened.

Alex.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 7

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 3:20:49 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I know I’m going to get flamed for that by people saying subs have to be careful when dating. My opinion on the matter is all women have to be careful when dating.

Looking forward to being enlightened.

Who, with any amount of common sense would flame you? Excellent post.

(in reply to Alexander)

Post #: 8

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 3:25:20 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

This thread might help you. I thought there was another thread about who pays for travel, but i can't find it, anyone remember?

how long do you wait before meeting

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to lacyann)

Post #: 9

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 3:36:31 PM

liltxsubby

Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline

For me, there were a few e-mails, then lots and lots of messenger, even more phone and finally i went to meet him. We talked about woh would go where and this was best for us. I stay with pretty straight laced parents and him coming here was just not an option. We talked about meeting in the middle but decided to meet near his place in a neutral setting, if i wasn't comfortable i could of course leave. I was comfortable and ended up staying the weekend with him. Now we take turns, it's only about a 2 1/2 hour drive so it's not horrible. Can't say the same about leaving, that i hate.

Anyway, that's what has worked and now does work for us.

_____________________________

I'm Japan and Godzilla has taken over.

Laugh with them, or let them laugh at you.

(in reply to lacyann)

Post #: 10

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 3:40:49 PM

sterlingsweet

Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline

Hello lacyann,

I agree with what others have said here.
I met my Domina through a dating service.

We e-mailed a few times but really got to know
each other through IM's and then moving to the phone.
She lives 400 miles away, so we did a mixture of IM's
and phone for about 3 months.

She was open to giving
me her personal info. where she lived, worked...she was
open to me calling her at either location. No, Red Flags.
Another thing you can do, when you get their full name is
google them and see what comes up.

When the time came for us, that we decided we liked each
other and wanted to meet. We decided it would be best if I
went down and stayed with her for a week. She would drive
up to get me and meet my friends and family.

By this time I knew her quite well and she had indeed
earned my trust. I left all important info. with my best
friend and mother and was off.
Had and still am taking these wonderful trips!

I say take your time.
Listen to your gut.
Tell someone you trust.
Get the info. and have a few
people met this person, then
hopefully have a Great time!.

_____________________________

Who Let the Dommes Out?? (I'd like to Thank them).
~Wink

Peace Out...Sterlingsweet

I finally got my cuffs,
I hope to use them soon ~wink

(in reply to lacyann)

Post #: 11

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 3:46:17 PM

Alexander

Posts: 159
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

doh. didnt make it in to add a qualifier! I think the part I am missing/forgetting about is that people are actually dating online and then hooking up within a couple meetings! I never even considered that this is actually the dating forum and the meeting for drinks and dinner several times over a period of time of regular courting just isnt being done anymore!

My opinion on the matter comes from the gorean mentality actually. What your "bidding" on is not just a commodity but an astounding piece of possession and property, one whose worth can not be estimated in normal terms to the extent it approaches priceless. I think that is worth a few expensive trips and nights on the town behaving like a decent human being.

Alexander

(in reply to liltxsubby)

Post #: 12

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 3:50:41 PM

lacyann

Posts: 45
Joined: 11/30/2004
Status: offline

I just love this site and all the great people who share here. Thanks to all who have shared so far. You are reinforcing my instincts which have been some what trampled in the past.

_____________________________

lacyann

(in reply to sterlingsweet)

Post #: 13

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 5:44:41 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I don’t know why I differ over this issue with good women like lily but I just don't get why there’s this big disconnect from regular dating. Its called dating instead of surrendering all rights for a reason. Meet in a public place bring your cell phone discuss your lives and see if you like each other. Why is this so different? You don't have to talk about anal the whole time :).

I know I’m going to get flamed for that by people saying subs have to be careful when dating. My opinion on the matter is all women have to be careful when dating.

Looking forward to being enlightened.

Alex.

M. Alex,

First off, thank you for the 'good' compliment, I appreciate it. Secondly, I don't think that we differ at all in our approach, and perhaps I wasn't very clear in what I was trying to say.

I'm approaching this as a woman, and I assumed that the OP was a woman. I think that regardless of Dom or sub, the woman needs to be the one that controls the comfort level. And I wholeheartedly agree that until some kind of relationship is established, if there is a desire to meet, the locus of impetus should be on the gentleman to come to the lady, and not the other way around. If my comments were read as anything else, they shouldn't have.

I believe that M. Alex said everything I tried to say...he just did a better job.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Alexander)

Post #: 14

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 6:18:42 PM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline

So basicly if the cup of coffee is not even half done with after meeting fo the first time..... and he hits you with... So we really should relocate somewhere private so we can fuck now.... My wife will be back home in 3 hours from work.....

BEWARE !!!....

_____________________________

Some of us have an inane knack for calling people on their Bullshit... I just choose to retort with bitter dry Sarcasm, and occasionaly it sinks in. Mostly, I just look like an ass.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 15

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 6:21:20 PM

liltxsubby

Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta

So basicly if the cup of coffee is not even half done with after meeting fo the first time..... and he hits you with... So we really should relocate somewhere private so we can fuck now.... My wife will be back home in 3 hours from work.....

BEWARE !!!....

hmm well yeah that'd throw up a red flag for me, and i'd leave just as soon as i had time to dump the other 1/2 of my coffee over his head.

_____________________________

I'm Japan and Godzilla has taken over.

Laugh with them, or let them laugh at you.

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 16

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 7:48:52 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

which head are you referring to liltx?

My my I'm noticeing Submissives becoming more and more sadistic every day.

My fellow Doms, what shall we do about this trend?

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to liltxsubby)

Post #: 17

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/14/2005 8:08:30 PM

liltxsubby

Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

which head are you referring to liltx?
That would depend on how far i travelled.

My my I'm noticeing Submissives becoming more and more sadistic every day.
This isn't sadistic, it's just plain ol pissed off.

My fellow Doms, what shall we do about this trend?
I suggest being truthful. If Doms don't lie about their marital status while they're trying to get some, these things will never happen.

< Message edited by liltxsubby -- 2/14/2005 8:10:59 PM >

_____________________________

I'm Japan and Godzilla has taken over.

Laugh with them, or let them laugh at you.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 18

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/15/2005 1:28:29 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lacyann

How is it decided about who and when on should travel to meet another. I have had several sometimes unsolisited by me, and with in one or two e-mails, they want to know when i can travel to meet them. Sorry guys but I have to know more, for me to travel more than across town, to meet some one i have only e-talked with for a day. Lets move to phones atleast. Then I can get a gut feeling from the sound of someone's voice and the way they talk to me over the phone. HELP.... will i never find some one special to share my life?

You're a confident independent adult (if you're not, you shouldn't even be entertaining this question). Meet someone offline when/how you are comfortable.

We all have our specific lines. Me? I will meet someone very quickly, at my place if I get the right feelings about them. Or, if I don't get the right feelings about them, I won't meet them no matter HOW long we know eachother or talk.

Just be reasonable, act like their are a stranger you just met on the street, how would you treat them? And be prepared to offer any information about yourself which you would request from someone else.

Be confident, be reasonable, be honest. If they don't accept what makes you comfortable, then that's a good sign right off that you aren't meant to be.

(in reply to lacyann)

Post #: 19

RE: Travel? who when and why? - 2/15/2005 1:39:26 PM

ruffnecksbabygir

Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

Alexander
great advice! very true.

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to Alexander)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Travel? who when and why?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094