Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret"

Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (Full Version)

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littlesarbonn -> Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/9/2006 2:41:28 PM)
An academic colleague of mine (another grad student in the new program I'm in...my next graduate degree as I'm slowly accomplishing all of them by alphabetical order. [:)]) came up to me the other day and asked me: "You ever google someone's name you know just to find out about them?" I said, "No, I tend to like to leave people their privacy." So, then his logical train of conversation immediately stopped because I honestly think he's the ONLY person who has EVER discovered my kinky side through the Internet. He then made a general comment. "I didn't know you speak five languages. That's pretty impressive." And I responded, "it's just one of those things. You finish Dr. C's article assignment?" And it kind of ended there. I guess I'm getting better at dealing with these things as it's happened more and more times to me, but it never ceases to amaze me how people think someone else's life is a conversational open ground.

MisPandora -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/9/2006 4:34:58 PM)
Happens to me quite frequently in my workplace, but someone's already outed me to the executive board. It's not like it's much of a secret. I just choose not to share what goes on in my personal life with folks I work with. I roll over the ignorant comments generally with a fireback, "Wow, I can't imagine where you were to find out that information!" They shut up and slink away.

thetammyjo -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/9/2006 5:59:31 PM)
These are great way of dealing with it. I had only one student try something with me because he "discovered my secret" -- I asked him why he was looking up personal information on me and what that had to do with our class. He shut up.

sweetnsensual -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/9/2006 6:07:27 PM)
MisPandora, This might be a stupid question but why would someone out you to the executive board at your job? Do you even know? I just can't imagine why someone would think they have the right to screw with someone's livelihood like that--as I see it. Even if I hated someone, or they did something absolutely, horribly unforgivable to me, I would definitely think more than twice before I try to mess with them via their job. You just don't mess with people's jobs...

littlesarbonn -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/9/2006 8:56:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnsensual MisPandora, This might be a stupid question but why would someone out you to the executive board at your job? Do you even know? I just can't imagine why someone would think they have the right to screw with someone's livelihood like that--as I see it. Even if I hated someone, or they did something absolutely, horribly unforgivable to me, I would definitely think more than twice before I try to mess with them via their job. You just don't mess with people's jobs... I discovered this mindset of leaving people alone is pretty much a thing of the past. At the last school where I taught, I had a young girl actually try to "turn me in" to the administration of my department because she "discovered" my secret on the Internet, and when she approached me about it through email, I stated that it would be inappropriate to discuss such information with a student and ended it there. Fortunately, my administration knew all about my strange lifestyle (something I made sure to put out fires before they ever happened), so they mentioned it to me in passing one day that she'd gone through channels to try to get me in trouble, even though nothing was done wrong and all was on the up and up. But that girl felt some bizarre need to go after a teacher who never treated her badly in class and treated her with great respect as I treat all my students.

whisperedsighs -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/9/2006 9:01:54 PM)
I would love for someone to try and out me to my bosses, I work in the BDSM industry! They would laugh!

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/9/2006 9:12:13 PM)
Eh, I was outted before, and I am sure it'l happen again. My way of dealig with is is just not to be bothered. It isnt my dirty little secret. If someone makes a stupid comment about my lifestyle choice I just respond in turn. The one time someoen at work decided to ask me what I go out of beating my boyrfiend, since they "found out" about me... I said about the same thing as you do fucking your wife doggy style... He never as much as asked me how my boyfriend was after that. DV

MisPandora -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/9/2006 11:14:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnsensual MisPandora, This might be a stupid question but why would someone out you to the executive board at your job? Do you even know? I just can't imagine why someone would think they have the right to screw with someone's livelihood like that--as I see it. Even if I hated someone, or they did something absolutely, horribly unforgivable to me, I would definitely think more than twice before I try to mess with them via their job. You just don't mess with people's jobs... It was someone within the company. That's called competition.

MisPandora -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/9/2006 11:20:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn I discovered this mindset of leaving people alone is pretty much a thing of the past. At the last school where I taught, I had a young girl actually try to "turn me in" to the administration of my department because she "discovered" my secret on the Internet, and when she approached me about it through email, I stated that it would be inappropriate to discuss such information with a student and ended it there. Fortunately, my administration knew all about my strange lifestyle (something I made sure to put out fires before they ever happened), so they mentioned it to me in passing one day that she'd gone through channels to try to get me in trouble, even though nothing was done wrong and all was on the up and up. But that girl felt some bizarre need to go after a teacher who never treated her badly in class and treated her with great respect as I treat all my students. smiles You and I have had similar experiences! Later on down the pike from my episode with the E-board, there was a problem with co-workers claiming I took issue to someone being gay. For those of you who don't know me, I spent much of my title year as Ms World Leather working with a gay man who is HIV poz for 25 years, connecting him with a transplant center who works with poz patients, ultimately ending in another gay leatherman stepping forward to be his living kidney donor. I championed for our organization to get invites to Pride and other GLBT events in the community because of the huge educational disparity I discovered in the gay community about donation (thanks to the Red Cross.) Thank the gods, the E-board was fully aware of my involvement. They called the individuals involved into the HR department and asked them what their beef was with me because they were fully aware of my active participation in the GLBT community. Shortly thereafter, both individuals put in a 4 week notice and managed to find jobs elsewhere.

thetammyjo -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/10/2006 6:13:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnsensual MisPandora, This might be a stupid question but why would someone out you to the executive board at your job? Do you even know? I just can't imagine why someone would think they have the right to screw with someone's livelihood like that--as I see it. Even if I hated someone, or they did something absolutely, horribly unforgivable to me, I would definitely think more than twice before I try to mess with them via their job. You just don't mess with people's jobs... I discovered this mindset of leaving people alone is pretty much a thing of the past. At the last school where I taught, I had a young girl actually try to "turn me in" to the administration of my department because she "discovered" my secret on the Internet, and when she approached me about it through email, I stated that it would be inappropriate to discuss such information with a student and ended it there. Fortunately, my administration knew all about my strange lifestyle (something I made sure to put out fires before they ever happened), so they mentioned it to me in passing one day that she'd gone through channels to try to get me in trouble, even though nothing was done wrong and all was on the up and up. But that girl felt some bizarre need to go after a teacher who never treated her badly in class and treated her with great respect as I treat all my students. I think being out to an appropriate degree to your place of work is the wisest way to deal with potential problems. I've never hidden who I am. Besides the one student I mentioned earlier I had one very grumpy professor try to get me removed from a search committee by bringing up my writing -- guess what, everyone else in the department knows, the other graduate students know, and they also all know how great a teacher, assistant, and scholar I am plus I'm trustworthy and don't get myself into political fights in the department. Couldn't say these things about the professor so the factulty voted on the issue and told her I was staying on the committee -- she left it and frankly we probably accomplished a lot more far more quickly than if she'd stayed on it. If you do your job well and don't hide your personal life (but don't flaunt it either unless like whisperedsighs you work where it is appropriate) I really think you will find things are not as scary as you may be believe about being out.

FemmeOwner -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/10/2006 6:50:03 AM)
Actually, my first potential slave tried to out me to my landlady in hopes of getting me evicted, when I decided that he wouldn't work out. Called 'er right up. Like she cared. I always pay the rent on time, never cause problems, and tell her all the time how happy I am with my home. She came to tell me, which is how I knew, and she and I had a good laugh about it and I showed her my cool mylar flogger.

MizSuz -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/10/2006 7:23:55 AM)
I've been outted to the execs of a company I was working with. It wasn't the company that had major issues with me, as I didn't bring it to work, but the buzz it made in the 1000 person building and industry message boards was disruptive. The emails to the execs continued periodically for some time. I knew because the execs that received the emails always printed them out and gave them to me. I even tracked one of them back (the bonehead used the same yahoo email to post to newsgroups) and confronted the sender, who admitted to having been put up to it by someone with a grudge (who will remain nameless here). I do recall having a conversation with a colleague who supported me while one of the rumor-mongers was eaves-dropping, assuming I didn't know about her participation in the rumors. I said "Ya know, this has really become as tiresome as it is unprofessional. It's got no business in the workplace. Although, I can't help but feel pity for people who think my personal life is more interesting than their own." I can't say that it stopped the rumors but it did get around that I knew I'd been outted, didn't much care and there'd been no major problems with the company over it.

DiannaVesta -> RE: Drop kicking the snide comment vanillas who "discover" your "secret" (12/10/2006 9:31:49 AM)
It always sickens me when you get some stupid ass that thinks he’s all cool when he does research on me and discovers my real name and other business interest. I don’t hide things but I also don’t feel my business should be announced to the world. I have had a few guys show up at my non-adult web sites and post or email me with stupid remarks. I hate that type of person that needs to do this and I don’t hate anyone. I had a guy that was doing farm work for me and made a few comments that led me to think that he knew about the Goddess. I connected with them on Mother Earth News and figured he was at least a conscious human. It really took me back when I heard him say he was trained well. I always had the feeling that he knew Dianna Vesta first, hunted me down and applied for the job knowing it was me. Maybe he didn’t but that was always in the back of my mind. D, just ignore it. Fluff it off. Never feed into it. Never let them see you sweat.

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