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outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/9/2006 10:52:21 PM

bbwdommelilith

Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
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I'd like to hear about experiences that other CM's have had when they disclosed their kinkiness to friends and family- or when they have been unwillingly outed.

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/9/2006 11:04:09 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I came out to my sister when I was 19- she got a bit upset and said it was just a phase. Since then she's figured out it's not a phase and it's just not something we talk about.

With friends, it's mostly a casual "Yeah, we're into kinky stuff" when the topic arises appropriately. I pick friends who are open minded and want me for me to begin with- so if they can't handle that, then they aren't my friends.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_603184/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#603237
Coming Out

http://www.collarchat.com/m_594649/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#594704
Telling Family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_552712/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#552726
real world acceptance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_500172/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#500695
So I came out...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_191844/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#192641
family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_87719/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#87743
Talking to vanilla people

http://www.collarchat.com/m_673932/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#673940
questions about coming out

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/9/2006 11:07:03 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I came out to my mom a few years ago, explaining that what I liked was a very structured Dom/sub relationship. I also explained that I was a sadist to the sub's masochist. Her response was: Well, I can see how knowing what's expected of you would be really nice, but I'm not much into the whips and chains stuff.

I was outed to one of my mom's sisters when I was having a conversation with mom about me running for a state-wide leather title. My Aunt heard her side of the conversation and later asked questions.

I was outed to my mom's family one Thanksgiving when I took a slave with me. The afore mentioned aunt and my mom were coming in together. They called me on my cell, asking if the guy I was bringing was a boyfriend or a slave. I assumed that when they called, everyone there heard what they asked, so I introduced slave jason as, well, slave jason when we arrived. It wasn't until I got a few odd looks that I realized that not everyone knew. I simply apologized and explained I thought everyone knew and if anyone had any questions, I was happy to answer some. No one did, but several commented on what a nice, helpful boy he was. ;-)

My father's family doesn't know and since I don't spend a lot of time with them, I don't see the point.

Master Fire

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/9/2006 11:24:26 PM

DOM68005

Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
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A coworker of mine was "outed" when I attended a group meeting much like a munch. The leader of the group was just asking general questions as any vanilla conversation would ask a newcomer to any group.
When he asked where I worked, I answered with the name of my well known employer (several thousand employees strong). He asked if I knew so-and-so was a sub?

I happened to work with so-and-so who often brought her teenage son to work. No - I did not have a clue she was a sub. I never approached her on the subject either.

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/10/2006 12:50:34 AM

shatteringlilium

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/19/2005
From: BFE, Washington
Status: offline

My mom got snoopy and found my former Miss' journal due to an error on both her and my parts ^-^

So now I actually talk to her regularly.

Dad knows what I'm into to an extent.

I was outed to a friend at work, and then more than I wanted known got shown at my house warming. Because of the nosy friend. And the nature of HER marital status got leaked when she said "my husband" - oops.

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/10/2006 1:18:57 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
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I told a vanilla friend. She thinks i am a bit weird but doesn't seem to care other than as a massage therapist she has seen a few bruises and when that happens she really looks at me strangely. I have decided to just not really discuss it with her but to answer questions when she has one. My husband outted me to his coworkers shortly before he died. Has been rather unfriendly with some since for some very stupid reason they seem to think that my life created a blockage that resulted in a massive heart attack. LOL they really believe that my life killed him instead of his being overweight over working and eating all the wrong foods while not exercising. While i don't understand their reasoning i accept the fact that their friendship with me ended at his death.

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/10/2006 8:55:44 AM

darksdesire

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Joined: 10/18/2006
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I was outed unwillingly, by someone I had been in a vanilla relationship with previously, and who was angry with me for ending it. The outing was a result of a serious invasion of privacy, which took considerable research and snooping on his part. Anyway, I was definitely not ready to be outed, and for a while, it was used as a blackmail tool. Finally, I just thought, "What the hell." The fear of exposure was probably worse than the exposure itself, and I stopped responding emotionally to the blackmail threats. Being outed, while it's not something I would have chosen yet, wasn't the end of the world like I feared it might be.

< Message edited by darksdesire -- 12/10/2006 8:56:45 AM >

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/10/2006 9:10:03 AM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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I was outed at work when one of my co-workers came across my profile and pic on a dating site. I never found out who it was but the news went through wal-mart like wildfire. None of the women approached me, but the men started becoming really flirtatious and when they found I wouldn't play, stopped helping me in general.. Eventually, it began to interfere with my job and my ability to rise in the company. I still ran a department, wrote the store newspaper, and did department sets, but could not go further. One of the managers who was my friend let me know why when he quit and moved on to law school. Apparently mgt believed it might make me unstable.
LOL.. Heck, I thought you HAD to be unstable to even consider management.
I ended up quitting and now work for myself. It is a much better gig.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/10/2006 9:20:05 AM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
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Let's see... willingly, most of my friends know. If they're the type of people that can't handle what I do in the privacy of my own home, then they wouldn't be my friends. One did say "So, I think I know the terminology... are you a sub... no, wait. You're definitely a... the non-submissive one."

Which was a joy to hear.

I was outed accidently at work, but didn't mind, since it was in the process of talking to a submissive and commenting on shared experiences that led to several fun nights.

I accidently outed myself to my mother by leaving a flogger hanging from the drawer in my bedroom one night when she was visiting. She just smiled and said "I don't want to know, do I?"

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/10/2006 9:51:04 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
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I have never discussed My lifestyle with family, vanilla friends or work associates, and don't intend to. I think My sister has her suspicions, but doesn't say anything. I am pretty active in metaphysics and have crossed paths with people I know from the BDSM community at metaphysical events, but we just smiled and went on our way without saying anything.

A few former subs have felt the need to tell their family members about O/our involvement in the lifestyle, without consulting with Me first. If they had asked Me, I would have preferred that they not do this. Anyway, once the cat was out of the bag, their relatives were not comfortable talking to Me directly about it, but would make joking comments here and there. A few remarked to the sub that I just seemed too nice and normal to be involved in "things like that."

Lady Topaz

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/10/2006 10:33:49 AM

MagiksSlave

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Joined: 9/11/2006
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My family knows.. well my emediate family knows and honestly Im glad because with this online stuff me not haveing to hide it from them really makes it much safer for me. They found out because I live at home and started going on these types of sights when I was like 14... My mom always checked the log and she came up to me and asked me about it she wasnt judgmental she didnt condem me try to change my mind or anything we had a nice talk and she helped me reasherch and explore safely online. Yes sometimes I get teased a bit and gawd only know what they think whenever I go over Masters house.\

Heck my mom even helped pay for a trip to florida to spend the week with a man that is now my X Master (Though we are still frineds the distance prooved to much) however that was only after talking to him on the phone a few times as well as getting all his personal infor (Ok so she is over protective LOL) Most of the Doms I have dated humor my mom and understand her consern the ones that dont well they are no longer in the pic. Master has been very good about my mom, though the funniest was when my mom called hims cell phone to talk to me because mine was dead and she couldnt get through and out of habit and the way my mom was raised she actually called him Sir (I dont think she realises the meaining of useing Sir in our lifestyle it was totaly a venilla thing) on the phone, that was really really early in our relationship like the first 2 weeks and my mom didnt really know Master and she calls all new people she talks to Sir or Ma'am (she is very polite and that is part of the reason I call most people Sir or Ma'am even subs) ok rambling over.

Magik's slave

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If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/10/2006 12:47:51 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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Basically people went...."Hmmmm well that makes sense"

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/10/2006 5:55:20 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

I'd like to hear about experiences that other CM's have had when they disclosed their kinkiness to friends and family- or when they have been unwillingly outed.

My family has always known; they have never had any issues with it. My teenager even knows about my slavery; she will ask questions, but she has no problem with it either.
My friends, those who bother to ask, get an honest answer; those who don't are left to guess. The same goes with those whom I work with; those who ask, get an honest answer; those who dont, are left to guess.

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We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/10/2006 6:13:31 PM

darksdesire

Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

My family knows.. well my emediate family knows and honestly Im glad because with this online stuff me not haveing to hide it from them really makes it much safer for me. They found out because I live at home and started going on these types of sights when I was like 14... My mom always checked the log and she came up to me and asked me about it she wasnt judgmental she didnt condem me try to change my mind or anything we had a nice talk and she helped me reasherch and explore safely online. Yes sometimes I get teased a bit and gawd only know what they think whenever I go over Masters house.\

Heck my mom even helped pay for a trip to florida to spend the week with a man that is now my X Master (Though we are still frineds the distance prooved to much) however that was only after talking to him on the phone a few times as well as getting all his personal infor (Ok so she is over protective LOL) Most of the Doms I have dated humor my mom and understand her consern the ones that dont well they are no longer in the pic. Master has been very good about my mom, though the funniest was when my mom called hims cell phone to talk to me because mine was dead and she couldnt get through and out of habit and the way my mom was raised she actually called him Sir (I dont think she realises the meaining of useing Sir in our lifestyle it was totaly a venilla thing) on the phone, that was really really early in our relationship like the first 2 weeks and my mom didnt really know Master and she calls all new people she talks to Sir or Ma'am (she is very polite and that is part of the reason I call most people Sir or Ma'am even subs) ok rambling over.

Magik's slave

That amazes me. I am quite sure my mother wouldn't be so open minded. It's wonderful that yours is.

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/12/2006 9:16:17 PM

betticus

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/1/2004
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I keep my personal life pretty quiet but my close friends know to some extent. After an arguement with one of them who was stupidly drunk she decided to rat me out to everyone that I know and all of her friends. For a couple of weeks people treated me very strangely, some of them anyway. A few of them went away, some just returned to normal once they figured out that I wasn't some kind of wolf in sheeps clothing and a few got a lot friendlier.

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/13/2006 12:40:06 AM

andreaC

Posts: 195
Joined: 10/15/2006
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My mother has discovered my slave contract and lots of clothespins

so i had to explain to her my lifestyle. My two sisters are aware, but prefer i dont discuss it with them, especially one that says i need my head exam. My close friends and one cousin are aware about it and are quite comfortable with it.

For some reason, i have one cousin that came to me and told me what i was (slave) and admitted he was a Dom himself..........i guess it runs in the family

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/13/2006 1:02:40 AM

CandleInTheWind

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove

I told a vanilla friend. She thinks i am a bit weird but doesn't seem to care other than as a massage therapist she has seen a few bruises and when that happens she really looks at me strangely. I have decided to just not really discuss it with her but to answer questions when she has one. My husband outted me to his coworkers shortly before he died. Has been rather unfriendly with some since for some very stupid reason they seem to think that my life created a blockage that resulted in a massive heart attack. LOL they really believe that my life killed him instead of his being overweight over working and eating all the wrong foods while not exercising. While i don't understand their reasoning i accept the fact that their friendship with me ended at his death.

well it isnt like thy were your friends anyhow...and well since he is deceased who needs Them anyhow??

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RE: outed- willingly and unwillinglu - 12/13/2006 6:05:14 AM

Dartantris

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/31/2006
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I don't think the intimate details of my sexual relations or tastes is anyone business but mine and my partners. I've never had a friend sit down with me and whisper in my ear "I'm hetro-sexual." I'd respond with "Tell someone who gives a crap."

Some people define themsleves by their sexual orientation or preferences. I see that as a part of me - not the whole of me and wouldn't want to be defined in that way. It's a very shallow, superficial way of looking at yourself. I guess I'd be more concerned about things like that if I was insecure and needed to play the role of Dom and maintain a masculine image. I don't need external validation of my masculinity so I would have no desire to be outed - willingly or not.

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