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Stop Stressing & Start Sharing - 12/11/2006 8:57:39 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
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Happy Holidays!

What I love about this time of year is that I, more so than usual, focus my attention away from the norm ... I love this opportunity to pamper those who nurish me throughout the year. It's a sweet challenge to "tune in to" those who make my life full and happy throughout the year and think of ways to show it.

It's not the monetary cost of the gift, but the emotional statement that says, "I listen to you, I care for you, I love you ... and thanks for sharing yourself with me.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

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RE: Stop Stressing & Start Sharing - 12/11/2006 9:01:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Most subs actually should spend more time pampering and being nicer to themselves. They often burn themselves out always thinking about everyone else. You can't be a good candle if you burn all your wax.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to babysburnin)

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RE: Stop Stressing & Start Sharing - 12/12/2006 7:37:38 AM

alandraofMists

Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Most subs actually should spend more time pampering and being nicer to themselves. They often burn themselves out always thinking about everyone else. You can't be a good candle if you burn all your wax.

i very much agree with you, Lucky. It is a conscious choice to ask for help or give the information that one is having trouble dealing with all that needs to be done so as to not get burned out.

If a submissive does not ask or express that they are having trouble they are not allowing the Dominant to have the final say in what is happening during this time. Only the Dominant can know for certain what is important to Him and what does not need to be done right now. *ss*

after all we are all only able to do so much no matter what season it is.

Knight's alandra

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Stop Stressing & Start Sharing - 12/12/2006 8:28:05 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Most subs actually should spend more time pampering and being nicer to themselves. They often burn themselves out always thinking about everyone else. You can't be a good candle if you burn all your wax.

I have recently been told (by a great therapist) that I never learned to create boundaries for myself with people...that my life has been a series of events which have taught me to allow people to come on in like bulls in a china shop and nothing within me is flagged to say "Hey, this is wrong!" When my Master first took me in, he immediately set up rules in place which would stop me from submitting to other people. It has been most helpful to learn this skill, and for me it is a skill. The therapist is helping me to stop old patterns of letting my ex, who has taken to harassing me, enjoy his old tactics. I am building boundaries where none existed before. Scary and liberating at the same time.

As for pampering...I never felt I deserved nice things or treats. And then one day I bought some sheets - 700 count I think? Ohhh they are so silky and nice! And while on the phone with my Master while in bed once, I was rolling around in my lovely silky yummy sheets and all of a sudden I panicked, and cried out, "Oh Master, here I am in these comfy cozy sheets and I shouldn't be!!!" I started apologizing, telling him I'd get rid of them. He sounded baffled but his voice became very dear and he said "You may have nice things, pet, it's really ok." Isn't that silly - I still get kinda weepy and sappy when I remember that, but he is who allowed me - and orders me - to take care of myself and get that pampering in. I am ordered to take long baths, for example, or to go out with friends, or to go shopping. It's been a whole new world for me, to take care of me! As he put it in a way only he could put it - - "You have a fiduciary responsibility to take care of my property when I am not present to tend to it myself. I expect you to do so."

Well...okay then!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Stop Stressing & Start Sharing - 12/12/2006 9:05:58 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Fiduciary responsibility- I love that!

LOL I always just tell my partner he's hanging onto the heritages of being Jewish when he gets that way. It's a way to get him to laugh at himself, get him out of his head and learn how to relax. I don't think I'll ever break him of that initial cringing or choice of self-denial, but I will continue working so that he stop the process as soon as possible and lets himself enjoy more.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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RE: Stop Stressing & Start Sharing - 12/12/2006 9:32:19 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
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gosh this brought tears to my eyes i am the same way. i can buy stuff for others or for the house but to buy something totally indulgent just for me? i don't. heck if i need new clothes i even feel guilty buying those at walmart.
now i do have a good size dolphin collection but i've been able to convince myself that they are for the house. decorations ya know
lil_joy

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

as for pampering...I never felt I deserved nice things or treats. And then one day I bought some sheets - 700 count I think? Ohhh they are so silky and nice! And while on the phone with my Master while in bed once, I was rolling around in my lovely silky yummy sheets and all of a sudden I panicked, and cried out, "Oh Master, here I am in these comfy cozy sheets and I shouldn't be!!!" I started apologizing, telling him I'd get rid of them. He sounded baffled but his voice became very dear and he said "You may have nice things, pet, it's really ok." Isn't that silly - I still get kinda weepy and sappy when I remember that, but he is who allowed me - and orders me - to take care of myself and get that pampering in. I am ordered to take long baths, for example, or to go out with friends, or to go shopping. It's been a whole new world for me, to take care of me! As he put it in a way only he could put it - - "You have a fiduciary responsibility to take care of my property when I am not present to tend to it myself. I expect you to do so."

Well...okay then!

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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RE: Stop Stressing & Start Sharing - 12/12/2006 12:18:26 PM

TheSheepy

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/10/2006
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The Lovely Albatross should bless us all with a book. It seems she has a great understanding of herself, and of others.

My issue has never been "Oh, I cannot take care of myself, for that would be wrong", but that I have a tendency to put so much into others that I never have time for myself.
I recently quit my job, where I had been taking people's shifts when they wanted off (for a party, to take care of their mom, were just feeling burnt out) or when a mnager said the store was short staffed. That first night I had off, I was like, "Finally! I can take a bubble bath and get rid of these 1 inch blonde roots!" It was odd, though, to have a night off. Master seems to enjoy actually having me around, though. My work didn't bother him much, but both ends of that candle finally hit each other.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Most subs actually should spend more time pampering and being nicer to themselves. They often burn themselves out always thinking about everyone else. You can't be a good candle if you burn all your wax.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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