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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/12/2006 9:39:05 AM

Yourangelic1

Posts: 42
Joined: 12/7/2006
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Hello,
i guess i will add my personal experience and opinion here, thank you for bringing the topic up first of all!
Just having come out of my first RT 24/7 relationship with my former Mistress, i believe i have learned alot. Especially on this subject of what to look for in a Dom/me.
First and foremost i have learned that submitting to Another is a gift i give, not to be taken lightly, and not to be given to just anyone. i have found that settling, is never a good idea. As one girl said here, knowing what her wants and desires were as a submissive was the most important, i totally agree. Its especially important to make sure you feel worthy of being a sub.
i believe its important also to discuss with a prospective Dom/me about their expectations of you, and if you will be allowed to have a voice, and just how much voice you will be allowed.
i think its important to ask for references, not necessarily D/s ones, but personal ones.
Its important as you think of getting more serious with this person that they are able to send a picture, and identify themselves as who they present. (this goes for both Dom's and subs).
Certainly it is important to ask about nilla interests,
i think its important when looking at a perspective partner that they are accountable.. if they say they will call, or be online, or whatever it is that they are reliable.
i am rambling, so i will end here, Good luck to you, angelic

(in reply to toservez)

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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/12/2006 9:43:04 AM

mnottertail

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This is certainly one opinion, and while not wrong, significant assertions within this opinion would not be therefore considered in any way right by quite a few people here including myself.

Ron

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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/12/2006 3:27:07 PM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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If i am looking for something more than a play partner two questions i always ask:
1. Do you have a dog/cat/bird/horse/hamster etc? (i want to know if He has any experience caring for something )
2. What makes You laugh right out loud? (a sense of humor is a must for me)

The other questions have been great!

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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/12/2006 3:29:23 PM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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~Fast Response~

View on parenting (if they want to be) and how parenting would be handled in d/s or m/s relationship. Also, the sort of things they would be wanting you to do as far as public scenes go. If they would want to share you or keep other subs/slaves at the same.

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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/13/2006 6:40:04 AM

littleone35

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Joined: 2/17/2005
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For me i would ask the amount of experiene they have.
If they have any other subs/slaves
Those are the questions i always ask them after that i want to know everything about them.

Matt's littleone

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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/13/2006 12:01:35 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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Since I ducked answering the question directly last time I would take another swing at it.

The first questions I liked to ask were targeted to specifically determine if the person I was interested in had given serious thought to the total relationship and actually had their own opinion on things.

My favorite question was usually about control in terms of how much they were looking for and how much they had in previous experiences. I was very much hoping for a straightforward answer and not some political BS about that is up to both to agree upon type answer.

I also asked a vanilla question that made them think and describe. What do you do to relax or what type of vacation do you like most? Again it was not so much the actual answer but how they answered it. If they always put me in the answer with kink then I was usually dealing with a cyber dreamer. If they always tried to use my profile to guess at an answer then red flag, the ones who answered simply and straightforwardly were the best.

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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/13/2006 4:03:29 PM

Dackon

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Humm found this to be very intresting and helpfull I agree alot with those questions and there something taht a inexperianced person can do. Thanks.

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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/15/2006 6:09:55 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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I never bothered to ask him about training.

I asked about anger, what made him angry, what his response was when angry etc.
I asked about his connection to his family since I'm a single parent and I have zero respect for men who complain about their exes but don't see their kids and aren't involved in their lives.
Basically I asked about his values since it was important to me that I not be in a relationship with someone who does not share my values.

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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/15/2006 6:27:50 AM

acctonthelook

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Joined: 3/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: liljeanti

Are they married, in a relationship, or have ever cheated is now one of my top questions. Im not doing so good in that area, seems I attract all these people that are cheaters and in relationships.

Don't take the blame because someone is intentionally misleading you, lying or just lost. I recently met several Dom's who are married. They are not happy people. I consider them "Lost Souls" without courage to really step up and be who they are at heart. I recently had to let my dream Dom go because of his lack of honesty upfront. He needs to work out things in his life before he can "not settle" for another vanilla lifestyle. Funny thing is he has every excuse to not leave and create what he says he wants. I have heard it all before. I won't be involved with another married Dom or vanilla man...it hurt too much the first time. I really liked my Dom on so many levels that it was a hard decision for me to make, but I made it because I want to have morals. Most people just say they have morals.

My point is: Don't take the blame for others who lack integrity, honesty and who are lost and trying to find themselves.

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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/15/2006 6:46:38 AM

Padriag

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Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dackon

When your finding a dom/master. What are some important questions to ask.

I don't recommend any list of specific questions for a couple of reasons.

First, asking someone if they are a liar is fairly useless (if they aren't a liar, they'll say they aren't. If they are a liar, they'll still say they aren't. This is the problem with most such lists of questions, they are easy to spot and those inclined to be dishonest still will be).
Second, such lists tend to sound like a job interview and miss the personal connection important to a relationship.

What I do recommend is that there are topics that should be discussed. Things like discussing the kind of relationship they want, why they want it, what do they like to do for fun, how they get along with their family, what do they think of children, what do they think of people who are deeply in debt, do they have pets (and if not, why?), etc. These sorts of topics tend to draw a person out and reveal things about their character indirectly. Over time and several discussions you start to get a better picture of who they really are.

When possible I also recommend plenty of direct observation, how the person actually lives, how well they care for their belongings, how they dress (are they clean or a slob, neat or well... a slob), how generous they are (do they tip or not, although in some countries tipping is not a custom so be aware of cultural differences when talking to someone from a different culture than you), how they react to people who are NOT important to them (do they treat them well or badly). All these things demonstrate their character, their real nature.

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RE: when finding a dom/master - 12/15/2006 7:43:54 AM

afeathr

Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
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I agree with the concept of avoiding a "job interview" type situation. If you are comfortable with him, and converse on the right level (the one that decides if you are compatible in *any* way or not) then the kinky/lifestyle type conversation with flow naturally. I agree that you want to know, in your mind, the things that are important to you and to steer the conversation in that direction, but just sitting down with a list of questions is rather... um... rude, at least to me.

And, in all truthfulness, your not going to know on the first meeting everything you want/need to know. Go with the flow and see what happens. Sir and I have lived together for going on 4 months now and we are still learning things that we didn't know before, and will continue to do so forever... there is no way to know the full extent of a person - just too many facets to look at.

Good Luck!

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