RE: Jealousy

RE: Jealousy (Full Version)

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Naughtygal33 -> RE: Jealousy (12/10/2006 7:49:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalira quote: ORIGINAL: Naughtygal33 Jealousy is a natural emotion. If you do not feel it at some point over something (big or small), then I am sorry but you are a robot. I believe it comes down to how well a submissive or slave can hide it. really? I don't hide jealousy. In fact, I don't need to hide it. Master has more than one girl; I am a very good friend with one of them. I feel no jealousy when either he or she talk about their relationship. In fact, the only thing I do feel is very happy knowing that Master has someone besides me who can also make him happy. The happier Master is, the happier I am. Your view that we are robots because we don't feel jealousy is really quite insulting. If you NEVER feel jealousy of anything, then I am jealous of you. In fact, I applaud you. Honestly, that is a goal of mine; to not have that particular emotion. However, I am who I am.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Jealousy (12/10/2006 7:59:50 PM)
I don't hide. In fact I'm usually the first one laughing at myself over my own jealousy and telling all my partners so they can get in the laughs as well.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Jealousy (12/10/2006 8:19:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I don't hide. In fact I'm usually the first one laughing at myself over my own jealousy and telling all my partners so they can get in the laughs as well. That's really cool to be so light hearted about it. I behaved poorly in the past (with no help from some bad experiences) and did a LOT of work to overcome those insecurities. It wasn't easy by any means.

TheSheepy -> RE: Jealousy (12/10/2006 8:19:47 PM)
I do not feel that hiding things from my Master would be appropriate in O/our relationship. That aside, we discussed this to begin with, and I had set it as a hard limit, though I am bisexual. It was revisited, upon my asking, and was okay with me after we had been together for a year. I think that the problem at first was not wanting to be in competition, and feeling that I needed to seal in my place in His heart before anyone else could safely be brought in. What a silly thought to have had, looking back. There have been two others since, and both have gone now, and were great. Did I get jealous? Yes. I still do once in a while when He is looking at another or suggests bringing another in. It is not your place to hide things that are undesirable to your Dom as His/Her sub, but to kearn to keep those things in check. And that is a definite work in progress here. It happens at times, you forgive yourself, talk about the reasons it happened, and get over it. It is important with jealousy to check it at the door and move on.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Jealousy (12/10/2006 8:25:24 PM)
I have my jealous moments. I know I can trust Angel, but it still happens. I tend not to think about them, since I know they arent related to what HE is going but more of what has been done to me when other partners have been out of touch for periods of time as well. Since its midirected, its easy to get over. Angel swears he isnt jealous... though I dont believe him. He has never been put in a situation for those feelings to be brought up, so he really doesnt know if he would be or not. Not that its an issue, a little jealousy every now and again isnt always a bad thing. When it gets out of hand is when its a problem. DV

darksdesire -> RE: Jealousy (12/10/2006 9:08:47 PM)
I am amazed that so many slaves can so easily feel comfortable with being one of many for their Master. Many of you have stated that you've developed this attitude out of a desire to serve and make your Master happy; even if she were a genius Barbie, his happiness and pleasure is paramount, so it doesn't matter. Just the thought of this gives me such a pained, heavy hearted feeling. I never considered myself to be jealous, meaning I've never been suspicious, or upset about the man I'm with admiring other women. I've never worried about friendships with other women. But the thought of him doing what he does to me to another, makes my heart sink. I want very much to have the attitude that many of you have; that his pleasure and happiness comes first. While it does in theory, I don't know how it would play out in reality. I have such a fear of loss and abandonment, that the mere thought is excruciatingly painful. It goes beyond jealousy, to something that is akin to grief. I feel such a sense of failure over this, and this carries its' own pain. The slave I want to be would be able to put her Master's pleasure above her own insecurities. I truly admire those of you who are able to put aside your insecurities.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Jealousy (12/10/2006 9:27:38 PM)
For me it has nothing to do with HIS pleasure- it's ME. I AM poly. Even if I maintained a monogamous relationship, there would never be ANY expectation of continued monogamy simply because it's ME. So if I want to have functional relationships I have to figure out how to make them work. Don't be fooled chica- we're not martyrs here, we're not all loving and all sacrificing. We're all doing exactly what WE want to do for OUR lives because this is how we know WE will be fulfilled in who WE are. We chose this for ourselves. Do the same for yourself and never let anyone make you feel down. Submission isn't about "level of sacrifice"- like all fulfillment in life, it's all about being true to yourself and complete refusal to compromise on that. I don't put aside my insecurities- I put them right in front of me and laugh at them. But there are other insecurities which I still struggle with, still have pains over. Love/devotion/submission doesn't magically take them away and we should NEVER feel less of ourselves or our submission because we're still who we are and we still have problems.

darksdesire -> RE: Jealousy (12/10/2006 9:50:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross For me it has nothing to do with HIS pleasure- it's ME. I AM poly. Even if I maintained a monogamous relationship, there would never be ANY expectation of continued monogamy simply because it's ME. So if I want to have functional relationships I have to figure out how to make them work. Don't be fooled chica- we're not martyrs here, we're not all loving and all sacrificing. We're all doing exactly what WE want to do for OUR lives because this is how we know WE will be fulfilled in who WE are. We chose this for ourselves. Do the same for yourself and never let anyone make you feel down. Submission isn't about "level of sacrifice"- like all fulfillment in life, it's all about being true to yourself and complete refusal to compromise on that. I don't put aside my insecurities- I put them right in front of me and laugh at them. But there are other insecurities which I still struggle with, still have pains over. Love/devotion/submission doesn't magically take them away and we should NEVER feel less of ourselves or our submission because we're still who we are and we still have problems. I truly appreciate the way in which you frequently refer to "being true to yourself" in many of your posts. It's simple and basic and grounded, and reminds me that the only reason it took me so damn long to be in the kind of relationship I needed, is because I resisted that very concept. Thanks for reminding me.

adaddysgirl -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 12:36:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross For me it has nothing to do with HIS pleasure- it's ME. I AM poly. Even if I maintained a monogamous relationship, there would never be ANY expectation of continued monogamy simply because it's ME. So if I want to have functional relationships I have to figure out how to make them work. Don't be fooled chica- we're not martyrs here, we're not all loving and all sacrificing. We're all doing exactly what WE want to do for OUR lives because this is how we know WE will be fulfilled in who WE are. We chose this for ourselves. Do the same for yourself and never let anyone make you feel down. Submission isn't about "level of sacrifice"- like all fulfillment in life, it's all about being true to yourself and complete refusal to compromise on that. i'm glad you said this LA. i myself am monogamous....and seek the same in a partner. But i am monogamous just because it is where i find my fulfillment. When in a relationship, i just really have no desire to be with another male or female....so i seek a partner who shares that dynamic as well. And this isn't about jealousy....it is because one on one just works better for me. And i'm glad you added the part about not letting anyone make you feel down. When i first started exploring M/s, i was pretty much made to feel like a freak because i was monogamous. It was even suggested i go read some books, one of them being The Myth of Monogamy (or something like that. i had no desire to read it anyway). i was told i must be insecure, selfish, and not a 'true slave'. As a matter of fact, that is a big part of what made me start questioning 'what' i was (which in my later experiences, i was able to identify with being a daddysgirl....which i just love). But anyhoo....you are what you are.....and if some feel okay going beyond that to please their partner and in return that makes them feel good too....then i think that is great. For me, though, finding a partner who shares a similar dynamic is preferable. And someone shouldn't be made to feel any less because of that. DG

SlaveAkasha -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 3:07:22 AM)
quote: And i'm glad you added the part about not letting anyone make you feel down. When i first started exploring M/s, i was pretty much made to feel like a freak because i was monogamous. It was even suggested i go read some books, one of them being The Myth of Monogamy (or something like that. i had no desire to read it anyway). i was told i must be insecure, selfish, and not a 'true slave'. As a matter of fact, that is a big part of what made me start questioning 'what' i was (which in my later experiences, i was able to identify with being a daddysgirl....which i just love). I agree so much with you on this one. To me, it's not even a matter of being jealous, it's just not the relationship that I want to be in. I don't want anyone in ours, but us..it's pretty plain and simple. This is a hard limit that Master and I talked about before we made it a permanent thing and if that were to change, it would be a breaking of that "contract". I do belong to my Master, but I guess I do look at it much different than a lot of slaves... he belongs to me also. We are a couple in a relationship and that relationship is the foundation for everything else that happens. Kasha

gypsygrl -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 3:52:03 AM)
darkdesire, its been said by others very well, but I do want to emphasize that you have nothing to feel bad about. I don't see my approach to relationships and intimacy as an extension of a service orientation or having much to do with submission. If anything, its selfish on my part because I have real "issues" with being the center of attention even if I am attached to someone. I get a lot out of making someone the center of 'my world' and devoting a lot of attention to that someone, but I don't really want that reciprocated, and can be easily overwhelmed, to the point of getting panicky, if it is. So, in my head, if my partner has other interests, its actually a relief to me because it means I won't be the recipient of all their attention, assuming I'm generally satisfied with the relationship. So, my tendency not to get jealous is just an extension of the way I handle attachments, and not really a virtue. I can't say that I'm perfectly at ease with my tendencies here. I've often wondered if this lack of jealousy is a "problem" and something I should work on. I know jealousy is generally considered a bad thing in relationships, but I do get this feeling sometimes that maybe I let go too easily, that its an evasion of responsibility or something like that. In general, I think that if someone I loved was hungry to the point of starvation, and I had no food, I would definitely want them to get food from somewhere else. Likewise, if they had a need for intimacy that I couldn't provide, I should allow them to get that need met elsewhere. But, then I think that maybe I should work harder to meet that need and I'm just being lazy or self-serving. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but I just wanted to emphasize how complicated these things can be, and that there's no reason to feel bad.

Kalira -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 3:56:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darksdesire I am amazed that so many slaves can so easily feel comfortable with being one of many for their Master. Many of you have stated that you've developed this attitude out of a desire to serve and make your Master happy; even if she were a genius Barbie, his happiness and pleasure is paramount, so it doesn't matter. Just the thought of this gives me such a pained, heavy hearted feeling. I never considered myself to be jealous, meaning I've never been suspicious, or upset about the man I'm with admiring other women. I've never worried about friendships with other women. But the thought of him doing what he does to me to another, makes my heart sink. I want very much to have the attitude that many of you have; that his pleasure and happiness comes first. While it does in theory, I don't know how it would play out in reality. I have such a fear of loss and abandonment, that the mere thought is excruciatingly painful. It goes beyond jealousy, to something that is akin to grief. I feel such a sense of failure over this, and this carries its' own pain. The slave I want to be would be able to put her Master's pleasure above her own insecurities. I truly admire those of you who are able to put aside your insecurities. I will second what LA said in response to this Darksdesire. I will point out though that even though Master has more than one girl, I, myself, AM monogamous. Not because Master says I can not be with anyone else, but because I choose not to find one closer to me. We are not perfect in our slavery [:)]; no one is; so don't ever feel a failure because you feel that you can not measure up. Do what is right for you and your relationships; that is the only way to suceed in them.

dawntreader -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 7:02:55 AM)
Well said and once again i relate to your point of view. my Master applauds my honesty and courage to express my feelings and yet to do as i am asked inspite of them. To claim no emotion would be lying for me...yes, i would be jealous, yes i am afraid of an impending punishment, yes, i may not like an assignment, etc. He appreciates knowing these things and my service becomes more worthy to Him...He does not want a robot. On the other hand, certain emotions such as jealousy and insecurity are ego driven and if one is on a path of spiritual development and service , must be overcome. These are my goals and i applaud those of you that have mastered these emotions. quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross For me it has nothing to do with HIS pleasure- it's ME. I AM poly. Even if I maintained a monogamous relationship, there would never be ANY expectation of continued monogamy simply because it's ME. So if I want to have functional relationships I have to figure out how to make them work. Don't be fooled chica- we're not martyrs here, we're not all loving and all sacrificing. We're all doing exactly what WE want to do for OUR lives because this is how we know WE will be fulfilled in who WE are. We chose this for ourselves. Do the same for yourself and never let anyone make you feel down. Submission isn't about "level of sacrifice"- like all fulfillment in life, it's all about being true to yourself and complete refusal to compromise on that. I don't put aside my insecurities- I put them right in front of me and laugh at them. But there are other insecurities which I still struggle with, still have pains over. Love/devotion/submission doesn't magically take them away and we should NEVER feel less of ourselves or our submission because we're still who we are and we still have problems.

Celeste43 -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 7:21:12 AM)
We're monogamous however we talked about this upfront. Does he have the right to break his word? Certainly. Do I have the right to end the relationship if I feel his tomcatting has endangered my health? Positively. I assume that you are careful to not have promiscuous sex nor to compare one with another but to value each in their own right. And that you are so clear about needing poly relationships that nobody who was not equally poly would agree to continue with you.

agirl -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 10:47:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darksdesire I am amazed that so many slaves can so easily feel comfortable with being one of many for their Master. Many of you have stated that you've developed this attitude out of a desire to serve and make your Master happy; even if she were a genius Barbie, his happiness and pleasure is paramount, so it doesn't matter. Just the thought of this gives me such a pained, heavy hearted feeling. I never considered myself to be jealous, meaning I've never been suspicious, or upset about the man I'm with admiring other women. I've never worried about friendships with other women. But the thought of him doing what he does to me to another, makes my heart sink. I want very much to have the attitude that many of you have; that his pleasure and happiness comes first. While it does in theory, I don't know how it would play out in reality. I have such a fear of loss and abandonment, that the mere thought is excruciatingly painful. It goes beyond jealousy, to something that is akin to grief. I feel such a sense of failure over this, and this carries its' own pain. The slave I want to be would be able to put her Master's pleasure above her own insecurities. I truly admire those of you who are able to put aside your insecurities. I'd feel similar in lots of ways. My feelings of insecurity are tempered by experience, age and a certain frame of mind. As you are unique, no-one can replace you. Your master cannot have the SAME thing with someone else, it's not possible. Only YOU can provide that intricate mixture of what makes you, you. Jealousy doesn't spring up soley in understandable circumstances and it can be a struggle to find it's source and cope with it. It's wholly unpleasant and painful, too. I'd like to never feel it ever again but that's asking far too much of me. I don't feel a failure, I feel human. agirl

littleone35 -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 1:10:54 PM)
Me i am not wired to be poly and i am not bi so any time he spent with her would be time spent away from me so i would be jealous. Me and Master agreed from the start that i was only for him and he said he would only be for me and that is the way it works for us. The thought of him being with another would break my heart and even though i love him and want him to be happy i want to be the one to make him happy. I don't care if Master looks at attractive girls he is a man he is gonna look as long as he is not with them i don;'t get jealous if he looks. For those of you who do not get jealous i give you a lot of credit i don't know if i could ever be not jealous Matt's littleone

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 5:56:58 PM)
There is no way poly will ever work for me. I've turned down many masters who were either married, had a gf, or owned other slaves. If I'm expected to be faithful to him, then he will be faithful to me. I had a guy cheat one me once and my first response was 2 can play this game. He didn't like that idea so he quit cheating.

Denny17 -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 6:29:40 PM)
they may feel jealous but they wont say it coz it aint their place.......n addition they dont own or possess lest in theory their master so they dont have a right to be jealous

andreaC -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 7:01:57 PM)
I am a slave and Master always allowed me to voice my opinion and thoughts. I am not jealous cause i know where i stand with Master.....there is so much communication between us, that if something would bother me, i would just discuss it with him. He wouldnt do something if i wasnt comfortable with. We have talked alot about this issue of jealousy/sharing with another sub and we are not saying no in having another sub in our life one day.

Kalira -> RE: Jealousy (12/11/2006 7:17:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Denny17 they may feel jealous but they wont say it coz it aint their place.......n addition they dont own or possess lest in theory their master so they dont have a right to be jealous Hmm, I disagree with this. Master asked me point blank how I felt about his having other girls. He would not have asked me if he did not expect an honest answer. Lying about something so huge would mean a disaster for the relationship. In addition to this, just because Master owns me does not mean that he controls feelings that I have. Any negative feelings that come up within the relationship are discussed in great detail. Many of us just don't feel that we have anything to be jealous of. We are not in a competition for Master's time or attentions; nor do we feel that we have to 'one up' each other. I would like to know where some get this idea that since we actually like knowing that Master is happy with others, that we are somehow hiding our actual feelings. [&:]

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