Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

How much do you need to know...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How much do you need to know... Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
How much do you need to know... - 2/19/2005 6:16:01 AM   
Redb


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		... about a sub before you play with him ?

I've met a fab guy recently and i really want to play with him. However, he is extremely reticent about giving me any information about himself. All i know is his first name and his number. We were due to have a session last night but i had to cancel due to family commitments but thinking about it today, i'm realising that i'm quite uncomfortable about the lack of personal information. I have repeatedly asked him but he doesnt seem to get that i'd be bringing him into my home and that i need more than what he's given me. I'm quite surprised about this because he knows a lot about me, and i've never had this problem before. All my other playmates have been very forthcoming. I understand about discretion but is this taking it a bit too far.

I'm pretty sure i've just answered my own question here but i'd love other points of view.

Thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/19/2005 9:56:13 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Redb
... about a sub before you play with him ?

I've met a fab guy recently and i really want to play with him. However, he is extremely reticent about giving me any information about himself.

i'm realising that i'm quite uncomfortable about the lack of personal information. I have repeatedly asked him but he doesnt seem to get that i'd be bringing him into my home and that i need more than what he's given me.
Thanks

Yup, I think you have answered your own question...
He "sounds" fabulous, great, but now you need to give him the opportunity to show you his sounds match the person; I've chat with/talked with so many fabulous men, I should have had all my needs taken care of by the perfect sub/slave several times over already; but A LOT OF PEOPLE lie, especially those that use this the anonimity clause as an excuse not to tell you ANYTHING about themselves.
Don't write him off in case he is telling the truth, but I definitely wouldn't have him in my house if he didn't give me more info. In this case your family commitment that came up and your discomfort may be your protection from potential harm, so heed it... M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/19/2005 10:07:10 AM   
NATI


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

have repeatedly asked him but he doesnt seem to get that i'd be bringing him into my home and that i need more than what he's given me.


I am just going to assume in this circumstance that this great guy has something to hide. If he is not forthcoming about himself and his personal life my instant guess is that he is married. He doesn't want you to know about the wife - or the wife to know about you. Of course, there are MANY more reasons why someone might want to "hide" their personal info and some of them - are worth a little dose of healthy paranoia. HE could also have a criminal record. He could be looking for a target to scam. Whatever the case is, none of these possibilities are terribly appealing. You did answer your own question. We teach kids not to take candy from a stranger. As grown-ups, we should know better than to let them into our homes.

_____________________________



For most of history, Anonymous was a woman

Virginia Woolf

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/19/2005 2:30:36 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
I suspect your man is married and that is the source of his caution. However.. do not have anyone into your home that you are not comfortable with.. no answers, no invite over! You make yourself vulnerable when you bring someone into your home. You don't know their character or their history. They may be mentally unbalanced, have a history of theft, domestic abuse or worse. You're brain is already answering this question for you. Blow Him Off! If you do meet him, insist that he get a hotel room. Do not bring him into your sacred space.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/19/2005 3:19:01 PM   
SecretDomme


Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		Before I decide to meet a prospective sub in person, I definitely need to know the basics about him and will have spoken wth him on the phone a few times. My first meetings are always vanilla and in a public place (I meet him there), usually dinner, so we can meet in a relaxed atmosphere and discuss things further. It comes down to basic safety. Trust your instinct.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/19/2005 4:56:59 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Have you tried googling his email addy and phone number, it may link you some more information. You can also try a reverse directory look up of his phone number and you may get his name and address that way, then google his name. If he did give you his phone number then maybe he isn't married, unless you aren't allowed to call anytime.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/19/2005 5:38:11 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

... about a sub before you play with him ?

I've met a fab guy recently and i really want to play with him. However, he is extremely reticent about giving me any information about himself. All i know is his first name and his number. We were due to have a session last night but i had to cancel due to family commitments but thinking about it today, i'm realising that i'm quite uncomfortable about the lack of personal information. I have repeatedly asked him but he doesnt seem to get that i'd be bringing him into my home and that i need more than what he's given me. I'm quite surprised about this because he knows a lot about me, and i've never had this problem before. All my other playmates have been very forthcoming. I understand about discretion but is this taking it a bit too far.

I'm pretty sure i've just answered my own question here but i'd love other points of view.

Thanks


Redb, I'd ask him to let me see his license. I'd write down all the information in front of him. If he's uncomfortable with that, he's hiding something. Even if he is a hotty, he's probably someone with some secrets and you are better off without him.

I recently had company from out of town who I am friends with from CollarMe, but had never met. I'd determined through my network and other people I knew real time who'd met him real time, that he was safe. He sent me all his information, including a copy of his driver's license without being asked.

That's what we do here. That's how we make sure if something's not right, we can track people back. I'm not suggesting that he's got something major he's hiding, but the fact that he's not forthcoming would make me incredibly uneasy.

Good luck,
Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/19/2005 6:51:51 PM   
Redb


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		Yup
thats my feeling on it.
TBH, i dont think he's married, i have an excellent radar for that and i'm pretty sure he's not. Where we live is a very small city in so far as everyone knows each other. He was very open and affectionate with me when me met (vanilla and public and on valentines night) and they arent the usual actions of a married man here.
However, there IS something niggling at me and as a male sub friend of mine said, 20,000 years of trusting our instincts cant be wrong.
I have googled his email but its an innocous one.... I dont know his surname or i would have googled him by now. but they are all sensible suggestions. I think i'll just put this in a mail to him and see what he comes back with. i do really like him but i just cant take the risk. If he's hiding something, i'm doing the right thing, regardless of what he is hiding. If he's not, and is still not forthcoming, then i dont want to play with someone who is so paranoid and unappreciative of my concerns, which have been voiced quite clearly before now.
thanks for all your input.
xx
red

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/19/2005 10:32:46 PM   
rocker


Posts: 30
Joined: 11/10/2004
Status: offline 		if anyone is not forthright then they are hiding.
criminals need to hide.
that is what is so good about meeting people at events, munches, play parties, etc...
people who are open, honest and out about who and what they are.

there are many who disguise themselves only to pillage and plunder.

they will use any guise.

if Your instincts are shouting caution... listen to them.
press for revelant data
if the data is not forth coming...
drop the intended like a hot potato
because their motives are not certain
and one can loose much more than money

there has been some really great info posted on this subject
and i hope everything works out for You
for the best

not all that glitters is gold
and if it sounds too good to be true... well you know it probably is...

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/20/2005 4:47:57 AM   
youngslaveboi


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hmmmm trust and mistrust do they go hand in hand??
Sure there is something telling that something is up, but lets be reasonable, untill he has done somthing action, words, its all theory so far.
I say takee it as it comes and see what happens, from my own limited experience if there is no trust then the relationship is on its way to the exit door.

(in reply to rocker)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/20/2005 3:28:34 PM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		If he wants to pass your doorstep and is forthcoming, there should be no reason for him to withhold any information you request of him. If this was your daughter/son asking you this question, what would you advise?

One shouldn't ever be cavalier about whom you invite into your home, you have every write to have that info, otherwise, I would suggest you meet at a function/munch or any public place where you both will be seen also have a safe call in place. Trust isn't just a given just because you haven't seen the actual carnage, (I like the way the word sounds in this instance) I say caution is your better stratergy.

Rosa

PS, A person giving you a phone number these days means nothing, it could be a private line or more likely a cell phone number. Even spending the night over doesn't garantee he's single. Might sound like paranoia to some, but believe me been there done that, have wounds to show for it.

< Message edited by RosaB -- 2/20/2005 3:33:27 PM >

(in reply to youngslaveboi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/21/2005 3:22:33 AM   
Redb


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone.
Rosa... i know all about meeting in a public place, safe call etc, i've already done that. Now its gotten to the play stage and i still dont know any more. THATS what is freaking me out.
Rocker i dont think this guy is a criminal, but there must be something to be hidden. However, i dont see how you think i could have money taken off me... i wouldnt ever give a sub money or expect a sub to give me money. Who would ??
What an odd thing to do.

(in reply to RosaB)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/21/2005 6:55:48 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Redb

Thanks everyone.
Rosa... i know all about meeting in a public place, safe call etc, i've already done that. Now its gotten to the play stage and i still dont know any more. THATS what is freaking me out.



Well honestly....there's your answer right there. What are your instincts telling you? They're throwing up a big red flag. Pay attention to it.

Things may work out if he can be more forthcoming with you in the long run but obviously you have some concerns at this point. I would have a frank discussion with him about your concerns, and see what his reaction is. He may have concerns of his own that are preventing him from being more up front, or he may not even realize he's doing it. If you want to continue seeing him, do so, but in a public place. Don't have him to your home while you feel he is "hiding" things from you.

If someone is willing to take off their clothes and let you have access to their fantasies, it seems odd they don't want to share other details of their lives. That would have me putting the brakes on a relationship as well.



_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/21/2005 7:29:02 AM   
MsDom7


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		If I get to the point where I meet someone that I will allow in. I meet them at a public place and get to know how they are in person. It's often different from speaking to them on the phone. Then you just have to make a decision if you trust this person enough or you can always play in a safe place outside your home.

MsDom7

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/21/2005 12:19:33 PM   
Dave8544


Posts: 49
Joined: 7/23/2004
Status: offline 		John Wayne Gacy's neighbors thought he was a nice man, and they lived next door to him for years. In todays world you just never know. I think it's just a matter of judgement. Maybe he is afraid to give out too much information. He might be a business man, a school board member, even a teacher. or an avid church member. I think after a meeting in a public place, if both parties agree to go forward with the relationship, then information should be forthcoming. My thoughts Dave

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/21/2005 12:21:56 PM   
Dave8544


Posts: 49
Joined: 7/23/2004
Status: offline 		If my mother answers tell her your from the red cross, please. Dave

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How much do you need to know... - 2/22/2005 4:57:12 AM   
Redb


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, turns out i was right to be reticent and untrusting. He was meeting other Dommes, one of whom is a pal of mine (not a problem at all) but was giving different names, saying he lived different places, where he worked etc. We outed him by turning up together to meet him. He reacted in true exposed liar style by hurling abuse at me.... Nice.... Then tried to talk his way out of it by saying he had two names blah blah, "I never lied i just didnt correct you when you made assumptions" blah blah. STILL LYING !! Swears he's not married or hiding a criminal record but do i really give a shit at this stage ?? Not feckin likely.

My adored ex-sub says that i have already kissed one sub prince in a 100 sub frogs when i met him so i think i've a way to go yet to find another worthy one....

(in reply to Dave8544)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How much do you need to know... Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078