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hejira92 -> RE: New to the lifestyle and confused? Who am I????? (12/9/2006 8:35:42 AM)
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Oh, Dear!
I know how you feel! And, DO I HATE CLEANING, TOO ! And, when I first started thinking and experimenting, boy, did I not want any pain! I had fantasized about being bound forever and the idea of being totally controlled, well, wow. But I had many of the same reactions to the things i read as you do. Some of it seemed a little too extreme. But I have found that you define yourself- as a new sub, you set your limits and until you make the decision to give yourself and lose that right, you can stay in your comfort zone as you experiment.
One thing I did was besides reading everything I could, was to write. I wrote several erotic stories, both within and ouside of my realm of experience, to kind of test my inner reactions to various scenarios. As I got more real life experience, I found I got pretty close to my real responses in the stories. And, as i got real experience, I found that pain isn't all that scary (to an extent) and it can be used as any other sensation- for specific reasons and reactions. (When you find the One, you will be expanded beyond what you could ever have imagined.)
Some of the things you mention- giving opinions and such- were a real concern for me as well. What I have found is that Master discusses everything with me, seeks and respects my opinion, yet, at the end of the day, Master makes the descision. Which is just perfect by me (when He reads this, He will give me a big, sarcastic thank you [:)]).
Also, there are many differences between slave and sub. You may be confusing the two.
I think I asked myself all the same questions. Keep exploring, but please do it safely.
Wishing you fun, fulfillment and discovery,
hejira
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