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Petruchio -> Adolf Himmler, Toymaker (12/13/2006 2:54:13 PM)
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Intertwined and often confused with the Holocene is the tale of a delightful toymaker named Adolf Himmler who prospered in Germany in the 1930s through 1944.
Young Adolf was diminutive and elf-like with a leprechaun-like twinkle in his eye. Simple and self-effacing, he popularized the brown shirts he often wore out of modesty.
As modest as Adolf was, he loved parties. With his friends, he devised one of the largest and most popular parties his country has ever seen, sometimes called a 'national social' party. His parties were colorful, and you could always tell where the fun was by the colorful red bunting.
Adolf is most noted for his cute, fuzzy teddy bears and a rocking horse he named Rudolf Höss. Sadly, his innovations roused the ire of many of his neighbors. Up until the 1930s, it was common to festoon dolls with jewelry. However, Adolf was particularly sensitive to the needs of children (kinder) and realized sharp jewels might scratch delicate skin with its sharp edges, often made worse by a toy javelin sometimes called the Albert Spear.
Adolf devised a program to eliminate jewelry, which has historically been mistranslated as 'pogrom' and 'jewry'. Toward that end, clever Adolf invented a gas he called Zylon-AB negative with which he showered the teddy bears, and soon discovered this caused jewelry to drop like flies.
Naturally costume jewelry began to pile up, and Adolf came up with another brilliant idea. He developed a new toy, electric trains which he loaded with cast-off jewelry. Throughout the first half of the 1940s, these charming trains could be seen crisscrossing his native Austria, Germany, and even as far afield as Poland. Soon, Adolf's famous toys were invading toy shops in Britain, France, Italy, and even Russia.
With ever increasing inventories of unwanted jewelry, Adolf briefly delved into the field of adult toys as well, and is particularly known for the glittering Eva Bra and for his nipple jewelry designs, variously called 'slave clamps' and 'concentration clamps'. Although Adolf often preached 'cleansing' and 'purity', impure septic clamps began to infect their victims, and it is sometimes claimed that 5 or 6 deaths resulted, although no actual proof exists.
At heart, Adolf was a pious man and soon returned to the world of children's delights although in his latter years, he retreated more and more into his country house, der Bünker, or in English, Holycause Debunker.
Adolf fans are now called 'neo-nutsies'. However, the stigma of concentration clamps remains, and the world never quite forgave him for that blunder. Some misguided souls still blame this gentle toymaker for unspeakable acts, but now you know the truth.
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