Looking for insight

Looking for insight (Full Version)

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WildHeartOne -> Looking for insight (12/5/2006 11:19:12 AM)
Hello everyone. Relatively new to the site but been in the lifestyle for a little over 7 years now. In the past I had a relationship with a submissive slave that went from online into real life. I paid for her flight out here to Colorado because we wanted to see how well we would get along face to face. She spent the week with me before returning to Portland, Maine. During the time she was with me was a pleasure but only after she returned home did I find details about her past that concerned me gravely. She intentionally withheld the fact that she was suffering from bipolar disorder, infant alchol syndrome and that she was raped by a former Master in the past. I found out about this after the fact when my mother called and told me she found about all of this when my slave and now former ex-fiancee and she went to lunch while I was at work. Needless to say when I brought this up to my slave over the phone she was unconcerned about my opinion and immediately broke off our relationship. Am in the process of seeking a new slave, hopefully, without the drama which I was inflicted by my last. Looking to see how I can avoid a repeat. Any opinions or advice?

drawntothedark -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 11:23:15 AM)
Okay so she went to lunch with your Mom the first week she was with you? There is no sure fire litmus test to gage a submissive or even a Dominate by. I would move very slowly. Goggle as much as possible. Also, listen.......sometimes they tell you what you want to know without you even having to ask. Learn the right questions to ask. This is a commom question among these boards. I would do a search on this topic. There is some very good advice there.

MstrssPassion -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 11:24:28 AM)
1) not get engaged within the same week you first lay eyes on them 2) let Mom interview your potentials since she is a natural at extracting information but seriously... mistakes happen, learn from them

cyberdude611 -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 11:24:29 AM)
Not really much you can do other than keep your guard up, especially when it comes to meeting people on the internet. The majority of the people out there are good people. But every garden has weeds and you just have to find them and pull them out when you encounter them.

sub4hire -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 11:29:46 AM)
To echo Drawn here, she was your slave? She was your fiance? All within the first week of meeting you in real life? If you met a person in the grocery store would you be engaged to them within the week and meeting your parents? Perhap's you moved at light speed on this relationship and that is where you made your mistakes. All people are not what they seem online. You don't hear what they are truly saying whether they are sarcastic, out right lying or what. The only time you know they are lying is by seeing them say the exact same thing in different ways. We have someone on this board, the relationship has went from a year to 6 all in the arena of a time span of 9 months on the board. Back up and down...then finally back to what they started out at to begin with. That is a liar and easy to prove. Not all people are quite that ignorant to expose themselves that easily. Ask them for references. Is there a reason why you cannot? Are they in any groups? Where have they lived all of their lives? What are their goals and aspirations? All questions lead you to answers and if you ask them long enough they lead you to the truth. When all is said and done, don't make lifelong plans with total strangers you've known for a mere week in real life. It is easy to keep up a charade for a week and much longer than that if necessary.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 11:32:03 AM)
I'm ok with the lunch- I'm astonished at someone revealing that much at a lunch. Sounds like a good thing this didn't work out. There's no real way to avoid it except next time don't pay for the trip. This is part of what the getting to know you process is. If this is a pattern with yourself, you might try and figure out what about you attracts such damaged people, but otherwise, just take it as a lesson learned.

WildHeartOne -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 11:42:30 AM)
Am aware that I have a few mistakes and am in no rush to repeat them again. As far as being engaged, yes I know, heart overrides the mind so knows full well not to leap in so deeply the next time around.

PONYSEEKER -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 11:55:11 AM)
Unfortunatly whenever I meet a woman on the internet I have to ask why she is looking for someone on the Internet...LOL I usually find some dirt on them that is the cause that I usually am able to overlook but not allways of course

drawntothedark -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 12:02:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PONYSEEKER Unfortunatly whenever I meet a woman on the internet I have to ask why she is looking for someone on the Internet...LOL I usually find some dirt on them that is the cause that I usually am able to overlook but not allways of course The reason we are here is probably the same reason you are here. The lifestyle isn't very "happing" in my neck of the woods. In order for me to be part of the lifestyle I need the internet.

WildHeartOne -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 12:08:02 PM)
Very true drawntothedark so if I find someone in my neck of the woods at least it is a start. Not looking for anything lon distance. Hopefully find someone here locally.

KatyLied -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 12:09:38 PM)
About the engagement, ask yourself: Do you want to be engaged to a woman who would rush into accepting a proposal? Do you wonder her reasons (motivations) for being in such a hurry?

WildHeartOne -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 12:13:54 PM)
KatyLied, we seemed to have chemistry both over the phone and online and yes I know that doesn't always carry over into real life. Believe me, have asked myself those questions and many more since this all happened. Now am just concerning myself finding likeminded people like myself here in Colorado and seeing what transpires from friendships.

meatcleaver -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 12:22:54 PM)
She's bi-polar, she has infant alchol syndrome, she was raped by her former master. All this she freely told your mother over lunch. So what was your problem? If you read these threads she sounds like the average person in the life style to me. If it wasn't for people's issues the only thing that would be discussed on the CM threads would be politics in the Off Topic threads.

Bearlee -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 12:28:25 PM)
Wild, check out http://www.ColoradoBDSM.com for a bunch of activities around our area... 'Munches' are real-time get-togethers at safe, public places where like-minded people gather to meet and talk in the real world. Way mo betta! beverly

Archer -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 12:38:26 PM)
Consider the flight a cheap price to pay, and keep sending any propects out with those two, they seem to be a good source of information that you don't seem to be getting. Sounds to me like your system worked almost perfectly what seems to be the problem in your view?

toservez -> RE: Looking for insight (12/5/2006 1:13:14 PM)
Patience and more patience. Most people, not all, put on some mask to some degree from light to heavy when first interacting with someone. Over time people eventually cannot hide behind those masks and will behave like their true selves. Most people will hide things that they do not like about themselves but fortunately for most of us we are talking about minor non serious things. I think everyone has the right to know fairly upfront on the bigger issues but at the same time to make bold demands of things for proof of these things that concern you too soon could also destroy a possible match. Nobody wants to get a message the first or second time, the first phone call and the person to be asking very inflamatory personal questions or demanding health records to be faxed to them. Again though, slower is always safer. Take your time and get to know the person. Meet many many times in real life like you would any other regular relationship.

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