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Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 7:41:32 PM

slavejali

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Ok as a slave I accept what I am and my role within masters life. We live together, create a home together, work for things together, achieve goals together, all a part of being in relationship and its all wonderful. Everything we do is Masters way and thats how it should be, its the undercurrent of the relationship and is what makes me happy as a slave on a day to day basis.

I don't know how to describe this..but sometimes I forget I'm a slave. It's not that I'm not doing everything I should be doing. It's not that the relationship dynamic has changed in the slightest...it is as it is..Master is in charge...I'm submissive to him..that just the way it is...so what do I mean when I think "Sometimes I forget I'm a slave" ?. I really don't think I know what I mean...

Then there are times when Master will say or do something that reminds me and I feel it profoundly.....it almost shocks me..."I am his slave" comes deeply into my thoughts...yet nothing has changed at all..we are still living as we do...still doing everything it is that we do on a daily basis...so why then when he says or does soemthing do I feel this "recognition" of myself more profoundly...yet...nothing has changed...

I do notice in those times of "recognition" that it goes so deeply in me, all my body responds to it..yet nothing has changed except for Master saying or doing something in particular...yet the relationship itself hasnt changed...

This is probably really confusing .. I dont know if I have even described this properly.

Can anyone relate to this or does anyone have some words of wisdom for me?

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

Post #: 1

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 7:46:36 PM

SusanofO

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Myabe you just feel submissive all the time, and it doesn't ever feel "un-natural" to you - until he requests something you might find "out of the ordinary" (for whatever reason) - and then you feel reminded of your "slave status"?

I am not sure, jali - but I can relate, even though I am not in a relationship right now. To me, this all just feels "normal". I know other non-Bdsmers might find it weird, but it feels natural to me - I don't give my "submissive feelings" a second thought anymore, really (thanks partly to the CM Message boards)!

I do still feel a "tingle" when someone asks me something that makes me "feel submissive" - but it seems normal, and I don't feel uncomfortable (or awkward) the way I sometimes used to feel.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/13/2006 7:54:25 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 2

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 7:52:21 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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I believe that I can relate to this. In my experience, in the beginning of the relationship the title or the names that we assign to our roles are more pronounced. We come into a D/s or M/s relationship with these titles that define who we are and how we relate to one another. As time passes and our lives come together we are still the same people with the same titles, we still relate to one another in the same manner, but the titles themselves have faded a bit into the background. Our lives have melded, we are more comfortable and have relaxed into our relationship. The dynamic hasn't changed, but the focus has shifted ever so slightly from titles and roles to life and our lives together.

You aren't so much "forgetting you are a slave" as you are being that slave without your mental focus being on the title.

Edited to add: I believe this is true in any vanilla relationship as well.

< Message edited by yourMissTress -- 12/13/2006 7:58:31 PM >

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 3

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 7:52:35 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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Usually when I start thinking stuff like this I end up in really masochistic headspace..it always starts in this whirl of confusion in my mind..I start thinking about stuff I never think about...which brigns me to another question...if thoughts like these put me into masochistic headspace is that what I think a slave is? If that's what it provokes?

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 4

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 7:53:40 PM

darksdesire

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Joined: 10/18/2006
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I am aware at all times that I am his slave...it's just that sometimes, it is a very subtle, below the surface knowing. I wonder if you actually forget it, or if you are merely taking it for granted, that it is as natural as breathing. Most of the time we don't think about our breathing, but when we do, we must acknowledge its a pretty cool thing. My guess is that you are experiencing varying levels of awareness and not forgetting at all?

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 5

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 7:55:38 PM

mnottertail

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Joined: 11/3/2004
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WOW, yeah I feel that....seriously, but I often forget that I am breathing, or seeing or hearing...tonight was Aki-Jutsu and Hapkido... Sometimes I forget to walk and bend...sometimes I forget to consider that when I am face planted I can ameliorate that by putting my hand at a fourty five degree angle to my body such that I don't have to take every bit of it in the head....funny how we need reminding of something so fundamental in constant fashion, all I can say SlaveJali, is you are not alone, and it is ok to not be totally aware of riding the bicycle, so long as you are still on two wheels....you can coast every so often without detriment to you, Your Master or the World....While it may be glorious to bask in the warm sunshine every minute of your life, you are still going to have to sleep sometime...humans can never be 100% efficient.

Ron

(almost nobody will get what I am tryiing to say, but I bet Jali will; agree or disagree)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 6

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 7:57:05 PM

darksdesire

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Joined: 10/18/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Usually when I start thinking stuff like this I end up in really masochistic headspace..it always starts in this whirl of confusion in my mind..I start thinking about stuff I never think about...which brigns me to another question...if thoughts like these put me into masochistic headspace is that what I think a slave is? If that's what it provokes?

I'm not sure I understand the question. Are you saying that asking questions about your slave nature always puts you into a masochistic headspace?

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 7

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 7:57:40 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

Myabe you just feel submissive all the time, and it doesn't ever feel "un-natural" to you - until he requests something you might find "out of the ordinary" (for whatever reason) - and then you feel reminded of your "slave status"?

and

quote:

You aren't so much "forgetting you are a slave" as you are being that slave without your mental focus being on the title.

Those are good points. I think thats what it is to a large degree....yet...like I just posted before I saw your post...when there are those moments of "recognition"...it really effects me physically, emotionally and mentally...like my breathing changes as well. So what is it thats happening...and why do I relate to that place as my slavery?

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 8

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 7:59:20 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

WOW, yeah I feel that....seriously, but I often forget that I am breathing, or seeing or hearing...tonight was Aki-Jutsu and Hapkido... Sometimes I forget to walk and bend...sometimes I forget to consider that when I am face planted I can ameliorate that by putting my hand at a fourty five degree angle to my body such that I don't have to take every bit of it in the head....funny how we need reminding of something so fundamental in constant fashion, all I can say SlaveJali, is you are not alone, and it is ok to not be totally aware of riding the bicycle, so long as you are still on two wheels....you can coast every so often without detriment to you, Your Master or the World....While it may be glorious to bask in the warm sunshine every minute of your life, you are still going to have to sleep sometime...humans can never be 100% efficient.

Ron

(almost nobody will get what I am tryiing to say, but I bet Jali will; agree or disagree)

I got it, and thought it was pretty awesome.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 9

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 8:13:55 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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quote:

seriously, but I often forget that I am breathing, or seeing or hearing...

Yeah...kinda like the difference between walking along a path just unconsciously cuz you've walked that path a million times yet on the days when you watch your breath and really are present, that path seems all the more profound...yet its the same ol path you've always walked....your so much more alive.

quote:

I'm not sure I understand the question. Are you saying that asking questions about your slave nature always puts you into a masochistic headspace

?

Well I guess...but I was really talking about when that recognition of my slavery comes....the feelings it provokes just about always turns into masochistic mania of a sort...that craving comes. I have a weird association with masochism...its not about being hurt to me but about merging or something.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 10

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 8:23:57 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference

Robert Frost circa 1920

Ron.....Merry christmas to You and Yours Jali (its all been done before)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 11

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 8:29:35 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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That really touched me..thankyou for sharing it.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 12

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 8:43:17 PM

mnottertail

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Joined: 11/3/2004
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and it all comes down to any one instant in our life.....dun it? You take your pleasure in your moments and don't fret so much about the ones that didn't hit 10 on the richter scale, K?

you are gangbusters, kid!!!!!!

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 13

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 8:56:22 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

We all feel this way, at one time or another, jali. It doesn't have anything to do with Ms, really. Ever looked at the same rose bush in your yard...then one day, you think, "Wow! Roses really ARE beautiful!"? Or maybe the kid that pissed you off last night splashing in the bathtub is really just too cute for words today, splashing in a puddle. Sometimes, we're just reminded how great it is to be human.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 14

RE: Can anyone relate to this? - 12/13/2006 9:25:49 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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Slave has such a sexy ring to it dont it?.....its so grounding, its so final, it speaks of belonging, and knowing exactly where you fit in in the world.

The world is chaotic, unpredictable, noisy, and crazy, but you dont have to worry so much about it...you have your place, you are valued for the person you are, you are cared for, you get to be of service, you dont have to be in the world alone....

That is a wonderful thing.

And i would guess that, that feeling is the feeling you feel when you feel the word 'slave'....that body recognition on a cellular level, that you fit in some where, that you are safe and you are loved.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 15

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