Controlling Yourself

Controlling Yourself (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

kyraofMists -> Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 4:58:56 AM)
I often see this concept of "If a dominant is not in control of themselves then they cannot control anyone else." I agree with it to a point. However, I also think the flip side is just as relevant. If a submissive is not in control of themselves then they do not have any control to give any one else. What do others think of this? Do you think that both need to be in control of themselves to build a healthy relationship or does that responsibility lie solely with the dominant? Knight's kyra

mnottertail -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 5:05:29 AM)
All relationships are at least a two way street (maybe a seven corners like Boston, dunno). I think often you see people who take the concept of 'in control of themselves' way to pedantically and outrageously. Dominance is put on a higher pedastal than the virgin mary can immaculate to. I probably shouldn't post my views on this, because just the other day I was sneezing uncontrollably and the kinksters were right there to jerk my union card. Ron

heartfeltsub -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 5:10:06 AM)
For a healthy relationship, i think both need to be in control of themselves. i know that there probably will be some submissives who say, going in to the relationship, they were completely out of control and their Dom has changed all that. While i am not debating that such can occur, i think that the likehood of a healthy, sustaining relationship is greatly increased, if both are in control of themselves.

MmakeMme -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 5:10:10 AM)
Oh my heavens, kyra. If a sub / slave is not in touch with and in control of herself, then her submission is of no use. I totally agree.

missturbation -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 5:15:01 AM)
Ok i hope this comes out right !! I'm not always in control of myself and in my opinion i don't think anyone is all of the time. I personally find control of myself much easier when i have an outside influence to guide me. I've always been one to act first, think later but with outside influence always find myself much more likely to stop and think.

impetuousone -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 5:15:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I often see this concept of "If a dominant is not in control of themselves then they cannot control anyone else." I agree with it to a point. However, I also think the flip side is just as relevant. If a submissive is not in control of themselves then they do not have any control to give any one else. What do others think of this? Do you think that both need to be in control of themselves to build a healthy relationship or does that responsibility lie solely with the dominant? Knight's kyra I agree, kyra, absolutely! Both need to have a clue as to who and what they are, not just a wish to contol or be controlled. As has been stated time and again, this lifestyle is not a game!

heartfeltsub -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 5:18:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Ok i hope this comes out right !! I'm not always in control of myself and in my opinion i don't think anyone is all of the time. I personally find control of myself much easier when i have an outside influence to guide me. I've always been one to act first, think later but with outside influence always find myself much more likely to stop and think. i think i understand what you are saying here, as i have areas in my life that i find easier to control when i have an outside source expecting me to control that part of my life. But your answer does raise a question, which is, would you consider yourself to have no control over your life, or are most of the areas of your life under your control? Hope that was okay to ask. heartfelt

missturbation -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 5:34:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Ok i hope this comes out right !! I'm not always in control of myself and in my opinion i don't think anyone is all of the time. I personally find control of myself much easier when i have an outside influence to guide me. I've always been one to act first, think later but with outside influence always find myself much more likely to stop and think. i think i understand what you are saying here, as i have areas in my life that i find easier to control when i have an outside source expecting me to control that part of my life. But your answer does raise a question, which is, would you consider yourself to have no control over your life, or are most of the areas of your life under your control? Hope that was okay to ask. heartfelt I have full control over my life to a certain extent. It is just that i do not behave in a controlled manner when dealing with certain aspects at certain times. Financial matters and behaviour in general would probably be my loss of control areas. I am currently talking to a Dom/ Master (my god) and he has had a great effect on my behaviour etc whether he knows this or not. My need / want to please him and not behave in any way he would not see fit keeps me under control in the main. Hope this helps. [:D]

MzMia -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 6:14:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I often see this concept of "If a dominant is not in control of themselves then they cannot control anyone else." I agree with it to a point. However, I also think the flip side is just as relevant. If a submissive is not in control of themselves then they do not have any control to give any one else. What do others think of this? Do you think that both need to be in control of themselves to build a healthy relationship or does that responsibility lie solely with the dominant? Knight's kyra Great topic Knight's kyra, Is anyone always in total control of anything? Is anyone perfect? To me, I am happy when I see evidence of someone trying, being sincere and being honest. I look for many traits in a submissive, but perfection is not a trait I seek. Also, I am not perfect, nor do I want the pressure of having to feel I must try to be perfect. Most people that are sane, do the best that they can. I think many have unrealistic expectations on both sides of the fence. Submissives that seek the "perfect" Domina, and Domina's that seek the "perfect" submissive are both living in fantasy land. In fact, I try my best to avoid extremly judgemental people, life is just to short. If any one knows a perfect Domina or submissive, please let me know. Happy Holidays [:D]

marieToo -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 6:20:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Ok i hope this comes out right !! I'm not always in control of myself and in my opinion i don't think anyone is all of the time. I personally find control of myself much easier when i have an outside influence to guide me. I've always been one to act first, think later but with outside influence always find myself much more likely to stop and think. I am probably the polar opposite of this. I wish I was less of a thinker and less controlled actually. I think I go through my life being entirely too cautious. Though the change came over me when I became a mother. i could really see a marked difference in my ability to take 'risk'. I used to be more care-free. Some day, I fully expect to lose control again. lol. On edit and more in keeping with the topic, I believe in a Ds relationship (as in any other type) both parties need to be repsonsible for their own control or behavior to a great extent. Otherwise it's no different than parent/toddler, in my eyes.

missturbation -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 6:23:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Ok i hope this comes out right !! I'm not always in control of myself and in my opinion i don't think anyone is all of the time. I personally find control of myself much easier when i have an outside influence to guide me. I've always been one to act first, think later but with outside influence always find myself much more likely to stop and think. I am probably the polar opposite of this. I wish I was less of a thinker and less controlled actually. I think I go through my life being entirely too cautious. Though the change came over me when I became a mother. i could really see a marked difference in my ability to take 'risk'. I used to be more care-free. Some day, I fully expect to lose control again. lol. we are opposites lol. My having a little one never changed my ability to take risks. Irresponsible ? Maybe!!

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 6:23:51 AM)
I think a D/s relationship is a mutual one. For it to be a good successful relationship both should be mature and in control. We all have moments when we aren't. That isn't to say that we should be in control 24 hours and never make a mistake. That isn't possible. We all see on the forums those Dominants or submissives that have alot of drama in their lives and no control. The seem to have alot of problems in the relationship. I think it works both ways.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 6:23:58 AM)
Thank you missturbation, your answer helps very much, and i think that you and i are a somewhat similar, there are areas that i don't control as well as others, on my own i mean. i can start out controlling them, and then the will power to stay in control wanes, but if i am controlling them because someone else has told me to, that helps me stay the course so to speak. But i do not, nor does anyone who knows me consider me a person who is out of control in any way, shape or form. heartfelt

Kalira -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 6:27:05 AM)
quote: What do others think of this? Do you think that both need to be in control of themselves to build a healthy relationship or does that responsibility lie solely with the dominant? I would say both need a measure of control.

missturbation -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 6:30:43 AM)
Your welcome [:D] I too don't think i'm considered out of control by my friends or those who know me - maybe i ought to check lol. I too lose the willpower to control my actions etc - all good intentions but ...... lol.

LaTigresse -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 6:55:26 AM)
I do my best to be a mature, responsible adult. There will always be room for growth and improvement. I don't expect anyone else to be responsible for me and my life. I am a human being with faults and foibles. I accept myself as I am while actively seeking personal growth. I believe that is the purpose of life from beginning to end, to grow and learn. In a potential S.O. I want to see the same qualities. I am not here to save anyone from themself. I expect that each of our place in the relationship to enhance one anothers life, not fix it.

HollyS -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 6:55:59 AM)
Hi kyra, quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I often see this concept of "If a dominant is not in control of themselves then they cannot control anyone else." I agree with it to a point. However, I also think the flip side is just as relevant. If a submissive is not in control of themselves then they do not have any control to give any one else. What do others think of this? Do you think that both need to be in control of themselves to build a healthy relationship or does that responsibility lie solely with the dominant? Pretty much any time one person is solely responsible for the health and well-being of the relationship, its doomed to fail. So when you said that both partners need to be "in control of themselves" (and I agree with you), to me that means emotionally maturity -- being open, flexible, empathic and genuinely concerned for the other's welfare, even when it's really hard. For a long time I've said that for there to be a genuine power (authority) exchange, a submissive needs to be powerful in the first place. Personal power...you have to have it to give it up. And when someone else really wants it, it’s that transfer and acceptance of desire that amounts to submission. JMO, of course. ~Holly

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 7:01:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I do my best to be a mature, responsible adult. There will always be room for In a potential S.O. I want to see the same qualities. I am not here to save anyone from themself. I expect that each of our place in the relationship to enhance one anothers life, not fix it. Exactly.

thetammyjo -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 7:02:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I often see this concept of "If a dominant is not in control of themselves then they cannot control anyone else." I agree with it to a point. However, I also think the flip side is just as relevant. If a submissive is not in control of themselves then they do not have any control to give any one else. What do others think of this? Do you think that both need to be in control of themselves to build a healthy relationship or does that responsibility lie solely with the dominant? Knight's kyra I think that if we waited for each person to be in control of him/herself 100% of the time, we'd never do any of this stuff at all. I think it is a mature person who can be working on their own lives and be strong in their own life and be honest about it. Personal I only do BDSM with mature people.

MasterNdorei -> RE: Controlling Yourself (12/9/2006 7:55:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail I probably shouldn't post my views on this, because just the other day I was sneezing uncontrollably and the kinksters were right there to jerk my union card. Ron quote: Ummmmm maybe that is because of where you carry your union card? Smiling Sweetly, Master's dorei

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875