Need some advice (Full Version)

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ChicaDestrozado -> Need some advice (12/14/2006 11:20:14 AM)

I'm not going to lie and say Sir and I have a perfectly perfect relationship...no one does. But recently we decide to spend sometime apart. He comes by once or twice a week when he feels I need to be "punished" but doesn't bother with me in between visits at all. We've been in a relationship for a little over a year now, and we've been living together during that time. But the last month has been extremely distant for us. I have tried to talk to him about it a few times ,but he keeps saying he doesn't know. Am I being selfish by wanting to know where he stands about us?



missturbation -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 11:27:43 AM)

He only comes by to punish you!!
What for?
If my understanding is right you dont hear from him in between visits so what have you done wrong?



PONYSEEKER -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 11:30:29 AM)

Nope your not.  Sounds a little flakey to me.... but thats just me. I would start looking.



ChicaDestrozado -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 11:43:55 AM)

Yes, I found it odd he didn't say why I was being punished. When he had no trouble telling me why before. But the last three times he's called on me it's been for punishment. And I don't know why. His entire personality has changed both with me and with his outside life. I wonder in the back of my mind if he isn't using me for a little kinktastic fun now and then , but has no plans past that anymore. Now that my shiny newness has worn off he's moving on to another girl. And is he going to do the samething to her too? I feel like the bad punch line in an even worse joke right now.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 11:53:51 AM)

If he were a lover coming over on occassion for sex, then not talking to you between, would you keep him? Ms relationships should have the same emotional and psychological boundaries for your own mental health. My two standard pieces of advice:

1) We all have a prostitute archetype where we are willing to barter emotionally to get what we want. Bartering isn't bad...it's when we sell or give and don't get something of equal value in return that's the problem. What are you willing to barter of yourself in order to maintain the relationship? Are you receiving equal goods?

2) Ask yourself these two questions: 1) If he was gone, would you miss him? 2) Is the relationship good for you? If the answer to one or both of these is no, it might be time to end the relationship.

Master Fire



LotusSong -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 11:59:35 AM)

Just give the boy his space.  Then pray to god but row to shore.  (in other words, have a plan B).
 
I have learned that you don't always need to know everything. If you can help him, he'll let you know. 
 
Just leave it with a "I'll be here if you need me".



onestandingstill -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 12:03:59 PM)

Hi Chica,
Is he coming by to punish, or coming by to play?
What makes you decide it's a punishment?
If you've been with him and live with him I too would wonder where he's residing since he left you, but to ask your Dom about his whereabouts is not polite practices.
This may very well be he's moving on and taken you for granted or it may be a test to see how submissive to his will and desires you really are.
As Master Fire Maam lays out her words I second them.
If this relationship over all is not right for you move on, if you have been completely happy till the leave of absence I'd stick it out a while longer.
Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers.
suzanne



ChicaDestrozado -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 12:05:02 PM)

Thank you for the advice everyone. It really helps me draw this line from where I am right now to where I am going. If that makes sense. Not that I'm totally sure about everything ,but at least I have an idea of which way to face.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 1:14:32 PM)

Let's go on the assumption that he really just doesn't know and is quite confused and can't verbalize what's going on to you right now and needs his space.

No problem there.

But you do need to communicate that his actions are making you very confused and feel very taken advantage of and as if the relationship is changing the expectations of eachother.  If you decide if it's enough of an issue, say that you'd really prefer just to talk together or go on a fun date rather than kinky play until things can become more secure and settled within HIM.

If he says he doesn't want that- then you both have the answer right there.



AquaticSub -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 1:15:35 PM)

Really sounds like he is trying to get some cake while keeping his hand in the cookie jar. Find a dominant who just wants cookies.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 1:19:59 PM)

I do think you have the right to know where things may stand between you. I do not really understand the punishing thing and not giving you an explanation. I think if you are going to be apart then no contact might be good until things get out in the open on where things stand.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Need some advice (12/14/2006 8:25:07 PM)

peoples actions speak louder then words, what do you think he is really saying?
 



Voltare -> RE: Need some advice (12/15/2006 2:43:05 AM)

Hola,

You might want to take this chance to consider what it is that you want.  The mixed signels and situation you describe sound like the death throes of the relationship.  From what you've told us so far, it doesn't sound like there's anything left beyond your BDSM play.  Instead of worrying that he's probably involved with someone, I'd say assume he is and go do the same (and be up front with him about.)  Half a Master is worse than no Master at all.



Celeste43 -> RE: Need some advice (12/15/2006 6:05:45 AM)

He has every right to not know what he wants.
And you have every right to not sit around while he thinks about it. If you know what you want in a relationship, and this isn't it, then be clear with him. I'd also agree with no play and no sex since he doesn't want the relationship and you do. But then I'm clear that I don't do casual and need an emotional connection.

If you need an emotional connection in order to play and have sex, you have every right to inform him of that. And to insist on nothing but casual dates out with someone you no longer have an emotional connection with.



pinkkeith -> RE: Need some advice (12/15/2006 7:20:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChicaDestrozado

I'm not going to lie and say Sir and I have a perfectly perfect relationship...no one does. But recently we decide to spend sometime apart. He comes by once or twice a week when he feels I need to be "punished" but doesn't bother with me in between visits at all. We've been in a relationship for a little over a year now, and we've been living together during that time. But the last month has been extremely distant for us. I have tried to talk to him about it a few times ,but he keeps saying he doesn't know. Am I being selfish by wanting to know where he stands about us?


No, you're not being selfish at all. You have the right to know where he stands in the your relationship. I wouldn't offer to play with him until you know exactly what he expects out of the two of you. It appears that you are not happy with this relationship, if so I would advice you to move on. There are plenty of others out there and there certainly is no reason for you to be in an unhappy relationship.



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