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MadameMarque -> RE: Just wondering a few things (12/16/2006 9:33:58 AM)
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It's a good question!
First, it should be acknowledged that definitions of terms, in a subculture, can vary according to source, because they are sometimes regional, sometimes subjective, and often politicized.
The accepted definitions, as I and many people I know, use them, go something like this:
Top/bottom: These terms denote the person "on top," and the person under them, in some sense.
The top is the active or aggressive or in-charge one; this could mean they are, for example, dominant, a sadist, the person applying some restraint or discipline, even simply the person doing the penetrating, in sex. The last definition has been more commonly used in the gay scene, which is where the terms "top" and "bottom" originated.
The bottom, then, is the passive or receptive one, meaning that they are, for example, submissive, a masochist, submitting to restraint or discipline, or the person being penetrated, in sex.
As you see, top and bottom are general terms. They do not specify in what sense each party is aggressive and receptive.
A person might be a top, in one situation or with one person, and a bottom in another or with another. Some people identify as only one side of the dynamic, top or bottom, with all partners.
All talk of who's a "real" something or other...dominant, submissive, etc., aside...all of these terms apply whether the degree to which they apply is very mild or quite severe.
Dominant/submissive: The dominant imposes their will and power and the submissive submits their personal will and power to the rule of the dominant. Again, the degree to which this happens could be very mild to extreme.
You might say that the dominant and submissive dynamic are centered around psychological satisfaction. These roles involve a psychological dynamic.
They have a physiological effect on people, of course. The combined emotional, mental, and chemical/physical effect of having a heightened submissive experience is what is referred to as "subspace." [Much more could be said, in describing subspace, but this is the most basic definition.] Dominants certainly have a dynamic heightened experience, too, though oddly, there's no commonly used term (that I know of), for it.
Sadist/masochist: A sadist derives satisfaction from infliction of suffering and a masochist derives satisfaction from having suffering purposefully inflicted upon them. Though often these terms are used around physical pain, sadomasochism can also involve mental or emotional suffering.
A person could be a dominant, without being a sadist. For example, they might have someone serve them as a butler, but never inflict suffering upon their servant. They could be a masochist without being submissive. For example, they might love being beaten, but not abide being treated as a subordinant - no 'yes, Ma'am,' 'yes, Sir,' for them. So, the terms are not interchangeable.
Fetishism, by the way, is deriving sexual gratification from an object or act that is not inherently sexual, or by exposure to that object or act outside of the context of sex. So, although fetishism is often combined with D/s or BDSM, a fetish is not automatically dominant/submissive or sadomasochistic.
Of course, it's more common to see combinations of these dynamics. So, when someone says they are dominant or submissive, this usually - but not always! - implies some degree of sadomasochism involved, as well as D/s. Likewise, a person may describe themselves as a sadist or masochist, but intend to imply a dominant/submissive relationship with the person they make suffer/take suffering from.
This is one of the reasons that it's so important to communicate fully. Don't take it as assumed that when you use a term, you have, in your mind, the same thing the other person has, in theirs.
"If his love is to be called perverse, then let it be so, for maybe love is too great to be normal, too intense to be sane."
- from a review of the Japanese film, Gekko no Sasayaki aka Moonlight Whispers, found at http://imdb.com/title/tt0208178.
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