You don't have to lose you to be his (Full Version)

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mistoferin -> You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 12:43:54 PM)

This post is to no one in particular...just commentary on a trend that I have been noticing and have even received a few emails about. I have noticed on the boards lately, people who seem to be implying that in order to be classified a submissive or, more on topic, a slave...that you're only purpose in life is the pleasure, gratification of another and that you should have no thought of self. I have seen phrases in regards to those who do not wish to be such "uber" slaves like "hear me roar submissives" "players" "aren't submissive and will never be slaves". I have heard phrases to back up their stance like "such is the life of a slave", "that's what slavery is","it's just what you have to do/accept if you want to be a slave" and "if you want to be a slave you must/can't_____".  Somehow it's begun to catch on like it's the cool new thing.

Well, while it may be the way things work for you and yours in your relationship....it CAN be done a different way and still be absolutely just as valid. This lifestyle encompasses many different ways of doing things. One does not have to lose all their sense of self to participate here. One does not have to stop caring about their own body, their own heart or their own soul to be included. One does not have to be void of self respect to be considered a member of this lifestyle. You CAN do this and still love, care for and respect yourself.

Submission and slavery can be joyful. One doesn't have to be a martyr to be one. One can be one because it's fun, it's fulfilling and it pleases them. One can be one and still have wants. One can be one and still demand...yes I did say DEMAND....that they be treated with at least every bit of respect that a human being deserves. It doesn't make them any less slavely because they demand and will not settle for less than that.

I am not knocking what any of you do inside of your relationships. Get as extreme as you want. If it floats your personal boat to be treated with less respect than a pile of dog shit deserves...by all means....go for it. I really don't care. But don't take a holier than thou stance and even imply from up there on your pedestal that just because others aren't doing it the same way that they are not as deserving of you to have that slave title that you so proudly wave. It's not a competition and the title isn't a merit badge.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 12:48:57 PM)

I've learned you can hold yourself and others as highest priority and pleasure simultaneously.

People forget that we start this to become true to ourselves- relationships that force you to lose yourself rather than become MORE of yourself don't serve anyone in the end.



lateralist1 -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 12:57:18 PM)

Well said mistoferin. I could not agree more. Thankyou.



Yourangelic1 -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:00:11 PM)

Wonders how she got so lost where she was.. This is a good topic for this girl that is healing from this very situaton.. Nothing of me was accepted or cherished, all of those things that made me me, were shot down and criticized.. A good learning experience.. 



toservez -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:10:11 PM)

Anytime absolutes or gross generalizations are stated or inferred, the chance of them being taken as fact and for all to adopt and use as a way of life is obviously far fetched. Message boards are not presentations to a board of directors and how things get worded by people typing rarely goes thru deep thought process and editing. Some are guilty all the time, some are rarely and some are in between when writing opinions, advice or experience.

Often though I do notice many people both clearly experienced in real time relationships and those who have little or only cyber experience when writing about things do often go into such a theoretical bent and idealized thoughts that I often think do they know how unrealistic this is in real life or are they purely writing like this as an entertaining exercise. It is like one idea that we separate in a vacuum. Yes, put my Master first on everything, life is simple. Life does not work that way and it indeed would take a rare Master who would literally want a slave to truly live breath 24/7 everything them. I would think most dominants would run.

As a slave I want and need to put my Master first as much as I can possibly can. Life and my Master’s needs and desires for me does not make that a 24/7 physical action job. When it is not then is the time for other things in my life that do not affect the relationship, and in my experience, that that is a decent amount of time. What makes us up as human beings is many things and our personalities and interests are a part of that and for those who think that they are not a part of being a slave is missing something quite major in my opinion.



AquaticSub -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:10:26 PM)

Brava, brava!

I am currently a submissive and I may become a slave one day, if that is what we choose to do. I don't really think a lot will change in that transition other then I would request to be wearing his collar at all possible times. I would still be a human, the future mother of his children and he would still respect me as such. I am his beloved Aqua, his little whore, his scamp, his fucktoy, his assistant, and even his jester at times when he needs a laugh. I will serve as a maid and I will serve others, non-sexually, when he desires it. But he can not make me do things that go against my code of ethics.

We are still responsible for the things that we do and hiding behind your title of "slave" or "submissive" doesn't make that go away. You don't actually have to do anything, you do it because you want to because it pleases him.



LordVelvet -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:13:27 PM)

mistoferin I was told by a Domme the other day that MY slave was not a real slave since she didn't live with ME. I understand where you are coming from and couldn't agree more. Nice post
Lord Velvet



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:15:28 PM)

Nothing is an absolute in this lifestyle to me. Some people have to have very rigid boundaries and defintions of what is to get along in life. What works for one does not for another. I may not agree of a persons choice but its their life. There are no absolute definitions. Be what makes you happy and what works for you.



missturbation -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:21:22 PM)

I'm just wondering if i've missed a lot whilst reading threads. Although i do see the my way is the right way holier than thou attitude i more often see people misread 'it is my opinion that a slave has no rights' etc (example) as it is a fact that a slave has no rights.
I just think people have become way too sensitive here recently and instead of trying to clarify what someone else said before jumping on them they just assume the worst and bite.



Kalira -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:24:40 PM)

Personally, I could care less what, and how others define themselves. I could care less if others get offended by the way someone defines themselves. As long as I know who and what I am; and as long as Master is pleased with that; then I am perfectly content.

I will admit though that more often than not, when I see someone get on their 'holier than thou pedastal" ( I believe that is how you referred to it? ) it is because another person told them that they were mindless, mentally impaired, robotic, or a danger to themselves in regards to their slavery.

Believe me, if someone was to tell me that I was mentally impaired because I allowed Master to do with me what he wants; I would climb up on my pedastal and start waving that well earned merit badge. It took me a very long time to get to the stage that I am in my life; and I earned every single step of it.



onestandingstill -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:25:09 PM)

Hi There,
I too had made the mistake of buying into the bullshit of my only purpose was to be pleasing to him and his needs and mine only counted if he wanted them to in my first D/s relationship.
In as little as 1-1/2 years I went from an upbeat, stable happy person to a very hurt confused and depressed one as my Sir also decided none of my wants mattered to him and he continually emotionally abused me.
Every one else in the world can say I'm not a true sub, I'm untrainable, or I'm not even the rate of a bottom (which I've heard before) and I will never stay under the will of a selfish self centered Master who does not think my happiness should be his concern or responsibility ever again.
It may be D/s but it still is not a one way street. It's an energy EXCHANGE, not sucking someone dry.
This is not just an internet issue, it's actually very prevalent in the face to face society's as well.
suzanne



SusanofO -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:31:51 PM)

I agree very much, onestandingstill!
 
The way I see it, a Master is supposed to be looking out for the slave's welfare - when that ceases to happen, I'd consider it a broken contract. If someone is verging on major depression due to emotional abuse (or physical abuse), or a combination of these, and the Master-Dominant knows it and doesn't care, I think he's negelcted his duties to the point it's fine to walk. 

He (or she) is supposed to know their slave well enough to be able to figure out what would be considered abuse by the slave - even if he(she) is "pushing limits", and if he (she) doesn't then he should try to find out what's bothering her (him), if she (he) is depressed, If he/she just usn't talking about it, and the Dominat-Master assumes everything is fine, that's something else.

Maybe the slave has an obligation to say something?

I am not talking about petty stuff, like she didn't get her way about one little thing and is too immature to swallow it and move on. I am talking about ongoing emotional or physical abuse a slave was not led to expect would ever happen.    

-Susan



Yourangelic1 -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:31:55 PM)

So very well said suzanne, and very true of real life relationships as well, because mine was definately real life. 24/7 365, and the issue was still the same. i hope you have healed from that experience, if there is one thing i learned, NO ONE can tell me what or who i am, that is for me to feel in my own heart.. angelic



SusanofO -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:38:13 PM)

I bet there are many submissives and slaves who have been surprised by someone they thought they knew turning on them. I also think there are probably many great Dominants and Masters out there (I really do).

- Susan



yourMissTress -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:43:29 PM)

erin, this is such a good post.  Thank you.

I have a very hard time talking with anyone who loses their sense of self when they are in a relationship.  People who always talk in the "we" and seem to have no opinion or thought that isn't directly tied in with that of their significant other drive me away quickly.  I want to shake them and say, "hey, I knew you when you were a whole person all by yourself!  Are you still in there?" 

There is no community wide contest to see who gives up the most for their D or M.  There is no "slavliest slave" award.  First there would have to be a community wide accepted definition of slave, and we all know that's not going to happen anytime soon.  Who we are in a relationship and the dynamics of that relationship can only be defined by us, no one else. 

As far as judging someone else's "level" of submission or slavery, what's that old saying about judging others?  Attempting to make yourself feel better by taking someone else down, hurts you more in the end, and it shows the rest of us what an ass you are.





missturbation -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:46:12 PM)

I have a very hard time talking with anyone who loses their sense of self when they are in a relationship.  People who always talk in the "we" and seem to have no opinion or thought that isn't directly tied in with that of their significant other drive me away quickly.  I want to shake them and say, "hey, I knew you when you were a whole person all by yourself!  Are you still in there?" 
As far as judging someone else's "level" of submission or slavery, what's that old saying about judging others?  Attempting to make yourself feel better by taking someone else down, hurts you more in the end, and it shows the rest of us what an ass you are.
I may be misreading this but havent you just judged those who choose to give up their self identity?



sophia37 -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 1:57:59 PM)

It is MOST important to never lose one's self. Period. The End.



yourMissTress -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 2:04:33 PM)

I'm not judging their choice, not at all.  I am, however, stating that my own choice is not to interact with someone that has made this choice.

P.S. anyone who thinks I didn't use the word choice enough, please let me know where else I could fit it in.



missturbation -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 2:11:08 PM)

My apologies then [:)]



missturbation -> RE: You don't have to lose you to be his (12/14/2006 2:12:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

It is MOST important to never lose one's self. Period. The End.


Maybe for you but others may feel differently.



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