Common curtesy (Full Version)

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robert2serve -> Common curtesy (12/1/2006 4:27:10 PM)

 This is something to think about, i am not trying to stir any bad feelings or create any ill will. But i am kind of appalled by the lack of just plain curtesy..

i have sent many emails to Women that i think that there may be some degree of compatibility with.

The response that i have received is about 10%, one out of ten emails a response is received, either that means 90% of the profiles are false ones or just plain common curtesy is a thing of the past..

What is wrong with just responding, even if it is just to say " you are not my type"?

 
  bobby



LadyEllen -> RE: Common curtesy (12/1/2006 4:40:21 PM)

Hi Bobby

The first thing I'd ask you, is did you check when was the last time those to whom you wrote were on the site? For example, as of Monday this week, there were 428 Female Dominant profiles registered in the UK - but of those, only about 50 had been active in the last month, with the last 200 listed not having been active in a year or more. You might be writing to Ladies who have long since moved on, and never read your posts - though if you click on sent mail, you can see whether your mails have been read or not.

Other than that, you have to also understand that Ladies receive A LOT of mail, and though they'd like to respond to all, sometimes thats not possible as they'd be there all day, every day. Thus they will sort their received mail and respond only to those which are of interest.

And thats another thing; you should check too whether you are writing to Ladies who might be interested in what youre offering (vs their profile), and also that your profile is sufficiently interesting to warrant a reply - there have been loads of threads on here about "how to write a profile", and how to approach the Ladies here. And equally loads of threads about inappropriate approaches - there's a thread going on right now on that subject "you dont say" or something.

Hope that helps
E

PS - I know the 428 UK Femdom profiles info because of a certain project we're working on in the UK by the way; an invitation only social group for Midlands Dommes. Write me on the other side if you would like details.



robert2serve -> RE: Common curtesy (12/1/2006 4:51:03 PM)

To answer Your questions, i only write to active profile that are on the screen, 2 i can see that they are read with the exception of the few that may be directed in to the bulk mail, 3 i only write to Dommes that fall with in the areas of my search, ie never under the age of 50, all my emails are very polite and i would never think of including any thing other than a vanilla picture.
 
  bobby
 
\



pixelslave -> RE: Common curtesy (12/1/2006 5:53:44 PM)

Hi Bobby,
It might help if you posted an example of the kind of emails that you've sent to women and then received no reply from them.  Some of the ladies could then provide you feedback as to how they might perceive your message and what you might do to improve them to get the response you seek.  As others have mentioned, they aren't obligated to send you a reply just because you've contacted them as most have other things to do as well and often receive a great volume of mail.  Others do attempt to at least reply with a "no thanks" to acknowledge your message, which I personally think is the polite thing to do.   

In terms of your profile, a quick look at it tells me nothing about your outside interests, only those in terms of D/s, which might be a large part of why you are not receiving the responses you seek.  These women have a great deal of depth and many other interests as well.  Most want a man with whom they can genuinely share their other interests with and especially their excitement for them; not just a man who tags along because he's commanded to do so! 

You may also find that by participating more frequently in the message boards the women here who read the posts will get to know who you are and be more receptive to receiving your emails and perhaps even initiate contact with you because of something you've said that has struck a chord with them!  These are all things which you might want to think about and hopefully might find something in my words that will be of help to you. [8|]

- pixel



mp072004 -> RE: Common curtesy (12/1/2006 6:10:01 PM)

I agree with Pixel. It's hard to give you feedback without an example of the sort of email you have sent.

There are some things I can address on the basis of your posts, though. You say that you're only writing to people who fall within the area of your search. Naturally, you would do so--you wouldn't write to people you hadn't looked up, would you? However, the fact that you have looked for people does not mean that they have looked for you. Make sure you're writing to people you think you like, and who you have reason to believe would like you, too. Look at your addressees' profiles to determine whether you match what they're looking for. Do this both for really obvious things (i.e. determine that your addressee is seeking a submissive man) and more subtle ones (if your addressee is looking for a person to visit her once a month for SM sessions, and you want a live-in relationship that's mostly about doing housework and waiting on people, you shouldn't contact her!). In the email, state clearly, ideally without using BDSM jargon, what you're looking for, and why what you want looks compatible with what the addressee has stated she wants. Based on your posts, I would also advise you to compose your sentences more carefully--you are writing a letter, after all. If you follow the above advice, you may write fewer different people, but I imagine more of your emails will elicit responses.

Monica



Najakcharmer -> RE: Common curtesy (12/1/2006 7:17:59 PM)

Two things.  One, common courtesy isn't. 

Two, women on this site are so deluged with emails that it may not be possible for them to reply to every single one, especially when they all say the same thing.  "Hi, I'm submissive, you're dominant, will you do me?"  *sigh*  Believe me, that gets very, VERY old after the first 6,432 times. 

If dude in question has nothing in his profile beyond "I am male and submissive, here is the kinky stuff I wanna do", and his email has nothing beyond that either, as far as I'm concerned he's a faceless nobody who isn't even relating to me like a human being.  There is simply no basis on which to communicate with such a person on that shallow a level, and I don't even want to try.  So, off into the circular file it goes.  Not interested in being treated like a cardboard cutout from a fetish magazine to correspond about somebody's unrealistic fantasies, thanks. If you don't want to treat me like a real human being and introduce yourself as such, I will not participate in that kind of communication. 

The only type of email that doesn't get an instant delete/block response from me is the friendly, polite sort that does NOT immediately refer to sex, kink or D/s, but to common real life interests and making friends.  This may not be true for all dommes, but my priorities are pretty clear in my profile about what I want and about what I am looking for.  A guy who doesn't have the courtesy to read my profile to find out what I want before emailing me to ask for what he wants does not deserve a reply. 

Not to say this is what you're doing - I don't know since I have no idea what you are emailing these women with.  Could you post an example of an introductory email that is getting ignored?



cindyhypno -> RE: Common curtesy (12/1/2006 7:31:14 PM)

It is always interesting to Me, when I see a email and if I don't respond quickly they get pissed.

It is just a fact that only the really interesting emails get answered, that is just a fact of life. I think the multitudes should understand that they may never get a response.

Cynthia



michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: Common courtesy (12/1/2006 7:37:13 PM)

this seems to be typical of alot of people here (male or female).



Najakcharmer -> RE: Common curtesy (12/1/2006 7:42:02 PM)

Bobby, your profile kind of sucks.  At least from my perspective.  There's not one thing in it other than kinky stuff.  You come across as not wanting to relate like an actual human being, or share any part of your life other than kinky play.  Do you not have a life, or interests outside of kink, or any way to introduce yourself or get to know someone as a person that doesn't involve insta-slavery or playing with their boobs?

Sorry if I'm coming off harsh here.  I'm trying to be helpful.  If there is nothing to distinguish you from the rest of the faceless masses who are also male, submissive and into various kink activities, you're not going to get a whole lot of women interested in writing you back unless they want your money.

If you actually have a life, maybe talk about it some in your profile?  Add some interests that aren't just kinky sex acts? A lot of women who haven't even met you yet probably consider it TMI to know that you like body worship and breast play.   We'd rather start a conversation on the basis of a mutual interest in jazz music, or beachcombing, or whatever the hell else you're legitimately into and can hold up your end of a conversation about.  Sure, it's handy to know about a person's kinks so that you can get an early handle on whether or not you're play-compatible, but if you literally have nothing else in your profile and are leading off with the overly intimate stuff, you're probably never going to GET to the intimate stuff. 

Hope this helps. 



bandit25 -> RE: Common curtesy (12/1/2006 7:44:44 PM)

Although I am not a domme, I just want to say that it may have nothing to do with common courtesy.  I used to answer all emails because I feel that if someone took the time to write to me, I should take the time to reply.  That's all well and good if the person takes no thanks for an answer.  So often, I get another email back asking why I'm not interested.  So I answer that one also...then I get another and another (seeing a pattern here?).  So I stopped answering them all.  May be the same thing here.



LadyHugs -> RE: Common curtesy (12/1/2006 8:08:39 PM)

Dear robert2serve, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Being one of the dominant ladies robert2serve wrote to, I can affirm that his E-mail was very polite and most kind.  I did not feel that there was anything dishonest about it and I did come off with the impression he did indeed read my profile and acknowledged the fact that distance was an issue. 
 
I am of the hope that robert2serve will find his 'one.'  I said that in my response and mean it from my heart. 
 
I can only say that my brief exchange was indeed filled with curtesy and kindness.  I returned such with equal measure. 
 
So, robert2serve--common curtesy exists lad.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



MisPandora -> RE: Common curtesy (12/2/2006 1:38:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: robert2serve

What is wrong with just responding, even if it is just to say " you are not my type"?


One, I have no obligation to respond to anyone who writes me an email, period.

Two, most folks don't read profiles.  Those who write and are out of parameters don't get responses, unless I'm in a particularly saucy mood.  Those blokes get both cannons aimed at them.

Three, I field from 5 to 10 random inquiries a day.  And close to 5 to 10 inquiries a day are time wasters.  Do I waste another 30 minutes of my life typing messages to each and every one of them to tell them that I'm not interested.  NO.

Four, I used to respond to many more messages, and got really tired of the folks who couldn't handle the rejection.

I see it as my entitlement to respond to those I care to respond to, and those who inspire me to engage them in conversation.  If that means I've no courtesy, I guess I'll have to live with that. 



MisPandora -> RE: Common curtesy (12/2/2006 1:41:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear robert2serve, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Being one of the dominant ladies robert2serve wrote to, I can affirm that his E-mail was very polite and most kind. 

Interestingly, he's in Arizona and Lady Hugs is (I think) in the DC area.  That might account for a number of the folks who've put him on the pay-no-mind list......distance is almost always a factor to most folks!



NakedGirlScout -> RE: Common curtesy (12/2/2006 2:19:25 AM)

Bobby, I agree with all of MisPandora's reasons (especially the fact that the large proportion of people who can't take a 'no thanks' will turn around and spam you with hate mail).

But on the other hand, why are you getting so many non-responses? I've learned a couple of things about getting a response, by trial and error.

1. Check that the person you're writing to is actively online. Some profiles have been all but abandoned and are never read.

2. Your letter must be of great interest to the person you're writing to. This means not only reading every part of their profile, including every interest and journal entry, but in taking a lot of time to compose an interesting, conversational, well thought out, non-confrontational letter relating to some of their interests. It should not be all about BDSM or how much you think you're suited to each other. Spelling and grammar count!

I have found that it's better to stay away from coming on too strongly, too vaguely or too abruptly (like: "Hi, I love your profile, you have a great ass, will you be daddy's good little girl?).

Using these guidelines I've consistently gotten responses to near 90% or higher of anybody I write to. If you think that's because I'm a girl, I have also helped several other men to reach the same high level of response. If you have a female friend, you can try running some of your trial letters by her to see if she'd respond to something like that. I'd even be happy to do that for you if you like.  :)




Hercuckslave -> RE: Common curtesy (12/2/2006 3:13:29 AM)

its been years for me as i am luckily and happily owned, but i know EXACTLY what you mean.  I never sent form letters, one liners, rude overtures, nude pics, etc.  I only sent mails to women who I sincerely felt I matched what they were looking for.  The letters were always specific to the woman in question.  If you are getting a 10% reply rate, you should consider yourself lucky.  I got way less than that. 

I hear what the ladies are saying about being swamped by mails.  I understand that.  But it would only take an extra 5 seconds to reply "thanks but no thanks" over simply hitting the delete key.  it goes back to COMMON COURTESY.  something that i feel is sorely lacking in this day and age. 

think about it this way.....if you were out in public and a man politely approached you, said hello, introduced himself...he wasn't naked, he wasn't rude, he didn't say anything like, "hey, will you do me?" and he asked you to say, a cup of coffee.....if you were disinterested, would you simply turn heels and walk away, or would you take the moment to respond to his polite introduction with a "thank you, no"???

i gotta shake my head on this one, but i really do believe that common courtesy doesn't have much in the way of legs these days, and especially in the D/s community, and even more so in the ONLINE D/s community.

keep the faith Robert.  It only takes one to change your life.  :)

M's m



CompelMe -> RE: Common curtesy (12/2/2006 7:31:29 AM)

It's not like walking up to someone on the street.  It's more like sending someone a letter, but without the required effort of putting on a stamp and taking it to the mailbox.  Sending you a nasty or insulting message in response would be rude, but receiving no response should not be surprising given that some of the women here receive literally hundreds of messages a day.  Embrace your submissive nature and give a dominant woman the benefit of the doubt--maybe she's too busy, maybe she's not interested, maybe she's a bitch, maybe she takes pleasure in turning a deaf ear to our desperate pleas.  Regardless, it's her prerogative, and you'll be happier if you can adjust your own attitude to assume that no response is simply her way of saying "no, thanks."



undergroundsea -> RE: Common curtesy (12/2/2006 9:23:00 AM)

Thank you for the post. I am sorry that I have nothing constructive to add to the conversation at this time.

Don't mind me. I am just being silly ;-)

Cheers,

Sea



BossySSBBW -> RE: Common curtesy (12/2/2006 10:47:58 AM)

I respond to each and everyone of the messages, even if it is to say, thanks for the interest but I don't think we have enough in common.
Sorry you are plagued by so many mannerless people.
Guess being raised southern and by strict parents make me an oddity.
Politeness even in Domination is just a fact for me.  I may say please, but do not think if you don't do it you won't get punished...lol.
Good luck.
Ms. Judith



asharq -> RE: Common curtesy (12/2/2006 11:33:08 AM)

Hi All,

i have been a member for a while and visit the site regularly. i can totally relate to Robert's experience. i am looking for an online relatioship only and have been writing to Dommes whose profiles specifically state that They are looking for the same, or have blank profiles. i never get any replies, even though the Dommes read the mails.

i feel that if the Dommes have not excluded online interaction on their profiles, They should atleast take the time to reply. i can understand being ignored if i persist in writing after the first reply of rejection. If the Domme has a detailed profile and have clearly stated what They are looking for, i never write mails as i know there's an obvious mismatch there.

i can totally inderstand that the Dommes get a lot of mail, but please think of the subs too ...



LadyHugs -> RE: Common curtesy (12/2/2006 11:41:03 AM)

Dear MisPandora, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
The point was, his note via CM's message format, regardless of distance, which he said up front excluded him from consideration, continued on with a kind and gracious note in it's total content.  That was the topic--common courtesy, not exactly on the details within a private correspondence.
 
It is just nice and polite to respond back to those who have not put forth a HNG letter and a Christmas list of kinks, etc.  He was just a nice gentleman dropping a kind note in general.
 
Indeed I am from the Washington, DC area.  (I saw you briefly at last years MAL)
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



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