Credibility

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LadyEllen -> Credibility (12/5/2006 7:45:56 AM)
This one has probably been done before, but its always interesting to hear views, especially from new members. Its something that arose from a pm on the other side, and something that has affected me too. Ignoring my own circumstances for the purposes of the thread; As a dominant woman, how much (if any) credibility does one have, in the eyes of other dominant women, if one does not oneself have a sub/slave to call one's own? I ask this, because we have in the UK a number of Femdom groups that organise group activities, which though by the reports I hear are wonderful weekends and even whole weeks, I would personally feel very much uncomfortable in attending one alone. Its not that I'd be unwelcome, (I've been invited, so that counts for something on that score I'd think), but that everyone else there is in a LTR, and I feel it would be awkward to be alone in that setting; I would feel that I lacked credibility with the Ladies, as well as with the males. The "easy answer" is that of course one does not have to be in a relationship in order to be a dominant woman - but in the kind of setting above, how true is that? E

Lashra -> RE: Credibility (12/5/2006 7:58:17 AM)
I think one's dominance doesn't rely on having a sub/slave, it relies on your own personality. I didn't have a sub/slave for many years and that never had any effect on my dominance, I am just very picky and took my time selecting my sub. I've found that the people that are in the scene who know me, never had a problem with that. If they did, they never said anything. I have never belonged to a femdom group although I've seriously started to think that I should so I can meet more like minded people. I would think though, that in a group such as this that having or not having a sub/slave shouldn't make any difference in how they view you. I would think it would present an opportunity to meet potential sub/slaves and extend your network of friends. Its hard to say LadyEllen, sometimes the only way to find out is to take that plunge. ~Lashra

MstrssPassion -> RE: Credibility (12/5/2006 8:00:06 AM)
Doesn't sound very dommly if one must validate their credibility through ownership/presence of another. I would say a dominant should be able to stand completely on their own & be measured by their sense of presence.

MsKatHouston -> RE: Credibility (12/5/2006 8:23:27 AM)
Not everyone is lucky enough/in the right place/has the time/found the right person, etc to be in a LTR. I gauge someone's credibility on their actions, not on whether or not they are currently in a LTR. But, also knowing that such a situation can be uncomfortable, when I hold private parties in my home, I try to mix it with both singles and couples. For most public events it just happens that there are groups, couples and singles. Frankly, it has never even occurred to me to think that someone does not have credibility in their dominance or submission because they are not in a relationship. Is there a friend you can go with to make you be a bit more comfortable? Are you sure you are not exaggerating the "everyone" part of everyone being in a LTR? I find that hard to believe. It seems you are a lovely person just based on your posts and I bet you'd have a great time. If I went to a party with my boy thet would not mean I'd be holed off in a corner with him the whole time and ignore everyone else...we both socialize and play with each other as well as the other attendees. Besides, what's the worst that would happen? You find out it's not for you, maybe leave early...but at least you'd have tried it. The best might be that you have a great time and meet some wonderful people.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Credibility (12/5/2006 10:14:48 AM)
There's a whole mindset about whether or not you are a Master without a slave. Many liken it to be a car owner...if you don't own a car, then you aren't a car owner. I liken it more to be a driver; I don't have to own a vehicle to be a driver. Yes, it makes it nicer if you do, but certainly you can have the skill without ownership. I hate doing things by myself. I hated going to events alone. To this day, I hate going to bars, even if I'm with someone else. But, I went and I go if it's important enough to me. I highly encourage you to go to these events; if you are really concerned about it, simply write the producer/owner and ask if they welcome singles. If they say yes, then it because other people's stuff that you don't have someone as of yet. Go...have a great time...maybe you'll meet someone. Going to an event alone is how I met someone. Master Fire

Jeniluscious -> RE: Credibility (12/5/2006 10:14:53 AM)
It is my personal point of view (and properly definitional, I do believe) to view dominance as a personality trait, which has nothing to do with the status of one's interpersonal alliances. I could understand some reticence in using what are perceived to be Ownership-based titles if one is not partnered, but even that is situational in many cases. I would encourage you to accept an invitation; as others have said, if you aren't enjoying yourself, you could leave early but at least you have ventured out to see what's what. There can also be great advantages to networking: it's a great way to meet single people who have the advantage of being known to others.

LadyEllen -> RE: Credibility (12/5/2006 3:05:07 PM)
Hi All Thanks everyone for your thoughts, and for the kind comments too! Dont get me wrong - I certainly go out on my own fairly often to clubs etc (case of having to, as there's no one to go with!); the issue really is with these much smaller (and much more fun, from the write ups!) activities, with less than ten people there, that basically being five couples. I know them all, and I have the invite and am sure I'm welcome, but it just brings on a "spare dick at wedding" feeling in me, you know? Like, what am I doing here? I would liken it to going to an everyday party, and not bringing a bottle/gift as is normal (over here at least)..... sort of a guilty feeling! Of course I could make up for not "bringing a bottle" by helping out with everything, but then those who brought bottles, in this case, already do that anyway. I guess the only way to find out though, is to try it. I have the advantage that the venue isnt far from me, so I dont have to stay over (usually its Friday-Sunday, or Friday to following Friday), and could dip my toe in the water so to speak. Thanks again E

Morrigel -> RE: Credibility (12/5/2006 6:32:04 PM)
It's weird to think that my sexual/personal orientation would be less "credible" if I was not presently in a relationship. I assume I'm not the only person who flies solo until I find someone whose company I enjoy...why would I want a submissive partner or slave just as a social accessory? The party is over in an hour or two, that's a fairly pants reason to form a serious commitment. I do understand, though, that it is sometimes awkward to be single at a "couples" or "poly" event. You feel as if you've arrived at a potluck without bringing a dish! [;)] --M

MstrssPassion -> RE: Credibility (12/5/2006 6:55:41 PM)
I've posted on here before that I was single for many years before I my girl & I got together. I attended many events as a single woman. Never once did my single status leave people to question my credibility. More often they would openly question WHY was I alone. To which my reply was always the same... I don't care to ever settle for less than what is best for me.

LadyEllen -> RE: Credibility (12/5/2006 7:05:17 PM)
I totally agree MsPassion! I think Morrigel translated it into American for me quite well, with the potluck thing. Thats how I think it would feel you know? As for ordinary events and venues, hell I dont care; I go along alone, and usually end up waving a shitty stick just to keep 'em away LOL! E

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