Weaknesses.... (Full Version)

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slavejali -> Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 7:03:51 PM)

Hi there, I thought I would try this topic. Personal weaknesses are sometimes a hard thing to talk about but I thought I would give it a go.

None of us are without fault, I think pretty much everyone would agree with that..but my question is what do you do with your weaknesses and how do you handle them? Do you let them dictate your life? Do you hide them in a cupboard and pretend they aren't there? Do you do stuff to rid yourself of them? Are there some weaknesses you totally accept as part of who you are and have no plans to change that?

As a dominant how do you handle your weaknesses in regards to your ability to dominate or have a relationship with a submissive? Do you do anything to prepare your submissive to handle the repercussions of your weaknesses? What dynamics play out within your relationships because of your weaknesses? In regards to your submissive or slave how do you deal with their weaknesses, do you see yourself as having authority over them in that you decide when and how and if the issues are addressed or focused on?

As a submissive, do you have weaknesses that effect your ability to submit? If so, what are you doing to fix that? Also, with your weaknesses, do you hand them over to your dominant to deal with or whats your personal ruling on that? (Like some of these subjects can be very sensitive). What about the weaknesses of your dominant, how do you handle them?

I think it takes a strong person to recognise their weaknesses and a wise person to recognise them and do something with them.

What is it that you do?

Ok ....just so I'm fair..and even though I'm practically perfect..here are some of mine (little as they are) *grin*

I get separation anxiety: I never experienced this before my late husband died. I think it was/is a part of grief and the absolute lack of being able to control him not dying and leaving me. My background in relationships is, before he died, I had never had anyone leave me in my life, it was a feeling I had never before experienced. I recognise it as a weakness now and I think I'm just up to that stage (3.5 years later) and haven't really gone any further with it. Well I have got a bit better, but if Master is late home from work I get things like small panics going on inside me. I suppose there is nothing to do with this weakness apart from allow time to heal, like I suppose if 10 years goes past and I get used to the fact Master can be delayed and nothing drastic has happened, all will settle within me. lol. As far as this issue and Master is concerned, we have talked about it, he realises whats happening and really makes an effort not to put me in a situation where I get unduly stressed over stuff like that.

The thing with fears is, they seem to be uncontrollable...its a very weird feeling to feel out of control that way...all the logic in your mind says "stop it" "There is no need for this"...yet there is your heart nearly having a heart attack.

I don't think this weakness has prevented me from submitting in any way, so doesn't really effect our Master slave dynamic. Well maybe it has effected it in a good way cause Im always soooooooooooo happy to see him when he calls in at lunch time or finishes work.

Anyways, if this topic takes off I will share more of my dumb pain in the ass weaknesses.



PiercedDaz -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 7:44:22 PM)

I search for perfection knowing that I will never find it. I know and accept my weaknesses. These are the things that make me human. Does a submissive respect me any less because I have weaknesses? I really don't know. I would like to think that my humilty and desire to work on my weaknesses gains me more respect.

My true strength is in that I know who and what I am.



SusanofO -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 7:51:49 PM)

If someone I respect comments negatively on some aspect of my behavior I am usually hurt (but don't show it) and I do take it into consideration and try to change that behavior, because I can see how what they say makes sense and not doing it could end up hurting me, in the long (or even short) run in some way.

But that all usually comes after I've had a good cry or felt the shock of being criticized dissipate. Unless they are diplomatic when they say it (which many can be).  But sometimes even if they are diplomatic.

I've been criticized for being "overly emotional", "too idealisitc", "too trusting" , "too generous to idiots, (mostly financially), and "stupid". I can get criticized for being nice to people other people already know are idiotic, dangerous  or both - not because I think I can change them (or want to, even) - but just because I think somebody should be nice to them. I do this a lot.

When I was President of a local organization and had to appoint a V.P., I appointed another member who was slightly autistic and who had terrible social skills in general - because I thought she needed the confidence boost (plus, she was kinda sweet). She's used it on her resume, ever since. So what if people had to put up with the (minor) inconvenience of dealing with her for a year (that's the great thing about being President - you can appoint who you want to appoint to office). Maybe it was stupid, but it qualitatively changed her life, too, in a good way. Didn't kill anyone else, and I worked my but off and we met our goals that year (and then some).

I can't do much about stupid (and I don't think it's true), but the other things I can work on, maybe.

Yes it can affect my ability to submit. I have this friend who is always having some personal and usually drastic "crisis". My ex-Dominant thought she was a wacko who should grow up and start to learn to handle her own life. I said I agreed, but in the mean-time it would be a shame if she ended up in a gutter somewhere, etc...we had many discusssions about me "helping her out". I did Not agree with his viewpoint, and thought he was being mean. But I did do what he said (and sometimes, I regretted it). We talked about it a lot.

As far as a Dominant's weaknesses, I am not experienced enough to comment, really. I am pretty passive when it comes to doing what someone says (but I was also a good match w/my old partner in many ways. Some peope are just mis-matched, I think. On the other hand, some things need discussion, perhaps. I guess if something really bothered me, I'd say: "Can I talk to you about something"?...and see where it goes. Of course all men (and gals) are human. Some of them have cute quirky little quirks. That's okay with me. Major character flaws? I dunno - that's a judgment call, I guess. But nobody's perfect.

- Susan 



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 8:08:06 PM)

Weaknesses!..LOL..oh so many ,let me count the ways!..cynical,logical,analytical..and to top it all ...mouthy...how does this affect my submission if I were in such a relationship..I do not know...will let you know someday...for now all I can conclude is possibly he would hate it...he would love it..he would view it as a challenge...or I would be out the door so fast the knob would be my final exiting ass play..~g~.....Tempting



SusanofO -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 8:15:33 PM)

Oh yes! I can also be charmingly sarcastic. I like to think of it that way (although some don't share this view, at times).

- Susan



slavejali -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 8:30:06 PM)

I was just thinking of another weakness, well its not a weakness really but it can be in certain situations regarding my slavery. I'm a very creatively minded individual, you could say eccentric in some ways, my thoughts are really dreamy a lot of the time, which helps with coming up with projects and inspiring projects etc...but sometimes I go off on tangents, get all caught up in a train of ideals or inspirations that are consuming me..and when those thoughts are dominating me I really have to concentrate to "be present" for Master.. I dont know if I explained the properly...

So I don't think that is a weakness of personality, but it is weakness to my slavery.

How Master handles that. Umm I actually can't remember how he handles that but he does. One thing I can think of is he might repeat what he said to me...oh I just thought of another way, what has been really effective is him physically restraining me. That's interesting about the retraints, its really beneficial for grounding me and getting me back in my body. Like as an example, I can cum harder when restrained just because the restraints make me more body conscious...oh another way is he will just tell me to stop what I'm doing and do something completely else.

I just realised I didn't make any comments on handling Masters weaknesses. I just suck it up basically....not that he has many..on some occassions I've said something and we have talked about it and thats that.

(btw I don't think I'm gonna comment on anyones sharings here, cuz I think this subject is just a personal process for everyone..but I think its one we could learn by through reading other peoples experiences).



Petruchio -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 10:06:08 PM)

quote:

None of us are without fault, I think pretty much everyone would agree with that.


We're not? That can't be right because I'm perfect. I'm told I have a problem with modesty, but that can't be true because that would be a flaw in otherwise flawless perfection.


jali, I am very flawed, something my self-expectatations really hate. Generally, I do my best to be honest up front. If a sub doesn't like it, then she's free and probably wise not to become involved.

If a sub/slave/vanilla lover doesn't understand that her man has flaws, then she has much to learn. We are at our best when someone loves us despite our flaws and we love them.

As a dom, I gain so much from the loving touch of my woman, from her nurturing, from her generosity, from her compassion. I am grateful and pleased when she can recognize my flaws and love me all the more despite... or because... of them.



CalliopePurple -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 10:55:53 PM)

I let my fears and emotions control me, even when the best thing to do would be to think rationally. That word simply doesn't have a place in my mind. Let's see, what else? I take criticism poorly, always think the worst of myself, live in my own head to the point of ignoring reality sometime, and I forgive people far too easily, no matter what they've done wrong.

This would be why I'm not concerning myself with relationships now and probably won't be for quite a while.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 11:14:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
None of us are without fault, I think pretty much everyone would agree with that..but my question is what do you do with your weaknesses and how do you handle them?

I directly assert them and expect my partners to help compensate for them and work with me to improve upon them over time.

quote:

 Are there some weaknesses you totally accept as part of who you are and have no plans to change that?

Only my fear of driving, my lack of geographic abilities, and my clumsiness.  I do what I can to deal with them, I don't let them control me, but I've simply accepted them as part of my quirky self.

quote:

Do you do anything to prepare your submissive to handle the repercussions of your weaknesses?

Uhh other than telling them about it and letting them experience it with me and deciding for themselves whether they can accept it, no.

quote:

What dynamics play out within your relationships because of your weaknesses?

My partner is my Official Empathy Rater- he basically tries to monitor and point out how his empathy can see things differently due to my lack of empathy and works as a referee on some things.

quote:

In regards to your submissive or slave how do you deal with their weaknesses, do you see yourself as having authority over them in that you decide when and how and if the issues are addressed or focused on?

Lord no.  I never understood why so many subs freak out about their doms weaknesses- it's the perfect opportunity for YOU to shine and serve and make up for it!

Although since most doms DO try and hide and get oversensitive about their weaknesses, I can understand why so many subs don't know how to deal with them either.

quote:

As a submissive, do you have weaknesses that effect your ability to submit? If so, what are you doing to fix that? Also, with your weaknesses, do you hand them over to your dominant to deal with or whats your personal ruling on that? (Like some of these subjects can be very sensitive). What about the weaknesses of your dominant, how do you handle them?

Weaknesses IMO are not trifles to be handed over.  They are PART of a person, they are like etchings of a fire in the bark of an old oak tree- you can't just de-bark a person and have a whole healthy one leftover.  You grow new bark on top- which takes loads of time and work TOGETHER.



Petruchio -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 11:30:59 PM)

Calliope, I glanced at your profile and I note you're probably dealing with more than most of us.

My guess is you're probably much too hard on yourself.

I don't see forgiving too easily as a fault, only being cautious with that party the next time.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/16/2006 11:39:05 PM)

I have a score of weaknesses. Some physical from issues I have, others psychological.  I make sure that my pets are very wel aware of what they are getting into when we start talking, becasue if any of them have problems dealing with a self-admittedly less than perfect Domme I'll save them the trouble right off.
I have panic disorder, which turns minor tings into disasters in my mind sometimes.  I am bipolar, so my moods can get a touch unpredictable... I see them as weaknesses but there isnt much I can do about any of it. We just take things day by day and learn to cope.

DV



CalliopePurple -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/17/2006 1:18:56 AM)

Thank you, Petruchio. I know I'm too hard on myself, but I have no idea how to change it, aside from investing in a good therapist. Wait, I need one of those anyway.



LaTigresse -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/17/2006 5:54:46 AM)

Jali, what a wonderful thread. I am so glad you are back to posting regularly because I missed you.

I love that you brought up weaknesses because it really is something we ALL share but so often are oddly hesitant to discuss. That being said one of my weaknesses is difficulty in dealing with those that are too insecure to admit to their own weaknesses. I have alot of respect for those that admit to them, analyse them to determine if they need to be worked on or just accepted, then proceed to actually do the work rather than ignore or use them as an excuse for failure.

Some things about ourselves that can be viewed as weaknesses are not necessarily a bad thing. We are all indviduals and should embrace those things that make us unique. I my opinion it is when our individuality causes us or those close to us pain or problems that we really need to take a good look and try to change or work around the issue.

I will use one of my weaknesses as an example. I am quite certain that were I to be tested I would be told I have adult ADD. There are pro's and con's to this. I can chose several avenues. Get tested, take a pill, voila'. Well I don't want to be dependent upon a pill for something I can work around. Instead I have always chosen jobs that capitalize on the hidden strengths of this perceived weakness, I can multi-task like you would not believe. When I have to focus on a task (like paperwork) that my "weakness" makes a difficulty, I chose a time that makes it workable and discipline myself to push through it. I create a situation in which I can sucessfully work thru it and then reward myself with an activity that fits me better.

I have many others like being too impatient with people, and procrastination. One that used to be a weakness but with time and wisdom has actually turned into an asset.

I think that acknowledging our qualities, both good and bad, and learning what works and doesn't then taking steps to deal with what doesn't, is part of our growth.

As far as a submissive, I think I would encourage them to deal with their stuff the same way I push myself to.



slavejali -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/17/2006 6:31:34 AM)

quote:

Jali, what a wonderful thread. I am so glad you are back to posting regularly because I missed you.


My pleasure..and thank-you, its good to be back cause this forum rocks [:)] Life happens hey...and sometimes the funnest things have to take a back seat for awhile.

I'm in the middle of trying to think of a really bad weakness I have..well I will push that thought aside for a minute as soemthing else just occurred to me... don't you all think its funny how other people can perceive a weakness in you yet it isn't a weakness at all? An example of that is, I've been told my whole life how I let my partners dominate/influence/manipulate/control me, so many people have come to the conclusion that that is a bad thing, a negative trait of mine, a weakness within me..yet I don't see it that way at all....in fact I think I could say in all honesty that the relationships I've had(1st husband not counted) have been far closer and more harmonious and loving than any of those people have ever experienced.

I brought that up because of something LaTigresse said. I think we have to be very careful in pinpointing actual weaknesses and thinking we have to "fix them",cause sometimes even though they may appear to be weaknesses, they mightn't be. We might just have to channel our personality into a different avenue that fits us.



slavejali -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/17/2006 6:41:24 AM)

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it interesting the two male dominants who answered "talked about weakness" but didnt actually share any of theirs [;)] hehe

(just kidding around, no offence intended)



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/17/2006 6:50:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
I brought that up because of something LaTigresse said. I think we have to be very careful in pinpointing actual weaknesses and thinking we have to "fix them",cause sometimes even though they may appear to be weaknesses, they mightn't be. We might just have to channel our personality into a different avenue that fits us.

Think of all the threads we have about doms who are upset because subs tell them they are "weak" because of how polite and gentlemanly they are.  It's a serious issue on all sides.



slavejali -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/17/2006 7:07:13 AM)

quote:

Think of all the threads we have about doms who are upset because subs tell them they are "weak" because of how polite and gentlemanly they are.  It's a serious issue on all sides.


Very true...



LaTigresse -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/17/2006 7:15:36 AM)

Yanno, it isn't just an issue for the men. I have heard that I am too polite and too nice. Oh well, I don't see the ability to be nasty tempered and rude as a strength.



Kalira -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/17/2006 7:22:47 AM)

I have a great many weaknesses; most of which Master finds both amusing and frustrating equally at times. I do not push them off onto him though, they are things that I have to work on by myself and improve.



MistressDoMe -> RE: Weaknesses.... (12/17/2006 9:34:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it interesting the two male dominants who answered "talked about weakness" but didnt actually share any of theirs [;)] hehe

(just kidding around, no offence intended)


are you surprised?



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