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having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 2:58:11 AM

redmistndark

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Joined: 11/11/2004
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recently i was in a relationship with a dom couple. i've always had either a Master or Mistress but not both but have always wanted them both. the problem is that i never could come close to making them happy. Mistress had always told me Master is the final decision maker. so beinging the obdient slave i took it as such. but the problem lies i would make one happy and the other angry. so feeling uncomfertable with how it was going i decided to leave. wed only been together two weeks. my question is it possible to have both. please help!

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RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 3:04:56 AM

redmistndark

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lol first time on forums im by no means a vanilla lol

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RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 3:16:46 AM

LadyBadger

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Joined: 11/6/2004
From: Lake Forest, CA
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while my boy is presently collared to me, my Dom SO also works/plays with him... he serves us both, though I do have precedence since I own the collar...

my SO is very careful to ask me if he might borrow the cub for something he wants done... and I usually cheerfully say yes! but do inquire if cub has completed the tasks I'd already assigned or we discuss what all needs to be done to ensure that everything is done or at least prioritized...

I think the key here is communication tween all parties... just so there's no confusion... ::smile:: I certainly don't want to distress the cub due to my own miscommunication(s)... and he knows better now to keep me in the loop -- an angry Mistress is not fun!

as such, cub is very happy to be part of our household and to serve the both of us... certainly making my SO happy makes me happy and if I'm happy, EVERYone is happy! LOL!

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RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 4:15:07 AM

SweetDommes

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We aren't a Master/Mistress couple, but my girlfriend and I are both Dominant, and we share our boys pretty well ... it is definately possible. As LadyBadger stated, it requires a very good communication system between the Dominants themselves, and between the Dominants and the submissive(s). Sometimes that's difficult ... sometimes it doesn't happen ... but as long as we are all trying, it pretty much works itself out.

It is relatively rare to find a Dominant couple that works ... most that I've seen/heard of have been a situation where both were Dominant to the submissive, but one was submissive to the other - and most have also had the communication problems that you talked about (one was happy, other was definately not - because of how you are serving, despite the fact that you were simply following what was agreed upon in the beginning). It is, no matter if it's a D/D/s relationship or a D/d/s relationship (if you get the implications there) it is not easy to keep everyone happy ... and in the situation that they were putting you in, I say you definately did the right thing by leaving before it got too stressful for you. If there had been more communication going, perhaps you could have talked to them about it more and it wouldn't have ended with you having to leave. I do hope that you explained to them why you were leaving though, or some other poor sub is doomed to the same problems with them.

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RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 4:35:10 AM

redmistndark

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quote:

I do hope that you explained to them why you were leaving though, or some other poor sub is doomed to the same problems with them.

i did try to explain how i was feeling but i was told i wasnt that it wasnt what i was truely looking for but it was but now im scarred *sigh*

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RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 11:00:43 AM

SweetDommes

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Then the problem is definately theirs, not yours. You, of all people in the world, should know what you want. And it's one of the things that just squicks me beyond imagining when a "dominant" tries to tell a submissive (or anyone else) what they do or don't "really want". They are not in your head, they cannot possibly know - especially after only knowing you intimately for what? 2 weeks? Not to mention that they obviously didn't hear what you were really telling them ... that what you didn't like was that only one of them was happy and the other one, you were just upsetting ...

Now, our boy, that has lived with us for over a year ... there are a lot of times when we can tell what he wants at that moment ... and we have discussed what he wants overall enough to know fairly well, I think. But that is a long term thing, and something that came from months of observation and discussion.

I hope that you can find another couple, and that the next sub to be with the couple you just left is as smart as you are.

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RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 12:27:54 PM

NATI

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That just should not be going on. I am not in a couple relationship. I don't have that insight. But I can tell you still that the power structure being what it is, that just should not have been going on. They should have been giving you EVERY opportunity to succeed and encouraging your efforts EVEN if you did not. When I punish, I make it CLEAR what the punishment is about, and I coach my sub in figuring out how to do better.

< Message edited by NATI -- 2/17/2005 12:28:43 PM >

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RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 6:01:08 PM

BeachMystress

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From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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I would say you weren't serving a Dominant couple but a Dom/sub couple where they decided she would have her own sub or they would share a beta sub. I do not find anything wrong with that as long as the beta sub is made very aware of the positions of all in the household.

I think you were right to leave. Before two people ever take on a mutual sub, they need to decide protocol for informing the other Dominant of orders/punishments given, and instruct the sub what to do if conflicting orders are given. It sounds like the two you tried to serve didn't bother to figure anything out. Rather like those people who see a cute puppy in a pet shop and buy it without finding out that gee, this breed of dog chews, all dogs need to be walked/fed/bathed and that ownership of something/someone isn't just fun.. it is a responsibility. Good luck in your next placement. At least you'll have more informed questions to ask. *smiles*

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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RE: having a Master and Mistress both - 2/17/2005 6:05:25 PM

BeachMystress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: redmistndark

quote:

I do hope that you explained to them why you were leaving though, or some other poor sub is doomed to the same problems with them.

i did try to explain how i was feeling but i was told i wasnt that it wasnt what i was truely looking for but it was but now im scarred *sigh*

Of course they didn't want it to be a fault in them.. They'd rather just blame it on you. You do not need to be afraid of this type of relationship in the future, you just need someone with a more mature attitude towards it. They need to work out the dynamics BEFORE ever thinking about getting a sub. It wasn't your fault that they didn't.

Sit down and write them a closure note. Tell them exactly why you felt you couldn't maintain a relationship with them. Give specific examples. You'll help them grow as a Dominant couple and help yourself understand where the problems were and what to avoid in the future.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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