RE: The definition

RE: The definition (Full Version)

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Altina -> RE: The definition (12/14/2006 3:45:51 PM)
quote: So, I want to know...is your relationship defined by you and your partner(s)? or are you affected by the opinion of others? In my past relationship, I found it best to define ourselves; individually and in relation to each other. I had learned early on not to become affected by how others viewed our relationship as it often would lead to nothing more than the inevitable debate over who was right and who was wrong.

LordODiscipline -> RE: The definition (12/14/2006 4:42:53 PM)
*Please, post that as a seperate question ot the group...* *I want to see if you are exagerating or not.* *This is for research, of course!* ~J quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion lol people's heads would pop if they were given the task to "define" my current relationship

MmakeMme -> RE: The definition (12/14/2006 5:02:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress I would love to ask the question "why do people need to define others' relationships?" But I know the answer to that one. Kind of for the same reason we see a man's face in the moon. We try to make sense out of chaos by applying precedent, and so we unconsciously (or consciously, at times) assign a certain order to everything. OR It could be a case of "My way is the ONLY right way." We all come down with that insidious flu from time to time.

LotusSong -> RE: The definition (12/14/2006 5:15:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress I would love to ask the question "why do people need to define others' relationships?" But I know the answer to that one. So, I want to know...is your relationship defined by you and your partner(s)? or are you affected by the opinion of others? Now, I know that the immediate reaction is going to be "of course no one defines my relationships but me" but take some time to think about it, and tell me the why's and the how's. These types of questions make me think of an old book titled "Why are you Afraid to Tell Me Who You Are"?

Archer -> RE: The definition (12/14/2006 7:37:17 PM)
WHile it is nice to say "Nobody else effects how I view myself" if it is true how well are you examining yourself? People's view of us provides a reflection of parts and pieces of who we are if in fact you are totally ignoring their views into you then you are certainly short selling one of the tools we use to live an examined life. This is not to say you should give any undue weight to other people's view of who and what you seem to be to them. If one or two consider me to be a self absorbed bastard then I might be able to chalk it up to their problem, however if 50% of all people I meet have the same view, then perhapse it is time to examine the facts again. Other people's views while not being the be all end all of who we are certainly tell us something we cannot gain from anyplace else, an external view of what we look like. To ignore that totally would be as stupid as to give it too much weight.

Lashra -> RE: The definition (12/14/2006 7:49:50 PM)
Me and my sub define our relationship and we frankly don't care what others think about it. I am a Dominant female because nature made me that way, I rule the roost and my sub is a subsmissive male because nature made him that way he does what I say. Lots of folks would argue those two points, but guess what? We don't give a shit! We know who we are and don't require anyone's approval to be ourselves. We have found others opinions to be null and void as far as our relationship goes. The only people we have to please is each other. Other people seem to have the need to tell/dictate to others how they should live their lives, some people just like to give warnings of a possible train wreck ahead. Some assholes are just rude about it, hence my growing block list. I've given warnings out of concern, particulary when people here asked for advice. Now I've come to realize that people don't want to hear it, so I've decided the hell with them. If they end up dead in a ditch it doesn't effect my relationship or life one bit. ~Lashra

Devilslilsister -> RE: The definition (12/14/2006 9:31:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress I would love to ask the question "why do people need to define others' relationships?" But I know the answer to that one. So, I want to know...is your relationship defined by you and your partner(s)? or are you affected by the opinion of others? Now, I know that the immediate reaction is going to be "of course no one defines my relationships but me" but take some time to think about it, and tell me the why's and the how's. i can be easily effected by others opionons. If one can prove that they are "right" with logic - i can definetly be swayed to agree with them.

Devilslilsister -> RE: The definition (12/14/2006 9:32:12 PM)
Archer that was very very well put and i totally agree

cjklyn -> RE: The definition (12/15/2006 3:02:37 AM)
I would define all my past relationship as "unique". Thats the one thing they have in common. Not sure why I would want to "define" a relationship, thats to formal for me. Relationships grow my consent, and each one grows in its own unique and exciting way. or breaks down in a similar way!

juliaoceania -> RE: The definition (12/15/2006 7:04:20 AM)
I have also seen a lot of judging the validity of other people's relationships and the associated labels that are a part of this. The thing is that no one knows what goes on between two people for a fact except those two people (or more if they are poly). It is rather silly for people to try to define and judge what they are not a part of. I am not arrogant enough to believe I can do that. My relationship just is what it is, and adopting other people's definitions for it, or opinions about it is not going to change what it is... At times I do question the parameters of it in how we relate to each other, but that has very little to do with how other people label us, it has more to do with how we interact with each other. At the end of the day it has to be a dynamic we can flourish in and enjoy, if it isn't it really does not matter what people call what we share....I am not a big one for labels anyways.

Missokyst -> RE: The definition (12/15/2006 9:48:00 AM)
Well heck, unless a person grew up raised by apes, then of course they have been socialized to be acceptable. No, I take that back, there are assorted morally deficient people who did grow up in a family but lack the societal ethics most of us have. But most of us are quite within the range of normal, in terms of how we relate to other people. We learn it in childhood. Now as adults we still have that compass inside. That doesn't mean we are letting other people determine how we view ourselves. It does mean that the things we learned as children allow us the ability to see if we are on the right track. I don't need someone to tell me what is right, wrong or acceptable. I learned that when I was younger. Kyst

LaTigresse -> RE: The definition (12/15/2006 11:59:25 AM)
KoM always says what I want to say but better. I am a very private person and generally don't let too many people see most of who I am, including intimate relationships. While I am not in a relationship now I have never allowed the perceptions of others to affect how I conducted my relationships. It has however caused frustration because of others misconceptions. In addition, while I personally don't care about others opinions on my personal life the person I am in a relationship with might. I try to be a caring and considerate partner and be somewhat sensitive to their feelings on the matter also. In the same vein, kind of like my point of view in the exibitionist thread, I try to be sensitive to others comfort levels also.

KnightofMists -> RE: The definition (12/16/2006 9:21:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse KoM always says what I want to say but better. I personally think you state your own thoughts rather well. It's always a pleasure converse with you.

MzMia -> RE: The definition (12/16/2006 11:30:54 AM)
Great topic Tress. I don't really care about what others call their relatioships. BUT, I am upfront and emphasize what I am looking for. I seek a real time, hopefully long term, SERIOUS Ds relationship, based on Female Supremacy. The definition is important, TO ME, because I do not care to waste time with someone that is not interested in the same thing. So in MY case, defintions mean a lot!

denika -> RE: The definition (12/16/2006 1:07:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress So, I want to know...is your relationship defined by you and your partner(s)? or are you affected by the opinion of others? My primary relationship with Rob is defined by us, most people in the community are still trying to figure Rob out as it is so they haven't been able to label or put him in a specific catagory. We define each other. We came up with a motto that works great s "I keep Rob from killing others and he keeps me from killing myself"--btw it's not a suicidal thing I am accident prone, hell I'm not even allowed to operate power tools without approved adult supervision. One drill bit throught the finger and I get everyone nervious g My relationship with Knight is diffrent in that others have defined me without even knowing me.It's bit like being infamous. They see our public interaction and many have drawn their own conclusions without bothering to get to know who we are. Knight's name tends to strike a chord in some, both for the good and bad. I think it's a bit funny, a little creepy at times when people I don't know judge me but then, if I am judged by the comepany I keep, well then I am in some amazing company and they can judge away. denika

slavejali -> RE: The definition (12/16/2006 2:02:39 PM)
quote: So, I want to know...is your relationship defined by you and your partner(s)? or are you affected by the opinion of others? I put off responding to this topic because my answer to it seemed too simple and I thought I might have been missing something so wanted to read others responses... My relationship with Master is defined by him, I can't say in all honesty that I can see other people effecting it by their opinions..I can't even get my head around the concept of how "other peoples opinions" could effect it in the slightest.... Maybe I'm missing something...but I really can't see it.

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