Help - I'm too "easy" !!

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Help - I'm too "easy" !!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Help - I'm too "easy" !!

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 7:56:30 AM

LaMinx

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline

I have recently come out of a very intense relationship where I went well above and beyond the call of duty in an attempt to make it work. I eventually realised that part of the problem was that I was trying so hard to please this man that I was behaving like a doormat, and consequently being treated as one. My needs were not being met and after enduring it for far too long I asked to be released in the interests of self-preservation.

Ok, fast forward a bit. I have been talking to a new Dom for about a month now and we get on like a house on fire. He acted purely as a friend as I was going through my break-up, was very supportive and understanding, and has been amazingly patient with me as I have pulled myself back together. He has treated me with kid gloves as though I am some treasure he must be ever so careful with. So far it is all wonderful.

After enduring weeks of Christmas season scheduling hell, we have finally managed to arrange our first rendezvous for next week. We have discussed the event at length and he has said he wants to seduce me, but be made to work very hard to win me over. Chemistry permitting, he literally wants to charm the panties off me - the sign that I have decided to submit to him being when I hand him my panties in the restaurant.

My problem is this: I am deeply submissive with the right sort of man and this one and are are already deeply in lust. I have always tended to be the sort where if I want a man, I don't bother playing hard to get. I guess I could be said to be "easy". However, to be "easy" during this first meet would be a distinctly bad thing - he wants me to make him work very hard for my submission.

I haven't played ice maiden in so long I don't really recall how to do it. Any advice ?

Thanks,

LM x

Post #: 1

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 8:12:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Tell him that setting up an expectation like that for a first offline rendezvous is already putting this relationship on the wrong track.

Trust me, I'm betting that 5 years together, life with throw more than enough challenges your way that he'll be deeply regretting those words. There's no need to force it on a first date.

You have to be yourselves, otherwise it's all rather pointless. If he doesn't work with who YOU are, better to know right now.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LaMinx)

Post #: 2

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 8:19:38 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

In my opinion, and this is only an opinion, men tend to value that which they have to work for, in other words I would not play hard to get, I would be hard to get. I would only risk as much as I am emotionally able to risk. If what you want is to play his role playing game, have fun, who cares about the consequences... go for it! If you feel as though he is asking more than you are comfortable with providing I would halt this ice princess role play game. To me it is a challenge to find someone I can be myself with, role playing would be the last thing on my mind the first time I met a dom I thought had relationship potential.

I have a problem being too easy to get along with... anything they want I try to give it. I have changed somewhat in my approach, I am more than willing to give what they want as long as I am not compromising myself. If you have a certain personality and he is asking you to pretend to be another personality before he even gets to know the real you, that would be a red flag if I were you. I only know what you wrote above, so I could be totally off base though. I just wonder about a role playing game before the new has even worn off the two of you getting to know each other, it seems like unnecessary expectations that could make everything fizzle

I wish you luck though, and I hope everything works out, you sound very excited about the whole thing, which means there must be a lot to your online chemistry that has a good chance of being translated into the real world.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LaMinx)

Post #: 3

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 8:28:01 AM

came2blieve

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/22/2004
Status: offline

One of the easiest traps to set for ourselves is to be someone else in order to please another. That is particularly true with a sub, always wanting to find her sense of approval and self-worth reflected in His eyes.

The question which must be asked ... when I am someone else, who the heck am I? Results, obviously, are a complete loss of identity. Be yourself, little one, and let the chemistry happen as it may.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 8:51:07 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

he wants me to make him work very hard for my submission.

I think if people have to work hard at this stuff then something isn't right. You either feel like you want to submit or your don't. He's either laid the ground work for that by now, or it hasn't happened. It sounds like you already are anxious to submit to him in real time. His job is to give you circumstances in which you wish to submit. This shouldn't be too hard for him if he has taken the time to get to know you.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LaMinx)

Post #: 5

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 10:04:33 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

I think to understand what to do here requires a deeper understanding of his kink.

i am guessing it is the Madonna whore syndrome, and as a kink it is all well and good, but more then that it could be fatal to the relationship.

the panties in the restaurant thing sounds like kink to me....which is to say role play, and there fore this could be very very fun, be creative, watch some old movies with fem fatals, Bette Davis, Kathryn Hepburn, Audry hepburn...they knew how to work a man with charm and grace, intelligence and sex appeal.

...however

if this is a part of his relationship matrix, there might be trouble ahead, because it may indicate that he is conquest driven, and will need to be "supportive and understanding, <snip> amazingly patient" to the next damsel in distress.

how to ascertain which he is:

   look at his relationship patterns: notches on his belt or stable long time relationships?

   talk to former subs of his: will he give you access to them? if not why not?

   ask him questions that are direct and require transparency: where do you see this heading? what do you see in us?

tell him that you want to be loved for you. you are happy to play act at surrendering to him, but in truth you want with all your heart to be in a relationship where you can be fully emotionally sexually and mentally available for your lover at all times...

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 6

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 10:54:21 AM

LaMinx

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for all of your kind words. I think perhaps I've overstated my problem. He and I have got to know each other very well online, frequently chatting several times a day over the past month. The little roleplay in question is only meant to be a bit of fun while in the restaurant - very much a one-off. He knows how deeply submissive I am and hopes to enjoy that to the full if the panties are surrendered and we leave the restaurant together.

I get the impression that he often has women throwing themselves at him but would like to enjoy the thrill of the chase, however briefly. He has said he wants to have to work to charm me, to earn to my submission. I'm very much an old school romantic Ds kind of girl, where part of the joy is in giving more than is easy. Consequently I understand his wish to have to make an effort to gain my submission, in fact I find it quite touching in some ways.

The suggestion about watching the classic femme fatales is a stroke of genius - thank you. Above and beyond that I guess I will just have to try to temper my naturally extremely obliging temperament in the short-term. I know I can be prone to try a little too hard to please, so perhaps the way forward will be to sit back and simply bask in his attentions initially. If the chemistry is there, as I think likely, there will be plenty of time for me to enjoy doing the pleasing afterwards.

LM x

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 7

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 11:01:02 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Well since it has all been discussed in great detail, why not just follow the script?

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to LaMinx)

Post #: 8

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 11:17:51 AM

LaMinx

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline

Well yes, it has been discussed in detail, but only on the level of "ok, yes, I'll play aloof - I know you want me but you'll have to work to charm me and get those panties surrendered" "good, I don't want it to be easy, I want to have to really seduce you". Not exactly a script.

I haven't played hard to get in a long time. Well, except when I've met people and there has been no chemistry. Perhaps the key is to act like I'm not overly impressed in the short term.

Hmmm, time to dig out some old films....

LM x

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 9

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 11:39:07 AM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMinx
After enduring weeks of Christmas season scheduling hell, we have finally managed to arrange our first rendezvous for next week. We have discussed the event at length and he has said he wants to seduce me, but be made to work very hard to win me over. Chemistry permitting, he literally wants to charm the panties off me - the sign that I have decided to submit to him being when I hand him my panties in the restaurant.

My problem is this: I am deeply submissive with the right sort of man and this one and are are already deeply in lust. I have always tended to be the sort where if I want a man, I don't bother playing hard to get. I guess I could be said to be "easy". However, to be "easy" during this first meet would be a distinctly bad thing - he wants me to make him work very hard for my submission.

I haven't played ice maiden in so long I don't really recall how to do it. Any advice ?

Thanks,

LM x

To be honest with you..when I read your post (three times as a matter of fact to make sure I wasnt over reading), all it smacked of is he has this kinky little fantasy he wants you to help him live out.

I see very little in this scenario that has anything to do with building a relationship.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to LaMinx)

Post #: 10

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 2:00:25 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

Some concrete limits before you meet might be in order.

Arrange the first meeting in a public place. Ask him to choose two or three actitivites for the day, in public, that you both might enjoy. If there's travel involved, have motel accomodations already made and paid for (in different motels) and set yourself a curfew to be in by. If it's as spectacular of a date as you're hoping, there will always be tomorrow (or the day after.)

Possible date ideas might include siteseeing, ice skating, bowling, or going to a jazz concert - no dance clubs or movies.

Good luck with your date!

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

Post #: 11

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 12/16/2006 10:05:13 PM

StacyCat

Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Ya know, if the guys that are meeting me are afraid of me being "too easy" then they are not the kind of people that I want to be involved with.

First, I would have serious issues with him "assuming" that we will have sex/play or that I will even be interested in him. Secondly, having any sort of expectations, or a "script" for a first date just sets it up for failure.

Meet in public. Be yourself, have him be himself. If either of you have to put on an act to have the other like you, then it's not going to go well.

(in reply to LaMinx)

Post #: 12

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 1/2/2007 3:44:29 PM

LaMinx

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline

Just a little update -

We met, I played ice maiden for a whole 10 minutes, we had a wonderful evening and a night of pure bliss. He collared me New Years Eve. Finally a purely happy post from LaMinx...

LM x

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 13

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 1/2/2007 4:08:38 PM

shadevarr

Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline

Congrats LaMinx, it gives me some real hope that everything will work out well with my subbie in february when we meet in meatspace.

(in reply to LaMinx)

Post #: 14

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 1/2/2007 4:10:12 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

Congratulations..may you find your desires fulfilled in this happy first year as a couple!

jessie

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to LaMinx)

Post #: 15

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 1/3/2007 8:21:16 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Congrats i an happy for you. Master and i will be a couple for a year next month. May your first year as a couple be as happy as mine has been.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

Post #: 16

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 1/3/2007 11:48:21 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMinx

Well yes, it has been discussed in detail, but only on the level of "ok, yes, I'll play aloof - I know you want me but you'll have to work to charm me and get those panties surrendered" "good, I don't want it to be easy, I want to have to really seduce you". Not exactly a script.

What about trying this... Right when you're ready to rip off the panties and give them to him go to the restroom and calm down a few times.
Tell him due to his request of you it's your job to be the pantie wearing police enforcer.
Remind him until you just can't help taking them off, they'll stay on.
Eventually he'll get the pattern of you going to the restroom and take things from there to keep you in your seat.

Or tell him if he can describe his most perfect imagined date the two of you could have what would it be like if money was no object.

Have him sexily describe what he'll do under the table that night right there once your panties are off. Next tell him he can play on top of the panties till he makes you cum without ever touching your twat with his bare finger before you'll take them off.

Not that that is a very sub like thing to do, but he's asking for you to play a game so play it well.
LOL or since he asked you to make him work be totally hilarious and tell him at the restaurant the way to get you to surrender your panties is for him to give you his underwear first just to see what the reaction on his face is.
Not that you should even consider him giving you his underwear there for real, but it defiantly will make him think before he asks you to make him work for something again.

(in reply to LaMinx)

Post #: 17

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 1/3/2007 12:04:13 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well, I'd have to say that

a) I'm sorry that you still felt you had to attempt to be something you didn't feel really comfortable with

b) that this thread is NOT going to be the poster child for the "Take it slow, take your time, be sure before you make a commitment" crowd

c) I am glad you feel good and hope your relationship continues to grow

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 18

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 1/3/2007 7:23:24 PM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

Submission isn't something that can be acted out - not feeling it anyway. And being aloof isn't either as far as i know. i can "pretend" anything, but the feeling won't be there and the energy exchange won't really be there either. Pretending to be hard to get is WAY different than really being hard to get. If your heart is saying oh yes please take me right now, but you're trying to act like "get lost" the energy he wants will be missing. You both might be able to enjoy it or play with it for a night or maybe longer, but the reality is, once the lust settles, the real feelings will surface. In all honesty i don't know what a Dom is looking for in a sub who doesn't want to submit except some role playing and a fun lusty time. But hey - nothing wrong with that if that's what you want too.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to LaMinx)

Post #: 19

RE: Help - I'm too "easy" !! - 1/12/2007 9:36:26 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Hmm just noticed LaMinx unfortuately is listing herself as recently freed. Hope it was mutual and that everyone is better off now.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavemaia)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Help - I'm too "easy" !!

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094