Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Dominants welcome wagon?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Dominants welcome wagon? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 7:43:42 PM   
notjustsomesub


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		Often times, I am approached by Dominants, who have recently relocated to my area and it seems to me the first thing they do is scan the "ads" for a submissive.

When questioned on their activity within the Lifestyle, they always say "I just moved here." (I do have a link to Social Events I send them) but, my recommendation to them ALWAYS is to seek other Dominants "first!" I think that is the perfect opportunity to begin building friendships, a stepping stone per say to the door of the local Lifestyle & members. I know I, for one do enjoy "subbie talk" what better way to get into the "IN" crowd? The Dominants can usually smell a fake by his aftershave. Which is something this girl certainly appreciates.

I am curious though, as much as i recommend this, I certainly do not know where to send them, aside from Munches. How would the social Dominants like to see this work? (I do decline every invite to attend their first event with them.)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 7:48:33 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		you are about a sparkly motherfucker, I love the blue collar.
nice smile.good eyes.

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to notjustsomesub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 7:51:51 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		I am mystified why you should made such a suggestion. I care nothing about other men, let alone dominants, and I'm not interested in meeting any or exploring their sexual intentions. Men are mere shadows in my world.

If someone asks you for water you give them a cigarette?

Such a suggestion to me would raise an eyebrow and lower the recommender in my estimation.


< Message edited by Petruchio -- 12/15/2006 8:00:03 PM >

(in reply to notjustsomesub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 7:55:54 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You know, thats how I get the next day after I visit a bar............Jesus.....I walked in here with 50 bucks and I got up and can't find my pantses and neverybody is mad at me.......


I am just fuckin' mystified...........

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 8:54:54 PM   
angaothsi


Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

Such a suggestion to me would raise an eyebrow and lower the recommender in my estimation.



Why would suggesting a person get invloved in the local scene "lower" her in your eyes? I don't think she ever suggested anyone  explore anyones sexual intentions. I think her suggestion would really only be offensive to someone who had something to hide.  Just my 2 cents......

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 9:22:25 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear notjustsomesub, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see, that many times submissive women do get the approaches by Dominants and perhaps the sheer frustration of being swamped by approaches has given you burn out.  It is the same for Female Dominants having submissive/slave men swamping women with their approaches.  Unfortunately, for both sides of the whip for men; the few gentlemen or pearls/gems of the lifestyle get over shadowed by the kinky sex sorts.
 
However, if I was new to the area-- I know where all the up to date information is.  Its in the slave/submissive pipe line.  Submissives and slaves have a healthy network whereas, Dominants rarely meet or even hold a conversation with each other, unless there is a meeting, presentation or some form of council. 
 
Furthermore, new Dominants to the area really do want to avoid the politics, the conflicts and the morons within the scene, no matter how lofty of a position they hold.  Seriously, I've seen well known people act as if they can't flog themselves out of a wet paper bag.
Submissives and slaves are vital, as their judgment, opinions, observations and comments do hold value.  So, I always ask the slaves what is going on in that 'scene.' 
 
I do appreciate the concern a slave female or submissive female may have; as to be seen with a new Dominant on the block.  It may be a grand idea to think upon, if there is a new Dominant to the area; to meet you at the place and do a formal introduction to the Dominants that you know, as to allow them to take up from the introduction.
In addition, there could be a Dominant who you know well, to accompany you as to stand with you and greet this new arrival.
 
It must be said, that new dominants period will find themselves in an awkward position.  It really is hard to fit in.  People want so much to be accepted--Dominants and submissive/slaves a like.  Even old seasoned Dominants such as I, new to an area; for example on an extended visit to another State or Country; can use a little help in new venues.  Since I know the attitudes of the scenes, I do know how to behave and interact.  Novices will not be so well versed.
 
That said, I will hope--regardless if Dominant or submissive; that a welcoming hand be offered without a pre-determined assumption that all who approach are horny and ready to smother you in phony domination ploys.  A hand up is very nice to see, as it is not the same as a hand out.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to notjustsomesub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 9:50:16 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think encouraging people to get out to meet other people and socialize and get connected is great.

I can't see the merits in limiting it to any particular gender or orientation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 10:04:10 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		You said it already.  Munches.  Point them that way, and wish them luck. 

Seriously, as a guy who's moved more times than most people move their couch to vacuum, moving sucks.  Pointing one male Dom in the direction of another male Dom is like pushing a straight guy towards a gay coffee shop, and saying 'good luck.'  Guys are instinctually wary of other guys, especially when it comes to being emailed on a personals web site.  It seems only natural that we might email a female submissive, where even if there's no other attraction, we might make a friend who can not just point us to the local dungeons, but also to the best pizza in town, most reliable auto shop, and which neighborhoods we should never visit an ATM in.


_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to notjustsomesub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 10:18:18 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Voltare that also brings up a good point- it's ten times easier for a new male to be welcomed into a local scene IF he has a cute (but not TOO cute or young) girl on his arms already versus a new single male.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Voltare)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 10:24:08 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Personally, I tend to contact both subs and Doms if I am moving.  Since I dont get along with the majority of Dominants right off, I prefer to talk to submissves about getting involved in a new community if thats what I am opting to do.  I will never ask them to accompany me, especially since I had a pet of my own.  I do, however, apreciate being pointed in the right direction to meet others of either orientation. But thats just me.
A lot of times, a single Dom will start looking as soon as they settle in. Often they arent as much interested in the community as they are using it as a pickup line to get into a conversation with you. Those honestly interested in the community would appreciate the munch information, those looking to get at you through the community will be a bit disappointed.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Voltare)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/15/2006 10:24:44 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		LA - naturally.  If I show up with a girl on my arm, I'm not seen as a potential predator.  If that girl is already a 'regular' at the munch, I get double points.  It doesn't mean I don't want male friends, just that men rarely become real life friends through online intereaction.


_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/16/2006 5:07:27 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		A couple of things:

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Unfortunately, for both sides of the whip for men; the few gentlemen or pearls/gems of the lifestyle get over shadowed by the kinky sex sorts.

 
Believe it or not - the "kinky sex sorts" can also be gentlemen.. I am honestly not sure why you would belive that one would preclude the other - or - if this was a simple mistatement.
quote:

However, if I was new to the area-- I know where all the up to date information is.  Its in the slave/submissive pipe line.  Submissives and slaves have a healthy network whereas, Dominants rarely meet or even hold a conversation with each other, unless there is a meeting, presentation or some form of council.

 
I talk with contemporaries on an almost daily basis... we do not do the gossip thing, but speak about other issues - so whereas I would not be able to tell them that "Susy stepped out on Bob; Bob demanded back the diamond collar he gave her last Christmas and she is now spleeping with the dominant offensive line of the NY Giants", I could definitively tell them where to go in their area for news and other events - and, go out of my way to meet  new people.

quote:

Furthermore, new Dominants to the area really do want to avoid the politics, the conflicts and the morons within the scene, no matter how lofty of a position they hold.  Seriously, I've seen well known people act as if they can't flog themselves out of a wet paper bag.
 
Well - when I came to NYC more than a few years ago, I met a lot of the folks who were involved in the politics of the local scene and chose to speak to them about the clubs, the people and the area rather than about "Why" there is a lawsuit against the group because of membership (etc)"... most people that do not desire to be involved in politics do not become involved in politics - and, there is no reason that it should ever come up.
 
quote:

Submissives and slaves are vital, as their judgment, opinions, observations and comments do hold value.  So, I always ask the slaves what is going on in that 'scene.' 

 
And, dominants are clueless and stagnant?

Odd position for you to take on this.

 
quote:

I do appreciate the concern a slave female or submissive female may have; as to be seen with a new Dominant on the block.  It may be a grand idea to think upon, if there is a new Dominant to the area; to meet you at the place and do a formal introduction to the Dominants that you know, as to allow them to take up from the introduction.
In addition, there could be a Dominant who you know well, to accompany you as to stand with you and greet this new arrival.
 
It must be said, that new dominants period will find themselves in an awkward position.  It really is hard to fit in.  People want so much to be accepted--Dominants and submissive/slaves a like.  Even old seasoned Dominants such as I, new to an area; for example on an extended visit to another State or Country; can use a little help in new venues.  Since I know the attitudes of the scenes, I do know how to behave and interact.  Novices will not be so well versed.

 
That seems endemic of anyone knew to 'anything' - if they are new, they will have to learn to fit into a culture which varys from that they are used to.

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/16/2006 5:17:02 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		If a person desires to meet a real person, one group in NY sends along a counterpart to that person... (no, I am not talking 'formica')
 
In other words (where possible) they send a male dominant to meet a male dominant, or a submissive male to meet a submissive male, etc...
 
That precludes any issues that are brought to the table by either party ("I do not want to be hit on", etc).
 
It also makes for a good means of knowing about the community prior to their attending a meeting - and, gives them a point of contact for the community and a means of introduction.
 
~J
quote:

ORIGINAL: notjustsomesub

Often times, I am approached by Dominants, who have recently relocated to my area and it seems to me the first thing they do is scan the "ads" for a submissive.

When questioned on their activity within the Lifestyle, they always say "I just moved here." (I do have a link to Social Events I send them) but, my recommendation to them ALWAYS is to seek other Dominants "first!" I think that is the perfect opportunity to begin building friendships, a stepping stone per say to the door of the local Lifestyle & members. I know I, for one do enjoy "subbie talk" what better way to get into the "IN" crowd? The Dominants can usually smell a fake by his aftershave. Which is something this girl certainly appreciates.

I am curious though, as much as i recommend this, I certainly do not know where to send them, aside from Munches. How would the social Dominants like to see this work? (I do decline every invite to attend their first event with them.)



_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to notjustsomesub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/16/2006 10:06:09 AM   
notjustsomesub


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		Alot of wonderful thoughts on my question and, I wish to thank everyone for their insights and thoughts. This LoD, is what I was wondering... I am surprised this not a more common practice, especially here in CA.


quote:

If a person desires to meet a real person, one group in NY sends along a counterpart to that person... (no, I am not talking 'formica')

In other words (where possible) they send a male dominant to meet a male dominant, or a submissive male to meet a submissive male, etc...

That precludes any issues that are brought to the table by either party ("I do not want to be hit on", etc).

It also makes for a good means of knowing about the community prior to their attending a meeting - and, gives them a point of contact for the community and a means of introduction.

~J

(in reply to LordODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/16/2006 10:08:54 AM   
notjustsomesub


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		perhaps i phrased that wrong since i am not bisexual by choice, my experience has been 99% of the time with Dominant men. i apologize for confusing you.

quote:

I am mystified why you should made such a suggestion. I care nothing about other men, let alone dominants, and I'm not interested in meeting any or exploring their sexual intentions. Men are mere shadows in my world.

If someone asks you for water you give them a cigarette?

Such a suggestion to me would raise an eyebrow and lower the recommender in my estimation.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/16/2006 10:54:32 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

my recommendation to them ALWAYS is to seek other Dominants "first!"

And why exactly would I want to talk to other dominants? So they can judge me and declare me worthy? Fuck 'em, if they want to talk to me, they can come find me, I will happily talk to anybody who buys me a beer or two.



_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to notjustsomesub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/16/2006 4:16:24 PM   
notjustsomesub


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you for your very polite response. I only meant that, it would seem to me that Dominants would welcome new-to-the-area Dominants. I know I am also new and being welcomed by other submissives is what encouraged me to socialize and be more active. And building these friendships has given me confidence that not ALL Lifestylers here are full of hot air but truly real. I can't help but add... your reply was SUCH a 180 from your profile... at this point, my response to you will end here.

quote:

And why exactly would I want to talk to other dominants? So they can judge me and declare me worthy? Fuck 'em, if they want to talk to me, they can come find me, I will happily talk to anybody who buys me a beer or two.

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/18/2006 4:50:21 PM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		Around the Twin Cities, Minnesnowta area, we have a monthly doms/tops gathering called 'Dom(me)'s Domain' - where we socialize, offer advice, ask advice, compare notes on the the local scene, and like that.  There's a monthly thing for the other end, too - called 'SubSpace'. 

It's worked well for us, and has often been used by new domlydoms in the area to get the lowdown on how things work.

Midnight Writer
Just wastin' the time of the other doms, y'know?


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to notjustsomesub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/18/2006 4:59:42 PM   
Stunning


Posts: 76
Joined: 7/16/2004
Status: offline 		I am pretty friendly and open-minded, despite having a sardonic streak. But I'd prefer to talk to dommes than doms when I relocate. There's an inherent distrust among doms and while I'd gladly talk to one who contacted me, I don't think it will happen. Nor will I contact any other doms.

Also, if you're a dom and CM is your only kink website you probably have the search screen set for females (as mine is) so only sub females and dommes will show on your first page. A dom in this case would have to purposely change the search criteria and that probably isn't going to happen a lot.

< Message edited by Stunning -- 12/18/2006 5:02:14 PM >

(in reply to emdoub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dominants welcome wagon? - 12/18/2006 7:55:01 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angaothsi

Why would suggesting a person get invloved in the local scene "lower" her in your eyes? I don't think she ever suggested anyone explore anyones sexual intentions. I think her suggestion would really only be offensive to someone who had something to hide.


I didn't say anything about the local scene nor did I say she was offensive (she wasn't), but responded directly to her suggestion to meet other doms which I found peculiar. Doms are typically territorial, we don't usually hunt in packs. That's why we're doms.

NotJust did write a clarification though. (Thanks.)

(in reply to angaothsi)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Dominants welcome wagon? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109