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Age-related question - 2/19/2005 9:42:02 AM   
Geministoy


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		ok so i'm posting on here because i wouldnt know who to ask this question, be it Master,Mistress or slave...

Has anyone ever had conflicts in their D/s relationships due to a 20 year age difference?

i recently have been accepted by my Sir but the fact that i am in my 40's and He in His late 20's has me a bit concerned. i would really like some input on this subject.

Thank You,
G'stoy






"In peace, the sleeper is waked not by the trumpet, but by the cock"
(Plutarch, Nicias 9.5)




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" In peace, the sleeper is waked not by the trumpet, but by the cock"
(Plutarch, Nicias 9.5)
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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 12:38:15 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Here are a few earlier threads that address your question:

age is an issue now

age requirements

does age matter



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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 12:47:38 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Almost every relationship I have had has been with a much older person. Age differences can cause issues, but they don't have to. Treat them like any difference- you work with it. There will be times where you have a disconnect, and you will have to take time to show everyone that it's not JUST a middle age fling with a hot young piece of ass. But time shared together and growing as a relationship can overcome any difference- whether it's age, religion, or distance. The Owner finds my love of Buffy and such very amusing and I love hearing his stories about old plays he's seen and other historical perspectives. Find enjoyment in your differences.

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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 12:52:18 PM   
Shayna


Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline 		I had a similar age difference with my first Master. I'd be happy to chat with you about my experience if you'd like

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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 3:15:33 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
It is very doable, you're just going to have to each accept that the other has very different view points on some things. I've had several relationships with 14 and 15 year differences between people. As long as you feel comfortable with his age in submitting to him, you can work the rest out. As in all, communication is the key. You can both learn a lot from each other. He has attitudes and insights that you've probably not been exposed to on an intimate level prior to this. You have life experience to share. Remember, don't present it in anyway that could be considered officious or condescending. (Advice from someone older isn't always appreciated.) Good luck and have fun!


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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 3:18:02 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Geministoy

ok so i'm posting on here because i wouldnt know who to ask this question, be it Master,Mistress or slave...

Has anyone ever had conflicts in their D/s relationships due to a 20 year age difference?

i recently have been accepted by my Sir but the fact that i am in my 40's and He in His late 20's has me a bit concerned. i would really like some input on this subject.

Thank You,
G'stoy






"In peace, the sleeper is waked not by the trumpet, but by the cock"
(Plutarch, Nicias 9.5)





I was 53, he was 32, we were 24/7 for a year and a half. The differences in maturity level and responsibility really became an issue. The differences in interests and life focus also became an issue. I ended it a year ago. Won't allow myself to get into a committed relationship with anyone that young again.


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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 3:25:03 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

recently have been accepted by my Sir but the fact that i am in my 40's and He in His late 20's has me a bit concerned. i would really like some input on this subject.


Well, I don't mean to sound flip, but enjoy it. Enjoy every tastey 20 somthing inch of it...

Sorry, I just can't help thinking that you've won the lottery and are trying to varify the ticket number ~grin~

Sounds like a yummy situation to me.

Lily (who's pervier than usual today)

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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 3:35:40 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		"Age is only an Attitude"

I happen to be 45 and Thorns is 32...been together for 4 1/2 years now and going strong! There is no conflict in age...there is strength. If this person is right for you and you enjoy who He is as a person and vice/versa....age has nothing to do with it. Enjoy Life!


~smilezz~

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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 3:48:24 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Gosh I hope it's not a problem because I was considering this possibility myself. I am sure there are bridges to cross and there will be occasional blank looks, but as one other poster said..you can use this to work for you also. Kind of like culture sharing I would suspect...as long as both are willing to share, I can't see why it would go wrong. I have a sister-in-law who is a Domme and her male sub is nearly 20 years younger...I have rarely seen a happier pair, so I suppose it depends on who the participants are.


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Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 4:13:16 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Stop looking at numbers and start looking at there maturity, mental development, and how responsible they are.

Healthy?
Phsyically fit?

I"ve seen teens get up in the mourning popping there back going ohh aww Damn it's hard to get around.
I've seen 50 year olds get up at the crack of dawn faster than a fly can take off a table.

Age is not a number but how you feel and are as a state of being. So how old are you? And how old is this dom?




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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 4:20:41 PM   
GrandpaLash


Posts: 133
Joined: 1/8/2005
Status: offline 		Try 36 years Master to slave, add in "You live such a middle-aged life" (and I'm about as far from it as you could imagine), and goodbye slave. Good luck. 20 years may be easier.

As for Fangsfeet, try reading the OP again, the answer to your question is there.

Grandpa Lash

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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 4:44:25 PM   
DomButNotForgotn


Posts: 108
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		I was briefly involved (not sexually) with a sub woman who is about 20 years younger than me. While I did not feel age was an issue, she did, and felt she could not commit to a relationship based on Daddy/daughter age play, and that sort of thing. She found that to be very erotic, and I think she focused on that rather than if we could really get along. I certainly was not going to press the issue, and wished her well. We are still friends.

Aside from issues around who might pass away first, I don't see huge problems that are age related. Maybe there is not the same shared TV shows or something, but, really, if the preson was the same age, and from another country the same "culture gap" would be there.

In my vanilla days, I had relationships with women that were 9 and 11 years younger, and we got along very very well.

A while ago, I was seeing a great sub who is older than me by 8 years, and enjoyed her company immensely. Age is an issue only if you make it one, in my opinion.

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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 4:54:48 PM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline 		This is a great thread, for it is issues that I have wondered about lately as well...

How do 5-10 years age difference compare to 11-15, then 16-20 or more? Is there a difference or it still based on individuals involved?

Secondly, Does it makes a difference if the Dominant partner is younger since this is suppose to be the most responsible, wise and the person that guides the D/s? Life experiences do help a great deal in maturity.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1


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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 5:19:21 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: willing2serve

How do 5-10 years age difference compare to 11-15, then 16-20 or more? Is there a difference or it still based on individuals involved?

Within the relationship I think the difference is individually based- theres SO many levels people can be alike or different, age is just one.

Externally/socially, there is a lot more pressure and negativity against large age gap relationships, which can cause problems.
quote:


Secondly, Does it makes a difference if the Dominant partner is younger since this is suppose to be the most responsible, wise and the person that guides the D/s? Life experiences do help a great deal in maturity.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1[/size]




I don't know why people think the dom is the "most responsible" "most wise" or the ONE who guides the relationship.

Part of my job is to be responsible for the things the Owner doesn't want to be responsible for- it makes his life easier. I have to be competent enough for him to depend on.

He doesn't have to be the most wise, he just has to know how to delegate. There are things I'm more knowledgable about than he is. There are things he is more knowledgeable about. It doesn't matter who is the wisest, but how things are dealt with. As long as he knows the best way to do that, it works (and we tend to agree).

And to me, everyone in the relationship guides where it goes- everyone agreed to where it was going and has to work to get it there. The Owner might be more the captain of the ship, but the navigator and the sailors have to keep it running well.

That being said- age is important to becoming wise enough and guiding enough to BE an effective captain, there's no denying that and this is coming from someone who entered the scene at 18 and has heard about how I am too young to know what's going on more times than I can remember. Age is certainly not the only factor, but I'd say one is FAR more likely to find someone stable and mature enough to handle a long term relationship like this when they are over 40.

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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 6:22:02 PM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Part of my job is to be responsible for the things the Owner doesn't want to be responsible for- it makes his life easier. I have to be competent enough for him to depend on.

He doesn't have to be the most wise, he just has to know how to delegate. There are things I'm more knowledgable about than he is. There are things he is more knowledgeable about. It doesn't matter who is the wisest, but how things are dealt with. As long as he knows the best way to do that, it works (and we tend to agree).

And to me, everyone in the relationship guides where it goes- everyone agreed to where it was going and has to work to get it there. The Owner might be more the captain of the ship, but the navigator and the sailors have to keep it running well.


Thank you for this different perspective....I do understand it's all about deciding who is to navigate and who is to steer. My aforementioned questions do seem a little closed minded since I have looked at the broader picture.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1

< Message edited by willing2serve -- 2/19/2005 6:23:04 PM >

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RE: Age-related question - 2/19/2005 7:39:00 PM   
Geministoy


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
i'd like to thank You all for Your advice and experiences, i now feel alot more confident in myself to serve Him as He should be. This will be my first poly relationship and i do pray it goes well, i am too tired of being heartbroken, dont think i could handle another.


Again much gratitude!




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" In peace, the sleeper is waked not by the trumpet, but by the cock"
(Plutarch, Nicias 9.5)

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RE: Age-related question - 2/20/2005 9:23:20 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: willing2serve

This is a great thread, for it is issues that I have wondered about lately as well...

How do 5-10 years age difference compare to 11-15, then 16-20 or more? Is there a difference or it still based on individuals involved?

Secondly, Does it makes a difference if the Dominant partner is younger since this is suppose to be the most responsible, wise and the person that guides the D/s? Life experiences do help a great deal in maturity.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1




I can only give my own anecdotal evidence, for whatever that's worth. My ex is 13 years younger and although we talked about beliefs and values and interests before we got together, things never quite meshed in the 4 years we were together. She wanted a more active lifestyle than I did while I enjoyed intellectual pursuits more than physical recreations. she enjoyed clubbing while I preferred quet dinners with friends.
While these aren't neccessarily things that can be pegged to certains ages, there is very much a question of compatible energy levels and levels of interests. My ex and I had radically different definitions of "active". I was and am active for someone my age but lethergic compared to how active I was in my younger years. I don't believe age always plays a factor in compatability but I know it makes it even more neccessary to investigate how well folks fit in the 'nilla stuff.
Timothy

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RE: Age-related question - 3/4/2005 9:26:58 AM   
outlawrider


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/1/2005
Status: offline 		Geministoy;
i would hope age should make no changes in a relationship.
but i have been wrong once in my life.
my problem is "i" am usually older than the dommes i meet in r/t and online.
some i feel i could be their daddy. but it doesn't matter to me.
it is the position,..not the age.
take care
outlaw

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RE: Age-related question - 3/4/2005 9:36:32 AM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		I'm wondering if the difference at the success rate might have anything to do with which party, the dom or sub, is the older and which is younger.
Generally speaking I've seen that the older peson in the relationship tends to know more... they've been around longer, if you will. They've seen more than younger people. So they tend to be more of the guide, than guided.
This is not to say that it won't work. I'm just looking for some more opinions, or experiences based on this perspective.

Thank you
Tempest's pet

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RE: Age-related question - 3/4/2005 3:41:32 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I believe you have a valid point tempestspet, I think that if the situation was where the Dominant was the older party, the success rate would be much higher. Actually in most cases I would say the relationship my even be better because of the ability to tap into that experience and use it as a guiding tool.


_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

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Profile   Post #: 20
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