Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (Full Version)

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Plethora22 -> Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 12:19:48 AM)

I've been struggling with something on a few different levels, and while I realize I may well not get the answers I want by posting this, I do want to know what others think, because I am severly conflicted.

So here is the situation.  I am male, first and foremost.  For several reasons I will get into momentarily, I wish to serve a lesbian dominant.  So essentially my question is the following:  When it comes to the lesbian dominants who state explicitely "no men" in their profiles, is there any justification for writing anyway and expecting that I may get a response?  Perhaps a better way of putting it is this... if I am genuinely of the belief that I have something to offer that is different from what most others have to offer, am I at all justified in writing a polite message of introduction anyway?

I wanted to put up the basic question first, before convoluted aspects of my psyche came into play, as there are probably those among you who do not care about my further reasonings and already have your answer.

However, perhaps some of you do care about the particulars, and I will get into that now.  I wish to serve in a female supremacist style environment.  Furthermore, I wish to serve a woman who is not at all sexually attracted to me.  And lastly, if possible, I wish to serve a dominant woman who has an outright distaste of men. 

I realize saying so is futile, and those who wish to criticize my choices are going to do so anyway, but I do wish to point out that I am not here to debate the rights and wrongs of that for which I am looking.  This is something I would like to explore, and while it may be that there are some very negative consequences associated with this path, I am going to find that out on my own and anything anyone tells me to the contrary is going to fall on deaf ears for the time being.

That being said, does anyone still reading think that I have a legitimate reason to approach those who may not want me to approach?  Do I have any reason to think those who would not ordinarily talk to men at all may talk to me?  Is it a simple case of give it a shot and find out?  What's one more message in a sea of pointless messages that will no doubt be deleted anyway?  Or do I bear some responsibility to keep from adding to that sea?

I apologize for being so wordy, and I offer heartfelt thanks to anyone whom has continued to read this far.  Any (constructive!) advice would be greatly appreciated.

-Pleth



SusanofO -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 12:25:36 AM)

Well, I think it was polite of you to write and ask what would be the best thing to do. I am not a Lesbian Domme, but I'd bet there are some out there willing to work with you.

For every "weird request" I honestly believe there is someone out there, somewhere, willing to fulfill it (and personally, I don't think it's all that weird).

I believe you will find someone who will fulfill yours. 

If you can't find "enough" Dommes to e-mail that don't mind men, then maybe you might run across one who says "no men" who would understand your position, after you explain it, I am not sure. If one of them answers here, I'd listen to their opinion over mine, but I think it can't hurt to e-mail some of these folks and see what happens (as long as you explain what you did in this thread that you want no sex, ever). Worst that can happen is you annoy them, and one may understand - never know. One may be all you need to find, too.

Good luck.

- Susan



Aileen68 -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 12:26:40 AM)

You've got nothing to loose in sending out mail, but keep in mind that your email will probably be filtered and may never even be read.  No law in saying that you can't try.
Good luck.



shatteringlilium -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 12:46:35 AM)

I can actually completely understand your desire and it makes a load of sense.  Actually, I think it's really cool.

As stated above, all you can do is try - not being a lesbian anti-male Domme, I can't say anything from their point of view.  However, I know that if I get requests that I don't want, I don't mind the fact that the person is trying - if you run into some really snarky people, so be it.  But if you state your case intelligently and appropriately, I can't see why anyone would want to rip into you (and if they do, ignore them and move on to your next prospective contact).



vield -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 1:13:15 AM)

I know that when one has an interest which some may find unusual it seems like one is all alone in the universe with no chance of finding your desire. This IS stressful and can lead one to push others who are not interested to try to see if they may consider you.
I find it is NOT useful to contact people who set contact limits which I do not match. It is unlikely your notes will get read and if they are, it is likely you will anger the person and get blocked.
It seems far better to me to post honestly what you seek, to talk about your interests on forums, to attend local BD/SM discussion groups and be helpful, and in your case, I think it might be useful to volunteer to do some work hours at a local gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender assistance center. When one becomes friends with people you seek to know, you have a chance of building things. When one is helpful and perhaps does a few errands or shows someone resources in the community, one can form connections even across lines of diversity.

The wonderful Lesbian friends in my life have certainly brought me much warmth, and in some cases things have warmed to far beyond friendship. But in all cases, things occurred at the request of the women, NOT because I asked for them.

If you are serious about your interest and can not wait to try it out, I suggest you have a LOT better chance of connecting with a professional Domme who has the interests you seek than to try approaching people who say for men not to write to them. This will cost you money, but everything in life has some kind of cost.

vield



angharad -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 5:11:37 AM)

What have you got to lose?  While you are likely to be dismissed out of hand by some, you my gain the interest of another.  I have lost count of the times i have heard Dommes complain that they have encountered male subs who are purely sexually orientated, use serving as a guise for acting out their own sexual fantasies and not really interested in devoted service to the one they serve but their own passions.  It seems to me that you offer a refreshing alternative.

I see your difficulty coming from the fact you want a Domme with an active dislike of men.  My assumption is, should you approach a Domme as you have described you may be subjected to withering put down and told to go away.  How do you know whether to stay or go?  Do they mean it or not.  I've just further muddied the waters for you - sorry!

I can only suggest that you remain honest about what you seek, make mention and explaination of it in a message and perhaps on your profile.  If the Domme is truly interested she probably wont let you disappear.  Tricky task you've got yourself , best of luck.

angharad

editted to add, i think that is very good advice from vield.



MmakeMme -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 5:31:52 AM)

I have no advice about this but your picture is so sweet that I wanted to wish you luck, Plethora. I'll be rootin' for ya.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 11:03:27 AM)

You are free to want any kind of relationship that you want...and there's someone out there who wants the same thing. It's a matter of finding them. If you contact someone who says no men, make your reasonsing clear from the starts about why you're contacting them. Remember that you might be filtered from the list before they even read it, though.

Here are some of my comments:

1) I hope that you're not making the assumption that all lesbians hate men. That's insulting to a lot of lesbian women. Consider that there might be het or bi women who won't find you sexually attractive or who desire to not have sex. That's just as likely.
2) If this is the kind of relationship that you want, state it in your profile. You're profile says very little about you.
3) You mention having things to offer that go beyond sex. What are they? State that in your profile, too.
4) Really, really look at what you want and then just it against reality. There's room for fantasy, but it's hard to get it 24/7. Since what you want is a on the extreme side for many, talk about reality, too.

Best of luck!

Master Fire



GuidingLite -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 1:10:24 PM)

Mistress need more like you.  I think it would be wise for you to follow through.



LeatherBentOne -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 2:17:48 PM)

Plethora22,

In reading your post, I for one, have two questions:

1.   Are you looking to remain celibate and receive no sexual gratification, including masturbation ie. to be totally denied your sexual satisfaction. 
2.   Or, do you intend to use the said lesbian for your masturbation fantasies, knowing that she would never be sexual with you?

If your motive is the first, why do you need a lesbian in that a straight or bisexual woman can also be a Supremist, have no respect for men and deny you sexual satisfaction quite easily, as well?  If your motive is the second one, it speaks of your intent.

Apologies if I seem rather abrupt, but I just don't understand your reasoning here when a straight or bisexual woman could fill your needs. I just think there's more to your story.

LBO



SmokingGun82 -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 2:24:53 PM)

I have no advice... just a heartfelt wish that you find what you seek.



Petruchio -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 4:39:43 PM)

I'm neither gay nor sub so I can't pretend to understand, but I can offer this: Some lesbians are very approachable and some are even interested in crossing boundaries. I suggest you put your desires in your profile so that you might catch the eye of anyone who might be interested.



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 5:16:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Plethora22
That being said, does anyone still reading think that I have a legitimate reason to approach those who may not want me to approach?  Do I have any reason to think those who would not ordinarily talk to men at all may talk to me?  Is it a simple case of give it a shot and find out?  What's one more message in a sea of pointless messages that will no doubt be deleted anyway?  Or do I bear some responsibility to keep from adding to that sea?


I frequently get polite e-mail from people who are outside the criteria stated in My profile, but feel that they have something to offer that might possibly interest Me and write anyway.  I don't have a problem with it, really.  If the person receiving the e-mail is not interested, they most likely will just ignore you.  The worst that could happen is that they will write back and tell you off, but I don't think that's something you can't handle.
 
When this happens to Me, I most likely just ignore them.  I have yet to have one pique My interest, but I never say never.  Odder things have happened.  The one group who usually gets soundly told off, however, are married men sneaking around behind their wives' backs, but the others I usually just ignore.
 
Bear in mind that some of the people you write to may have their mail controls set up to send responses from males to their bulk mail folder, so some may not even read the message you send.
 
Good luck to you.
 
Lady Topaz



Voltare -> RE: Out of the ordinary requests and etiquette (12/10/2006 5:57:14 PM)

Plethora,

Some great advice already there for you.  I'll add 2 cents:

Message boards are pretty good places to 'meet' people - you might find yourself having a lot of luck being active in 'Ask a Mistress' forums.  Women, more than men, seem to read into the quality of what you have to say, and would be more inclined to read your profile.

Take LeatherBentOne's advice to heart:  Not for this thread, but because you'll be confronted with those questions (and even harsher, I suspect) by women who are curious enough to communicate with you.   Be honest with them.  It won't do you any good to claim you only want masturbation fantasies, when you actually desire full term celibacy ;) 

Also, matchmaking sites exist to allow people to send and receive email.  "No Men" isn't a law, it's a request.  Most women won't write you back, many won't even read what you write, and some will write nasty letters to you.  I'm sure you know all this, so don't take negative letters or rejections too hard.  It'll help if you keep your emails short, sincere, and to the point.  No more than a paragraph, ending with an offer to correspond, and offer more details on request.

Focus on bettering yourself in any and every way possible.  Learn to give massages, iron blouses, and mix drinks.  In whatever fashion you hope to serve a Dominant, make yourself better at it.   Finally,  make absolutely sure that your personal life is in order.  Nobody - Dom or sub - rushes to become involved with desperate individuals.  Make sure your own life and affairs are in order, before you trying to get involved with someone else.

Oh, and personally, learn good jokes.  People love someone who knows dozens of good jokes.

Stephan




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