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Kinkypupper -> Games and more Games (2/17/2005 5:20:17 PM)
Seeking construtive options in order to determine if a girl is playing "games" or not. example.. two girls get along with each other in my presence once they leave my presence they get along and play together VERY well. however they are chatting with each other one evening after girl #1 has gone back home. and something set both of them off.. One says that the other is "not kinky enough" for me, the other says that all she wants is a family and someone to take care of her and her daughter and that she has no clue what a "slave" is. It got VERY vicious apparently. One of these two is a potential slave. The other is a sub but apparently only to me .. the 2nd is also admittedly in "love" with me and does NOT want to share. With the girl who is the potential slave she has been told that "this" is a dead issue and that petty crap like this will not be tolorated at any level. SO my options.. Dump BOTH of them. or keep both of them. My problem is that neither apparently 'saved" the yahoo conversation and both are blameing the other so i have no proof there of what really WAS said. and I do accept that things do get mis understood in chatting. Since one is approx 1000 miles away currently i cannot directly confront her I am NOT goingto accept any games but i beleave that what both said was true from their standpoint. The Query... HOW can one strip off the venier to find out how one REALLY is inside..

BeachMystress -> RE: Games and more Games (2/17/2005 5:47:28 PM)
First you order both to turn on archiving. Any sub of yours should be able to hand you any conversation they have with anyone online if you ever request it. Why are you so quick to consider getting rid of both? They had a spat. They are human. If they can't work it out, choose the one you like best. Or order them to get along in your presence and to not be in contact outside of it. How often are they going to be together? Unless you're considering a poly household and want them to live in the same place, just tell them you do not want them in contact or talking about the other to you. I will tell you that a lot of Dom of my acquaintance have trouble keeping more than one female sub. Women tend to be jealous, and sooner or later, problems come up. Keeping them separate, and while letting them know about the other, not discussing what you do or how you feel about either to the other, may help. Realistically, if it came down to who to get rid of, the one who is 1,000 miles away is the one I'd pick unless there was something huge in her favor. In my personal life, I know of 11 relocations of people moving to be with someone met online (10 of those kinky, one vanilla) and of those relationships, one has lasted over a year.

sub4hire -> RE: Games and more Games (2/17/2005 7:57:57 PM)
Why do you need the conversations anyway? Would it make a difference? You know what was said. They had an argument. Perhaps they should be made to spend some time alone. Depends if you want the both of them as well. You need to decide if they are worth the time and effort you're going to need to put into it. Give it some time and give them some time to think on it. The three of you get together and decide what you want together. I don't care for children who play games. Although if you have some emotional attachement you're going to have to put some work into the relationship. Good luck.

Kinkypupper -> RE: Games and more Games (2/17/2005 8:02:06 PM)
The one "locally" is a possable "wannabe" the long distance one is very much a good potential slave. There is a lot of "in fighting" there as the local one does not want to "share". But the baisc question remains.. I accept that both males and females play "games" i was very much a game player 4 years ago. I am not currently and try VERY hard not to be. Yet the fact that both have something to gain.. it is not that i do not trust eaither the "history" of their chat is strangely not available from either end. So with some you can get them drunk and the lower their "walls" and falsehoods, with some you can beat it out of them, some you can take them "flying" and lower all walls of resistance. or you can find a used lie detector :-) or ?????

BeachMystress -> RE: Games and more Games (2/17/2005 8:40:00 PM)
Ugh, sounds like a bit of a problem. Why not head out to a munch and get to know others in the area. The simple act of showing up at a munch shows a bigger commitment to a D/s relationship. You also get to know someone over time and can better judge their personality and character. http://www.geocities.com/mastpnw/ http://www.rcdc.org/ http://www.pdxleatheralliance.org/ http://www.pdxleatheralliance.org/KF2005/index.html http://www.sexuality.org/portland.html http://www.sinergynet.net/

MidnightWriter -> RE: Games and more Games (2/17/2005 11:46:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper Seeking construtive options in order to determine if a girl is playing "games" or not. Easy - they both are. People do. quote: example.. two girls get along with each other in my presence once they leave my presence they get along and play together VERY well. however they are chatting with each other one evening after girl #1 has gone back home. and something set both of them off.. It seems that one, or more likely both, is not cut out for a poly situation. If a poly situation is part of your expectations, I'd discuss this with both, with a view toward solving this particular conflict. quote: SO my options.. Dump BOTH of them. or keep both of them. Or keep one of them, dumping the other. The question then would be: which one to keep. quote: The Query... HOW can one strip off the venier to find out how one REALLY is inside.. Easy. Take this to a yahoo (or other) three-way chatroom, and let them hash it out, spending most of your time simply watching. If you can't decide which one is rearranging reality, then you'll have to wait for a second incident, watching to see which one seems to be causing the problem. Careful observation can be very revealing, if you've got more than "she said, she said" to work with. FWIW, if I had two under consideration, and one objected to poly, it'd be a telling mark against them. If one seemed a wannabe, while the other seemed like a good potential, that'd be telling. If one were local, and the other were a long distance away, that'd be relevant - but this is all my standards. You have to decide about which is important to you, and which is less important. I don't expect it to help much, but that's how I'd handle it.

Voltare -> RE: Games and more Games (2/18/2005 12:04:55 PM)
No offense, it sounds like you have bit off more then you can chew. From what I can tell, it sounds as though you are looking into long term, real life relationships with both. Real life relationships are usually hard enough with just one person, nevermind two at the same time. As you have said one does not seem particularly sincere in her interests, I would just settle for a friendship with her, and concentrate on solidifying a relationship with the other woman. Once you have established a healthy relationship with one woman, if you both are still interested, then you would have better luck in a second slave. In my experience, poly relationships tend to be veryyyyyy difficult to manage, under even the best of circumstances. The biggest problem, I think, is that the quantity of relationships tend to replace the quality of interaction that you would enjoy one on one, living a fantasy of love instead of the reality. Good luck! Stephan

OrientalMistress -> RE: Games and more Games (2/19/2005 5:44:35 AM)
I find good points in almost all of the responses so far.... Here is My opinion...were I in your situation...which thankfully I am not...jealousy truly is a turn off for Me... Any way....I'd use the modified King Solomon method... 1. Shut off all communication with both of them for punishment...and let them know that you will not speak to either until they both "sincerely" apologize before you stating that jealousy will not interfere with your relationship together. 2. Before closing down communication, threaten to rid yourself of both if they do not put jealousy aside and realize who is Master and that it is your decision as to who stays or goes. But do so in a unique fashion -- tell each this in separate and distinct messages. Adding that you will be selecting one or the other within three days if this is not resolved. Then, get off line or leave the room ending all discussion. 3. After you have spoken to both separately, then send them the message that you have decided that silence is the best punishment you can give these two...and that they are not to speak to you until the issue has been resolved between the two of them. 4. For the sub who is near you, it is all right to continue to have sessions with her -- BUT, from the time she enters your presence to the time she is dismissed, she is to be gagged and will not speak to you other than to non-verbally issue a safe word {sign}, as needful. I remain Miss Deb, and you may speak with Me further on this if you like at [email protected]. I am certain we all would like to know the method chosen and the resul. May wisdome mark your pathway... Madam Tau {Miss Deb} ... Tau NOTE: For true subs and slaves, silence is a great tool...not only does it allow them to think about what they've done to bring about the silence, but frustrates them if they can't talk about it to someone {driving two warring factions together in most instances}. I

Gemeni -> RE: Games and more Games (2/19/2005 9:24:11 AM)
I'm very cold in making decisions like these,so take my words with a grain of salt. If they refuse to make accomodation,look to which one serves your long term interests the best. Then the choice becomes of the greatest ease.

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