Ummmm...is this normal????????????

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Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 12/16/2006 5:09:57 PM

jammiowen

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

Ok, i'm a little lost. i got into this lifestyle, thinking i was a submissive, possibly even a switch, and now it seems like i want just the opposite?? i'm the happiest when i have no control, and a Dominant i've known for a few years is gently helping me to explore that side of me, but i'm soooo scared. i want to do it, but its going to take a lot of work. a lot of biting me tongue...did anyone else go through this? i can't refuse Him anything, and that makes me sooo happy and,, umm other things, but also scared..is that normal?? in general, i'd like anyone's personal feelings on this...thanks for the help :)

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 12/16/2006 5:23:22 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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welcome to the fora jammiowen,

yes very normal, in fact all of your perspectives seem spot on:

being scared
happiest when you are not in control
it being a lot of work
biting your tongue
not being able to refuse him anything

even though you are new you have some very good insight, and self awareness...so just go with that...and trust it.

if i were to offer a little advice i would say that go slow and savor this virginity....pace yourself.....keep checking in with yourself on a daily basis.

also write a bit about what you are scared of exactly....get really clear on where the fear orginates from....and then you may find out that those fears are just shadows and disappear when you shine light on them

but if there are things that you find yourself doing that feel "wrong" only you can define that, then stop ...take a breath....and talk it out with your Dominant.

one last thing : if it is not fun you probably are not doing something right.....thats not to say its all signing and dancing on the moon...but most of it should be....so have fun and let things evolve naturally

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"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to jammiowen)

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 12/17/2006 9:19:57 AM

MmakeMme

Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
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Submitting can still be difficult and scary for me too, jammi, and I am not brand new to submission. I fight some things Sir asks of me, and when He notices I am having particular trouble or am not really enjoying a task, He generally asks me to tell Him my feelings, and He takes this into heavy consideration. That does not always mean He accepts my wish to not continue a task - He has the final word on whether it is serving a real purpose (as in teaching me in some way) or is just making me miserable.

We all have to start somewhere, and (for me) it is much more pleasant to get used to a little at a time than to plunge right in. Your thought processes and behavior will evolve if submission is right for you. Just last night, a very wonderful man told me that to Master a slave (or sub, in this case) is to start with a naturally beautiful piece of wood and carefully sanding it and shaping it until its luster and appearance is even more precious than it was in the beginning. ~smiling~ Made a lot of sense to me. It is not just in the finished product He finds His bliss, it is also in the creation of its pleasing state. Hope this helps.

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Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 12/17/2006 11:12:34 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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I always swore I was submissive. I wanted some control. Strange thing though...my actions played out something different. I never ever argued with his decisions. I went to the nth degree to meet his demands even when it was difficult for me. He never told me to, but I began asking permission to do nearly everything that was lifestyle related. Stopped going to munches unless he gave permission, and the like. And the more I gave up, the happier I was.

The first time he introduced me as his slave, I kept quiet and then, later, when we were alone, I came unglued. I never wanted this. I fought against it. He didn't argue with me. He just said I was. When I asked him (sarcastically) how he figured that if I didn't think so, he reminded me that my reluctance was my fear and was based on a relationship that no longer existed, and that he wasn't that man. Still I fought

Eventually though, I came to see that him calling me that didn't change who I was. I'd been living that role for nearly 2 years by then. All that was left was for me to submit.... and accept that while I could argue till the cows came home, a slave indeed was what I am.

It still scares me from time to time, this depth of feeling for him, this depth of service.

It's all good.

Just another chance for me to give more. Once I realized that, I embraced this part of myself.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/17/2006 11:32:18 AM >

(in reply to MmakeMme)

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 12/17/2006 11:25:58 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

Uhhhh....maybe I'm just a bit slow this morning (it was the Drambuie, I'm sure...it couldn't have been the scotch!) but what exactly are you asking? At first I thought you were surprised to find that you had desires to take control, not just give it up. Then it seems you are concerned because of the depth of your submission? I'm just not clear.

of course, ct, mm and js all seemed to get it before me...maybe they can explain...quietly...please *grin*

E

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to jammiowen)

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 12/17/2006 11:29:04 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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*whispering*

Emperor: she's shocked that she's delving into slavehood and isn't quite sure what to make of it.

juliet

(in reply to Emperor1956)

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 12/17/2006 11:32:50 AM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
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I started as a sub, went to a slave, then to a switch, then to a Domina, then back to a slave again. I think it might matter on who you are with and whether that brings that part of you out.

You could still have some Dom feelings if you were with the right person..it will depend. It's not unusual to be scared and even overwhelmed at times when experiencing anything new. Don't let it get to you and don't try to label yourself as one thing, there is no reason to.

Just enjoy your new found feelings and this part of you that is coming out.

Kasha

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(in reply to jammiowen)

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 12/17/2006 3:22:14 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
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yep, its normal. Forget trying to think of word that describes you fully. You wont find one that works for more than the here and now. Or so i find. Different people trigger different dynamics for me. With him, its the desire to submit. Im enjoying that.

the fear factor was at its highest, in the newness of the D/s dynamic, the honeymoon phase, where everything felt contrived, and i had to feel the fear, and do it anyway. Kinda blind faith days i guess. But they pass. Things get easier, less scary, less potent in some ways i guess.
Enjoy this phase, for the intensity of the fear subsides, as you come to be more accepting of your agreed dynamic.

Fear however, can be a very strong aphrodisiac, watch out for that

littleone

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 12/17/2006 5:37:39 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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Yes, it is horridly abnormal, nobody uses that many question marks...get your self some help kid, you are all kinda fucked up...............
Rex Harrison

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 1/12/2007 8:38:22 PM

blinkingababy

Posts: 34
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline

hell yes it is scarry to submit... it should be u r taking away ur powers and giving them .. to someone u hopefully trust

(in reply to mnottertail)

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 1/13/2007 5:01:19 AM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
Yes, it is horridly abnormal, nobody uses that many question marks...get your self some help kid, you are all kinda fucked up...............
Rex Harrison

What?????? You think that is abnormal?????? What do you mean??????
Can there ever be too many question marks????????????????????
I have to question your motives Rex, what are they ????????????????????????????? *grin*

(to the OP, sorry for the temp hijack)

(in reply to mnottertail)

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RE: Ummmm...is this normal???????????? - 1/13/2007 5:11:26 AM

tickson005

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/13/2007
Status: offline

hi how are u wats up i need ur email

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

I always swore I was submissive. I wanted some control. Strange thing though...my actions played out something different. I never ever argued with his decisions. I went to the nth degree to meet his demands even when it was difficult for me. He never told me to, but I began asking permission to do nearly everything that was lifestyle related. Stopped going to munches unless he gave permission, and the like. And the more I gave up, the happier I was.

The first time he introduced me as his slave, I kept quiet and then, later, when we were alone, I came unglued. I never wanted this. I fought against it. He didn't argue with me. He just said I was. When I asked him (sarcastically) how he figured that if I didn't think so, he reminded me that my reluctance was my fear and was based on a relationship that no longer existed, and that he wasn't that man. Still I fought

Eventually though, I came to see that him calling me that didn't change who I was. I'd been living that role for nearly 2 years by then. All that was left was for me to submit.... and accept that while I could argue till the cows came home, a slave indeed was what I am.

It still scares me from time to time, this depth of feeling for him, this depth of service.

It's all good.

Just another chance for me to give more. Once I realized that, I embraced this part of myself.

juliet