need ideas (Full Version)

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mistressofgord -> need ideas (2/19/2005 11:31:20 AM)

I am new to this, I am crazy about this guy and he is looking for a dominate. He would like me to become dominate and I'm not sure how. so if anyone has any ideas could you please help?




Bigbossman4u -> RE: need ideas (2/19/2005 11:42:32 AM)

Welcome the forum, it's a good place to start.

First though, and not to be a prick, but it's DominANT. Dominate is a verb. The Dominant (male or female) then Dominates and the submissive sumbits :)

I suggest the first thing you do is discuss what kind of dominance this guy is looking for. Start with concepts, fantasies or ideas that he has until you develop some of your own. Have fun with it and make it an adventure of self-discovery (for it is very much what it is).

Start searching thorugh the archives here, either by picking interesting threads or by doing searches (function found in upper right hand corner of screen) and read read read.

There are also several books to be found and other websites available - all which have been posted several times in these forums so I won't repeat them here.



Best
Joshua




NATI -> RE: need ideas (2/19/2005 12:01:49 PM)

You might also want to think about searching for groups in your area and attending functions where you can watch demonstrations of various techniques and concepts that you find appealing.




Bigbossman4u -> RE: need ideas (2/19/2005 12:08:46 PM)

quote:

You might also want to think about searching for groups in your area and attending functions where you can watch demonstrations of various techniques and concepts that you find appealing.


What she said :)

best
Joshua




BeachMystress -> RE: need ideas (2/19/2005 2:01:45 PM)



You need to get some books, read Internet articles and read former posts on this forum.

Reading material could include:
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns - A great book, but written from a Dom, female sub point of view. It is probably the best overall book, and one that should be in your library. It is also a bit overwhelming for someone new to the lifestyle.

The New Topping Book- This has been my favorite of all the books so far. I found it to be accessible and easy to read. This book is more of a S/m book, but a lot of the concepts are the same. I highly recommend it.

The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners - This book is good for a beginner. It isn't overwhelming. It talks some about the mental state of a new Dominant. It is worth picking up and having a look.

The Art of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women - This one is also a good candidate for a beginner. I'd order both into Barnes and Noble or whatever local store of yours does special ordering and glance through both. Pick up the one that catches your attention better. They both contain about the same information.

Female Domination - I can not recommend this one since I've not read it yet. It is fairly new. I'll probably pick it up sometime in the next few years. I like reading all of the FemDom books available. One can always use other points of view.

The Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment - This is a good introduction to the male genital anatomy. Sooner or later, all Domme seem to use some sort of penile interaction. It is a wonderful source of control. Learn how to do it safely.

Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual - This is the one I'm in the middle of reading now. It is also basic material, but covers some stuff not done in the other books. The style is easy to follow. It isn't overly wordy, so it isn't an intimidating book. It is a good overview book, touching lightly on many subjects and is one you can actually imagine yourself reading cover to cover. I'd say it plus either "Sexually Dominant Woman" or "Art of Sensual Female Dominance" will get you on your way.

My personal BDSM bookshelf includes:
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, The Loving Dominant, The New Topping Book, The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners, The Art of Sensual Female Dominance, The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance, The Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment, S&M: Studies in Dominance and Submission, Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual, Training With Miss Abernathy, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, The Manipulated Mind: Brainwashing, Conditioning and Indoctrination, Knots & Splices, Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People and Words That Change Minds: Mastering the Language of Influence, Masochism: A Jungian View and Dominant Women Submissive Men: An Exploration in Erotic Dominance and Submission.

The books on my "to get" list:
Female Dominance (Sutton), Dominance, self-esteem, self-actualization: germinal papers of A. H. Maslow (The A. H. Maslow series), The Mastery of Submission: Inventions of Masochism (Cornell Studies in the History of Psychiatry), The Bonds of Love : Psychoanalysis, Feminism, & the Problem of Domination, Erotic Power: An Exploration of Dominance & Submission, Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships, The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle, Different Loving : A Complete Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, Bitch Goddess: The Spiritual Path of the Dominant Woman, The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle, A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting, The Art of Seduction and Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook. (Did I mention I'm a compulsive reader? LoL)




siamsa24 -> RE: need ideas (2/19/2005 2:52:01 PM)

Wow, there are books on here that I haven't heard of (and I pride myself on being a huge nerd and bookworm). I have some new things to look for the next time I go to the library, thanks [:D]




onceburned -> RE: need ideas (2/19/2005 4:14:41 PM)

quote:

Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual - This is the one I'm in the middle of reading now. It is also basic material, but covers some stuff not done in the other books. The style is easy to follow. It isn't overly wordy, so it isn't an intimidating book. It is a good overview book, touching lightly on many subjects and is one you can actually imagine yourself reading cover to cover.


I tried to order this from Amazon a month ago and was recently told that they can no longer obtain it. So it seems to be going out of print. However, I was able to find it in several BDSM bookstores - so copies are available... you just have to hunt around.

Oh, and to find a group or munch near you.... here is a nice list of U.S. groups

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html

Edit:

Actually, I ordered the book from Half.com but then I discovered that the BDSM stores had it. Oh well.




BeachMystress -> RE: need ideas (2/20/2005 9:19:19 AM)



My sub just got me a copy of both Abernathy books for Valentine's Day. *happy snoopy dance* I'm not sure where he got them. I do know that they have them on Greenery Press. http://www.greenerypress.com/
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

Wow, there are books on here that I haven't heard of (and I pride myself on being a huge nerd and bookworm). I have some new things to look for the next time I go to the library, thanks [:D]

LOL, some of those are actual text books. I expect them to be a bit on the dry side. Don't worry, you'll not accidently find your way into a text. They tend to run between $50 and $75.




siamsa24 -> RE: need ideas (2/20/2005 9:24:51 AM)

quote:

LOL, some of those are actual text books. I expect them to be a bit on the dry side. Don't worry, you'll not accidently find your way into a text. They tend to run between $50 and $75.


Oh goody! Textbooks! (oh, no, my extreme nerd side is showing again [:D] ).



and no, I'm not kidding, I really will read the textbook ones (and highlight them too).




BeachMystress -> RE: need ideas (2/20/2005 9:48:19 AM)


OMG.. highlight?? Do you write in the margins too??




siamsa24 -> RE: need ideas (2/20/2005 9:51:56 AM)

YES!
And I use the little page markers that Post-it sells. I don't know how people lived before they invented those. You can mark pages and then write on the markers to indicate what you marked them. A wonderful little invention I think.




onceburned -> RE: need ideas (2/20/2005 10:08:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

My sub just got me a copy of both Abernathy books for Valentine's Day. *happy snoopy dance* I'm not sure where he got them. I do know that they have them on Greenery Press. http://www.greenerypress.com/


Good sub!
oh, and thank you for the link. [:)]




WulfMan -> RE: need ideas (2/20/2005 2:49:38 PM)

HAHAHA you gals and guys definatly do make this life interesting. In reply to Mistressofgord, it's good that you are trying to find a common ground with you and your do I dare say "boyfriend". But to be honest be true to yourself don't rush anything, make sure that it is right for you not just him. But definatly have some fun with it. I'd do as good ole Beach Mystress says, she's smart, and given me a hand with some "issues", Research research research. make sure you're comfortable with it.




webeeknky -> RE: need ideas (2/22/2005 6:44:46 PM)

I say entice ol "boyfriend" over to the kitchen chair n break out the handcuffs...keep him detained until he tells you what he needs in the form of punishment...let him get your education started! (wink) Spankies! Neesa-jo n the pink-bottomed willow[:D]




Sylverdawn -> RE: need ideas (2/22/2005 7:22:52 PM)

There are lots of ways to learn the techinques of Domination.. if that's what your looking for..but learn HOW to be Dominant.. either you is baby or you isnt.. sexually you can top or bottom.. but inside your own head that's hard wired.




webeeknky -> RE: need ideas (2/23/2005 9:00:46 AM)

Hello and thank/spank you for the great suggestions on female dominance reading material.Barnes & Noble makes it so easy to find them...Prays you are safe and dry where you are,BeachMystress. Hugz n spankies,and be well.Neesa-jo




GddssBella -> RE: need ideas (2/23/2005 9:21:30 AM)

*tacklies her bro & smoffers da big guy wif smeechies*

Miss you dude!

*^5's Josh* I wish to whatever higher powers that be that people would learn to utilize the English language correctly. Makes my teeth ache when I see that... heck, the notation on "dominate" is someone's signature, lol. "sfgrrl" to be precise:
quote:

While the word "dominant" can be used as an adjective or a noun, "dominate" is a VERB. A person cannot be a "dominate." For the love of God, people, learn to speak your native language.
I must say, I agree totally. We've bastardised enough things. Must we subject our language to this downfall as well? *snickering* Anyway.....

The only addition to the book list I can offer is: "The Mistress Manual" by Mistress Lorelei - "the good girls' guide to female dominance"; available through greenerypress.com. Perhaps other sources exist as well. Mine was purchased @ Purple Passion, NYC. Yes, I have portions of it highlighted, pages folded over, etc. LOL.

Stay safe, play nice, share your toys with others.....


[:D]

Bella




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