RE: move out age

RE: move out age (Full Version)

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[Poll]

move out age

10% (5)

18 and graduate highschool

30% (14)

0% (0)

4% (2)

6% (3)

21 and graduated college

13% (6)

you can stay living at home as long as you like

2% (1)

when you can afford it

32% (15)

Total Votes : 46

(last vote on : 12/21/2006 8:31:33 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

agirl -> RE: move out age (12/13/2006 5:56:00 AM)
I've got 4 children, two have left and grown, with their own children and the two left at home are 14 and 12 yrs. The eldest one comes back now and then when he's between residences, which is fine, as long as it's just an interim thing. If he hangs around too long, I'll encourage him to leave.....lol I've found that they actually WANT their independance and want to beout there doing their own thing. Home is a great place to come back to but it's a springboard, or a bolt-hole at times. There comes a time when we both want to have some distance and privacy. I've found it's a natural progression, not an age thing. I have a responsibilty of a certain kind to any dependant children but when they are capable of seeing to themselves then I don't really want them around constantly and they don't want to be around me constantly either. The youngest two are already distancing themselves from me and that's as it should be. They have their own private lives and make decisions about important things for themselves about their schooling, personal lives etc. so they are already making preparation for the off. If my kids were a complete pain in the arse and they'd left secondary school (16 yrs), I'd find an alternative to them being at home. I won't live with disruption and disharmony. agirl

agirl -> RE: move out age (12/13/2006 6:25:52 AM)
That's an important thing, kisshou. But not something I've had to impress on them at leaving home age. They all know, even the ones that still are dependant, that I want privacy. I have respected their privacy since they were tiny children and expected to have mine. We arrange life so that we have that. The eldest children have a much reduced standard of living.....but the pay-off is that they are independant and don't have to answer to anyone, in any way, at all. If they are living at home as adults, there has to be a decent reason for it....being poor isn't a good reason, to me. I want them to fly away, not be shoved but if a shove is needed to help them fly, then so be it.........lol agirl

Mercnbeth -> RE: move out age (12/13/2006 8:22:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kisshou ...The one thing that has struck me in all of them is that no one has mentioned the parents wanting to live alone by themselves. well, since you brought it up...this slave's parents VERY much wanted to live alone. when all the offspring had reached 18 and left the house this slave's parents remodeled a 4 bedroom into a 2 bedroom, eliminating brother's bedroom altogether by knocking down the walls and turning it into a dining area...they took out the wall between sister and this slave's room and made that their huge bedroom, incorporating what was once the shared bathroom for the 3 of us into their own personal bathroom...their old room &bath became the guest room and guest bath. they really enjoyed it!!![:)]

darchChylde -> RE: move out age (12/13/2006 8:39:59 AM)
i was out of my parent's house when i got married at 14, but i was still on their land in a home of my own i stared building at 12... i don't feel there can be a hard and fast rule for moving out, just that the decision should be mutually made by all those involved

childoftheshadow -> RE: move out age (12/13/2006 9:01:30 AM)
I moved out of my parents house at 13 (moved in with some older friends), had a full time (not overly legal) job not long after (still going to school at the same time). At 19, after finishing school, I moved over here. I know that if ever I really needed somewhere to go, my parents would welcome me back, but I'm very proud of the fact that I've made it this far on my own. My little monster is far too young for me to even begin to think about her moving out, though I do joke with her father that it's only 14 years until I can kick her out. I agree with those who say that children can remain in their parents home as long as they are going to school or they're employed and helping out.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: move out age (12/13/2006 9:11:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kisshou What age should a person move out from home at? I welcome any questions or comments. You can say it is all about maturity and not chronological age but sometimes maturity comes at the price of being pushed a little bit. When it works for everyone. I'm fine with anyone over 18 to be expected to pay some form of rent. But there are plenty of excellent reasons for people over 18, 25, 30, etc to stay at home. Whether it's because of crushing bills from college, or taking care of their sick parents. If they are staying home because they are lazy and afraid- then the parents have failed in their duties to raise an independent and capable child and need to either pick up the slack here and give them a good lesson or just accept the consequences directly.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: move out age (12/14/2006 6:40:28 PM)
Ok, how about the parents who find their adult children an utter joy to be with and have no hurry to kick them out, providing of course the adult child pulls their own weight.

nikaa -> RE: move out age (12/14/2006 6:59:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kisshou What age should a person move out from home at? I welcome any questions or comments. You can say it is all about maturity and not chronological age but sometimes maturity comes at the price of being pushed a little bit. When it is right for those involved. In my opinion this is one of those questions where the answers will vary for EVERY person you ask. I was married and on my own at 17. Would I recommend it? Not to everyone.laughsFor me the time was right. Will my children be ready to be on their own at 18 or even 21? I don't know. I do know I will NEVER simply kick my kids out of our home because they turn a certain age.

SubShyButFlirty -> RE: move out age (12/14/2006 7:14:22 PM)
I think it should vary from child to child. My folks had a rule: when you turned 18 or graduated high school (whichever came first) you started paying room & board. I graduated at 17 and lived at home for about a year, my brother moved out just before he had to start paying and my youngest brother stayed at home for a couple of years.

zammer -> RE: move out age (12/14/2006 7:44:17 PM)
I left on my 17th birthday and never came back ....not a pleasant experience

DommeChains -> RE: move out age (12/14/2006 8:56:08 PM)
I left at 18 after graduating high school. I enlisted in the Army and from that day forward I was considered a full adult by my parents. My decisions were mine and not commented on unless I asked them for their input. I did move back in for a couple of weeks after leaving an abusive husband until I had earned enough to get an apartment. I had left with just what I could fit in my car and my Siamese cat. Giving up my stuff was worth my freedom, safety and dignity. My parents were big on making sure I knew how to pay bills, balance a checkbook, read a leasing contract, set up a home, etc. I applaud them for making sure to give me solid life skills. I never wanted to move back home after I left since I felt that part of being an adult was figuring out how to take care of yourself. Even when I bought a home a mile from my mother to be close enough to care for her as her health failed we never dropped in on each other...we always called first to make sure the other was in the mood for a visit. Or in my case that I hadn't worked a double so was dead asleep lol.....or entertaining a "friend". If this sounds like things were very formal or rigid between my parents and myself they weren't. We just gave each other the respect of realizing we lived our lives differently from each other and that was OK. We all saw each other as both family members and fellow adults. That was really cool. Sometimes I wonder if letting grown kids who are capable of being self supporting and don't have a compelling reason to still be supported by their parents isn't an inability to see that kid as a competent adult who deserves the chance to take chances and fail or succeed. My mother told me once that she never felt as proud of me as she did the first time I made some critical decision, made the wrong one, sucked it up and accepted the fallout and never whined about it. She said she knew then that I would be fine no matter what life threw my way and she had done her job as a mother. Wise lady.

kisshou -> RE: move out age (12/15/2006 3:22:11 AM)
DC your mom sounds really cool :)

swtnsparkling -> RE: move out age (12/15/2006 5:42:17 AM)
Soon as I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get my own apartment. I told my daughter a few years ago that Check Out time was 18 she laughed is 19 now and has no intentions of moving anywhere any time soon. Fine by me- she can stay here as long as she wants she will move when she is ready

starshineowned -> RE: move out age (12/15/2006 6:08:02 AM)
Greetings..~smiles~ For self..I pretty much left home at 16 but was allowed the home buffer when needed. At 18 I chose to join the military, and left completely. My parents always allowed when needed though a roof over my head, and help to get through icky stuff like divorce. For my kids..The plan was and is that after highschool..no ultimatums will be made but your going to be pushed so far to the nest edge you'll want to fly but always the nest will be there if foul weather comes. Well Wishes starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

Celeste43 -> RE: move out age (12/15/2006 6:14:23 AM)
Went off to prep school at 14, off to college at 16. Came back for vacations. After college my father helped me get an apartment since Manhattan is so expensive. He helped with the bills for about a year. For me, my oldest has problems so I doubt she'll be out until a couple of years after she finishes school and finds a job. And that's fine with me. I'm here if she needs me. Just hoping she can learn to clean up her room in that time. She needs more time to adjust to changes and I will give it to her, not demand she conform to some schedule.

sub4hire -> RE: move out age (12/15/2006 6:32:31 AM)
My parents did not tell me to get out. Though I moved out at 18. Owned my own house if you want to call it that by 19. Bought it dirt cheap from the state...it had been taken from a drug raid. I spent the next two years learning to rebuild a house. Working. I raised 2 of my nephews and I gave them until 18 to decide whether they wanted to continue on with school or get a job. In any event it was either school or rent. In grown up society we cannot run back home when we lose our job or get hurt and end up on disability. We have to make life work. Children need to understand that. Seems that so many don't anymore. When I grew up we were just expected to grow up and stand on our own two feet.

DommeChains -> RE: move out age (12/15/2006 7:08:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kisshou DC your mom sounds really cool :) Yeah. She was the best.......best mother, best friend. I still miss her daily even 12 years after she died. She was my hero.

DiamondOrchid -> RE: move out age (12/15/2006 8:58:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4hire In grown up society we cannot run back home when we lose our job or get hurt and end up on disability. We have to make life work. Why not? I don't see where getting help from your family isn't 'grown up'. Society today has so many problems, why not try being a bit more helpul and perhaps make it a bit better?

MysticFireTopaz -> RE: move out age (12/15/2006 9:18:26 AM)
I left home before 18, but it was because I had a step-mother I abhorred (the feeling was mutual) and I felt it was much better to be out of there (and she felt the same way, no doubt). Things greatly improved after I left and we actually managed to go on to have a fairly decent relationship, but came close to killing one another while under the same roof. I don't have any kids of My own, but if I did, I would probably want them out by 18, unless they wanted to attend a college nearby, in which case I would let them stay until they graduated. I checked the "21 and graduated college option." Lady Topaz

nikaa -> RE: move out age (12/15/2006 4:09:52 PM)
sub4hire, My exhusbands family is from China, and when I lived there for 2 years I saw the most amazing thing. Four generations on the same property often times under the same roof for meals. It was AMAZING. I don't personally see this as coddeling children.

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