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Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 8:53:19 AM   
arkantos2222


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/6/2006
Status: offline 		I've spent a fair amount of time looking at personals ads. All sorts. Vanilla, Kinky, from males, from females, from the gay community, etc..

Something that stands out in my mind is this.....there seem, within vanilla ads, to be a great many people searching for "the unicorn".  Not my term, but one I have learned is sometimes assigned to the elusive "single bisexual female".

So many heterosexual couples seem to be seeking this person. Now, speaking as a man, I can appreciate a man's desire to enjoy watching a pair of women get themselves off, and to have these women available for his exculsuive pleasure.

I can also imagine in a couple a woman being a bit bored, or a bit insecure, and agreeing to this sort of  a scenario. Yes, there must be a few women so confident in their sexuality that they have no problem with adding another woman.  A few.

On a few occasions, I've tried to send a friendly suggestion to these couples.
The odds against them finding the single bisexual female willing to join them are astronomical.  Why not, I suggested, simply find ANOTHER couple in the same situation?  And trade?  One weekend, Dave gets the two ladies to himself.  The following weekend, John gets the ladies?

Heck, vice versa, for that matter---- why not the ladies getting the attention of both men sometimes?

I can say I never got a hostile response to this idea.  Mostly, it was just ignored.

Now, everyone is entitled to decide for themselves what they feel comfortable with.
I'm commenting, not criticising.  But this passive attitude led me to suspect some things. 

Nature builds us for certain things.  For the male, the more women he spreads his seed to, the better.  For a woman, is usually a safer  to attract the strongest male, and entice him to hang around the cave to chase off wild animals and bring home food to feed the kids.

Men are expendable.  One male can impregnate thousands of women.  You don't need very many men to keep a race viable and ongoing.  So, it's in the best interest of males to destroy each other.  Mostly, we don't use fists, swords and guns to do this.  Mostly we use lies, money, deceit, politics, propaganda and the like.  Backstabbing has taken the front seat.  Outright murder isn't fashionable any more.

So, I get it.  The irony is, she's so devoted to you and the relationship, she's willing to play the trade game, so that you can get two women in bed at the same time.  This definition pretty much guarantees that she isn't going to leave you for the other guy.  Yeah, maybe the novelty, or a bigger cock, or some such may make her enjoy those weekends more than the ones with you.  Big deal. 

People tend to GIVE those things that they want most in return.  Fidelity is a big deal to her.  As long as she believes you are loyal, she'll stay loyal.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 9:03:09 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Preaching the choir- check out the poly forum sometimes.

Threesomes can be great things- but even if you're just looking for a hot sexual thing, it's hard to find someone good to join you, and finding someone to fit into a long term relationship is just something people need to be prepared to wait patiently for.

And there's nothing saying a woman can't have threesomes with two men if they want it, unless their dom actually is ordering them not to have a threesome with two men. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to arkantos2222)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 9:08:22 AM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I suppose I am in the strange lot, that Master wants me to enjoy the company of two men.  I think it matters how secure the man is in himself and his relationship.  I am the one that has pulled away from it, I prefer not to be with anyone else right now at all. 
 
I know he wants me to experience the pleasure of being the object of lust and desire of two at the same time, I find though that I am happy being the object of his lust alone.
 
Master will also allow me to be with other women if I want, so I suppose I have the best of all worlds.
 
Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to arkantos2222)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 9:17:24 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		my Master and i belong to several lifestyle-related websites. on all of them he makes it pretty clear that as far as physical interaction with others goes, he's primarily looking for other men to use his slave. that's a tremendous "kink" of Daddy's...owning a complete slut/whore who he can have used by anyone at anytime, someone who lives to serve and please men. has nothing to do with my personal pleasure or fun. in the nearly 7 (dang i'm old) yrs we've been together now, he's had me used by many dozens of other men. i'm sure there will be hundreds more in my future. never once has he felt insecure or that he was in any way in competition with any other male. after all, why would he? He owns me....he is the one who offers up the p*ssy/ass/mouth...and he can take it away.

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 9:26:50 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		great point, great first post...
 
one thing i have often considered....sometimes couples are looking for a "unicorn" for the same reason they want a baby or a dog....the relationship is faultering...and they need something to actively seek and even obsess about to keep their focus off the emptiness inside..
 
i am always wary of the idea that when i have money, when i graduate, when i loose weight, when i get my dream car/house ect  i will be happy.
 
if you can t be happy now, you wont be happy "when"
 
ahem...opps strayed off topic a lil...
 
i think that the search for the unicorn is to some (i even venture most) the same ritual that folks describe in drug addictions....the cutting of the cocaine on the mirror the cooking the heroine in the spoon is so much a part of the experience, that drug addics are often quoted as saying it is as good as the high itself.
 
and just like drug addiction you are not really looking at long term logistics when you do your drug, or find your unicorn, only how good and complete you will finally feel.
 
the poor unicorn is also looking to feel good and complete, but also often has not throughly thought it all out, and when they realize the are really there to do a job of keeping these folks from being bored, or to do the housework the other slave does not want it do, its often too late.
 
so couple swinging is a much cleaner solution....i agree....but doms almost never go for it cause of the whole " total control " thing we've got going on.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 9:31:20 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		This has honestly not been my experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: arkantos2222

The odds against them finding the single bisexual female willing to join them are astronomical.

(in reply to arkantos2222)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 9:52:42 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		long term Lam?


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

This has honestly not been my experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: arkantos2222

The odds against them finding the single bisexual female willing to join them are astronomical.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 10:37:07 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		You're assuming that it's always the guy's idea to add a woman.

You're assuming it's under the guys dictate and control, the two women.

Neither of these situations applies to me, I'm looking for a bi female for some fun, I'm the Dominant party in the relationship and it's for my own benefit, my husband's tangentially at best. And I seek casual, friendly caring but CASUAL interaction.

It's still damn nigh impossible. ;)

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 11:05:44 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

On a few occasions, I've tried to send a friendly suggestion to these couples.
The odds against them finding the single bisexual female willing to join them are astronomical.  Why not, I suggested, simply find ANOTHER couple in the same situation?  And trade?  One weekend, Dave gets the two ladies to himself.  The following weekend, John gets the ladies?

Heck, vice versa, for that matter---- why not the ladies getting the attention of both men sometimes?

I can say I never got a hostile response to this idea.  Mostly, it was just ignored.


I think the reason for the response (or lack of) is what I call the one weiner rule. Swingers in many aspects are different animals than those looking for the unicorn. They may be horses and zebras but they are different. You yourself explained the appeal of adding a bi and rather creatively came up with a plan to increase the odds. The catch is the one weiner rule, only one weiner in the realtionship at any time. They get their cake and eat it too then try to convince the girls it's for their benefit.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 11:49:38 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		The problem with threesomes’ either just sexual or forming a relationship is that it adds variables of another person. It is hard enough to have two people mesh close to perfect then adding another. Most people have a fatal flaw in that they think what they want and define something is what others that are interested also want and define. The truth is the variables are what most people who are looking for threesomes’ often conveniently overlook. While I do think MFF is the typical male fantasy, my experience is that couples looking for a threesome that the woman is very much for it as well and usually not just going along.

I have been owned by a couple and also have had sexual only threesomes. The main things that I have seen fail when people go looking for these are:

1) The original couple is not on the same page or maybe more importantly are not on the same energy level for it to actually happen or what is to happen.
2) The original couple have only discussed and agreed to a small number of things that are important to each of them and have not bothered to think of anything else that will be an issue.
3) They become so obsessed in finding a warm body they forget to look for the right warm body.
4) The couple is so self centered that they at best only give lip service to the needs of the third. I have found this one to be major in the M/s area as I have seen couple after couples only think what they want is really important. What the new slave or sub need or wants that is not convenient is quickly blown off as they are not really submissive when it causes a problem. Way too often it is too much what you can do for us and very little what we can do for you.

Disclaimer, these were things I have noticed when couples have problems. Those who make poly things work, probably do not have these issues and I do believe that poly can work even if it is not for me.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 11:50:18 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
[/quote]the one weiner rule.
[/quote]

LOL oh dear that's FUNNY. I never had a name for it.   Too funny.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 1:32:12 PM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		As someone who has been seeking a play partner., I am doing it for several reasons.  One, my Master who occasionally enjoys being with two submissive women.  Second, I have no desire to submit to a dominant woman but I do have a desire to explore my bisexuality.  And third, because he told me to.
 
Because he encourages me to learn and grow within our relationship and also outside of it - I have also joined couples on occasion -as an enhancement rather than a permanent addition to their relationship. Trading  is not part of the agreement.  This has given me an opportunity to experience activities my Master may not enjoy.  It also allows me to share that intimacy with another woman while under the direction of a man – which works beautifully for me.  My personal rule is I do not join couples where the submissive is straight and merely pleasing her Dom/Master.  I prefer to engage with women who truly can appreciate another female.  Also, I enjoy observing the dynamics of other D/s couples. 
 
We are not swingers.  We don’t have sex with anyone while hiding behind a D/s pretense.
 
I’ve accepted the fact that I may not ever find what I’m seeking.  This is, in part, because the mind set is – if it doesn’t result in finding the infamous ‘one’ – it isn’t a relationship worth having.  Oh hell, sure sounds better than "it must be me."
 
Just to add, daddysprop247, I love your honesty and I enjoy reading all your posts – even the ones that make me raise my eyebrows or cover my mouth whilst thinking “oh my goodness.”  Thank you.

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 3:16:05 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		I'll be brave an answer for LAM,  yes long term.

My eperience is the same as his, it has never been a problem finding a single bi female for a threesome, I have never  understood all of the talk about it being some strange elusive thing.  That goes for Long term, no shortage of willing participants,  if we were willing to settle rather than waiting for the right fit we could have a houseful, lol.  And yes before it is asked these are face to face meetings with people who have been in our home and interacted with us (not net relationships or play).

If the search is so difficult maybe one should look at what they are doing.

K

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

long term Lam?


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

This has honestly not been my experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: arkantos2222

The odds against them finding the single bisexual female willing to join them are astronomical.



(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 4:03:20 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, both long-term and short-term.  Shrug.  I think what prevents a lot of people from realizing their fantasies is that they're afraid to present themselves as what they are.  If you're honest with yourself and up-front about what you're looking for, you might be surprised to discover how many other people are looking for the same thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

long term Lam?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

This has honestly not been my experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: arkantos2222

The odds against them finding the single bisexual female willing to join them are astronomical.



(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Personal Ads and threesomes - 12/6/2006 5:01:09 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Don't get out much, do ya? 3 posts and 99 years old does not make you an expert....by a long shot apparently.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to arkantos2222)
Profile   Post #: 15
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