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ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

Okay, let me just say I had an epiphany moment after posting this, but I'll still try to explain.  Please bear with me as it's hard to be so open.
And you are doing good in doing so to begin with :)

Without giving my boring life history here, I'm sure my fears are the same as many others.  Because of past relationships and how I was treated (no pyhsical abuse), I have fears and insecurities that I don't matter, I'm not important, I'll never be enough and that I'll never be anything more than a convenient sex partner for a guy, rather than loved and cherished.  In the past, friends have told me I should speak up and tell the guy what I need from him, etc.... 

that would be insecurity and self esteem to work on.
I'm not a pushy or demanding person, and I'm sure some of that has to do with not feeling worthy enough to make demands.  But I have stepped up on numerous occasions in relationships and stated what I needed.  As Dr. Phil would say, "how's that working out for you?"  Well it didn't, ever.  Which reaffirmed my fears that I wasn't enough and didn't matter to them.  There's the part of me that knows I am a good person, a wonderful, sexy, smart, sensual, warm, funny, compassionate woman that deserves more, but I seem to keep making choices that tell me otherwise, feeding my fears and insecurities.
i have been told that also, many times. so is there such a thing as being too open, too trusting, too secure in yourself in that you will go on once again if it happens again? i sure hope so!

When I was 28, a guy I trusted tried to rape me.  He told me I was a filthy slut that needed a real man to put me in my place.  He said he could see it in my eyes the first time he laid eyes on me.  I fought him until he gave up, but I stopped dating after that and focused on other things in my life, until two years ago when I said ENOUGH.  But once I started dating again, it was the same thing as before.
have you dealt with the rape? not just in your head, but in who you are? it comes out in many different colours as i've found out. a counselor told me i have dealth with it in my head, as i can, but that i haven't in my core. in my shape, in my protection of myself. i need to process that. although each rape is different it affects you. in my case i was young. and the guy, my ex boyfriend, went on after me, the same night, and abducted, raped and murdered a young mother. if i hadn't of not fought could that have been me? i'll never know. but everything we go thru is who we are. has shaped our lives. it has made our decisions. brought us to where we learn something.

In the middle of a very vanilla relationship a year ago, I started the phase of my personal journey to where I am now.  Acceptance and understanding my submissive nature.  That relationship ended last spring with two other brief ones to follow until I came to where I am now.  My submissive nature has been there as long as I can remember, confusing me and most likely affecting the choices I made in relationships.

In each relationship I gave my everything - probably too much too soon.  Yet I was taken for granted and treated like a toy to be played with when it was convenient, although one had at least some depth and caring in it.  Basically I guess you could say I was objectified.  The attempted rape left me feeling like I was just a thing, a nothing, something dirty and unworthy.  That something I was doing sent the message that I could be used and cast aside with no care for the person, the woman inside.

Besides the fears that I'm not worth the trouble, that I'll never be enough, that I don't matter and will once again be taken for granted.... I don't really want to go into specifics here, but I feel that some of the things He has told me to do have brought forth that fear in various manifestations.  Because He is not with me physically, the fears become overwhelming to the point that I cannot bring myself to do what he tells me too.  Part of it is that I need Him to see me while I do these things for him, so that I know he sees me as the real person and not just the person on the phone or computer.  Does that make sense?

I hate feeling this way and I'm sure it sounds totally stupid to some of you, but I can't help it.  Were he with me when I'm required to do this stuff, I know I could do it, and completing that task will give me the sense of accomplishment for him, and remove a layer of this fear and further building the trust between us.  I can't surrender all of my control to Him, when the fears are controlling that part of me.  I know a major part of this is about trust.... I know that.  Does it make sense that I trust him with my body, but it's the fears that keep me from trusting him with the rest?  I have shared things with him that I've never shared with anyone else, so I'm not holding back on sharing my thoughts, feelings and fears.  I also realize that the ball is basically in his court as to whether or not he will help me work through this.  And now I come full circle back to the fear that I'm not worth the trouble and he won't.

I hope this makes sense and I apologize for the length.
please don't appologize for length. it is getting out what maybe needs to get out. in where you feel is a safe place. it sounds like you need something other than an LDR. that is nothing to be ashamed about. is this heading towards a real time relationship? if not i honestly would rethink it. i hate to say that. but there are things that you need to work on, it sounds like, that needs the real aspect. please feel free to contact me anytime. if you wish. :-)

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ORIGINAL: blushingflower
If part of what you're scared of is doing things without him, you can work on that.  Take a deep breath.  Think about how you managed to get through it last time, and it won't last forever.  Think how proud he'll be of you, and how good you'll feel to have made him proud. 
I understand that feeling of worthlessness, we all have that feeling.  Sometimes as a submissive you worry that while the dominant appreciates your obedience, he doesn't appreciate you.  If this dom is willing to work with you and deal with your fears, it would seem that he wants you, and not just a convenient lay.  So think about that too.  If he's not, then he's a stupidhead.  Because I read your profile, and while I'm a submissive female and therefore not what you're looking for (and you're not what I'm looking for), you sound like a great catch.  And I kinda want to hug you.
Do you guys talk about other things, about life in general?  Because that helps establish the relationship as being about more than just sex, at least it does for me.