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[Poll]

move out age


18
  10% (5)
18 and graduate highschool
  30% (14)
19
  0% (0)
20
  4% (2)
21
  6% (3)
21 and graduated college
  13% (6)
you can stay living at home as long as you like
  2% (1)
when you can afford it
  32% (15)


Total Votes : 46
(last vote on : 12/21/2006 8:31:33 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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move out age - 12/12/2006 9:02:17 AM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		What age should a person move out from home at?  I welcome any questions or comments. You can say it is all about maturity and not chronological age but sometimes maturity comes at the price of being pushed a little bit.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 9:05:24 AM   
JerseyKrissi72


Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline 		That is a very good question. I was kicked out of my own home before 18 but I still managed to graduate highschool..As a mother I wouldn't mind my children living at home because I know how expensive it is living out there on your own so long as they are productive members of society, working--not doing drugs, respecting my home, etc...My oldest son is only 11 years old but he already knows he wants to go to college for graphic arts..and I told him..if he goes to school and is trying to make something out of himself he is more than welcome to live at home..so long as he helps out with bills, food, etc...I don't believe in "you are 18, now get out "theory...some children develop differently and are not ready, mature enough to be out on their own at 18...Now that my youngest son was officially diagnosed as mildly autistic yesterday, I have accepted the fact that he may be living with me forever...I guess it all depends on the situation...but being a parent is a LIFE LONG COMMITTMENT

_____________________________

Our greatest glory is not in never falling-but in rising every time we fall ( Confucius )

(in reply to kisshou)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 9:05:26 AM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		I was out like a shot once I hit 18. But that might not be right for everyone. Its very individual. I think staying at home if you are going to a college nearby is a good idea, but once you are out of school, you should be getting your own place.

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to kisshou)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 9:14:52 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It depends on the kid, each case should be considered separate.  My eldest moved away for college, he did well and has always been highly motivated to succeed.  With my younger, I would not object if he wanted to live at home, as long as he was working or attending school.  I would be concerned if he were on his own, because of his maturity (or lack of).

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 9:30:17 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		lore nice of you to think so, you're titled to your opnion, but I'm severly limited in what I can do job wise and my SSI is NOT en ough to live on. I can not afford to live away from home. It's also a practicality and comfort matter. no  dingy rat dump one room apartment at 700 a month will ever be as good as my home  i live in now. I will move out eventually, as I have plans to live with a partner, but for now the situation works I am comfortable I have no fear  of eviction or rent raising or not being able to afford my living place.  Edited to add also my parents find it a great joy to have me here as we're close and get along very very well for most part, and I am welcome here with open arms and no strings. so it works

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 12/12/2006 9:46:28 AM >

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 9:53:31 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72
...I guess it all depends on the situation...but being a parent is a LIFE LONG COMMITTMENT


this slave would agree very much that it ALL depends on the situation and individuals involved.  some folks have disabilities that prevent them from maintaining a seperate residence from their parents as soon as they reach 18-if ever.  putting those situations aside, being a parent does not infer a life long commitment of housing or financially supporting offspring, unless that is the sort of commitment one chooses.  as in other relationships, there is no "one twoo way".
 
this slave sees nothing wrong with expecting adult (18+)offspring to make their own choices (school attendance, employment, intimate personal relationship choices, etc.) as well as take responsibility for themselves, those choices and the consequences that come with them--and also believes it should start being something that they focus on and make choices about their participation in WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY before the 18th anniversary of their existence on this planet.

(in reply to JerseyKrissi72)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 9:59:28 AM   
Altina


Posts: 14
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

What age should a person move out from home at?  I welcome any questions or comments. You can say it is all about maturity and not chronological age but sometimes maturity comes at the price of being pushed a little bit.

I left home when I entered college and have not been back to live since


(in reply to kisshou)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 10:17:07 AM   
DiamondOrchid


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		I don't have any children, so I can't answer for that. However, I've lived with my folks on and off. I lived on my own after highschool, but moved back to save for college. Moved out when done. Moved back in due to some health problems that rendered me temporarily unable to work. Moved back out. Moved back in last summer (for the summer only). I wasn't working at a paying job (student still), but I did most of the repairs that their house needed (caulking windows, putting up eavestrough, painting, parging, tending the garden... etc.). I'm not fond of living with them (adult-child dynamic problems), but if I had to, I would (personal circumstance or if their health failed). They've never made me feel unwelcome - both would rather me live with them while I'm in school - but... people need their own space to grow and figure out who they are and what they want. It's hard to do that when you're always the 'child'. And I like my space! *grins*
 
D.

_____________________________

Relationships are like full time jobs and should be treated as such. If your boy/girlfriend wants to leave, they should give you two weeks' notice and severance pay. Also they should have to find you a temp.

(in reply to Altina)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 10:44:34 AM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

lore nice of you to think so, you're titled to your opnion,


What, I'm entitled to my opinion that what I did might not be right for everyone and "Its very individual"? Why, thanks.

Edited because I should have been an English teacher.

< Message edited by Lorelei115 -- 12/12/2006 10:45:04 AM >

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 11:20:49 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think that today we are far too good at enabling our adult children to be imature spoiled monsters.

My personal belief is that when they are finished with school their ass needs to be on their own. It is the parents responsibility to teach their children how to function as an independent adult. They need to learn how to budget, to pay their own bills, save for things they really want. To have to get up and go to work wether they are "in the mood" or not. To occasionally do a job they do not like to buy their groceries.

I know there are exceptions as in parents needing the physical or financial assistance or a child with a serious disabilitiy. However, I have zero respect for a parent that allows a capable adult child to leech off them and even less respect for the adult child that does it to their parents.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 10:27:11 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		You're welcome
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

lore nice of you to think so, you're titled to your opnion,


What, I'm entitled to my opinion that what I did might not be right for everyone and "Its very individual"? Why, thanks.

Edited because I should have been an English teacher.

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 11:10:46 PM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline 		my daughter (the oldest) went off to college at 18 and is now married and with child in Buffalo.
 
my oldest son left for the Marines at 18, he's now a Sgt stationed in Aberdeen, MD
 
my youngest still lives home.  He is 18 and just graduated from high school and is now in college.  He also works part time.  The college he attends is local so he didn't have to move away but to be honest, he and i are like water and oil most of the time.  Why?  Because he has HIS idea of how things should be run here...and i have mine...and since i pay all the bills....i get to do things my way     Yes, this causes problems.
 
i always tell him...if he wants to run things his way, then he can go get his own place.  It's pretty simple actually. 
 
my youngest brother didn't leave home until he was 30 and got married.  my mother coddled the shit out of him and it was sickening
 
One of my brother's has a 23 year old daughter who just keeps going back home.  She can't keep a job for shit (although she's totally capable).  i told him he's not doing her any favors.....she'd keep a job if she had to support herself.
 
i think there is a time to boot them out of the nest.  i strove for 18 but full time local college might make a difference.  We'll see what happens with this one 
 
DG

< Message edited by adaddysgirl -- 12/12/2006 11:14:56 PM >

(in reply to kisshou)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 11:19:48 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I moved out when I was 24, and in with my now exhusband.  After the divorce, I moved back in temporarily, and now I am moving out again at nearly 30 to my very first place of my own.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 11:21:23 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the personal relationship between the parent and child. I've lived with my parents on and off and contributed (financially at times, physically at others). I get along great with my folks, and am planning on having them live with me once I've settled down permanently (as can be planned) in one spot. *shrugs* Maybe I'm odd, but growing up, my Grandparents lived with us, ever since I can remember. It was easier everyone... my folks had extra support in raising me, my Grandparents had more disposable income and didn't have to worry about the day-to-day things or long-term upkeep of the house. So I expect to take care of my folks and for them to take care of me, when needed.
 
I don't have a set age in mind when someone has to be outted. Nor do I think it has to be permanent. It just depends on the people involved and their views & lifestyle.

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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: move out age - 12/12/2006 11:34:08 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		If my parents and I did not get along I would leave, I would find someway some how to make do with the little opertunities possible. But since we're great I am welcome here, and we're comfortable who cares about any perceived age* hehe*

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: move out age - 12/13/2006 2:29:39 AM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

What age should a person move out from home at?  I welcome any questions or comments. You can say it is all about maturity and not chronological age but sometimes maturity comes at the price of being pushed a little bit.


Hello Kisshou.....

I'm impressed by the responses here - Lota good old-fashioned thinking. I have good friends both here in Oregon and Cali who let their adult children stay at home after 18 when they're not enrolled in school or gainfully employed. I think that sets a terrible example as in ''lack of work ethic'' for the kid.

As I mentioned in a previous post....with my father, as long as you were going to school and achieving, you could stay home. But the minute you quit school or he found out you were screwing around, he'd talk to you once and if things didn't change, you were out.

My brother and I never liked this stringent attitude....but whenever we get together now and talk about it, we both realize and agree it was a mighty smart thing Dad did for us.



 - R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 12/13/2006 2:38:48 AM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to kisshou)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: move out age - 12/13/2006 3:11:46 AM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		My son is 18 and still at home, but he is in his last year of high school.  I have never told him he had to leave, but I know he wants to be on his own.

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Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: move out age - 12/13/2006 3:54:00 AM   
CandleInTheWind


Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		Im the one with the most kids on the site i believe   6 but that doesnt make me the all power full oz


i have raised the kids with this philosophy...


when you graduate highschool you eitehr go away to colege or go away and get a job...notice the frist part of these are go away?

I moved out when i was a bit past 19...i got married about 6 months later...i moved out becasue my parents didnt respect my privacy.  I followed rules  such as curfew.  I had an 11pm curfew...No over night guests...no staying out over night unless it was planned before i went out that evening.

I personally feel that the kids should live out on their own for at least 6 months right after gradnuation fro highschool (particularly if they were pushing the envelope about following the family rules.  I have a 20 year old that moved in with her dad when i asked her to leave due to her consistantly breaking curfew rules and otherwise casuing kaos with the remainder of the children and he pretty much let her run amok...he then sent her out of state without a plan of any kind ( he realized it hard to keep the good cop part of the routine goign without bad cop)  she is now married and kid in tow.

I have an 18 year old who was asked to leave as well when he couldnt abide with the family rules  such as do not take things that do not belong to someone else (especially if they belong to mom)  again dad stepped in and has him living with him...and in my opinion once again is finding it difficult to play bad cop...and i consistantly hear from both boy wonder and prince charming that each of them are rediculous....

The one thing that each of the children have said after not living in my home anymore...is that my rules did make sense.   it isnt a big deal to take the garbage out if i am buying the groceries.....also not a big deal to carry the laundry up the staircase if i am running it, especially since i by them their clothes... and the dishwaher definately not an issue becasue at least there is food around to get the dishes dirty!  and so that saying absence make the heart grow fonder....well in my case each of my children that have been asked to leave my home....well when they are not living with me they realized what the little things that i take care of on a daily basisprovide for them!

If i had y way i would prefer all of my kids to go to college out and have the beifit of living out on their own but stillbe in more of a protected environment!

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to cuddleheart50)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: move out age - 12/13/2006 4:57:37 AM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		HIya UtopianRanger,

I have been impressed with the answers also :) The one thing that has struck me in all of them is that no one has mentioned the parents wanting to live alone by themselves.

That was the theme of that movie that came out last year where the guy still lived at home and the parents in desperation hired a girl to go out with him. The main drive was the dad wanted to turn the sons bedroom into a kind of den so he could walk around nude.

I understand there are exceptions with certain disabilites and special circumstances so I should have qualified my poll to perfectly healthy, averagely intelligent 18+ people.

I think part of the problem even from the responses I have been reading is that the younger persons standard of living is going to drop. To me though that is like a right of passage and a prime motivator for working hard.

Thanks all who responded and I hope alot more chime in!

kisshou

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: move out age - 12/13/2006 5:20:59 AM   
elligan


Posts: 13
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		I had the problem of a "blended family" as a nice way to put it.. another way to put it would be that my step father and I did not get along at all. I took the easiest way out I could I went to University in another part of the country and barely ever go home. My mother always told us when we were growing up that we had an expiration date.. and if we stayed beyond that we would have to start paying board money to live there the offshoot is that if I go home and want to stay for an extended period I know I wont have to pay board as long as I do enough chores around the house or the farm. I do chores it works out... but I never end up staying long too much friction in the household when I'm there.

And in my opinion anyone staying home for their living standards when they can work just needs to work more or get a better job, your living standards are supposed to be crummy when you're young as long as you aren't starving it's all good. (I don't know about anywhere else but in New Zealand it's unlikely you'll actually be starving (so just my opnion from my perspective as a near.. but not quite starving student))

(in reply to kisshou)
Profile   Post #: 20
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