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Voltare -> RE: new to the lifestyle (12/10/2006 7:32:40 PM)
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Dani,
Welcome to the forums! If there weren't people here asking questions, there wouldn't be anyone here writing answers, and we all still be wandering around in the dark.
So, 'where to begin' can seem like you're staring at a mountain. Fortunately, you've got your whole life to climb it, so do it one foot in front of the other.
I took a quick look at your profile, and it sounds like you're already involved with one girl, and looking for more. First off, there's nothing wrong with that (as long as everyone involved knows) though I strongly suggest you take your time with the first girl, first, and see if you can't work out some of the kinks before you start buying more leashes. It's not uncommon for a Dominant to feel a bit like a kid in a candy store with a fifty dollar bill. Before you start cleaning out the shelves, you might want to figure a few things out - like what is it you really want? Are you looking for a girlfriend? Lover? Friend? Soul Mate? Play partner? All/some/none of the above work, too. Obviously, we don't spring out of the vanilla box with all of those answers, but the more you look at what makes you happy, the easier it is to move on to the second part:
Communication. Everyone here will use that word. It really means what it means - talk to the person you're involved with. Talk to people you're interested in. Share what you think, and don't feel like you have to impress anyone. The BDSM rules aren't much more complicated than the rules from kindergarten. You don't need to pretend to be anyone you're not, and you don't have to listen to anyone claiming to be more than they are. In short, don't be afraid to ask questions - especially from the most important people involved, your sub, and yourself.
Finally, use your common sense. If it doesn't fit, don't force it. If it doesn't open, don't break it. Just because it's a scene or play party, doesn't mean feelings should be ignored. Be careful with your heart, and the hearts of those around you.
Moxie,
I love the same thing. I enjoy spanking my girl, because she enjoys it (even if she does kick and scream when I do it.) I wouldn't enjoy it if spanking her got no response at all! There's nothing un-Dominant about making someone you love feel good. Certainly nobody would suggest you should stop making your sub happy, if you're enjoying it. Being dominant isn't about being selfish - selfish Doms end up lonely, complaining Doms who tell everyone else how 'wrong' they are and what they do.
Play nice, kids.
Stephan
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