Do we have a responsability to give a slave a future in BDSM or Femdom when we die ?

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Do we have a responsability to give a slave a future in... - 12/10/2006 3:56:26 AM

blmtrsne

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Joined: 6/29/2004
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As my husband/slave is a real slave to me, I wouldn't him to be lost to the lifestyle, and I know this is what's best for him, I promissed him to a certain Mistress afther my death. I know he will respect my will and be happy. Of course, if he's getting older he'll have some problems with health or strength, but besides that: "Does a real Mistress have a responsability to give her slave a future ?"

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RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/10/2006 4:49:45 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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Edited because I just re-read the question. I realize I originally read it incorrectly. A future in BDSM, No. A future.........see below.

Yes. In the context that I see slavery discussed on these forum boards for the most part I see a slave's master/mistress as having accepted the responsibility for another's life. Part of that responsibility is to make certain that they are cared for when we can no longer care for them.

For myself that would mean making certain they had financial stability, a plan, and someone they could depend on to give them the emotional support they may need.

If a master/mistress cannot, or are not, willing to provide for the well being of someone that has entrusted everything to them, they have no business having that slave in the first place.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 12/10/2006 4:51:14 AM >

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RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/10/2006 4:52:28 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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Regardless of the hierarchy I believe that I would have a responsibility to a person if I cared about them.

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(in reply to blmtrsne)

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RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/10/2006 5:57:39 AM

LordODiscipline

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A moral responsibility for a life partner?
It is subjective, but I would say "yes".

I am not sure about foisting them on someone who will not have the same outlook towards them that I do... I simply set up an insurance policy. She is capable of looking after herself with that in place.

~J

quote:

ORIGINAL: blmtrsne

As my husband/slave is a real slave to me, I wouldn't him to be lost to the lifestyle, and I know this is what's best for him, I promissed him to a certain Mistress afther my death. I know he will respect my will and be happy. Of course, if he's getting older he'll have some problems with health or strength, but besides that: "Does a real Mistress have a responsability to give her slave a future ?"

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to blmtrsne)

Post #: 4

RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/10/2006 6:10:45 AM

MzMia

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He will have a future, when he meets me in the next life.
It all depends on what you believe in and how you look
at life.

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To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to blmtrsne)

Post #: 5

RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/10/2006 6:21:48 AM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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I've have encouraged and sometimes guided Fox in having a career, setting up bank accounts, and learning to support himself. I could get hit by a car tomorrow so I need to help him learn to take care of himself. The same thing for my husband by the way but we have legal backing for our relationship.

I would never give Fox to someone. I do I know the person won't die before me?

I hope my training and my encouragement has aided him in his ability to find what he wants, negotiate well, and find another partner if he should wish for that in the future.

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(in reply to blmtrsne)

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RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/10/2006 6:36:15 AM

FemmeOwner

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My family (mother and/or daughter) have agreed to give My slave a home until he can find another (right) Mistress, should anything happen to me. In addition,I would find a lifestyle Dom/Domme whom I trust, who would undertake a kind of guardianship to oversee the choosing of the Mistress, so that My slave is not taken advantage of at a time when he will be vulnerable.

(in reply to blmtrsne)

Post #: 7

RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/10/2006 8:35:35 AM

Archer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

A moral responsibility for a life partner?
It is subjective, but I would say "yes".

I am not sure about foisting them on someone who will not have the same outlook towards them that I do... I simply set up an insurance policy. She is capable of looking after herself with that in place.

~J

WHile I believe a slave is generally very capable, and might hold their own in alot of life given the death of their owner, there are things that make having an M/s provission will help them with, that money from insurance simply doesn't buy.

I actually proposed to a fellow Master last night that we formalize a "leather family" relationship between the four of us, and the biggest obligation of that family would be to provide a stewardship level of ownership/ belonging should one of the members die.

Death of an owner will certainly leave a huge gap in the life of a slave and many times I have seen them spiral into deep problems because they have nobody reining them in and protecting them from themselves after that stress. I have also seen the reverse a Dominant who lost his slave spent a year basicly as a recluse, and suddenly found that after so many years being served he had trouble with many things. Where are the coffee filters, where did he keep the keys to this cabinet,.....

Even vanilla partners go through a period of being very lost in thier lives, a time when they tend to make decissions that have consequences, when they are not thinking right.
Providing someone who will fill the gap left M/s wise can help avoid some real problems.

The money certainly will help and in their right mind they might be capable of making it and moving on, but going from the partner's death until they get their right mind back, that period they may need the support of someone who understands their needs, what else they lost when their owner died.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 8

RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/13/2006 8:01:00 PM

LordODiscipline

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Archer -

I appreciate where you are coming from -

If we were not very close to our familys and if there were not very close friends involved in this thing we call perversion, then I would agree that it would be a potential nicety...

As matter of principle, I do not believe that anyone at any significant period of time in their life should not be capable of "living".

"Stewardship" is probably meant from the best of all possible terms - however, it sends what little hair I have on the back of my head upward with sincere trepedation that it would be akin to "protection" - another in the long list of disabilities and co-dependencies placed on people by our sub-culture which has an alleged and apparent need to save submissive people from life in general.

I cannot see it in my inner workings...

Close friends being there - offering assistance and a potential place to stay while things are sorted through... allowing that there may be a time for measured mindless and mundane things to occupy their time while the inner mind works through the mix - sure... that is what this is about.

But, people making descisions for someone who I have trusted to run my household for any length of time (and, the girl has been doing this for about 9 years or more now - I forget).

I would come back from the dead to kick her ass and straighten her up.

And, any friend of mine would do the same*.

Understand - if it works for you.. 'Sono felice por voi il mio fratello'

It is just too foreign a choice for me.

~J
*got that dickhead? <---note to someone else

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer
WHile I believe a slave is generally very capable, and might hold their own in alot of life given the death of their owner, there are things that make having an M/s provission will help them with, that money from insurance simply doesn't buy.

I actually proposed to a fellow Master last night that we formalize a "leather family" relationship between the four of us, and the biggest obligation of that family would be to provide a stewardship level of ownership/ belonging should one of the members die.

Death of an owner will certainly leave a huge gap in the life of a slave and many times I have seen them spiral into deep problems because they have nobody reining them in and protecting them from themselves after that stress. I have also seen the reverse a Dominant who lost his slave spent a year basicly as a recluse, and suddenly found that after so many years being served he had trouble with many things. Where are the coffee filters, where did he keep the keys to this cabinet,.....

Even vanilla partners go through a period of being very lost in thier lives, a time when they tend to make decissions that have consequences, when they are not thinking right.
Providing someone who will fill the gap left M/s wise can help avoid some real problems.

The money certainly will help and in their right mind they might be capable of making it and moving on, but going from the partner's death until they get their right mind back, that period they may need the support of someone who understands their needs, what else they lost when their owner died.

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 9

RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/13/2006 8:07:35 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I cannot answer this question because, as I am told by countless spurned subs, I am "not a real Mistress".

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to blmtrsne)

Post #: 10

RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/13/2006 8:17:59 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
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I know several Owners who have publicly proclaimed that their slave would be passed along to someone else in the case of their own death. I have yet to see this theory put into practice (thank goodness.) In theory, it does sound nice and all the people I know who claim to have it set up have chosen the other Owner very carefully and have, as Archer mentioned, a reciprocal arrangement. But in reality? I would want my hypothetical slave to be happy and to know that I would support whatever path he chooses to take after my death the same as I would when alive. I don't think a person can just be inherited by another and I would definitely have a provision for his freedom if that's what he chose. But in general, to have a support network in place for yourself and your loved ones in case something should happen has little to do with M/s and much to do with taking care of those you love.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 11

RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/13/2006 8:37:20 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

I'm with LoD on this one. Much as I want to hope that my slave would be cared for when I'm gone, her personality and our dynamic is such that she would pick up the pieces and carry on.

Slaves are not children. Before they can kneel, they must be able to stand. I applaud the support friends can offer, especially if those friends are aware of, and sensitive to, the unique bond shared; but leaving instructions that one's sub or slave should be passed on to a dear friend would be more appropriate to a cat - nevermind if there might be bert&ernies involved.

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

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RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/13/2006 8:50:06 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear blmtrsne, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes I see; there is a slight difference of dominant mindset between FemDom/Female Dominant and Male Dominants when it comes to the 'passage' of slaves in the event of death.

So many ladies that have identified as female dominants have a 'seemingly' need to be motherly/protective to a flaw; in which; in my mind's eyes I see can cripple and or impede the survivor; in finding a new love in their life, to function as a mentally, emotionally and spiritually 'fit' adult before considering their function as a slave.

Although it is wonderful that there is another Mistress that would be considered as to become slave to. However, it is folly to think that those who don't naturally find each other will suddenly establish a positive relationship. But, I will agree in my mind's eyes--if this Mistress the slave is passed to; is more of a support and helpful individual then making life's decisions that husband/wife slave must make; as there is so much to be done as a spouse that survives, long after death of the other spouse. Sometimes over a year.

In my mind's eyes I see--that husband/wife slave needs to take care of their duty to what needs to be done before being passed into another's control/dominance. The same goes for surviving slaves loosing their Owners. Got to take care of everything from that relationship, focus on all the loose ends first before looking elsewhere or distracted. Plus, there is a grieving process that has no limits, as each person grieves differently. As for me, I grieve the loss of my first slave still; and its been since the late 1980s. I also can say, that I grieve differently for each individual who has left this world, to include a parent.

As much as we (in general terms) think we're prepared for death--I find that I never am 'really' prepared. It really is a matter to deal with after the fact. Unfortunately, that is reality for my personal experiences. Others may deal with their realities different--to which I find no flaw with it; as I cannot walk in other's shoes as others cannot walk in mine.

Also, in my mind's eyes I see; there may/can be in the survivor, such grief that they do not wish to seek a replacement. They may/can return to vanilla and or BDSM but; it should be by their own will--not an imposed promise, wish, command, demand. Sometimes a taste of freedom may be of more benefit than one realizes--perhaps not; it is all individual based behavior and or attitude in matters of 'death' and 'surviving.'

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to blmtrsne)

Post #: 13

RE: Do we have a responsibility to give a slave a futur... - 12/13/2006 8:59:09 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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quote:

Does a real Mistress have a responsibility to give her slave a future ?"

if she didn't then the relationship would be no different then kinky vanillia...no?

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LadyHugs)

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RE: Do we have a responsibility to give a slave a futur... - 12/13/2006 9:36:16 PM

AquaticSub

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To me this question depends on the type of relationship you have with your slave. Did your slave consent to being your slave? If he did, then it seems to be he should have complete consent over his next partner.

I would not want to be willed away. I would grieve and I would deal with my grief with the support of my family and friends. But I wouldn't be able to stop being his submissive (or his slave if the time comes) until I was ready to and willing me away to another person to be their submissive or their slave seems to disrespect the entire mourning process for me. I can't serve another well until I am done grieving for the first.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to crouchingtigress)

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RE: Do we have a responsibility to give a slave a futur... - 12/13/2006 9:36:48 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear crouchingtigress, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes I see; when given an exposure in the lifestyle as a Master/Mistress-slave with marriage; the community support within the lifestyle/BDSM/M/s, D/s and or S&M community can be rather wonderful as they have the same 'language' as to express themselves with.

True, the vanilla side of spouse death and survivorship may be very similiar but, it takes on a different plane/level/space when there is another side to life. I have seen support given in my equestrian circles, my lifestyle/leather circles and those who were deemed 'friends and or acquaintances.'

Perhaps for consideration, there may be a time to heal to which may be considered to some a subbatical. Not really 'leaving' BDSM; just taking a thoughtful leave of absence from it.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 16

RE: Do we have a responsibility to give a slave a futur... - 12/13/2006 9:51:01 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
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From: Maui
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Wow ladyhugs....that is such a lovely aspect to this dialog that i had not even entertained....i live on a tiny island with no lifestyle community here at all...but i have had the tiniest taste of what it would be like to be a part of leather community through my association with Butchmans and i have to say it was heaven...my friends there are still my friends and i know that i will always have a place to go should i ever find myself in a situation such as is being discussed here.

I would wish for all bdsmers to know that level of community, camaraderie and commitment...you are are blessed to have that in place in your life.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 17

RE: Do we have a responsability to give a slave a futur... - 12/13/2006 9:54:54 PM

Missokyst

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The greatest gift anyone can give to another, is the confidence to know they can survive when you are gone.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to blmtrsne)

Post #: 18

RE: Do we have a responsibility to give a slave a futur... - 12/14/2006 3:08:25 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

You seem to contradict yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

To me this question depends on the type of relationship you have with your slave. Did your slave consent to being your slave? If he did, then it seems to be he should have complete consent over his next partner.

I think you say it all here. She consented to be -my- slave. Nothing implies that right is transferable. Certainly it's something that would require negotiation separately, but your logic suggests I could take on consenting slaves, box them up, and sell them.

quote:

I would not want to be willed away. I would grieve and I would deal with my grief with the support of my family and friends. But I wouldn't be able to stop being his submissive (or his slave if the time comes) until I was ready to and willing me away to another person to be their submissive or their slave seems to disrespect the entire mourning process for me. I can't serve another well until I am done grieving for the first.

I totally agree here. Obviously, different people will have different circumstances - a slave who's served as a slave to the same person from the ages of 17-37 isn't going to have the same ease of transition that a slave who's had five or six owners, and had only been with the last one for about six months.

At any rate, there's really no one perfect answer. I think the responsibility to 'provide' for a slaves future is grounded in the same relationship obligation for any couple (vanilla or D/s) to consider the future, and address the 'what if something happens....' question.

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 19

RE: Do we have a responsibility to give a slave a futur... - 12/14/2006 4:19:17 AM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Why would it actually be any diffferent than a vanilla relationship....

If someone has a partner they are "cleaved to" (in whatever way)... do they not have an obligation to ensure that there are some tools or assistances in place if the worst case scenario (assuming this is the worst - and, I do not believe it is) takes place between them?

I honestly do not see how there would be a delineation and/or difference.

~J

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

Does a real Mistress have a responsibility to give her slave a future ?"

if she didn't then the relationship would be no different then kinky vanillia...no?

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 20

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