Goodmix
Posts: 86
Joined: 8/4/2004
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Your question is typical of someone who is searching for where they fit into this lifestyle. I asked a similar qustion a year ago. i can't find the thread here. The responses i got were exactly the same tone.
it is not strange, but rather typical .
i wish i could find my thread here, but can't. and i wish i could take credit for the quote i am about to paste, but i can't do that either. This did help me though;
START QUOTE
So, what {persons name left out} mentioned about TIME is extremely accurate. The time needed for your reconciliation between:
'giving up self-control' and 'taking control';
'being yourself '(during the 9 hour workday) and 'being yourself' (during your off work hours) [which is an AGE old problem for ANY worker!]
'showing your BEST qualities' (ie. intelligence, strength) vs. 'allowing your WEAK * qualities' (ie. acting totally submissive to anyone else/ even if you think they're being an idiot!)
The point here, and I'll get into other points in more detail, is that this transition in your personality is something that takes TIME. It's basically a reconditioning of the brain. Rearranging your thought processes. Allowing yourself to slip outside your own personally constructed box.
What I have come out the other side with is basically this:
Your current way of thinking of what a submissive is, I believe, at this point completely wrong!
In order to be a TPE, one absolutely HAS TO BE extremely STRONG, CONFIDENT, INTELLIGENT, and every other quality you seem to think you are giving up by being a submissive.
To be STRONG in mind, body and spirit, in order to control your own thoughts, emotions and physical body. To be able to do tasks assigned to you, to be in the 'proper' frame of mind (ie. wanting to succeed in whatever the Dom asks of you), to be able to "take' whatever physical punishments you may merit (or desire, once you learn to absorb pain, and use it as an intense feeling, which in itself can be very sexually stimulating!).......this takes strength that would make any P.O.W. on the planet envious of your strength should you succeed.
To be CONFIDENT in your own abilities to be honest to your very soul....to look at yourself with your inner eye, and think: WOW! Did I just handle that whipping without using my safe word? Am I really NOT threatened because I acknowlege someone else's control of my time by calling them "Master'? Etc.
To be INTELLIGENT enough to know that being a submissive is truly what you want....even if it's only for a few hours at home and outside of real life. To know when to use your safe words. To know how and who to choose as your Dom (Are they good enough for you). To understand when real life is temporarily too overwhelming and you should NOT 'play' that particular evening.
Basically, being a TPE means throwing out any preconcieved notions you have of who you really are inside, and embracing the journey into finding yourself, using BDSM as your guide. Because BDSM will, ultimately, not only allow you to find that person inside, but the adventure in getting there will absolutely (and satisfyingly!) blow your socks off!
*I say WEAK facetiously, as that is a mental stumbling block many people have when viewing subs. In truth, they are the strongest people out there!
So, I say, take the plunge! Indulge your imagination as if you were a child playing Barbie! Feel silly when you are told to kneel in front of your Dom! It will slowly become habit, and you will finally learn to desire these 'silly' things as your way of getting in tune with, or, 'turning on' the sub within yourself.
END QUOTE
let me reasure you, that it will slowley become a habit, and it WILL start to feel more natural. i hope this helps, and feel free to contact me off list if you want to talk more.
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